CHAPTER 4

 

 

 

maybe you’re my heart

-or one of them

maybe we’re not whole

without the other,

maybe,

maybe,

we’ll never know

-Kip, age 17

 

 

 

KIP

 

Kip knew something was up when Shane pulled into the parking lot of Soaring Bird two hours before he usually arrived.

Kip for his part, was early to open because he hadn’t slept well that night, and had decided to start his day on the beach with a little yoga.

It had helped inasmuch as it had relaxed his mind and put him in a better state. The anxiety that had tried to resurface last night wasn’t gone. It was never truly gone. But it was back to being manageable.

Bo’s truck pulled up and both Steve and Bo hopped out. Kip pushed the door open to let them in and then locked it behind them. He hesitated for a second, still wondering what Shane was doing in the parking lot. It looked like he was on the phone.

“They grow up so fast.”

Kip darted a glance to his left where Steve stood, arms crossed, also gazing out the window at Shane.

“What?” Kip asked with a soft chuckle.

Steve pursed his lips seriously. “I never saw this in Shane’s future. Successful businessman? That guy?”

Kip shook his head and went back to counting the money before going to the bank. “What are you two doing here anyway? It’s your day off—” He nodded at Steve. “Are you his Uber?”

Bo shrugged one bulky shoulder but didn’t respond.

Steve made a fart noise with his mouth. “I left my sunglasses here.” He left the window and jogged up the staircase to the second floor.

“Hey!” Steve called over the balcony. “What’s going on with you and that uptight chick? What’s her name? Tess?”

Kip’s expression remained impassive as he sorted through the twenties. Leave it to Steve to notice one little thing out of place. Although he could be an idiot, the guy was annoyingly intuitive.

“She asked for some longboard tips.”

Steve’s footsteps jogged back down the stairs. “I call bullshit.”

The bell on the front door pinged and the three of them looked up at Shane’s polarizing entry.

Shane’s eyes bounced between all of them, and he ran a hand through his already disheveled hair.

“What’s up, boss?” Steve asked with a frown.

Shane’s gaze dropped to the floor as his hands went to his hips. “You know…” He expelled a deep breath as if he was trying to keep from overreacting. “I chose Brady for this job because I had always believed he was the level-headed one.” His eyes lifted to Bo who rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

“How long have I known you guys?” Shane asked. “Twenty years?”

“Give or take,” Bo answered for the group.

“How is it I made such a bad call on this?”

Kip eyed his boss and friend with concern. “Has something happened?”

“Not much. Just Miller Boden waking me up with the threat of a lawsuit this morning.”

Kip averted his eyes as he remembered Tessa telling him about Brady punching Miller.

“Boden is a little bitch,” Bo grumbled, sounding unconcerned.

Shane pressed his lips into a hard line and nodded once. “Right. Because that’s how we handle things in the real world. When are you guys gonna grow up, huh?” His statement ended with a shout and he stalked into his office, slamming the door behind him.

Silence followed their friend’s outburst, but it was fleeting.

“Sheesh. Does he need coffee or something?”

Tessa and Spencer had entered unnoticed. Spencer was the one who’d asked the coffee question.

The residual anxiety in Kip sat up and rattled his rib cage, just to remind him it was there. Like he could forget. Though there was something familiar and nostalgic about it. Like when he’d see her in the hallway at school and think, this time I’ll say hi. But he never did.

Instead, he’d stood behind Bo because he was enormous.

He needed to tell her that it wasn’t her fault she didn’t remember him. He hadn’t been memorable.

And that wasn’t anyone’s fault.

“Apparently Miller Boden is upset about being punched in the face,” Kip responded.

He spoke to Tessa as if there weren’t three other people in the room with them. It was an unintentional slip.

Seeing her brought his entire life into focus on one point, and everything else faded to a washed-out blur.

“Okay, what now?” Steve asked, taking a step closer. He crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his chin at the two women.

Bo assumed a similar pose except that he angled his body so it was pointed directly at Spencer.

Tessa scrunched up her nose and huffed a sigh. The messy bun on top of her head wobbled. She narrowed her eyes briefly at Kip and he knew why. That was privileged information. No one else in the room (that he was aware of) knew they’d been having conversations in the dark.

“I was Skyping with Lo the other night and I caught the live show. Brady and Miller had a pretty massive fistfight.”

Bo began laughing and tried to hide it with a cough as he ducked his chin to his chest. Steve’s eyebrows reached for his hairline and he blinked several times.

“I think it’s safe to say that Brady won,” Spencer decided to contribute.

“Was there any doubt?” Bo asked, his eyes bright with humor.

Spencer bit down on her bottom lip to keep from smiling too widely and shook her head. “I keep picturing that Halloween when we were kids and he went as Captain America.”

“He took his duties very seriously,” Bo agreed with a grin.

Kip looked back and forth between Bo and Spencer and the spontaneous détente. His eyes met Tessa’s and she looked just as surprised as he felt.

Shane’s office door flung open and whatever he was about to say died in his lungs as he took in the newcomers. He cleared his throat as his emotions took a step back.

“Are we open?” he asked Kip out of the side of his mouth.

“Uh, no.” Kip zipped the counted money in the bag and hit enter on the keyboard. “Shane, meet Tessa and Spencer. They’re from Team Lo. You already know Steve and Bo, here representing Team Brady.”

Shane’s lips twitched. “And who do you represent?” he asked his store manager.

Kip turned to his friend and boss. “I represent the voice of reason and shred of sanity.”

“Just like always,” Shane snickered.

Kip flicked a glance at Tessa but it was too fast for him to read her face. He couldn’t risk it. Not with Steve standing right there.

“Has anyone seen them yet today?” Shane asked the room at large.

They shook their heads collectively in the negative.

“They landed sometime last night because Lo sent me a text,” Tessa offered up with a timid shoulder shrug.

“No one was at the house when we left this morning,” Steve added.

“They’re probably holed up in Lo’s apartment,” Spencer suggested. “It’s where I’d be.”

“Love nest,” Tessa agreed.

Shane sighed. “Brady’s phone is off. I need to speak to him. So, if one of you guys see him…”

“I’ll just go get him,” Bo said.

Tessa and Spencer exchanged a startled look. “You can’t just barge into Lo’s apartment. She barely knows you,” Tessa pointed out.

“Yeah, and it’s my day off,” Steve whined. “You told me you’d take me home.”

Bo cocked an eyebrow at Spencer. “I guess you guys’ll have a head start.”

Spencer snorted and spun around on her heel. “In the car, Tess.”

“Oh. Okay.” Tessa shot a flustered look at Kip but he was all over it.

“Just go,” he mouthed at her.

The door didn’t fully close behind Spencer before Bo’s hand was bracing it open. “C’mon, dude,” he barked at Steve.

Steve muttered something under his breath as he followed the beefy blond surfer outside.

“You’ve got them I assume?” Shane asked when they were the only ones left in the building.

“No worries.” Kip tossed the money bag to Shane. “May will be here to open in twenty minutes. Make sure she does the bank run. We’ll be back.”

Maybe he’d be given a moment to talk to Tessa this way. He still wasn’t settled with how their conversation had ended last night.

Part of him had been hoping she’d stop in that morning to pick up her new equipment. But of course there was drama to deal with first.

Some things never changed.

“Wait up!” Kip called to Bo as the truck started up. He opened the passenger door in the back and climbed in.

 

***

 

 

TESSA

 

Spencer made a strangled noise beside her and Tessa sucked in a breath as her eyes shot to the ceiling.

But it was too late.

She’d seen Brady Samson in all of his beautiful tanned-skinned glory.

And he wore boxer briefs. The short inseam kind that resembled booty shorts for guys. Who knew?

Well, Lo obviously knew.

And now so did Spencer and Tessa.

“Brady! You’re in your underwear,” Lo whisper-shouted the obvious.

Tessa’s face heated even further.

“Good morning, indeed,” Spencer said with a throaty chuckle.

Tessa heard the rustling of clothes but she dared not look away from the ceiling. From the corner of her eye she saw Spencer join her pose.

“They can look. I don’t mind being objectified,” Brady said teasingly.

“I mind,” Lo argued.

Tessa would have gagged at their adorableness if she wasn’t so damn happy for her friend.

This was exactly why no matter what the world tried to tell her about love—it was messy and ugly and burned out in flames—it also showed up just in time. Which was what kept her heart waiting for the next great moment.

“Why doesn’t Shane just call me if he wants to see me?” Brady asked.

“He did,” Spencer explained. “But, uh, your phone is off.”

“I have pants on, ladies,” Brady informed them.

Tessa finally stopped looking at the ceiling. Brady was still shirtless and Tessa breathed a prayer of thanks. The man was a specimen with all that golden skin and beautifully sculpted muscles of a swimmer’s body.

He peered at the dark screen of the cell phone he’d pulled out of his back pocket. “Huh. It must have run out of power.”

“Aren’t you worried?” Lo asked him.

Tessa watched their interaction with rapt attention, documenting every glance, touch, and whisper. She was building her case against the world’s cynicism. It had been trying to get her to join the losing side since she was sixteen.

It had almost won.

But not again.

Never again.

Brady placed his hands on Lo’s shoulders and kissed her forehead as he murmured soft promises to her. Tessa thought she heard her heart sigh out loud.

Yes, Tessa was more than ready for her Happily Ever After, but the second-best thing was her friend having it.

And no one in the world deserved Brady’s tender affections the way Lo did.

“Sorry to interrupt…”

Tessa and Spencer turned around to find Bo and Kip had finally caught up to them.

“Whatever this is. But I’m here to get you,” Bo directed at Brady. “Shane would like a word.”

Brady tugged his shirt over his head. “Nice to see you, too, Bo.”

Bo shrugged and his blue eyes settled on Spencer. “You look tan.”

Um. Okay?

Tessa frowned as Spencer cast her eyes to the floor and chewed on her bottom lip.

“Don’t even start it with her,” Brady warned.

Bo held up his hands in surrender. “All I said was she looked tan. How is that starting anything?”

Maybe it wasn’t “starting” anything at all. But it was definitely doing something. As casual as they had both acted at Soaring Bird just a few minutes ago, this was weird.

Except that it wasn’t. This was how they normally acted…around Brady.

Tessa narrowed her eyes between the two of them as the clues in her head went round and round. She knew their history better than most. So, what was she missing?

“We haven’t met,” Kip interrupted, stepping forward to shake Lo’s hand. “My name is Kip. I’m a big fan.”

A weird spark of jealousy popped in Tessa’s brain like a renegade popcorn kernel of hot horror.

Kip was into Lo?

Wait.

No.

Her heart sped up, just as confused as she was.

Are we panicking? Is this when we panic? Why are we panicking? We don’t like Kip. Do we like Kip? We haven’t discussed this! Someone answer me!

“Fan?” Lo asked.

“Of your blogs. Longtime reader,” Kip clarified.

Tessa inhaled slowly and her lungs shook with the calming effort. Holy forking shirtballs. Wow, let’s not overreact or anything.

He was just being nice.

Because he was a nice person.

If she could have slapped her forehead with her palm, she would have.

Kip and her were… well, they were friends.

But it wasn’t like he gave her the same overwhelming feelings of va va voom that other guys in the past had.

Still, she liked him more than say… Steve.

And the way his dark hair curled around the edges of his beanie made her want to touch it. Also, the white t-shirt he was wearing rode up high on his biceps, giving her a better view of his tattoos—more words and what looked like nautical symbols.

Lo interrupted her thoughts. “I think you might be the first.”

“Hey!” Tessa protested. “I’m the number one fan,” she reminded.

Kip turned those hazel-sometimes-sea-green eyes on her for the first time since he’d showed up at Lo’s apartment. Tessa couldn’t hold it. It was filled with too many things for such a small room.

Brady and Lo commenced with kissing, successfully distracting her from Kip.

When the door closed and left the three girls alone, Tessa jumped in her excitement. “That was so great! I just knew he would fall in love with you. I called it first, don’t forget.”

Lo ignored her declaration and wiggled her pointer finger at Tessa. “What was that I saw between you and Kip?”

Tessa’s body flamed hot all the way to the top of her head. If her hair had caught fire, she wouldn’t have been surprised. She tried to shake her head but the motion was stiff. “Oh, nothing. I…” She didn’t know what to say. Her developing connection with Kip was still just hers and she wanted to keep it that way for a minute. But pretending like she didn’t know him at all would never work. “I knocked him over during hot yoga.”

Truth.

“What?” Lo asked around a laugh.

“It’s a long story,” Tessa muttered as she dropped her purse by the door. A story she would tell later. Probably with wine. “Do you have any tea or anything? I’m so thirsty. And water is boring.”

Lo lost interest in Tessa and sat down with Spencer.

Thank God.

Their voices dropped to a murmur in the background as Tessa dug through Lo’s empty cupboards.

She was such a freaking spaz. There was no reason for her to be so jumpy about knowing Kip.

None.

Right?

 

 

***

 

KIP

 

 

“You wanna talk about it?” Kip finally asked when Bo hadn’t spoken for ten full minutes.

They’d driven Brady down to Soaring Bird to meet with Shane and no one had said much.

Brady had gotten out and headed inside, leaving Bo and Kip alone in the truck.

But it didn’t feel like they were alone. It felt like there was something or someone else consuming Bo’s thoughts.

Bo’s gaze drifted to the silver chain hanging from his rearview mirror.

“Have you ever made a choice that you knew was the best, even though it was…insanely hard…only to find out that it didn’t turn out the way it should have?”

Kip glanced at the silver chain, trying to place when it had first arrived in Bo’s truck but he couldn’t remember. It had hung from the rearview mirror in all of Bo’s vehicles. A thin, aged, silver chain. The clasp was broken so it was tied in an ugly knot at both ends. There’d never been a pendant.

Bo’s phone buzzed and he sighed before flipping it open. He read whatever was on the screen and slipped it back into his pocket.

“I need to be somewhere. Can you give Brady a ride back to the house?”

Kip nodded. “Not a problem. I’m making dinner tonight. You gonna be around?” he asked as he opened the truck door.

“Yeah, I should be back by then.”

Kip watched Bo back out and then head north.

For as close as they all were, and always had been, each one of them had secrets it seemed.

He hoped his friend knew that if he ever needed help shouldering that secret, Kip was available.

 

***

 

“You know what? Bite me, Bo!”

“Bend over, Clementine, and I’ll oblige you!”

Kip grinned at Tessa when she rested her forehead in her hand, elbow to the table, and sighed. “I’m just glad they haven’t used the garbage disposal yet. When we were kids…there was an incident.”

Having Brady and Lo back in town had turned everyone’s regularly scheduled lives on their heads.

But love did that. It took things humans thought should be separate and mixed them into a brand new color—bright, vibrant, and wonderful.

Kip had made dinner. Brady had invited Lo and her people.

And now there was color splashing and lives mixing and Kip was seriously digging it.

Bo and Spencer had been civil during dinner. But then doing the dishes seemed to take a turn.

Kip didn’t mind. In fact, it was nice to see Bo so lively these days. His affinity for pizza and video games had been growing weary. Spencer’s presence caused a challenge to erupt in his spirit.

The feud wasn’t all bad.

Brady and Lo excused themselves for a walk on the beach, leaving Steve, Kip, and Tessa at the table while Bo and Spencer fought it out in the kitchen.

Steve looped a long arm around the back of Tessa’s chair and tugged on one of her braids.

“I suppose I should go pack.”

“I can help you,” Tessa offered, reaching for her glass of water. “I like packing.”

Steve had been tapped by Shane earlier in the day to solve the Miller Boden issue. He was to leave the next day with Lo on a grand surfing adventure.

It was a good choice, and Kip saw the logic in it. Even if it meant he now had to fill Steve’s shifts at the shop.

It also meant that in a few hours, their lives would be relatively quiet again.

“I don’t know how I feel about a chick going through my underwear drawer.” Steve pursed his lips.

Tessa set her glass down and her eyes drifted to Kip’s. A small smile followed and he returned it.

“I’ll pack your underwear,” Kip volunteered with a sigh as he stood up.

The three of them started towards Steve’s room on the second floor of the massive beach house, with Steve in the lead and Tessa drifting closer to Kip.

“How long have you guys lived here?” she asked, reaching a delicate hand out to touch the wood grain of the banister.

“A while now,” Steve answered. “We have too many rooms and not enough parties.”

Tessa chuckled and threw a grin over her shoulder at Kip. “It’s cleaner than I expected for a bachelor pad.”

“That’s mostly Kip,” Steve volunteered, pushing open his bedroom door.

Kip tucked his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door frame. “A cluttered space is a cluttered mind.”

Tessa made a sound of agreement as she stepped over the rumpled clothes on Steve’s floor. She stopped at the closet and surveyed the contents.

“Okay, so, you’ll need some basic necessities.” She took a brave step into the closet, her hands flitting lightly over the hanging shirts.

Kip’s gaze drifted over her as she assessed Steve’s clean laundry choices. Her hair was up again, drawing attention to the curve of her neck. Ink he hadn’t noticed before swirled along one shoulder blade—waves morphing into words.

“So, you went to school with us, right?” Steve asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Tessa replied distractedly.

Kip tore his eyes from Tessa’s profile to find Steve watching him with a knowing smirk on his face. The beach bum flopped onto his rumpled bed and laced his fingers behind his head.

“You’re the same age as Bo and Spencer. You and Kip must go way back,” Steve fished.

Kip glared at him, but Steve did.

Not.

Care.

Tessa took a couple shirts out of the closet and draped them over the back of a nearby chair. “Uh—”

“We didn’t have any classes together,” Kip interjected, wanting to save her.

“Not even one?” Steve asked suspiciously. “We didn’t go to a big school.”

Tessa snorted. “Steve, high school was ages ago. I barely remember you and you were the guy who cut the ass off the mascot costume.” She blinked at him seriously. “And then wore it.”

Steve’s grin turned impish and he waggled his eyebrows. “But you remember me.”

Tessa rolled her eyes and sighed. She pulled a long sleeve linen shirt out of the closet.

“Yeah, pack that one,” Steve instructed. “That’s my lady boner shirt.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Tessa muttered as she gingerly added it to the pile.

“I’m just surprised your paths didn’t cross in school is all.” Steve, and his annoying laser focus, diving right back to the previous topic.

“What’s so surprising?” Tessa asked, digging further into the recesses of the closet.

“Because of the poetry.”

Kip froze.

The fuck?

How did Steve know he wrote poetry?

Tessa dropped her hands to her sides and twisted her neck to frown at Steve.

“Poetry?” she asked slowly.

Steve’s relaxed pose didn’t hide the shrewdness in his gaze. “You’re into poetry and shit, right?”

Tessa snorted and looked to Kip for help.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

Steve yawned and picked up his phone, flicking through the screens absently. “Because both of you have different sections of the same poem tattooed on your body. And since Kip got his during our senior year in high school… I assumed you did, too.”

Kip sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes jumped to Tessa. She was already looking at him, her lips parted.

Oh, Steve was a bigger sonofabitch than Kip had originally imagined. They’d never, not even once discussed Kip’s first tattoo. Let alone the poem he’d chosen to immortalize on his skin.

Tessa’s eyes dropped to the lines on Kip’s arm surrounding the octopus.

At a certain point he wondered if she’d recognize the words. He had just been hoping he’d have figured out what to say by then.

Tessa’s eyes lit up and she smiled.

“Percy Bysshe Shelley?” she asked, naming the poet they’d studied briefly before his first long stay in the hospital.

Right before everything in his world fell apart.

Kip could only nod.

Tessa reached around and tapped the lines on her shoulder with her fingertips. “It was a turning point for me back then. I had no idea Mr. Yates was risking parental and district wrath by teaching us about Shelley at all.” She sighed. “I sure am glad he did though. “Love’s Philosophy” restored my faith.” She turned slightly to catch his eye and shrugged one shoulder. “Well, that and one other person. Someone I was never able to thank.” She sighed wistfully while patting the top of her right thigh and turned back to face the closet. “They both saved my life.”

Kip tried to speak but his throat was too dry. He cleared it. “Same.”