part0029

T he weekend crawled by in centimetres. I think the three of us were expecting something to happen; for Adam to be arrested, or at least arrested and released. Biro texted me every five minutes asking if there was any news. We were waiting for something .

Instead we got nothing. We heard nothing at all from the police and by Sunday night Dad was itching to ring them and find out if anything had happened. I think because they came out so quickly, we expected them to have it all wrapped up in a day. I managed to persuade him not to ring them; said that they’d promised they’d keep us informed and that if there was anything to tell us they’d let us know and we didn’t want to look like pests.

But the real reason I didn’t want him to ring them is that I’m sure it’s going to be bad news. Adam will talk his way out of it and there’s no proof of anything so he’ll just get away with it. He might not even lose his job – although there is the recording so maybe he will because of his relationship with me. Grooming, as Biro keeps telling me.

We pottered around the house pretending we weren’t waiting for news and on Sunday morning I heard Dad on the phone in his bedroom. I’m sure he was telling Uncle Ralph everything; they’re pretty close even though they deny it and he’d be the first person he’d confide in. He kept his voice low and the door was closed so I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, even though I was listening outside, but I’m pretty sure he was crying. I probably shouldn’t have done that – listened outside – but I was worried about him.

When he came out I asked him if he was okay and he said of course he was. I grabbed his arm and stopped him from disappearing downstairs and told him that he wasn’t fooling me and that if we’re going to start living our lives properly, we need to be honest with each other and to stop pretending everything’s alright when it’s not. He tried to do the everything’s alright thing but could see I wasn’t having any of it so eventually admitted that since it all came out on Friday he’s been struggling. He’s been trying to hold it together for me but it’s bought everything back. He says he blames himself for not being able to stop the stalking when Mum was alive.

We went downstairs and had a good long talk about it and I said there’s only one person to blame and that’s Adam. And as I said it, I realised it was true. We need to stop thinking that we’re somehow to blame. I think we both felt better for talking things through and we’ve both agreed – no more secrets.

Dad said I should stay off college for a few days but I disagreed; I want to get back to normal, whatever that is. Only me and Biro know about it so it’s not as if I’ll have to talk about it or explain myself to anyone else.

I do feel so sad, sad for Mum, for Dad, and myself. But we have to remember – and I said this to Dad – that the stalking part was only a small amount of time in our lives and we mustn’t let it spoil all of the happy years that we had. Dad laughed and said I had an old head on young shoulders, whatever that means.

Also, a part of me is sad about Adam. Why does it have to be that the first time I actually feel as if I’m falling in love it has to be with a stalker? But I’ll get over it; if nothing else I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago.

I’ve deleted Adam’s phone number and all of his texts; although they were all very business-like. I can see now that he was very careful not to incriminate himself. I don’t think he would text me but I want to make sure I don’t text him .

I’m not intending to, but now I can’t .

So. On Monday morning I went to college and went to all of my classes and everything was as it’s always been and I felt surprising okay. In a way it almost seems as if the events of the last few days never happened because everything feels so unreal. I can’t believe that I had the guts to sneak into Adam’s house. Maybe that’s another side of me; the one that’s on YouTube singing Wonderwall.

Ellie, Biro and I were sitting at our usual table at lunchtime, eating and chatting, about nothing really, just a normal day. I watched Biro wolfing down a Panini and I suddenly thought; I have a good life. I have family and friends and I am going to pass my exams and no matter what, Dad and I will be okay.

And then a split second after I thought that, I saw them; the police.

Biro saw them first. Ellie started talking about some hench guy who’s in her social studies class; I think she’s trying to make Biro jealous but it’s lost on him. Anyway, Biro gave me a look across the table which Ellie never noticed but I saw Biro’s eyes flick to the windows behind me. My heart started pounding then because I thought for a moment that he meant Adam was outside.

When I came in to the cafeteria, I’d scanned the room, afraid that Adam was in there and I didn’t know what I was going to do if I saw him. Surely, he wouldn’t be at work if they’d arrested him?

I turned around, trying to look casual and saw there was a police car parked up in front of the entrance and the figures of WPC Roper and DI Peters were walking into Reception.

‘You alright, Josie?’ Ellie looked at me with concern. ‘You look very pale.’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ I pasted a big, fake smile on my face. ‘Stayed up too late watching telly is all.’

‘Tell me about it,’ she says. ‘Think I need to get my telly moved out of my room if I want to pass any exams.’

She laughs and I join in but inside I’m thinking; if the police are here maybe he’s been arrested, maybe we’ll hear something soon.

We finished lunch and left the cafeteria for our next class and the police car was still there and I couldn’t stop thinking about it for the next two hours, imagining what was happening. The time ticked by so slowly I thought I’d go mental.

After what seemed like forever it was finally time to go home and I met Biro in front of the admin office where we usually meet. We walked straight around to Reception to see if the police car was still there but of course it was gone.

I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed and nor did Biro. He waved me off as I got onto the bus and I know he feels the same as me: in limbo. What if they never arrest or charge him? Biro said that he’d seen the police outside Adam’s parent’s house at the weekend and I wondered why they were there because he doesn’t even live with them anymore.

I was in such a daze that I nearly missed my stop and just about managed to ring the bell in time. It was chucking it down with rain and I pulled the hood of my Parka up and sprinted the short distance from the bus stop to home. I turned the corner into my street and the first thing I saw was the police car parked outside our house.