CHAPTER 2

 

 

 

your hands make words

my heart longs to touch.

I want your breath, your soul

-to spill

and I’ll clean it up

with my own.

-Kip, age 17

 

 

 

TESSA

 

 

When life wasn’t awesome, you had to make it awesome.

Still, all the naked dancing and Halsey in the world couldn’t erase the memory of earlier that day.

Tessa stared at the blender on the counter, deep in thought. It hadn’t been all bad, she acquiesced, thinking about Kip’s floppy hair and green eyes. Just picturing him made her heart stutter. And that hadn’t happened in a very long time.

Which was why she should be pushing him far from her mind. Cute boys had a habit of crushing her heart, or being jackasses. Usually both.

“Grr,” she muttered, as the memory of her fall-and-flail took center stage again.

Good thing she’d made sure to introduce him to the full catastrophe right away. That way he wouldn’t be able to accuse her of hiding her true colors later on.

Not that there would be a later on, she reminded herself as she gathered all her ingredients on the counter top, and then danced back to the bedroom. She chose a white tank top, cotton panties, and yoga pants that had never and would never be used for yoga.

They were used for watching The Bachelor and drinking alcohol.

Like God intended.

She had only managed to get her panties on and was tugging the tank over her head when a thought crashed into her tired mind.

Maybe Kip had a Facebook page.

She dashed into the living room and flung her yoga pants on the nearby couch as she slid into the folding chair in front of the desk. She impatiently scrambled the mouse on the desk trying to wake up the computer. The screen snapped on and the desktop loaded sluggishly.

Tessa growled, tipping her head back in annoyance. She shoved away from the desk and went back to the kitchen. She shouldn’t be looking Kip up on Facebook. She wasn’t sixteen anymore.

She tossed the ice and strawberries in the blender and added the tequila. Triple Sec came next and she felt that familiar jolt of satisfaction that came with not having to measure. It was a gift. She had always been able to eye the measurements of anything and everything with scary accuracy. It made the people watching her uncomfortable, but it didn’t stop her.

The blender whirred, mixing her ingredients and making her mouth water. When she shut it down the song on her stereo had switched to Niall Horan and Maren Morris’ duet “Seeing Blind.” Tessa belted out the chorus, feeling the words go soul deep.

Someday.

She had no doubt.

One of these days she was going to meet her match. The one and only who would take her to the stars while also being her foundation.

It was just taking a heck of a long time.

She set the pitcher on the edge of the desk and tugged her pants off the couch. No, she wasn’t going to pour it into a glass like a civilized person. She had fallen on a cute boy that day. It called for drinking directly out of the pitcher.

A melodic jingle erupted from the computer speakers and she leaned over to see what it was.

Oh!

Lo was calling her via Skype.

“Finally!” she exhaled while diving for the mouse to answer before she missed the call.

She hadn’t spoken to Lo in weeks and it was getting hella lonely around here.

The third part of their trifecta of badass besties, Lo was the bravest of them all. Even now, she was off galivanting around the world with Brady Samson. Probably kissing him under stars and squeezing his manly biceps.

“Aww, am I missing margarita night?” Lo’s voice came from the speakers.

Tessa tugged her pants up, but in her haste, the waist band got stuck under her butt cheeks. She was just off screen and knew Lo must be wondering where she was.

“Hold on!” she called to her friend hoping she wouldn’t hang up. “I’m not wearing pants,” she explained. “Gimme…two seconds.”

The words had no more left her mouth than the legging gave way and ripped up her backside sending her hands that had been gripping the waistband at her sides flying upwards. She lost her balance (theme of the day, right?) and fell to the floor, her legs knocking over an end table with books and candles on it.

“Tessa?” Lo asked, concern evident in the one word question.

“I’m okay!” she yelled, her hands reaching for the desk to leverage herself up. She raised her head for the viewfinder as she finally collapsed into the chair. “I’m okay. Well, I will be okay. As soon as I finish this puppy.” She wrapped both hands around the margarita and pulled it towards her. The table, books, candles, and her ruined pants would have to be dealt with later. Much later. Preferably after this pitcher of pure heaven made its way through her system. “Come to mama,” she murmured more to herself than Lo.

She took a long slurp of the straw and pretended like Lo’s laughter made no difference to her.

But it secretly did.

Not that Tessa thought of herself as a comedian, but being able to make her loved ones laugh was a talent she never took for granted. Maybe it was because she’d lived in a house where the most common phrases were, “Be serious.” And “Stop trying to be funny.”

It was her own secret rebellion.

She took a settling breath and smiled at her friend. “Hello, gorgeous.”

Lo sighed, still smiling. “I missed you.”

“Not as much as I miss you.” Tessa propped an elbow on the desk and stirred the margarita with the straw. “Did you know about hot yoga?”

“What?” Lo’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “That it exists? Yeah, it’s not exactly new.”

“No.” Tessa rolled her eyes and took another long drink. Just thinking about it again made her relive it a little and her thirst for tequila increased.

“I mean, did you know how awful it is? I don’t know why there’s such a debate about our military’s torture tactics when they could just employ hot yoga. Ten minutes in and I was ready to turn over my social security number and bank account information.” She bobbed her head to the side considering what she’d just said. “Of course, maybe that’s the point. All those people sign up and pay to be that miserable. I can get that for free by having dinner with my parents, you know.” She nodded. “Plus, free dinner.”

Lo’s uncontrolled laughter made Tessa feel less guilty about her mini-rant.

Laughing was life’s purest form of joy. It was the great equalizer.

Her mom always accused her of not taking things seriously and using humor as a deflection for responsibility.

But that wasn’t it.

It was never like that for her.

Humor, laughter, joy—those were the things that made life beautiful.

“I love you,” Lo said, wiping tears from her eyes.

“And I love you back,” Tessa replied with a happy grin.

“Where’s Spencer?” Lo asked, peering into the dark living room behind Tessa.

Tessa filled her cheeks with air and scrunched up her nose. “You don’t want to know.”

“No!” Lo’s face paled and she placed her palm over her chest. “Not Garrett?” Tessa pursed her lips and shook her head in tiny, jerky motions. “Don’t even get me started.”

“Garrett is…” Lo trailed off as she sought for an adequate adjective.

Tessa had a list she would be willing to lend her, but settled for the easiest. “Garrett is the worst,” she declared. “And I hate him.” She slammed her palm on the desk making the monitor shake. “Hate him!”

So, the tequila was working.

“Tessa,” Lo replied carefully. “You don’t usually get so worked up.”

“I’m just tired and sweaty.” Yep, still sweaty, despite the shower. “I haven’t seen Spencer in a week. A week! She keeps saying she’s not back with that scrotum face, but she’s lying! To me! And did I tell you about the hot yoga?”

Yep, the tequila had done its job at relaxing her. More specifically her tongue and thoughts.

“Yikes,” Lo muttered. “I’m sorry I’ve been incommunicado.”

“Oh, it’s not your fault,” Tessa protested. No way was she going to let Lo feel any responsibility for this. She was finally off chasing her heart and doing exactly what she’d been created to do. The last thing Tessa wanted was for Lo to feel guilty for the actions of others.

People owned their choices.

Whether they wanted to or not.

“Please don’t worry about us or me or her. We’re big girls. This will all get resolved.” Tessa’s eyes drifted to the wall behind the computer as she made that promise to herself. “I’m going to make certain of it.”

“That’s not terrifying,” Lo laughed nervously.

Time to change the subject.

“What’s up with you?” Tessa asked.

Last she’d heard Lo was still pretending like her and Brady Samson wouldn’t make the most beautiful babies in the world.

The look on Lo’s face changed dramatically, like a thunderhead rolling in. Tessa clenched her stomach, hoping it wasn’t what she thought.

“Miller—”

Tessa sucked in a gasp. Her fears confirmed.

“Boden.”

“Noooo!”

“Yes.”

Lo delved into the details, sparing no expense.

It was how they did it. The trifecta. Lo, Spencer, Tessa. They had promised on threat of pain to be there for one another. Which wasn’t always easy, but it had only ever strengthened their bond.

So here was Lo, kissing Brady Samson halfway around the world and her ex shows up to accuse her of having daddy issues.

Tessa wasn’t surprised.

By any of it.

Brady was def kissable.

And Miller Boden hated to lose.

“I hate that guy,” Tessa growled tipping her pitcher to the side to suck out the remaining margarita.

Yes, she’d drained the entire thing.

Don’t judge.

“Like, who does he think he is? Some sort of deity? Poseidon maybe? Well, I’ve got news for him, Poseidon was a dick too.”

Lo sniffed back a laugh.

Tessa waved a hand in the air. “I’m not kidding. Why do my girls get so caught up in the opinions of these losers? You and Spencer both have a problem with idiots.”

Lo expression darkened. “Maybe we have daddy issues,” she grumbled, refencing Miller’s previous verbal attack.

Tessa couldn’t handle it.

“Of course you do!” She bugged out her eyes and set the pitcher back on the desk. “We all do! Why do you think we’re all so friggin’ attached to one another?”

“What?” Lo asked, her mouth twisting to the side in displeasure. “You actually believe that?”

Truth was hard for Lo sometimes. And more often than not, Tessa had to be gentle in her delivery.

Because, daddy issues.

All three of them had them, just in differing degrees. Lo’s dad was a user who manipulated women. Spencer’s dad was a closet alcoholic who blew his knee out in college and lost his fancy football scholarship. He was also a widower who’d wanted a son. And Tessa’s dad was a rich, arrogant, bored local politician. He had regrets about his life and medicated with expensive call girls and pathological lying.

Tessa understood Lo’s unspoken fears because all three of them had the same one: they didn’t want to become their parents. Which is what made the trifecta so important. It kept them honest and grounded.

“Sweetie,” Tessa began, softer and with patience this time. “Miller Boden is an a-hole. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a point. I honestly believe you don’t realize how self-sabotaging you can be. You picked the guy that you knew would fail every one of your tests so that when you scraped him off, you’d be justified.”

“Ouch, Tess.”

“No, I’m not judging you,” Tessa clarified quickly. “Miller Boden is the worst. I hate that guy almost as much as Garrett freaking Hazlaw.” She rolled her eyes dramatically and snorted. “But you already know all of this. That’s not why you’re calling me, is it?”

Lo’s face gentled and she took a small breath. “I like Brady.”

Halleluiah! Tessa fist-pumped internally. On the outside, she propped her chin in her first and sighed dreamily. “Yeah?”

Brady Samson was delectable. Hot surfer with piercing blue eyes and manners to boot. He was perfect for Lo. Tessa approved.

“Yeah,” Lo confirmed, her cheeks blushing. “I don’t want Miller to be right.” Her voice cracked at the end of her confession.

Tessa nodded as understanding filled in the gaps of the conversation. “You have some bad habits,” she agreed.

Lo’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “Am I my father?” she whispered.

Tessa shook her head adamantly. “No. Not at all.”

“How do I keep this good?” Lo asked, her fear leaking out of her eyes with her tears. “What if I wreck it?”

Ah, the age-old question.

Time for some Tessa Truths.

“LoLo, you already know that’s an impossible wish. We’re human beings. We’re gonna break things. The key is finding someone who is just as passionate as you are about putting it back together.”

Lo sighed. “Hopeless romantic.”

“Hopeful. I’m a hopeful romantic.” Tessa corrected. “You’re the hopeless one. You and your hot boyfriend and all of your kissing. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been kissed?”

Which sucked for Tessa because kissing was her favorite.

The wait, the anticipation, the slight tremble in her lower lip right before everything in the world disappeared and it was just mouths and hands and sighs and hearts—

“I thought the toupee guy kissed you…” Lo asked, her eyebrows quirked.

Tessa narrowed her eyes. “I said kissed, not lapped at like a baby giraffe after a leaf just out of reach.”

Lo doubled over in hilarity, her laughter shaking her shoulders. “But baby giraffes are adorable!” she argued.

“Not when they’re trying to tongue you!” Tessa protested. She wasn’t there, she didn’t know. But Tessa knew. In a way that was probably going to scar her for life.

Lo’s laughter stopped suddenly and she turned her ear towards something.

“Tess,” Lo whispered, leaning close to the screen. “I think I have to go.”

Tessa could hear manly shouts in the distance and then the door behind Lo visibly shook.

“No!” Tessa pleaded. “Leave me on! I need this! You owe me! Besides I can be a witness in case it goes to trial.”

Lo was clearly torn between arguing with Tessa and checking the commotion in the hall. She stood up and made her way to the door. Right before she got there, it swung open with a crash and Miller and Brady tumbled into the apartment.

Oh, this was better than Pay Per View. Tessa clicked on the box, making it full screen on the large monitor.

Two shirtless, super-hot athletes pounding the crap out of each other.

Her heartrate increased and a flush spread throughout her body. At least someone was getting to express themselves with their fists today.

Brady carried an extra five inches in height and about fifty pounds in muscle on Miller. It wasn’t much of a contest as they grappled on the floor. Brady straddled Miller and braced one hand on his chest as he struck him in the face with his fist. Miller tried to reciprocate, but he just sucked in general.

“Hit him again, Samson! Break his face!”

While she had been harboring secret thoughts of revenge against Miller for a while now, she really didn’t mind how justice was currently being served.

“Tessa Lanore!”

Tessa glanced up to see Lo scowling at her. But she didn’t even feel bad. She’d been wanting to throat punch Miller for far too long. She was so happy someone finally did it and she was able to see it happen.

Brady connected another solid hit and Tessa jumped up. “Yes!”

At that point, Lo decided to stop wringing her hands and waded in.

When the punching stopped, Tessa lost interest.

She slumped back in her chair and watched them argue until Miller left.

Brady mentioned he’d be able to fix the door they busted when they’d come tumbling in.

“How?” Lo asked.

“Wood glue,” Tessa answered. They both turned to face her and she nodded. “That shit fixes everything.”

True story. Most of her furniture was predominantly wood glue at this point. Hey, a girl had to do what she had to do. Especially when that girl fell over as often as Tessa did.

Lo stepped closer to the screen. “I think it’s time to say goodnight, Tess.”

“No!” Tessa argued sadly. “If you hang up on me I’ll be forced to Skype random strangers until I pass out!”

Lo shook her head like she thought she was being cute. She wasn’t though.

“Go to bed, sweetie.”

“Fine,” Tessa grumbled and then looked past Lo to Brady. “Team Brady! WOO HOO!”

The screen went dark when Lo closed the lid, leaving Tessa alone with her thoughts.

And a little bit drunk.

She leaned forward and began navigating to her social media accounts.

“I’m just gonna check a few things,” she murmured.

No harm in checking out cute boys on Facebook.

No harm at all.

 

***

 

KIP

 

Kip stared at his phone as the video call started to ring.

Tessa Layne is calling you.

For a moment, Kip thought he was imagining it.

As if he’d been thinking about her so hard he’d begun to hallucinate her into his life.

Wouldn’t have been the first time.

He shook off those dark memories and focused on the screen again. Her profile picture was small, but he could see enough of it to recognize her face. Even with her hair blowing in the wind and her tongue sticking out.

He bit his bottom lip briefly as his eyes scanned the empty shop.

After closing and a phone call from a pretty girl?

Of course he was going to answer.

The pixilation took a second to clear, but when it did, her face filled his screen. Her full lips rounded into an O and her eyebrows lifted.

“Oh shit,” she said.

“Did you mean to call me?” he asked with a chuckle.

She tapped her bottom lip with two fingers. “Did you mean to answer?”

His eyes narrowed on the empty pitcher beside her. “How was the margarita?”

“Perfect,” she replied as she used her elbow to push the empty pitcher out of frame. Kip chuckled.

This girl.

“Where are you?” she asked, leaning forward as if that would give her a better view of his surroundings. All it did was give him a close up of her strawberry stained lips.

“At work.” He glanced around the dark shop. “You just caught me. I was locking up.” He came around the counter as he said it and made sure the front door was secure.

“At the surf shop?” she guessed slowly.

“Yep.”

“Do you work a lot?”

He smiled and hopped onto the counter. “I work enough. What about you? What pays your bills?”

She blew a strand of dark hair out of her eyes. It landed in a loop on top of her head, but he didn’t point it out.

“I work for Narrs and Beltzer selling pharmaceuticals.”

He tilted his head to the side, something about that ringing familiar. “Is that where Lo worked?”

“Yeah,” she replied and hurried on to, “did you know Brady and Miller Boden got into a fist fight?” As soon as the words left her mouth she sat back and covered her lips with one hand, eyes round. “I probably wasn’t supposed to tell.”

Kip laughed out loud, rocking back on the counter. “Are you serious?”

“I am serious,” she replied, leaning forward and using one finger to point to her serious face. “Can’t you tell?”

“How did you find out?” Kip asked through his laugh.

“I saw it.” She nodded and took a deep breath. “It was hot.”

He arched his eyebrows in question, but she waved her comment away. “I was Skyping with Lo and they came crashing through the door.”

Kip nodded in understanding. “Brady and Bo have always been brawlers.”

“Don’t you live with them?” she asked.

“I do.” He looked past his phone into the dark of the store. “We’ve all been friends since we were kids.”

She tilted her head and frowned, her dark eyebrows drawing together thoughtfully. “Why don’t I remember you? Spencer and I go waaaay back.”

Kip licked his bottom lip as he considered how best to answer that. She probably would remember if he gave her the details she would need in order to jog that particular memory. But he didn’t really want her to remember the guy he was in high school.

Except… that wasn’t entirely true.

So instead of answering her question, he shrugged.

His guilt was immediate.

Her delicate features shifted to an expression of apology and frustration.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I’ve always been…” Fingers of one hand came up to tap on her bottom lip and she chewed on the pink fullness as her eyes drifted to the side. “More than a little self-absorbed.”

Wrong.

Nope.

Nuh-uh.

That’s not at all how he remembered her.

He shifted on the counter as a light sweat broke out on the back of his neck.

“That’s not—”

“I’m trying to be better,” she declared softly, blue eyes deep and absorbing.

He lost what he was going to say as he was drawn into their depths. Such an unusual shade of blue. Dark and reflective, the iris rimmed in a line of black and the entire package framed by thick, inky lashes.

“Can we be friends now?” she asked hopefully.

“Oh, Peaches,” he replied with a sideways grin. “I’d really like to see you prevent it.”

“Peaches?” she asked with a laugh.

“Yeah,” he said rubbing his chin with his fingertips. “From class today. When I asked if you were okay and you said, ‘Peachy.’ I’ll never forget. I won’t let you forget it either.”

An embarrassed giggle bubbled out of her and she rolled her eyes. “Oh geez.”

He grinned. “What are friends for, am I right?”

She sobered but her eyes continued to sparkle with her good humor. “I’ll allow it.”

Kip rubbed his cheek and felt the smile on his face.

“I’m glad you called,” he said honestly. “Even if it was an accident.” He lifted one eyebrow letting her know he was well aware what she’d been up to.

“I am too,” she answered softly.

Kip pursed his lips and hopped off the counter before sliding his back down to sit on the floor. “So Tessa, what’s a girl like you doing home alone drinking margaritas by herself on a Friday night.”

“I’ll tell you, Kip,” she answered with a lip curl. “It’s not an exciting story.”

He grinned and rested his head against the counter wall behind him. “I’m all ears.”