Jake flexed his hand, the skin still pulling around the pink puckered seam across the middle of his palm. An indescribable freedom flowed through him. For the last six weeks, he’d been limited by a splint. And now he could limit it to nighttime use and get back to doing his regular routine.
Well, sort of.
He needed to continue his exercises and be careful not to reinjure his hand.
After listening to the doctor’s final instructions, Jake walked out of the office and stepped into the sunshine. He slipped his sunglasses on his face and headed for his truck, only to find Tucker leaning against it holding two Cuppa Josie’s to-go cups.
He held up his hand. “Hey, man. Clean bill of health.”
Tucker handed him a cup. “Good. Now you can quit slacking and pull your weight around the farm.”
“Yeah, like I enjoyed doing nothing.” He sipped the coffee.
“I don’t know if I’d be complaining about hanging out with a pretty girl all day.”
“It’s not like that. Tori and I... I mean...yeah, it’s not like that.”
“Relax, man. I’m just messing with you.”
“What are you doing in town? Where are the twins?”
“I dropped Dad off at therapy, went to get a haircut, then swung by the feed store for a new pair of boots—Gwen says hi by the way. The twins are with their aunt Willow. It’s her day off, so she called and asked if she could take them for the afternoon. They’re making homemade ice cream and slime, hopefully not at the same time.”
“Twist your arm, right? Speaking of pretty girls, how is your sister-in-law doing?”
“She’s fine.” Tucker pushed away from the truck. “Listen, you want to grab a bite or something?”
“Sure. Taking advantage of your freedom?”
“I love the kids—don’t get me wrong—but it would be nice to eat a hot meal for a change. How about a pulled pork sandwich from Lena’s? I’ll buy.”
“Sure.” Jake clapped his brother on the shoulder. “I give you a lotta credit. Not sure I could handle those two monkeys on my own the way you do.”
They stopped at the corner, waited for the light to turn red, then crossed the street, passing by a large fountain where a couple of kids splashed in the water.
“You’d find a way if they were your kids. But I’m also fortunate to have you and Dad around to help pick up the slack.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
“Believe me, brother, how could I with you reminding me constantly.”
They headed to an empty lot next to the river where a red food truck with May the Pork Be With You painted on the side had parked. A couple of white plastic tables and chairs sat under a pitched awning. The tangy scents of barbecued pork and french fries scented the air. Seagulls swooped to snatch pieces of stale bread Lena had tossed out her back window. Jake’s mouth watered as soon as they stepped to the window to order.
Lena Fisher, co-owner with her husband, Lucas, leaned on the window ledge. “Hey, boys. How’s it going?”
Jake smiled at the petite brunette who had been a couple of years ahead of him in high school. “Hey, Lena. What’s new?”
She scrunched her face into a glare and wagged a finger at him. “I’m mad at you, Jacob Holland.”
“What did I do?”
“More like what you didn’t do.”
“Okay, fill me in.”
“Gwen at the feed store mentioned you’re doing a fund-raiser and you’re looking for a caterer. Yet you haven’t called me. What gives?”
“Gwen talks too much.” Jake took a take-out menu off the small counter and stuffed it in his back pocket. “I’ll be sure to give your information to my fund-raiser coordinator.”
“Then I’ll be expecting a call.”
“Sounds good. How about a couple of pulled pork sandwiches?”
“Sure thing.”
Within minutes, Jake and Tucker were eating their sandwiches while leaning on the decorative railing on the river walk by the Shelby River. Midmorning sunshine heated Jake’s back. He was half tempted to jump into the water to cool off.
A couple of kayakers paddled under the bridge to their right and pulled up along the launch pad.
That gave him an idea.
Jake downed the rest of his sandwich, wadded his wax paper wrapper into a ball and tossed it into the trash can near the food truck. “Hey, man. I need to get going.”
“Why? You got a date?”
Heat warmed Jake’s face. “Not exactly. Since I’ll be back to doing chores tomorrow, I thought I’d see if Tori wanted to go kayaking today.”
“Wow. You serious?”
“Yeah.”
“Things must be going well with you two.”
“She’s done a lot with this fund-raiser and she’s helping to get us more info on Micah.” Jake shrugged as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts for Tori’s number. He tapped on her number and waited for her to answer. When he reached her voice mail, he left a message asking if she’d like to go kayaking, then ended the call and shoved his phone in his back pocket. “I don’t know... I’ve been thinking maybe I should give her a second chance. See what’s there, you know?”
“You don’t owe me any explanations. Follow your heart.”
Jake rolled his eyes. “Really, dude? Now you sound like one of those sappy Lifetime movies Mom used to watch.”
“Rayne used to love those, too. I’d sit through them nightly if it meant having her back. I miss her.” Tucker stared at the water, twisting his wedding band.
“I know, man. It’s tough.” Jake turned with his back to the river. He rested his elbows on the railing and looked at his brother. “You know Dad and Claudia have a thing going, right?”
Tucker scoffed and shook his head. “Dad and Claudia? Get out of here. No way, man.”
“I’m serious. The morning I did the milking, I accidentally walked in on them kissing.”
“What’d they say?”
“Nothing. I don’t think they saw me. I bounced pretty quickly.”
A grin crossed Tuck’s face. “Well, good for them. They deserve it.”
“Tori said the same thing.”
“You told her?”
“Yeah, I was so caught off guard that I left the farmhouse and took a walk, ending up at Tori’s. She was outside planting flowers.”
Tucker gave him a knowing look and grinned. “Interesting.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Rayne’s been gone a couple of years. You think about dating again?”
“No way, man. Not many women want to date a dude who’s still hung up on his late wife. Besides, with my crazy hours and the twins...there’s no time.”
“When the right girl comes along, all of that will fall into place.”
“Like Tori did for you. I’m telling you, man. Don’t waste what God has given you. If she’s the love of your life, then take hold of that and don’t let it go.”
“Thanks for the sage wisdom, Dr. Tucker.” Jake’s phone chimed. He pulled it out of his back pocket, looked at the display and grinned. “Looks like I’m going kayaking.”
Tori should’ve been thrilled. Elated, even. But when Jake called to see if she’d like to go kayaking and maybe talk, she knew it was time. He needed to know the truth. But the thought of his walking away scared her more than anything.
“Are you sure it’s not going to tip?” Tori eyed the orange kayak bobbing in the water at the bottom of the launch pad.
“When are you going to trust me?” Jake held out his hand.
With a sigh, she gripped his hand and stepped into the cockpit—wasn’t that what he called the sitting area?—one foot at a time, then settled on the cushioned seat. She took the paddle Jake offered and rested it across her lap like he’d directed. She wiped her sweat-slicked hands on the sides of her shorts.
“Check out the footrests so we can see if they need to be adjusted. Those and the side foam knee rests will help with your balancing as you paddle.”
She pressed her feet against the rests. “They’re fine.”
Jake splashed into the water behind her. “I’m going to give you a little shove. You’re just going to float a minute. Wait for me before you begin paddling.”
Tori’s stomach clenched as she drifted farther away from the safety of the boat launch and closer to heavy rocks jutting above the glassy surface.
Battling against lumbering gray clouds, sunlight glazed the cold water, glittering like a razor. Towering pines on each side of the river scraped against the sky. Burdened willows hung over the water’s edge, dragging their laden branches against the muddy bank.
Jake drifted closer to her, slid his sunglasses back on his face and grinned. “Ready?”
She nodded, willing her heart rate to slow and wishing some of his enthusiasm would drift her way.
Mimicking him, she gripped the middle of her paddle and dug it into the water on the left side of her kayak, then lifted it in a figure-eight motion and repeated it on the right. Within minutes, she fell into a rhythm and her tense shoulders relaxed. She sat against the cushioned back and breathed in a lungful of fresh air.
A hawk swooped and soared above the bony branches as a flock of mallard ducks—at least that’s what Jake had called them—flapped and paddled close to the bank dotted with purple flowers. Cool water dripped off her paddle onto her arms coated with coconut-scented sunblock. She shivered and glanced at the clouding sky. “Looks like it’s going to rain.”
“Seriously, Tori. You need to relax and enjoy the float down the river.”
Easy for him to say.
She rested the paddle in her lap as they drifted silently under an old weathered metal bridge covered in graffiti. Doves cooed from the steel rafters. Trees heavy with white blossoms fragranced the air.
Should’ve been the perfect date.
Day.
Not date. This wasn’t a date.
How many times had she longed for one-on-one time with Jake? And now that she had it, she couldn’t relax.
Because she worried it could be her last.
Jake paddled ahead, giving Tori an appealing view of his strong, muscular arms as he dug his paddle into the water and glided effortlessly like the ducks trailing alongside them. He maneuvered his kayak to face her and used his oar as a pointer. “Listen, we’re going to hit a patch of rapids, then we’ll take a break on that island up ahead. Do exactly as I say, and you’ll be fine. Got it?”
Her eyes widened as she stared over his shoulder at the churning frosted water. Her heart rate picked up speed as she gripped the sides of the kayak. “Don’t leave me.”
He slid his sunglasses on top of his head and leveled her with a direct look. “I’d never leave you. Someday you’ll believe that.”
“What if I flip?”
“Do as I say, and you’ll be fine. These rapids aren’t that bad. I promise.”
She wanted to believe him, to lean into his words, but the water rushed over surface rocks and sloshed against the sides of her boat, causing fear to bubble in her throat.
He pointed his paddle toward the quickly approaching rapids. “Stay calm. You may get a little wet, but you’ll dry.” He winked and shot her a half grin. “Follow me through the middle. Use your paddle only to steer away from obstacles. Remain seated and enjoy the ride.”
She bumped and bounced through the rapids as she seized her paddle and kept her eyes on Jake. Her kayak swiveled sideways, the front knocking against a protruding rock. “Jake!”
Jake whipped around at the panic in her voice. “Tori, relax. You’re almost out of them. Push the blade of your paddle toward the bow...the front. That’ll turn you away from the rock.”
She followed his directions. Within seconds she shot through the rapids into calmer water. She released her paddle, setting it beside her, and buried her face in her shaking hands. Her chest heaved as she forced her breathing to slow, to return to normal.
“Tori, look out!”
She jerked her head up as a log floated toward her. Startled, she reached for her paddle but ended up knocking it in the water instead. “Oh, no!”
She leaned over the side of the kayak to grab it, and as her fingertip grazed the foam grip, the kayak tipped. Before she could right herself, the kayak flipped over, launching her in the water. Her arms flailed as she went under. She pushed herself to the surface and choked as river water jammed her throat and lodged in her right ear. As she treaded water, her head knocked against the side of the capsized death trap.
“Tori!” Jake slipped over the side of his kayak and swam toward her. He gripped her under her arms and hauled her to his chest. “Are you okay?”
Rubbing her forehead, she coughed and nodded. “Yes, except for my ego.”
“Bruised egos will heal. Let me look at your forehead.” He pried her fingers away and touched a tender area. She winced. “You have a red mark, but the skin’s not broken.”
He released her and flipped her kayak right-side up. He retrieved the wayward paddle and dropped it inside. “Want to learn how to enter a kayak from the water?”
“Is that my only option?”
“How are your swimming skills?”
“Much better than kayaking.”
“Well, the island’s over there. This water’s not very deep. If you want to swim over, I’ll grab these and bring them to shore.”
“I’ll pull my own.” Reaching for the carrying handle on the bow, Tori swam until her feet could touch the rocky bottom. She splashed through the water, slipping on the slick rocks, and dragged her kayak onto the pebbled shore. She unzipped her life jacket, toed off her wet outdoor sandals and collapsed on the grassy bank. The sunshine heated her chilled body. Northwestern Pennsylvania river water wasn’t very warm in June. Muscles she hadn’t used in a while quivered from exhaustion.
Jake hauled his kayak next to hers, dug a couple of waterproof bags out of one of the compartments and tossed them next to her. He dropped beside her, pulled a red plaid blanket out of one, shook it out on the grass and invited her to sit. Reaching for the other bag, he took out two bottles of iced tea, a couple of sandwiches, a container of strawberries and a bag of what looked like smashed brownies.
“What’s all of this?”
“Food.” He shot her a smirk. “Figured you might’ve worked up an appetite.”
“Don’t you have to do something to work up an appetite? All I did was flip my kayak.”
“And you handled it like a champ. You didn’t panic and made it—and your kayak—safely to shore.” He handed her a bottle of tea.
She smiled her thanks and allowed his compliment to warm her. She uncapped the bottle and read the words inside the cap.
Everything you’ve always wanted is within distance.
If only.
Jake plopped on the blanket next to her, drew up his knees, then—using his opened bottle—he pointed to the arch of two broad oak trees on each side of the water. “See those two oaks? And how it looks like they’re growing toward each other?”
Tori nodded.
“It’s called Bridal Bend. When my grandparents were teenagers, they weren’t allowed to date because my grandma’s wealthy family felt my grandpa, a lowly farmer’s son, wasn’t good enough for their daughter. This creek separated both of their properties, so they used to sneak off to these oak trees to hang out. My great-grandfather found out and forbid her to see my grandfather. As soon as my grandma graduated high school, she was going to be sent to stay with family in upstate New York for the summer. So the night of her graduation, they came to this spot with one of my distant cousins who was a young pastor and eloped on this island.” Jake stood and held out a hand. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”
Tori capped her bottle and set it on the blanket, then took Jake’s hand as he led her to the broad oak.
Without letting go of hers, he trailed his other hand over the bark until he came to a bare patch. “Here. Check this out.”
She took a step closer to the tree and traced a jaggedly carved heart in the bark. “JH + VL 1954.”
“Jacob Holland—I’m named after my grandfather—and Virginia Larson. Everyone called her Ginny. They were married fifty years until my grandma died of a heart attack fourteen years ago. Granddad couldn’t bear to live without her and ended up passing away a month later. They started the Holland Family Farm with only a couple of cows and a handful of chickens and later passed it on to my dad.”
“That’s a beautiful story.” She traced the initials again. Initials that could be hers and Jake’s.
“I’ve always admired them. They overcame obstacles to be together. And from the stories they’ve shared, their lives weren’t always easy, but they were there for each other. No matter what. They believed in the promises they made to each other in 1954 and did what it took to keep those vows. Our last family celebration with them was their fiftieth wedding anniversary.”
“Sounds like they left behind a great legacy.”
“They were like the American dream—they loved God, their family and the farm.” Jake turned and took Tori in his arms. He lifted his hands and cupped her jaw, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. “I want that, Tori. With you. I always have.”
Before she could respond, he slid his fingers away from her face and threaded them through the tangles of her wet hair. His head lowered, and he covered her mouth with his.
She cupped his face and allowed his cool lips to kiss her. For a moment, she savored the security of his embrace, the strength of his arms. For a moment, she breathed in the scents of sunshine and fresh air she associated with him. For a moment, she allowed herself to give in to those dreams of wondering what it would be like to have him hold her again.
She gentled the kiss, then pulled away, pressing her forehead against his chest, her hand over his heart and feeling the rushing beats against her palm. His ragged breathing reminded her he wasn’t as immune to her presence as he wanted her to believe.
Her heart pounding in her ears, she looked at him, his eyes dark and stormy.
She had to tell him.
“Oh, Jake.” She stroked her fingers through his wet hair. “I want that, too. I do...”
His jaw tightened as his hold around her loosened. “Why am I sensing a but coming?”
Tori lowered her eyes. “It’s just...there’s something... I need to tell you something. Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”
Jake lowered his hands and took a step back, pressing his back against the sturdy oak. “This doesn’t sound good.”
She hated the gap between them. The gap that always seemed to be there. And now her words were going to cause a divide that may be too wide to bridge back together.
Tears blurred her vision. A gust blew off the water, plastering her wet clothes to her like a second skin. Clouds forced away the sun, dropping them in the shadows.
“Just tell me already. The silence is driving me crazy.”
She blew out a breath and caught his gaze. “About three weeks after you’d been deployed, I’d woken up in the middle of the night bleeding and in a lot of pain. I had to be taken to the hospital.”
“What happened?” He frowned, but the tenderness in his voice nearly unraveled the frayed knot tethering her emotions.
“I had a miscarriage. I—I lost our baby.” A tear trailed down her cheek.
Jake’s eyes widened. “Our what?” He dragged a hand through his wet hair. “Our baby? You were pregnant and didn’t tell me?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant. It was early. Too soon.”
“But since then? Why wasn’t I ever informed? You could’ve sent a message. Tori, I should’ve known. I would’ve moved mountains to be there. Are you okay? Now, I mean?”
“I’m fine. Physically. But there’s more. Somehow my dad found out—Kendra promises she never called him—and he came to see me at our apartment. I was vulnerable and lonely. And so sad. I missed you so much—I hated being apart from you. And my heart ached. Dad tried to talk me into coming back home, and when that didn’t work, he threatened to go after you and your family.”
“Go after me? That’s ridiculous. You’re joking, right?”
She shook her head. “I’m serious.”
“Why? What kind of person does that? Sounds like something out of a bad movie.”
“My father was very controlling, and he didn’t like it that neither of his daughters were under his thumb.”
“You should have told me. I would have worked out a way to get home and help you.”
“My dad—”
“Let me guess—he told you not to contact me? He’d make things difficult for me, too?”
She nodded. “I knew you wanted to make the Marine Corps your career, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that for you.”
Jake released a harsh laugh. “This is ridiculous, Tori. Your father may have been wealthy, but he does not have that much influence with Uncle Sam. He was all talk and you fell for it. You threw away our marriage. You broke your promise. To me. To us.”
“I did it to protect you, Jake.” Her voice choked as tears streamed down her face.
“I didn’t need protecting, Victoria. I was a United States marine. I would’ve handled it. But you didn’t even let me try.”
“I was only twenty-two, afraid and lonely. And stupid.”
“No argument here. You wanted your dad’s love so badly that you threw away what I offered freely without condition. I love... I loved you, Tori. I meant those words I said when I promised to love and honor you. And if I had to protect you from your own family, I would have done so, but you didn’t even give me a chance to prove it. You just...walked away.”
“I’m sorry, Jake.” A sob shuddered in her chest. Turning her back to him, she balled her hand and pressed it against her mouth.
Telling him the truth was supposed to relieve her of the weight of her guilt that had been pressing on her heart.
But instead it’d pushed him further away. He’d only see her for the silly, immature girl she once was.
Tears coursed down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. She swallowed several times, trying to regain control of her emotions, but the look of raw pain on his face stamped in her memory caused her to grieve all over again.
She cried for their lost dreams, their desire to have a family someday and the innocence of their crazy, almost reckless courtship.
Jake touched her shoulder and turned her, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest and allowed him to swaddle her in the cradle of his embrace. She tightened her arms around his waist and clung to him as the tears flowed unchecked.
He sniffed quickly and she turned her face to see him wiping his own tears with the pad of his thumb.
He wanted what his grandparents and his parents had.
With her.
But now that wish would fly away in the wind like dandelion dust. Her confession ruined that. And she had no one to blame but herself.
What should have been a perfect day ended in disaster. And there were some problems she just couldn’t paddle back from.