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Teddy
I DON’T GET IT. I’VE identified the emotion I feel around this Jaidev guy, and it’s jealousy. But I don’t get why. Well, I know it’s because he’s with Taryn all day. But I’m not sexually or romantically attracted to Taryn, so it makes no sense why I’m feeling like this.
Still, I know you can get jealous when your friends become close to others. At primary school that happened. I was best friends with a boy named Johnny and then a new kid started. Ed or something, his name was. He replaced me in Johnny’s books, and I was furious. So jealous. Ed came in the way of me and Johnny.
And, yes, this is the same. This is what Jaidev is doing. He’s replacing me. He’s coming in the way of me and my best friend. Or maybe my stupid diagnosis has already done that. I mean, I did kind of ghost her for a while—but that was more of my coping mechanism for dealing with all this ridiculous heart stuff. Still, once that gets sorted out, Roseheart will have to let me dance with Taryn. They’d be ridiculous not to. And then things will go back to normal with me and Taryn.
I arrived earlier today, and my room is on the same level as the first years studying the diploma. At least I haven’t got to share though, and I think quite a few of them are leaving for the holidays shortly anyway, wanting to see their families. Only a couple are staying to keep training the whole summer.
I make my way over to the housekeeper’s office. She told me to meet her here at two o’clock and she’d go through the boxes in her store cupboard to check which ones are mine. Apparently lost property gets put in there too.
It doesn’t actually take long to sort it out, and within an hour, I’ve got my clothes unpacked and in my new wardrobe. Fondly, I look at my pairs of canvas flats. I touch them, feeling the fabric, and suddenly I know what I need to do now. I’d planned to start my choreography portfolio today, but this is more important.
I head back to the company buildings and ask for directions to the choreography office. A teacher gives me directions, and then I’m there. The door is ajar, but there’s no one there. Maybe all the choreographers are all in rehearsals. So, I slip inside, my heart pounding.
It doesn’t take me long at all to find the choreography for Jaidev and Taryn’s pas de deux for the tour—it’s even labelled with their names. I take a quick photo of it on my phone. I need to learn this. My appointment for the catheterization is next week. It’ll prove I’ve not got this condition, and then I’ll be able to make a proper case for replacing Jaidev. After all, he replaced me. We’re supposedly interchangeable.
I have to see if I can still dance with Taryn this year. And if I already know the steps, that will make it easier.
But looking at the steps written out is completely different to being taught it. I frown at the many different arrows and scrawled notes. I need to watch it being performed.
The door to the choreography office clicks softly as I shut it, and I make my way back to the studio Taryn and Jaidev are in. There’s a window in the door and through it I can see some big French doors opening out onto a courtyard. There are heavy curtains drawn part way across the door, and shrubbery outside. A perfect place to watch from.
It doesn’t take me long to settle there, pretty much hidden by the plants. I’m confident Taryn, Jaidev, and the choreographer won’t see me. But I can see them. It’s enthralling, watching Taryn dance, but every time I catch sight of him, my mood darkens. It should be me.
It will be me.
I make notes on my phone of their pas de deux, and I strain my ears to hear the choreographer's instructions. But no matter how hard I try and listen, the woman’s words are just a faint muffle.
“Well, well, well,” says a voice behind me.
I jump and turn to find a woman with chestnut hair and red lipstick peering at me.
“What have we got here? Are you spying on them?”
“It’s not what it looks like,” I say, my heart pounding. I try and move away from the French doors, but my legs have half gone to sleep and I stumble.
“Oh, and what do you think it looks like?” she asks. Then she frowns. “Wait, you’re Teddy Walker?”
I nod. “I am.”
“So, what are you doing?” Without warning, she snatches my phone and peers at my notes. “You’re learning their pas de deux?” Her eyes shine.
“I’m just making notes,” I say.
Her lips press into a thin line before twisting into a garish smile. “We’d much rather have you join us than him.” Disapproval drips from her voice like treacle. “Jaidev thinks he’s all that, you know? But you deserve to be here.”
“Yeah?” My voice wobbles.
“My name’s Victoria Simmonds,” she says. “I’m a direct descendent of the Rosehearts.”
“The Rosehearts?”
“Yes. I have a lot of influence around here. And we both want the same thing here, so we should help each other.”
“You can help me get into the company?” I ask.
She nods. “Of course. That space is yours. You’re definitely better than Jaidev, and, well, you’re better than a lot of the male graduates. You’re the one who should be here.” She touches my arm, giving it a little squeeze, like she’s trying to feel my bicep. “So, have we got a deal?”
“Yes.” I’m breathless. This is great. Perfect.
She smiles. “I will be in touch with instructions.” She taps away on my phone before handing it back. “There. Now you’ve sent me a text, so we’ve got each other’s numbers.”
She disappears as quickly as she came, and when I go back to the French doors, the studio is now empty. Their session has finished—but mine is just starting.
I head inside. I’ve been getting out of shape, because although I’d been trying not to eat Dad’s junk food, I had to have something—he kept insisting, and I couldn’t risk him taking me back to the hospital. So, I wrote down everything unhealthy that I ate and worked out exactly how many sessions at the gym and how many at the studio I’d need to do to remedy all the badness I put in my body.
And soon, everything will be exactly as it’s supposed to be.