THE CONDUCTOR OF NOTHING

If you were to stop and ask me

how long I have been as I am,

a man who hates nothing

and rides old trains for the sake

of riding, I could only answer

with that soft moan I’ve come

to love. It seems a lifetime I’ve

been silently crossing and recrossing

this huge land of broken rivers

and fouled lakes, and no one has cared

enough even to ask for a ticket

or question this dingy parody

of a uniform. In the stale,

echoing stations I hunch over a paper

or ply the air with my punch

and soon we are away, pulling out

of that part of a city where the backs

of shops and houses spill out

into the sunlight and the kids

sulk on the stoops or run aimlessly

beneath the viaducts. Then we are

loose, running between grassy slopes

and leaving behind the wounded

wooden rolling stock of another era.

Ahead may be Baltimore, Washington,

darkness, the string of empty cars

rattling and jolting over bad track,

and still farther up ahead the dawn

asleep now in some wet wood far

south of anywhere you’ve ever been,

where it will waken among the ghostly

shapes of oak and poplar, the ground fog

rising from the small abandoned farms

that once could feed a people. Thus

I come back to life each day

miraculously among the dead,

a sort of moving monument

to what a man can never be—

someone who can say “yes” or “no”

kindly and with a real meaning,

and bending to hear you out, place

a hand upon your shoulder, open

my eyes fully to your eyes, lift

your burden down, and point the way.