EIGHTY-ONE

He knocked tentatively on Ashley’s door. He hoped the shock wouldn’t curl her hair. He hoped a lot of things. It was close to evening and she might not even be home.

But she was. She answered in jeans and a crimson sweatshirt, looking like the Ashley he’d known in law school.

“Steve!”

He put his hands out. “Tah dah.”

“I can’t believe you’re — come in.”

He tried not to look too relieved as he walked through the door.

“You’re limping,” she said.

“Have you been following the news?”

“It’s all over the place. The ACLU’s already filing wrongful-death actions against the government. You weren’t inside, were you?”

“Oh yeah.”

They went to the living room. He sat on the sofa, like he’d just come back from court ready to spend an evening with his wife. He remembered doing that. Remembered they had some good times amid all the bad.

He missed even the bad now. Because she had been there with him. At least she’d been there.

“I’m not taking you away from something, am I?” Steve said.

“Not at all,” she said.

“Or somebody?” He let the implication hang in the air.

“No.”

Now Steve tried not to look too happy.

“I’m so glad you’re all right,” Ashley said. “Can you tell me about it?”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

“If you can’t right now,” she said, “that’s fine. Maybe you need — ”

He was crying.

“Steve.”

“I’m sorry. I’m — ” The tears kept coming. “Sorry.” He got up and almost ran to the kitchen. He tore off a paper towel and put it to his face.

He felt Ashley’s hands on his back. “It’s okay. Go ahead.”

He did, for about a minute, full out. When it was over the paper towel was soaked. All the time Ashley just stood there, touching his back.

“Man, I’m sorry,” Steve said.

“No.”

“I don’t know what happened there.”

“It’s okay.”

He turned to face Ashley and she hugged him. Held him.

Steve said, “Would you consider doing something?”

“What’s that?”

“Would you let me take you for a hot dog dinner?”

She stepped back and looked at him. “Hot dogs? Are you serious?”

“I just got this wild idea.”

She shook her head, then smiled. “Fries too?”

They drove to Jelty Park, where the carnival was. He parked the car without a word and looked at her.

“Remember?” he said.

She looked pleased for a moment. Then her face got serious. “Steve — ”

“I know. No obligation. Just hot dogs. Deal?”

She paused. “Deal.”

They went in, lights all around, got their dogs and fries at the stand. After that it was talk and even laughs.

An hour passed, then another. They rode the little roller coaster and played a few games. Steve won a stuffed tiger at the milk-bottle throw and gave it to Ashley. She said it reminded her of Steve when he was in trial. “A real tiger,” she said. He liked that.

Then it was cotton candy and the Ferris wheel. They stopped at the top, looked down at the lights of the carnival and the San Fernando Valley. It was a warm night. The breeze carried the scent of eucalyptus, dry grass, and a touch of LA perfume from the freeway.

Just before the descent he caught sight of the ride at the end of the park. He turned to Ashley. “Let’s go on that next,” he said.

She looked where he pointed. “What, the Zipper?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you hated those rides,” she said.

“I want to try it,” he said. “I want to try it with you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

The wheel slowed as they neared the ground.

“The Zipper makes me nervous,” she said.

“Have a little faith,” Steve said.

Ashley looked at him as if trying to read his thoughts. Steve held her gaze. The colored lights reflected in her eyes like a neon dream. A dream of good things.

She smiled then and took his hand.

“Let’s go for it,” she said.