In the weeks following Evan’s illness, Kati barely let him out of her sight. Though the child recovered quickly and completely, no antibiotic existed for Kati’s guilt.
She had been hired to care for Evan, and she’d failed him. That Colt held her responsible, too, was obvious, regardless of his words to the contrary. He’d proved as much on the day they brought Evan home from the hospital when he’d moved his belongings out of Kati’s room without so much as a word. Since then, he hadn’t touched her. He remained friendly and charming, taking his meals with her, sharing time with Evan, but there was no return to their former closeness. She was the nanny and nothing more. Funny how the marriage of convenience she’d asked for seemed so unsatisfactory now.
Though the thought depressed her, Kati knew the break was inevitable. The small apartment she’d had built on one side of the day-care center was nearly complete. Their time together was almost over.
“You going in to that center of yours again today?” Cookie cracked two eggs into a bowl, beating each in turn with a wire whisk.
Kati had come into the kitchen for Evan’s bottles. She took them from the refrigerator and slipped them into the diaper bag.
“I’ll be back in time for supper.”
“Don’t seem like you’re ever here no more,” he complained, dumping two cups of sugar into the eggs and beating the combination with enough energy to mix concrete.
“Cookie,” Kati said gently, “the center is almost ready to open. Another week and I’ll be gone for good.”
Leaving the blustery old man with sprouts for hair would be almost as hard as leaving Colt and Evan. He’d become as much a part of her temporary family as they had.
“Ain’t right,” he grumbled. “You two was made for each other. I don’t know what’s got into you.”
What had gotten into them was guilt. That, and the realization that they were playing a game no one could win. Kati’s fantasy of a real family and Colt’s desire for bachelorhood were not exactly compatible. It had taken Evan’s illness to wake them both up.
The dream catcher Colt had bought her hung above the bed. She knew the device must work because all her bad dreams came in the daylight. Nighttime brought dreams of Colt holding her, loving her, chanting her name in a way that made her feel so cherished and beautiful. Kati still awakened every morning expecting to see Colt’s mischievous grin or feel his powerful body next to hers. Waking was the hardest part of the day.
“How’s that center of yours look?”
Cookie’s question drew her back to the kitchen. She tried to muster enthusiasm in her answer. After all, Kati’s Angels was her dream, the only one likely to ever come true.
“The center looks fantastic, Cookie. You should come with me sometime and check it out.” She sneaked a spoon of cookie dough from the bowl and received a mock scowl in return. “I’m going to miss your cooking. Maybe I can even lure you away from the Garrets and have you cook for me.”
“Me? In a room full of little tots? Ain’t likely, Miss Kati. Evan’s the only little ’un I’ve ever been around. But I will make some cookies for you once in a while. These yahoos around here don’t appreciate nothing.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“You remember this, too, missy.” He waved a spatula in her direction. “That road out there runs both ways. I expect a visit now and then.”
Rising on tiptoe, Kati planted a kiss on the old man’s cheek. He blustered and stuttered before returning to his cookie dough.
“See you later, Cookie.”
After checking the diaper bag for supplies, Kati headed to the nursery for Evan. He was into everything now, and the only way she could get things done was to put him in the playpen for brief periods.
Seeing Kati, the boy pulled himself upright and threw a stuffed bear over the side. Kati retrieved the toy and handed it back, only to have the thing come flying at her again. Playing fetch with Kati was his newest game.
“You little rascal.” She scooped him up for kisses and giggles.
While she stored the sound of his delighted laughter, a different voice broke in.
“Kati.”
Colt appeared in the doorway. The time was midmorning, an unusual hour for him to come to the house. His warm, sweaty scent stirred memories of better times between them. He looked ill-at-ease, tense, swallowing twice before he spoke again.
“I need to talk to you. Will you bring Evan into my office, please?”
So polite. So serious. Kati knew something was wrong. Butterflies stirred in her belly. Was he going to replace her as Evan’s nanny? The blade of guilt sliced her. She knew she deserved to be fired after what she’d done.
Anxiously she carried the baby to Colt’s study.
“Sit down, please.”
There was the courtesy again, the softening of the inevitable blow.
“What’s wrong, Colt?” She eased into a chair, letting Evan wiggle down onto the carpet. “You’re making me very nervous.”
“There’s no easy way to say this.”
She gripped the chair arm. “If you’re firing me, just say it. But I beg you to let me go on keeping Evan. I love him. I’ll take good care of him from now on. Please, Colt, let him come to the center with me when I go.”
Colt shook his head and frowned, his expression puzzled. “Jace Bristow drove out this morning to bring some news.”
“Your attorney?”
Colt took a deep breath, sighing deeply. “The private investigator found Natosha Parker.”
The air around Kati buzzed so loudly she couldn’t think. Evan’s mother had been found.
A sharp, searing pain cut through her heart. She’d expected to lose Colt, but to lose Evan, too, after the horrific battle to save his life was more than she could bear.
What an idiot she’d been to let herself love these two males so much. She should have been prepared for this. Had even told herself that she could handle the inevitable separation. Hadn’t a life in foster homes taught her that nothing lasted forever? But none of that mattered one whit in the face of losing her baby boy.
She didn’t see Colt move, but suddenly he was kneeling beside her, holding her hand. She felt icy against the heat of his skin.
“Kati, I’m sorry. We both knew there was a chance Evan’s mother would be found.”
Through stiff lips she asked, “When will she come for him?”
Evan crawled to Colt’s side and pulled up, gripping the cowboy’s upraised knee. Colt’s gaze flickered to the boy, then back to Kati’s face.
“I don’t know for sure. Jace says the P.I. tracked her to Europe, though he hasn’t actually talked to her. He’ll call us when he has more information.”
“Europe.” Kati squeezed her eyes closed against the pain. “Evan’s mother went to Europe? And left her baby with strangers?”
Colt’s mouth formed a grim line. “Looks that way.”
Kati envisioned a female version of Evan gaily flitting around Europe, picnicking beneath the Eiffel Tower, sunning on the Riviera, while her child struggled for life in a remote Texas hospital. What kind of woman would do such a thing?
Only a woman who didn’t really want her child.
Hope rekindled. “Maybe she won’t want him back.”
Natosha Parker didn’t even know her son. She hadn’t seen him in nearly six months. She hadn’t walked the floor with him when he had colic. She hadn’t stood beside his crib while he battled meningitis. Why, she didn’t even know how much he loved Cookie’s banana pudding. What right did she have to come waltzing back to town and reclaim Evan as her own?
“We could fight her for him.” Kati clutched Colt’s arm as the idea took hold. “You have the money to do it, and Jace is a good attorney.”
Before she could finish, Colt shook his head. “No.”
He pulled away and stood, turning his back. “Courts always side with birth mothers. If she wants him, he belongs with her.”
Kati slumped in defeat. Colt had never wanted Evan, any more than he’d wanted a wife. Why had she thought he’d fight to keep him?
Evan would be gone, really gone. Natosha Parker would take him off to Europe, and Kati would never see him again.
This was the kind of thing that always happened when she allowed herself to love. She’d be leaving Garret Ranch with a twice-broken heart. The two people she’d fallen in love with would be as far away as the moon.
Somewhere life had taken a turn, spinning out of control. Her head pounded with the stress of it. She wanted the agony to stop. She wanted this entire charade to end before she shattered into a million little pieces at Colt’s feet.
The time had come to let go. The pain couldn’t possibly get any worse, so she might as well make the break now. Kati sat up straighter in the chair and took a deep breath. When she spoke, the words sounded surprisingly normal.
“So. When are you going to the Dominican Republic to arrange the divorce?”
Kati’s question ricocheted off Colt like rifle shots off a rock wall. Staring down at Kati with her pale face and wide, haunted eyes, he tried to read what was behind the unexpected question. He knew their time was up. With Evan on the verge of reuniting with his mother, there was no point in prolonging the agony, but somehow he hadn’t expected the moment to hurt so much or happen so soon.
“Kati’s Angels will be finished in a week or so.” Her hands gripped the chair arms with such ferocity that her knuckles were white. “I’d like to have the divorce final before I move out.”
So that’s how she wanted it. A clean break, a don’tlook-back kind of parting. He should have known that’s how she’d handle it. After all, she had what she came for—a business of her own.
Bitterness crept into his consciousness. Kati had used him, a fact that shouldn’t have bothered him. She’d admitted from the start to only needing a husband as collateral for her loan. And he’d used her, too, selfishly worming his way into her bed, when he’d known all along he had nothing else to offer. He glanced at the baby happily banging a set of plastic keys against the carpet—Evan had paid dearly for that.
Colt stalked to the window, hands thrust in his back pockets, and leaned his forehead against the pane. She was right; he knew she was right. Every night when he crawled into his bed alone, he fought the temptation to go to her. He wanted her so much he couldn’t sleep for thinking of her soft skin, her clean scent, her glorious hair tangled around him. But he couldn’t give in to lust again. He’d already hurt them all enough. Kati was right. A divorce was the only way to be rid of the temptation…and the guilt.
“I’ll call the airline today.” He returned to his desk and jotted a reminder, as if he’d need one. Getting a divorce wasn’t likely to slip his mind.
“How long do you think it will take?”
He glanced up, noting again how pale she looked. “The divorce?”
She nodded, and her long loose hair fell forward, distracting him. He wanted desperately to go to her and bury his hands in the flowing strands, to kiss her until she uttered those soft, kitten sounds that made him feel so big and tough and strong. But Kati didn’t want that. She wanted her day-care center and a divorce. He’d given her the first, and now he’d have to give her the second, even if it killed him.
“One day over and one day back according to Jace.” He swallowed thickly. “It’s the easiest place in the world to get a divorce.”
“One day over,” she said vaguely. “One day.”
Evan pulled up next to her, banging away with his keys. With the natural ease of a mother, Kati lifted him onto her lap and kissed the top of his head.
Emotion tugged at Colt’s heart. No woman, not even Natosha Parker, could love that baby more than Kati. She was his mother, in every way except the one that counted most. He wished he could change that for her. To give her Evan. To give her… He shook his head in irritation. Hell, he couldn’t give her anything.
“Will you be all right?” he asked.
She smiled a trifle too brightly. “I’ll be fine. As soon as my center opens I’ll be too busy with all those babies to even think straight.”
“It’s what you wanted, then?”
“I’ve dreamed about that business for years.” The smile still in place, Kati stood, bringing Evan with her. “In fact, I was on my way into town to take care of some details when you arrived.”
Colt watched her walk the length of the room and disappear out the door, her long, swaying hair a reminder of all he was losing.
Slumping into a chair, he dropped his head into his hands.
Soon he’d be rid of her. His life would return to normal. No more baby toys to stumble over. No more perfume clouding the fresh country air. He should be happy, overjoyed, exuberant.
Then why did he feel as if he’d been gored by a bull?
The silver BMW blended with the damp, gray October day as it wheeled beneath the Garret Ranch sign and sped toward the house. From her vantage point in the living room, Kati saw the vehicle coming and went to the door.
A nice-looking man about Colt’s age emerged from the car and strolled toward her. Though smaller than Colt, he was fit and trim and exuded an almost palpable energy.
“You must be Kati. I’m Jace,” he said without fanfare, and strode into the ranch house as though he needed no invitation to enter. He swiped his boots across the rug Cookie had spread in front of the door.
“Where’s Colt?”
“At the barn.”
“On a rotten day like this? I thought he’d be home.”
“One of his best mares foaled last night. If you know Colt, you know he has to check on that foal every few hours.” She led the way into the living room and motioned for him to sit. “He’ll be back soon. Would you like some coffee while you wait?”
“Why not? One more cup won’t kill me.” The lawyer perched on the edge of a straight-back chair. “They say lawyers bleed money, but in actuality, we bleed coffee.”
He hopped up and marched restlessly to the window, looking out, while Kati went after the coffee.
Just as she returned, the door flew open and Colt stomped into the room, droplets of rain dripping from his hat.
“Nasty day.” He tossed the Stetson toward the coffee table.
“You’re getting the floor wet,” Kati admonished mildly.
Colt lifted one boot, then the other.
“Sorry.” He backtracked to the door and wiped his feet on the mat.
Jace cast a curious look between the two, then turned his attention to Evan, who sat in front of the entertainment center, busily emptying every VCR tape from its shelves.
“This must be Evan.” He settled once more into a chair, looking ready to spring up at any moment. Kati thought of the jack-in-the-box in Evan’s room.
“What’s up, Jace?” Colt wiped a damp sleeve over his face. “You didn’t drive all this way in the pouring rain for coffee.”
“Right.” Jace tossed a file folder on the table. “I have more news of Natosha Parker.”
Colt stilled, his gaze traveling from Kati to the baby. “When is she coming for him?”
“She isn’t.” The lawyer paused dramatically, and Kati envisioned him standing before a jury in a murder trial. The air was electric with his unspoken news.
“Why?” Colt asked, frowning. “Doesn’t she want him back?”
“Natosha Parker is dead.”
The horrible words pulsated in the room as their meaning found its way into Kati’s consciousness.
“Oh.” She slithered into a chair, hand at her throat. “Poor Evan. Poor, motherless Evan.”
Colt moved to her side and laid a hand on her shoulder. Just that small gesture buoyed her sagging strength.
“What happened to her?”
Jace gazed from Colt’s hand to Kati’s stricken face. “Cancer. She went to Europe for one of those experimental drugs that aren’t available here in the states. According to their records, she died within three weeks of her arrival.”
“So that’s why she dumped Evan on my doorstep and disappeared. She knew she was dying and wanted to leave him in a safe place.” Colt accepted the file from Jace and flipped through it. “But why me? I don’t even know who she was.”
“The P.I. faxed some info he picked up in Europe.” Jace took the folder and extracted a sheet of paper. “It’s not much and from the handwriting she was very weak, but she left this with a nurse. Problem was, she lapsed into a coma before telling anyone where to send it. She thanks you again and apologizes for sending a letter of explanation with the baby instead of coming herself. Says she couldn’t take the chance that you might refuse. And under the circumstances she knew you’d understand.” Jace glanced up from the document. “You never mentioned a letter.”
Colt looked from Jace to the baby, bewildered. “That’s because there wasn’t one.”
A letter would have made things so much simpler for Colt. And impossible for Kati. “What could have happened to it?”
“We’ll probably never know now, but it obviously was lost somewhere along the way. There is a picture in here, though.” Jace withdrew a photo which he handed to Colt. “Maybe this will ring a bell.”
“Tassie!” Colt said, flipping his knuckles at the picture. “That’s Tassie.”
“So you do know her.”
“Yeah. Well, sort of, though I didn’t know her name was Natosha. We called her Tassie. Shoot, I’d even forgotten her last name.” He scooted Kati’s hand from the chair arm and perched there beside her, earning another odd glance from his attorney. “Two, maybe three years ago, she came out with the college kids. You know.” He glanced at Jace. “The internship thing we do every summer. They come for a couple of months, work with the hands, and then they’re gone. I’m usually too busy to remember much about them.” He handed the photo to Kati. “That year was kind of different because two of them were girls interested in cutting horses. Since that’s my specialty, the girls spent more time with me than usual.”
“Natosha was one of those girls?”
“Yeah.”
“The two of you must have formed some kind of bond.”
“She was a nice kid, kind of quiet, who had a way with horses.”
“You obviously made an impression on her.”
All three of them glanced at the baby.
“Come to think of it she did say I reminded her of her dad a few times.” Colt grimaced. “Made me feel like an old man. But she obviously thought a lot of her folks. Wonder why she didn’t leave Evan with them.”
“She couldn’t. Her parents were all the family she had, and they were killed by a drunk driver about a year before Evan was born. The insurance money paid for her trip to Europe.”
“Poor kid.” Colt shook his head. “What about Evan’s father?”
“There’s not one listed on the birth certificate.”
“Oh, Colt.” Kati squeezed Colt’s thigh as she stared at the very young face of Natosha Parker, the mother Evan would never know. Pity and sorrow welled up in her. “I had such ugly thoughts about her, and all the time she was only trying to do what was best for her baby.”
“Yeah.” He stroked her hand, soothingly, obliviously, as he spoke to Jace. “So where do we go from here?”
“The next move is yours.” Jace slipped the papers back into the folder, leaving the file on the table. “Evan is highly adoptable at this point in his life. I have a number of clients who would take him tomorrow if you choose not to keep him.”
“This has all happened too fast for me. I’ll have to think on it.”
“You do that. There’s no hurry. Wait until you return from the Caribbean if you like.” He paused and studied Colt and Kati who sat on the same chair, holding hands. “You are still getting a divorce, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” With a puzzled expression, Colt looked at Kati’s hand in his, released his hold and rose to accompany Jace to the door. “I’m flying out tomorrow.”
Kati watched the two men move into the foyer, their conversation carrying back to her.
“The two of you sure seem friendly,” she heard Jace remark. “Are you certain a divorce is the right thing?”
A long silence ensued before Colt replied. “I’m not the marrying kind, Jace. You know my background. Everybody in my family is divorced or miserable in marriage. We’ll both be better off when this thing is over and done.”
Another long silence followed. Then Jace said the strangest thing. “Sounds to me like you’ve got some heavy thinking to do, boy. Call me when you make up your mind…about both of them.”