NASH UNLOCKED the door and then pushed it open before stepping back. “After you.”
Joshua walked into the foyer and whistled. “Holy shit! I mean, wow, you have a beautiful place, Sir.” He started for the living room. “Nothing like I expected.”
Nash closed the door and locked it before dropping his keys into the crystal bowl on the entryway table. “Thank you. Please remove your shoes.”
“Oops, sorry.” Joshua stepped back onto the tile floor and did as instructed. “For some reason, I had pictured you living in some fancy high-rise with chrome furniture and abstract works of art.”
Nash couldn’t help but notice how dingy Joshua’s socks were or the large hole in the left one. He removed his boots and set them neatly on the rubber mat beneath the table. “I like the rustic charm of the cabin and the privacy it affords. Your socks too, please.”
“Sure, no problem,” Joshua responded easily, but the pink in his cheeks spoke of his embarrassment as he took off his socks and stuffed them into his battered boots.
“You’ll find I can be quite difficult to live with. I’m a bit of a neat freak. I like everything tidy and in order.”
“I think it’s a Dom thing, Sir,” Joshua pointed out as he continued to take in the room with an awed expression on his face. “I have learned it’s not only their boys they like to control but their environment too.”
Nash started to sit on the couch, then realized he still held a bag of Chinese takeout. He headed to the kitchen and set the food on the counter. He went to the cabinet, opened the door and closed it again and then did the same thing to the refrigerator. For some reason, he couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing or even why he’d come into the kitchen. His mind was swimming with the events of the night. He had a full-time sub, for fuck’s sake, and no real understanding of his new boy, no plan, nothing. He didn’t even know what he was going to do in the next minute, let alone over the next six months.
“Do you mind if I use the bathroom, Sir? I’d like to wash up before I eat.”
Nash spun around, startled, and stared at Joshua. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
“I asked if I could use your bathroom.”
Nash gave himself an internal shake. Fuck! Get it together, man. “Sure, it’s the only open door down the hall.”
Joshua tilted his head, a concerned expression on his face. “Everything okay, Sir?”
“Yes, I’m all right. Don’t mind me. It’s been a long day. Go ahead and use the facilities and then we’ll… umm.” He spotted the takeout bag. “Then we’ll have dinner.”
Joshua continued to stare at him for a second and then turned and headed down the hall.
As soon as Joshua turned away, Nash let out a heavy sigh and threaded his fingers through his hair. He’d never been so off-balance before, and he didn’t like the feeling one fucking bit. He had a job to do, a sub to take care of, but first he had to get a grasp on himself. He went to the sink and got a glass of water, gulping it down. Dry throat taken care of, Nash adjusted his clothes, rolled his neck, and then smoothed down his tousled hair. One of the things that made him successful in his career as a stock trader and financial advisor as well as a Dom was when he got frazzled, he didn’t show it. He also recovered quickly.
“You got this.” Nash nodded and straightened his shoulders. “You got this,” he said once more, starting to believe it as the dizzying feeling began to ebb. When Joshua returned to the kitchen, Nash was back in control—or at least, that’s what he told himself. I got this.
Nash smiled at Joshua and pointed toward the cupboard. “Would you mind getting some plates?”
As Joshua got the dishes, Nash grabbed silverware and brought it and the food to the table. “Have a seat. I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like?”
“Water is fine, Sir.”
When Nash returned to the table with two glasses of ice water, Joshua had the food out and was dishing it out. The tension in the man was obvious, and Nash decided his first priority was to set him at ease.
“I’ve told you a little about me, how about you tell me a little about you? Fair is fair,” Nash said, keeping his tone light.
Joshua twirled his lo mein onto his fork. “You know I’m twenty-five, from Tennessee, and looking for a Dom. What else would you like to know, Sir?”
Nash remembered what Malcolm had told him about Joshua not having any family to speak of and knew he must not have had any kind of support system if he’d had to hustle the streets, so Nash steered away from asking any more questions about the man’s early years, for now anyway. “How about what it is you’re looking for in a Dom.”
“Someone to serve, Sir.”
“That’s it?” Nash asked.
Joshua shrugged.
“Joshua, you have to give me something here. How about we try this another way. Tell me about your likes and dislikes.”
“I like whatever it is my master likes, Sir.”
Nash dropped his fork with a resounding clank. “Dammit, Joshua, I don’t want an ass kisser, a slave, or a fucking robot. So if you want to be my submissive, I suggest you start opening your mouth and talk to me.” So much for keeping it light. He apparently didn’t have as much restraint or control as he’d hoped. Then again, with what he had learned about Joshua, perhaps being forward and stern worked better.
Joshua jerked back in the face of Nash’s irritation, but he also sat straighter and lowered his eyes as his natural inclination to submit came to the forefront. Nash needed the truth from Joshua and if it took him being pushy, then so be it. How else could he help Joshua or find what they both needed?
“I’m sorry, Sir. I haven’t been asked that question in a very long time. I’m usually told what I want and what I should feel,” Joshua said.
A twinge of sadness settled into Nash. While he understood many submissives flourished under a strict routine, he had to wonder if that was actually the case with Joshua or if he simply knew no other way. “I’m asking you, and I need complete honesty from you. I know that it’s going to be tough on you with a whole new set of rules and expectations. It’s my job to see that you understand them and give you what you need. But I can’t do that if I don’t know what it is you’re looking for and what it is you actually want out of our arrangement.”
“I….” Joshua was silent for a long moment before he lifted his head and met Nash’s gaze. “I want to belong. I want to stop feeling like I’m a fuckup, and I want to stop feeling like I don’t matter.”
Nash’s sadness intensified. His heart ached with the sorrow obvious in Joshua’s eyes. Nash’s need to comfort was automatic and he reached across the table, laying his hand on Joshua’s forearm. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Tell me why you got into the lifestyle.” While he was curious about Joshua’s early years, home, family, all of it, he would discover them all along the way. He only needed to be patient.
“I always knew I was different even as a young teen. I liked to be tied up, spanked, I got off on being told what to do, ya know? A buddy of mine took me to a club one night, and I guess, as they say, the rest is history.”
“And you stay why?”
Joshua cocked his head, looking at Nash as if he’d lost his mind. “I’m going to guess because of the same reason you do, Sir. The relationship between Dom and sub is intense and, with the right pairing, extremely pleasurable and rewarding.”
“No offense, but the last time I saw you, it didn’t look like you were having a great time.”
“Yeah, I was having a hard time finding my headspace that night in the club, and you didn’t help with that problem, Sir. And honestly, I’ve had a hard time focusing on much since. That kiss….” Joshua’s smile was sweet, giving away some of what he’d thought about the simple act, but he didn’t elaborate further.
While he was pleased the kiss had left an impact on Joshua, the rest of the evening he’d handled badly. However, he wasn’t going to apologize again. He’d done what he’d thought was right at the time, and it had worked out since Joshua was now in his home discussing their possible future together.
Nash took a few minutes to enjoy his meal. The General Tso’s chicken had just the right amount of spice, and the vegetable lo mein complemented it perfectly. He noticed Joshua was merely picking at his food. “Do you not like it? Would you prefer something else?”
Joshua jerked his head up. “Oh sorry, Sir. I was lost in thought for a moment. It’s very good, Sir.” He emphasized his statement by taking a large bite.
“What were you thinking about?” Nash asked, his interest piqued.
“Just trying to take it all in, ya know?”
“Meaning?”
“How I ended up here and what’s going to happen next.” Joshua shrugged as if he didn’t care, but Nash knew better. The tension was written all over his handsome face.
“What’s going to happen next is we are going to enjoy this lovely dinner,” Nash told him with a wink.
“I like that plan, Sir.” Joshua grinned, then took another bite of his dinner.
Once Nash had finished his last bite, he pushed his empty plate aside and sat back in his chair, taking his water glass with him. He sipped it while he thought about where to take the conversation. He decided not to comment on their previous interaction, instead keeping it in the present. “So let’s get down to the root of why you’re here. I don’t like getting into a situation without having all the facts. It does neither of us any good. I understand you enjoy pain.”
Again Joshua gave him that strange look, but this time, he chuckled. “Sure I do, but in a controlled sense. I mean, if you were to haul off and punch me in the face, I can’t say I’d enjoy that too much. If it’s controlled, allowed to build at a slow and steady pace? Oh yeah, I get off on it big-time. It can be a total rush.”
Joshua’s statement didn’t surprise Nash, nor did the enthusiasm with which Joshua spoke of his like of pain. Nash already knew the answer to the next question but was curious as to how Joshua would answer, so he asked, “What about hard limits? Humiliation, water sports, or maybe blood play?”
Joshua shook his head. “If you need those things, then I wouldn’t be opposed to any of them, Sir.”
Nash took another sip of his water as he considered how to answer. That Joshua would allow such things was no shock, but that he agreed to such acts based on if his Dom required them was telling. Nash studied Joshua carefully. Did he really not mind such things or was it manipulation? Would he agree to anything as long as he got what he wanted in the long run? Nash would find the answer out as he spent more time with Joshua, he was sure. “I don’t get off on nor will I subject you to any of those things. You said if I need them, but what about what you need?”
“Like I said—”
Nash held up his hand. “Remember, I don’t want you to say what you think I want to hear or what you may have told others. I want the truth.”
Joshua grinned shyly and averted his eyes, obviously still having a difficult time holding Nash’s gaze. He chose instead to stare at his plate as he poked at the last of his noodles with his fork. “The truth is, I like it rough, very rough. But you already knew that, didn’t you? I saw you talking to Kirk the other night.”
“You see a lot with your head bowed. Of course I asked around about you. I’d have been a fool not to.”
“And yet, here I am.”
“I believe one of the first things we will work on is your confidence. That is, if you agree to my terms.” Nash pushed up out of his chair. “I need more water. Would you like anything else?”
“No, thank you. I can get it for you, Sir.”
“I’m already up.” Nash went to the sink, feeling somewhat better. Joshua was still mostly an unknown, but he was starting to get a feel for him, and Nash liked the way it felt. They would play this Nash’s way. Completely.
By the time Nash returned, Joshua had finished his meal. He wiped his mouth with the corners of his napkin and set it aside. “I’m ready to hear what you require of me, Sir.”
Nash returned to his seat and grabbed a fortune cookie from the bag. He tossed it to Joshua, then took one for himself. Nash laughed when he read the small strip of paper within the cookie. You’re about to embark on a new journey. Guess fortune cookies weren’t always wrong. He nodded to Joshua, who was munching on his cookie while reading his fortune. “What’s it say?”
“You’re about to embark on a new journey.”
That set Nash to laughing. “Okay, that’s either really fucking creepy or someone ran out of good ideas.” He tossed his fortune aside. “Mine says the same thing.”
“Or maybe it’s fate?”
“Hmm, could be,” Nash agreed. A thought suddenly occurred to him. “I was thinking, you and I haven’t done a scene together. Perhaps we should get a feel for one another, so to speak, before making any kind of commitment.”
Joshua nodded but seemed disappointed by Nash’s statement. “If you think it’s necessary, Sir.”
“You don’t?”
“I know I like you and I can tell you’re different from the Doms I’ve dealt with in the past.” Joshua tilted his head up, looking at Nash from beneath his long, dark lashes. “Plus, you’re not the only one who made inquiries. You have quite the reputation at the club.”
Nash was glad to hear Joshua wasn’t going into this blindly. Nash had assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that Joshua would have agreed to go with any Dom to get away from Troy. Joshua might not be as reckless as Nash had originally thought. Still, he knew the best way to understand how Joshua’s mind worked was to get inside it.
“Let’s get this table cleaned up and I’ll show you how I earned that reputation.”