Facing a Devastating Settling of Scores
Life should be good, Frederick thought, as he sat in the office above the factory floor and watched the looms churning out rolls and rolls of linen. The conditions for the workers had improved, although urging his father-in-law to take on workers from the workhouse had backfired. It did seem, on the face of it, that they just didn’t want to work, but he had a feeling that wasn’t the real truth. Some, he knew, feared being released from the institutional life they had become used to, while others had an apathy they couldn’t surmount. There should be something in between for them, a sort of rehabilitation programme. Oh, I don’t know – there’s so much needs doing! Well, maybe now I will have more time to do it, but first I have to tackle the Katrina problem. I must sort that out tonight, I must!
Feeling tired, and wanting to bathe and go to bed rather than talk, he was rather sorry Katrina had stayed on at her parents’ home with him. But as he couldn’t take leave from the office for a few days and he’d had so much time away already, Katrina had said that putting miles between them now would be disastrous. He agreed, but although it had been two days since the end of the trial, they had done nothing other than be polite towards each other. For himself, he hadn’t even been able to think things through. Her unfaithfulness – and on their wedding night – had devastated him. Why did Katrina affect him so much? Just knowing she was in the next room gave him feelings he didn’t understand and confused him, and he couldn’t square those emotions with how he felt for Ruth.
Knocking on Katrina’s door, he felt as if he was back at school and had been summoned to the headmaster. His legs wobbled and the nerves in his stomach jangled. It beggared belief that she could make him feel like this. She was his wife in an arranged marriage, and there was no love involved – at least, not on his side, not now. Strange that she had declared her love for him.
When she opened the door, Katrina was alone. He’d rather hoped her maid would be with her, as she had brought Annie along on this trip. Annie would have caused some distraction or other to get over the first few minutes. ‘Katrina, I think—’
‘That it is time? Yes, but what took you so long? I have been waiting for you.’
‘I know, I am sorry. I had feelings to sort out. I am still confused. Why did you do it?’
‘Frederick, I could try to justify myself, but would it do any good? You must justify it, if such a thing is possible. You must look inside yourself and, with the feelings you have, ask if you would not have done the same, in the same circumstances? The difference is that the one you might have done it with would never put you in that position, while the one I mistakenly believed I loved would, and did. He plotted and schemed, he drugged you and came to me when I was waiting for you. I was already expectant of what would happen and longing for it to happen.’
‘So you are saying it could have been anyone?’
‘No! No, that is not what I am saying. I thought myself in love with Bellinger. Ugh, the very idea repulses me now. I shudder to think of it. How could I have fallen for his words of love, for Bellinger saying that he had wanted to offer for me?’
This pulled Frederick up. That bastard! Bellinger had had no such intention of offering for Katrina, and had laughed at Frederick for having to offer for her, for the sake of saving his family name. That man was capable of anything. Christ, it hurt, though, that Bellinger had taken his wife, spoilt their first union. Christ! His body folded; his legs wouldn’t hold him. Sinking onto the end of her bed, he could only stare at her. Tears streamed down his face, and he could do nothing to stop them.
‘Frederick, darling, don’t. I’m so sorry. I love you, my darling, and I’ll never hurt you again, never. Please believe me.’
Her endearments and pleas for forgiveness increased his crying. He had so much to cry about. So much.
Being in her arms helped. He found comfort in Katrina’s loving of him. His thoughts went to Ruth. She was being cared for at last, and all at his bidding; and, yes, he had to admit, if such a thing had happened to him, he would have taken Ruth, even though he’d just wed another. Understanding entered him at this, but still the rawness persisted.
‘Darling, as this is hurting you so much, is there a chance you do love me? Would it matter so much if I was what I was meant to be – a wife of convenience?’
The time had come for Frederick to be as truthful as Katrina was being. ‘Is it possible to love two women?’ Her silence frightened him. ‘I’m confused, Katrina, very confused. I love Ruth, you know that. She is not my mistress – I was truthful about that – nor will she ever be, but I love her. She has a special place in me. But well, yes, I am in love with you, too . . . It’s madness! Madness!’
Still she remained quiet. She hadn’t moved away. Her arms encircled him just as lovingly, as he continued, ‘I know it is terrible for you to come to terms with. I am having that difficulty with what you did, but the question is: can we do it? Can you live knowing I have this love for another? Can I live, knowing you once felt a love for another that went to its limits? I don’t know.’
‘I am willing to try. Are you, Frederick? Yes, I knew you loved Ruth. And, yes, I believed you when you said you weren’t taking her as your mistress, but hearing you in such despair over it all hurts me. Knowing you love me helps. It is a sandy foundation we have, one that’s soft and likely to slip. We will have to keep shoring it up, but I am willing to build on that, if you will help me.’
‘Oh, Katrina, I just don’t know. You are a good person. You don’t deserve me. Let’s leave it a while. Let’s carry on as we are, showing a united front, being polite, but that’s all. I am not ready for anything else.’
Coming out of her arms, Frederick stood. He had to get away from the close proximity of her. If he took Katrina now, it would be a vile act, feeling as he did. It would be a long, long time before he coupled with her again, if ever. Why did that decision hurt so much? He didn’t know. He just knew it had to be so.
The door closing behind Frederick put a final stamp on all Katrina’s hopes. Her determination hadn’t been enough. But no, I won’t give in – I won’t. Annie knocking at her door stopped the tears that threatened. ‘What is it, Annie? I am ready for dinner. I just need a few moments and I will be down.’
‘Your ma is home, and she wants you to attend her in her sitting room. She has Miss Marcia with her, M’Lady. She said there’s nowt to worry over, and that she has delayed dinner and has asked for another place to be set.’
‘What?’ Katrina’s astonishment stopped the smile she usually gave when Annie related anything her mother had said, because trying to imagine her mother saying anything in the accent Annie had was very amusing. But this news didn’t allow any room for humour. ‘No! I didn’t want this. Oh, never mind. Thank you, Annie. Go off and have a break. I won’t be needing you until I am ready to retire.’
‘Ta, M’Lady.’
The other source of amusement about Annie happened then as she attempted to curtsy, which was a funny action with crossed feet and a wobble that made her look as though she would topple over. Whether she would ever perfect the curtsy, Katrina didn’t know, nor could she give her attention to it at this moment in time. What was Mother thinking of, bringing Marcia here! She has caused enough trouble and is likely to cause even more, if she is given the chance.
‘Mama! What are you doing home?’
‘I’m here too, Katrina.’
‘Yes, I know. But why, I can’t imagine. It is good to see you, Mama, but you, Marcia, I had hoped not to see for a very long time.’
‘Katrina, don’t. Marcia wants to say she is sorry.’
‘It is not enough. The damage you have done, Marcia, cannot be undone by a word. You—’
‘I know what I did and I am very sorry. I was eaten up by jealousy. I won’t cause any more harm, because I am over Frederick now. You can have him. I have realized who my true love is – and he doesn’t need to buy me. He loves me, too. He has all the wealth he needs, and he has given up his intended for me.’
‘Not . . . Good God, please don’t say—’
‘Lord Bellinger? Why not? What he had with you is nothing to him. It was merely a victory over Frederick, whom he despises and always has. He has accomplished that now, and has no need to do anything else.’
‘Mama?’
‘Marcia has made me see that you were very much at fault. I cannot think as Eleonore does about these matters. Marriage is sacrosanct. You could have screamed until someone came, instead of giving in to Lord Bellinger. You made his quest easy for him. I am not happy with him, not at all. He has caused a great deal of unhappiness, but I believe he is genuine in his love for Marcia. Why else would he risk a scandal by giving up Henrietta?’
‘Oh no, you are wrong, so wrong. Poor Henrietta, poor you, Marcia – you stupid girl. What is it with you? You don’t love him, you don’t; it is impossible! How . . . ?’
‘Huh, so all that is good is for you alone? Well, it isn’t. Lord Bellinger sought me out. He said he was sick of your games and the way you try to discredit him at every turn. Yes, he did that on your wedding night, but it wasn’t because he felt any attraction towards you. And it was as Mama says: you could have stopped it. Come off your pedestal, Katrina. You have built it too high, and that is why you are tumbling. It is nothing to do with me.’
‘Nothing? Good God, you listen at my bedroom door, and you plot and scheme against me. Why, why? I can’t help being the eldest. I too think it unfair that Daddy plans to divide everything, but I have no say in it. And it is all done now. You cannot change it . . . My God – that’s it! You think that by partnering Bellinger, together you can break us, and together you can get Daddy’s empire. You do, I know you do. You know about the clause that says that if my marriage breaks down, then all Frederick is entitled to as my husband reverts to the estate. But how do you plan on getting rid of me? Because whatever you do, I am still the eldest.’
‘Katrina, stop this. You talk as if Marcia is the devil. You should be pleased for her, not ranting on about the greatest poppycock I have ever heard in my life! Marcia has a handsome settlement, and Daddy reallocated some of the shares in the business to her. In any case, Lord Bellinger has more than enough money for them and huge business interests, so why should they want what you have? You are being ridiculous. Yes, Marcia did wrong, but she is sorry. She has a love of her own, and her infatuation for your husband has gone. Try to accept that, and for goodness’ sake try and behave in the manner in which you were brought up. You are a disgrace.’
‘Mama, I – I— Oh, Mama.’
‘Oh dear, here come the tears. Leave her, Mama. Katrina can see that all of her spoilt-brat tactics have failed and she is going to be left with nothing. Because surely Lord Frederick will not want her now.’
‘I do, actually.’
The door between this room and the adjoining withdrawing room burst open and Frederick came through it. Katrina stood still, as if turned into a statue. He must have heard everything. She hadn’t known he was downstairs. She held her breath.
‘I love Katrina, and I am remaining her husband. I know she loves me, too, and that we have some things to work through, but we will surmount them.’
‘What? Even when Lord Bellinger claims his chi—’ Marcia’s blank look of horror at her own words spoke of her never having meant to utter them.
‘What were you going to say, Marcia? Because if Bellinger has any plans to cause my wife harm, by spreading gossip about the paternity of our child or about his – his conquest, then he had better take care. He isn’t the only one who holds a good hand. I have some trump cards up my sleeve, which I could pull out and ruin him with. However, I am appalled that we are even having this conversation and that you, Mother-in-law, could be party to it against one of your own daughters. Have you lost all the decorum and training of your youth? Because it seems to me that you have failed to pass any of it on to your youngest daughter. We will leave at once. Please have some food prepared for us to take with us.’
‘Oh, naw, you won’t. Nor will you speak to me wife in that tone.’
‘I apologize, Father-in-law. I – and to you, Mother-in-law. I am very sorry. I should not have said what I did, or spoke disrespectfully to you. Marcia’s behaviour triggered a response I never thought myself capable of. But I will leave, because being in her company any longer is abhorrent to me. From now on, when she is in residence my wife and I will not be guests in your home. We would very much like to visit you at any other time, and of course I will continue with my work at the office.’
‘Naw, that is not going to happen. I will not stand by and see me family split. Marcia, if Lord Bellinger is planning what you have hinted at, then he will not become a member of this family.’
‘He isn’t, Daddy. They had me all wound up, between them. Katrina’s behaviour has caused all of this. Lord Bellinger loves me, and I love him. We just want to marry and live in peace. We don’t want all of this. Mama will tell you: it was Katrina’s nastiness that started all of this, not to mention her sleeping—’
‘That’s enough. My wife did not start all of this. I heard everything from the beginning.’
‘I will say when owt is enough or not, young man. Now, this is getting us nowhere. Feelings are running too high. Apologize to each other, Katrina and Marcia, and do it at once. Your poor mother is distraught.’ When none of them moved, he shouted, ‘Now!’
‘I apologize, Marcia. I shouldn’t have reacted to your engagement in the way I did. Please forgive me.’
It was a long moment before Marcia gave in. ‘I’m sorry for what I said, too, but you should not have reacted as you did. You made me say things I hadn’t intended to say.’
‘I accept your apology, and I am sorry if I have caused you hurt, Mama. I would wear sackcloth all my life if I thought it would undo everything I have done to you all.’
‘You have no need to wear it for me, Katrina. I understand and forgive.’ This, from Frederick, lifted her spirits. She could cope with anything if he forgave her.
‘Nor for me, my darling daughter. I overreacted to your response to your sister’s good news. Let us all forget it and begin again. Darling husband, would you see to it that drinks are served and that dinner is ready in fifteen minutes? Thank you, my love.’ Katrina watched her mother rise as she said this. She came over to her. Snuggling into her arms took away some of Katrina’s hurt.
The next few moments of polite conversation over drinks had a calm surface, but underneath a strong current raged inside Katrina. How will all of this end? What game is Bellinger playing? How could he drop Henrietta? But then she knew Bellinger would only do so if he thought there was a bigger fish for him to net. That bigger fish wasn’t in marrying a second child who wasn’t an heir, so he must have a wider scheme. What was it? Unless . . . Unless he thought to bide his time and eventually take everything from Frederick. No, now I’m being silly. How could he possibly do that?
The more Katrina thought of the possibilities, the more afraid she became. Summing it all up to herself didn’t help. Yes, I have Frederick’s love; and yes, I am willing to fight for our future, but how will Bellinger settle the scores that he feels are owed by us? This is all a devastating twist that I don’t know if I can cope with . . . I feel sick.