part0032

Dad and I are going to Spain to stay with Nanny and Grandad. It’s the first time we’ll have been to visit them since Mum died although they’ve asked us loads of times. We couldn’t face going without Mum but we have to move on now, lay the ghosts I think they call it.

We’re going next week which means I’ll be taking some time off from college but to be honest it’s not like it’ll affect my exams; it’s not as if I need to swot up or anything. I’m not going to panic and go blank this time either because I feel quite chilled about it. With everything else that’s happened since I last took them, I can’t understand why I got in such a state last time.

Dad has booked the flights but he’s only booked them one way. He says we might fancy staying a bit longer than a couple of weeks and he’s got lots of holidays to use up so why not? See how we feel is what he said.

He’s not fooling me though, I know the real reason he wants to go; he won’t be happy until Adam is tracked down and locked up so he can’t get anywhere near me. He’s got it into his head that Adam murdered Mum even though the police haven’t any evidence that he did, although they’re still looking into it. So far, they’re saying that it wasn’t anything but a tragic accident but Dad doesn’t agree and says it could be the perfect murder. Dad says it would be impossible to prove unless he was caught on camera, which he wasn’t, and someone would have seen him if he pushed her.

Me and Dad have had such long talks about it all; at least he’s not bottling things up now and nor am I. Dad says stalking is a classic cycle – first there’s attraction which if not returned soon turns to obsession and then the last stage is destruction. Or murder. It doesn’t always end like that though does it? Not every stalker is a murderer. I’ve done a bit of Googling too and it’s very rare for a stalker to turn into a murderer. Adam stalked the tutor at college and he didn’t murder her, did he? I think Dad’s just getting a bit carried away.

He wants someone to blame for Mum’s death.

I don’t think for one minute that Adam had anything to do with Mum’s death. It doesn’t make sense for him to have killed her – he was obsessed with her but he loved her in his own twisted way. I know he stalked her and that was so wrong but I’m sure he didn’t have anything to do with her death and I can’t bring myself to be afraid of him. But I will be glad when he’s caught because he needs help.

Dad can never forgive him for what he put Mum and us through but once I’d recovered from the shock, I felt surprisingly alright. I’ve amazed myself. I’ve gone over those counselling sessions a million times in my head, analysing them to see if I should have guessed, if I was a gullible fool.

Maybe if I hadn’t had a massive crush on him, I would have been suspicious – or would I? I had no reason to doubt him, I thought he was a counsellor and never having seen a counsellor before I had nothing to compare him with. And anyway, you can’t go through life suspecting everyone and everything.

Well you can, but I don’t intend to.

So, I’m going along with the holiday thing because I want Dad to stop fretting. I want to see the frown marks between his eyebrows disappear and I want my old, jolly Dad back, the one who always looks on the bright side and does mental things like wear swimming goggles to chop onions. I also want to see Nanny and Grandad again because it’s ages since we’ve seen them and I’ve missed them. And they’re so excited that we’re going because they’ve missed us too. I know it’s going to be hard for all of us without Mum there but we’ll get through it. We have to.

We haven’t told them about the Adam business; no point in them worrying and being upset as well. They’re still coming to terms with Mum’s death and I can’t bear to put them through any more pain, and what would it gain by telling them? Absolutely nothing. Once we’re on that flight the agreement is that we don’t mention him or any of it, we’ll be like, it never happened.

I’ll miss Biro and Ellie but they’ll still going to be here when I get back. We’re friends and they’re not going to stop being my friends just because I’ve been on holiday for a while, are they? Biro is looking after Skipper while we’re away; apparently his Mum really wants a dog but his dad Charlie says it’s not practical. Biro says she thinks having Skipper for a while will get his dad used to the idea and he’ll give in and they’ll get one.

I have a feeling that Ellie and Biro might be more than friends by the time I come back, although they both try to make out they don’t know what I’m talking about whenever I mention it.