CHAPTER 16

 

 

 

Poems and tokens,

lists of things you like,

the far-off look in your eyes

when you aren’t searching for me-

pieces of you that became my home

before I was ever invited to stay

-Cristoforo Luca

 

 

 

TESSA

 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Tessa stopped shoving clothes into her bag and stood up straight. She tried to ignore the way her stomach turned over and didn’t right itself.

Kip didn’t really ever call her.

He sent texts.

She called him—or more accurately, she’d facetime him.

“What’s up?” she asked, trying not to sound worried.

They were supposed to be leaving for their weekend away in an hour. Which was why she’d been rushing around trying to pack enough without overpacking. And then she’d dumped her bag in a panic and tried to start over.

He cleared his throat.

“How do you feel about riding a motorcycle?” he asked with a small pause in between each word, as if he were choosing them carefully.

“I feel fine about it,” she answered in the same pace and tone as he had asked the question.

“Really?” he blurted with a nervous laugh.

“Uh, yeah.” She resumed packing. “I dated a guy a few years back who exclusively rode a bike. I couldn’t tell you the make or model, but I think it was black.” She stopped. “Why are you asking?”

“Because.” Kip sighed and she could tell he was pacing. “The bus broke down today and it’s not looking like it’ll be fixed until sometime next week.”

“Oh no!” she exclaimed. “I’m so sorry!” She knew how much he loved his little blue bus. No wonder he sounded so frustrated.

He sighed. “Thanks. But anyway, Adam’s taking a bike and he offered one of his for us to use.”

Tessa thought about the phrasing of that sentence. “How many bikes does Adam have?” she asked.

“A few. But I wanted to make sure you’d be comfortable first. Otherwise I can ask Bo—”

“No, it’s fine with me!” she reassured him, crossing her room and diving back into the pile of clothes on her closet floor. Because she definitely would not be able to wear the cute skirt she currently had on.

“You’re sure?” he asked. “It’s a six-hour drive…”

“Oof!” Tessa’s foot caught on the edge of her fluffy rug and she went down. Her phone shot out of her hand and clattered across the floor. “I’m okay!” she yelled after it. She didn’t want Kip to worry.

Scrambling to her knees she chased after the phone. Kip was laughing on the other end when she put it back up to her ear.

“I’m fine,” she reassured him.

“I’m glad,” he chuckled.

“A six-hour drive doesn’t bother me. I’m excited,” she said.

“I am too,” he replied thoughtfully. “I’ve never been to the mountains, so this will be…new.”

“Well, I will do my best to make this the best trip ever,” she promised.

“It’s not you I’m worried about.” He sighed. Before she could ask him why he said, “Couple trips are always dicey, you know?”

“Oh yes,” she agreed. “I went on a trip once with Spencer and Garrett. Never again. But if you want me to be ready to go when you get here, I have to get off the phone and pack.”

“You said you were packed last night.”

“Kip, dearest, I will unpack and repack again twice before you get here. Please don’t question the process.”

He chuckled. “Okay, Peaches. See you soon.”

She hung up the phone with a giant grin on her face. She loved it when he called her Peaches.

She tossed the phone on the bed next to her charger so she wouldn’t forget to (re)pack it, and then dumped her bag out again. A motorcycle instead of a bus changed wardrobe options.

She spotted her lacy black bra sticking out from under the bed and bent to retrieve it. When she stood back up, a page of notebook paper fell to the ground.

She stared at it, the memory rushing back and immediately filling her with guilt.

Kip’s list.

He’d given it to her days ago and she’d forgotten all about it. Though in her defense, there had been some pretty heavy making out when they’d returned to her apartment that night.

She’d gone to bed after he’d left, and stripped out of her dress and undergarments in the dark and collapsed onto her bed in a dizzy euphoria.

That boy could really kiss.

And with the rest of the week at work spent trying to make sure everything was covered for her to take Friday off, she’d completely blanked on the list.

Kip must have wondered why she hadn’t said anything.

“Well, crap.” She set the page on her dresser without opening it.

Pack first.

List second.

Suddenly deciding what she wanted to bring along was easier: jeans, tees, sexy bras and panties, yoga clothes (because let’s be honest, she was going on vacation with Kip. There was zero chance he’d let her have an entire weekend without yoga).

Her bag packed and by the front door and fresh cup of coffee in her hand, Tessa took the list out onto her small balcony to read it.

 

Mission statement: To live a life, not an impression of a life.

1) forgive my parents

2) swim in every ocean

3) visit every National Park

4) love her more

 

She took a deep breath, read it twice more, and then pressed the page to her chest.

He wanted to do so much more than she did, and yet his list was a fraction of the length of hers. The imbalance of their relationship weighed on her mind.

Kip was deep like an ocean basin, full of things terrifying and undiscovered.

And she was a floundering, sputtering mess who splashed around in his life.

Why he was wasting his time with her, she didn’t understand.

He could change the world if he were so inclined.

A small part of her, that little voice full of warnings, told her not to overthink it.

A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. She shoved the page into the pocket of her denim short shorts and ran to the door.

When she opened it and found Kip standing there with his trademark beanie and crooked smile, she couldn’t help herself. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he caught her around the waist. Their lips connected and shot fire straight to her belly.

Kissing had never been this good. And kissing was her favorite, so that was really saying something.

It must’ve had something to do with how he involved his entire body in the kiss, and encouraged her body to participate as well. It was mouths and hands and need, all happening at once.

His kisses lit up her world. As if her life had been in a slumbering darkness and his mouth was the rising sun.

 

***

 

KIP

 

He hadn’t been paying attention when they’d crossed the limit of his previous travels. In his mind he always thought it would be a huge deal for him to cross that line. But in reality, all he knew was the feel of her arms around him and her presence at his back.

They’d stopped at a gas station, just a couple more hours until they reached their destination.

Kip stepped outside and paused. Who knew there was such quiet amongst the mountains?

He was used to the ever-present background sound of the ocean.

The peace surrounding him amplified the small sounds his shoes made in the dirt. He spotted Tessa sitting on the curb beside the bike hunched over her phone, pinching her lower lip with the thumb and forefinger of the other hand. Her dark, glossy hair cascaded down her back from beneath one of his beanies and he couldn’t stop his fingers from brushing through the ends as he took a seat beside her.

She gasped slightly as if he’d startled her. Her round blue eyes shot up to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a small laugh.

“Um.” She worried at her bottom lip and glanced down at her phone screen. “Stalking you?”

He leaned over to see what she’d been looking at. It was his pseudonym’s Twitter feed. He lifted his chin and sat back.

“Anything you like?” he asked, a small tingle starting in his fingers.

“All of it,” she stated flatly. She took a deep breath and nodded once. “Yeah, I’m crushing pretty hard on you. And your words,” she added softly.

He curved his hand around the back of her neck and gave a gentle tug, bringing her mouth closer to his. His eyes bounced between hers as his lips hovered over hers. “I’m okay with that,” he whispered.

He could taste the surrender in her kiss and hoped she could feel his own. Because she was it. She’d always been it for him.

The poetry then, the in between, the poetry now, it was all hers. His heart cried out for her in the form of written words because it was all it knew how to do.

He wanted to tell her that. Wanted to tell her that every reference of “she” in his words was Tessa. That every time he declared love it was to her, and for her, and about her.

“Let’s go,” Adam interrupted loudly with a clap right behind them.

Kip gave the kiss a proper finish because anything less would be rude. He grinned at Tessa as he helped her to stand.

“Ready?”

She smiled, her cheeks flushed. “Oh, yes,” she said eagerly.

He hesitated, watching her carefully as she climbed onto the back of the motorcycle. He decided not to analyze it any further.

Whatever happened between them and at whatever pace, he was just going to live in the moment.

 

***

 

TESSA

 

 

Six hours on the back of a motorcycle had left her butt and thighs numb and stiff at the same time.

She’d forgotten about the learning curve a body needed before doing long distance on a bike. Kip had probably tried to warn her, but she was so preoccupied with the viable excuse to hold her body against his for an extended period of time, she didn’t care.

“Are you okay?” Kip asked as she hobbled towards the front door of the mountain cabin.

Which, by the way, mountain cabin?

Uh, no.

It was more like a mini-resort lodge for a family of twelve.

“Peachy,” she mumbled, struggling up the wooden porch steps.

She heard Kip’s soft chuckle but what her senses zeroed in on was the way he took her hand and held it. As if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Her heart went wild.

She’d spent the past six some hours pressed to his back, her arms wrapped around him, and her head filled with his words. Every time they stopped, she pulled out her phone and dove back in.

She couldn’t get enough. She wanted her brain to feast upon his poems until it was full and happy with words of love and longing.

Knowing that Cristoforo Luca and Kip were one and the same had changed how she read the words. She kept putting herself in the subject line and didn’t care if that made her crazy or just crazy infatuated.

She wanted more of him all the time. More time, more words, more emotion.

She’d only been half-paying attention as Kip led her through the enormous house to an upper level that had its own balcony overlooking the mountain views surrounding them.

“You’ve never been here?” she asked, pushing the curtains to the side and sliding the glass door open.

“Nope.” Kip followed her and rested his elbows on the wooden railing.

They stood side by side, breathing in the fresh, pine infused air.

No pollution out there. No horns honking or people yelling.

Just a peace and quiet that seemed almost supernatural.

“It feels a little like a fantasy novel come to life,” she said softly, afraid to disrupt the silence they were sharing. “I always forget there are still places this open and free in the world.”

She reached her arms over her head and tried to stretch her tired back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kip watching her.

“I think I’m going to take a shower and wash off this road junk before dinner if that’s cool,” she said.

“That is cool,” he replied following her back inside. “I’ll probably do the same when you’re finished.”

She picked out some soft casual clothes to wear for evening. Glancing up to be sure Kip wasn’t watching, she slipped a pair of black lace panties and matching bra into her armful of clothing.

Not that she was assuming anything.

She. Was. Not.

But she would feel stupid not at least being prepared.

Besides, sleeping arrangements meant he’d at least see her in her pajamas when it was time for bed. And she didn’t feel like changing for the first time in front of him wearing plain cotton underwear.

Also, these thoughts led her to make sure she was so damn clean, she’d pass multiple health and military inspections. Everything was scrubbed and shaved. And when she got out of the shower, everything was lathered in scented lotion.

She’d chosen a fresh peach scent.

For obvious reasons.

It had been a long time since she’d done those things in anticipation of a guy. She hoped Kip didn’t notice in a way that made him feel pressured or that she was expecting something. But at the same time, she wanted him to notice.

Kip took his turn in the shower and Tessa decided to go downstairs to see if she could help with dinner preparations.

She hadn’t been able to spend too much time with the other couple so far, and was curious about their connection to Kip. Anything she could learn about her guy, she was more than excited about.

“Hey,” Jess greeted her, also looking freshly showered. “Do you like pink wine? Because I have pink wine.” Jess pulled the cork out of the bottle and poured a healthy amount before handing it to Tessa.

“I do like pink wine.” Tessa said hopping onto a cushioned barstool.

“To a weekend away from the city,” Jess toasted.

Tessa accepted the toast readily.

Adam entered the kitchen at that moment and took in the image of them and their wine.

“Ladies,” he greeted with a crooked smile.

“Would you like help making dinner?” Jess asked.

“I think we can do the cooking tonight,” Adam replied. His eyes glanced over the top of Tessa’s head.

“I like that plan,” Kip said as he joined them. He slid his palm along her lower back as he made his way past her. It sent a shiver down her spine.

They made a light dinner of sesame chicken stir-fry. When it was ready, they moved into the dining room off of the kitchen to eat.

“How long have you and Kip known each other?” Tessa asked.

Adam scrunched up his overly handsome face as he thought about it. “Since middle school?” he asked Kip, sounding unsure.

Kip nodded but didn’t comment, continuing to eat his food.

“But you didn’t go to school with us?” Tessa asked.

“No,” Adam replied, mixing his stir-fry around his plate. “I was technically homeschooled.”

“What?” Jess asked, her fork stopping halfway to her mouth as she turned her frown his direction.

Adam chewed thoughtfully, his eyes cast down to his plate. “I had private tutors most of the time. My family traveled a lot.”

“Why didn’t I know this?” Jess asked, finally just putting her fork down.

Tessa’s eyes bounced back and forth between the couple. She’d had no intention of starting any drama. She was just trying to ask some pretty basic “get to know you” type questions.

“Because you never asked,” Adam replied slowly, but his tone was unmistakable. He was making a point.

Shit.

Tessa picked up her glass of wine and darted her eyes over to Kip, who was still eating but watching Jess and Adam with curiosity.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jess asked.

Adam shrugged. “Doesn’t mean anything. Just an observation.”

Jess sucked in a quick breath and then forced a smile at Tessa. “You learn something new every day, right?” she asked with a forced laugh.

“Mm,” Tessa agreed, wondering what the hell was going on.

“I met Kip through our parents.” Adam shot a quick glance to Kip who nodded briefly.

Ugh. Bro code.

Tessa vaguely understood now why people would get frustrated about the silent conversations she, Spencer, and Lo could have simply because they all knew each other so well.

Dinner finished soon after that and Jess jumped up to do the dishes, declaring she didn’t need any help.

Adam lifted his chin at Kip who guided Tessa towards the stairs that led them back to their section of the house.

“Is everything going to be okay down there?” Tessa asked, wondering how she could have prevented the tension that followed her questions.

“It’ll be fine. Adam just needs to talk to her.” Kip closed the door behind them and rested his back against it. “How’s your back doing?”

Tessa spun around and walked backwards. “Noticed that, did ya?” she asked with a nose crinkle.

“Only because you were trying so hard to hide it.”

She shrugged, the back of her neck heating. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

Kip pushed away from the door and slowly approached her. “Can I help you with your back?”

Tessa rolled her lips inward. “What-uh, what did you have in mind?”

As he came closer with romantic purpose evident in his eyes, she glanced away from the intensity. He’d straightened up the room while she’d been downstairs with Jess. He had even started a fire in the fireplace.

Her eyes bounced back to his. “Is your intent to seduce me?” she asked, her voice just above a breath. “Because it’s working.”

Humor lit the green in his eyes with gold as he came to a stop a few inches away.

“I have no expectations,” he said, threading the fingers of one hand through her hair and brushing the apple of her cheek with his thumb. “But I would very much like to touch you.” He tugged on her gently as he leaned closer. “And I want to kiss you,” he said against her mouth.”

“Yes, please,” she breathed, wrapping both her arms around his neck.

Her body fell against his and he caught her. The hand in her hair held her gently as his other hand slid around her waist in a possessive grasp.

Tessa’s body ignited. She let out a gasp that turned into a moan when his tongue slipped passed her lips.

His body became hard and warm against hers and she couldn’t get close enough. Her hands tossed his beanie to the side and she tangled her fingers in his dark, lush hair.

Maybe it was knowing why he always wore the hat, but removing it seemed a more intimate act that it would have on anyone else.

He tore his mouth from hers just to graze slow, passionate kisses down her neck.

“Yes,” she let out in a gasp. All. Of. That.

“I have to tell you things,” he said against the skin of her neck, punctuating his words by licking her pulse point.

Oh, Kip and his words. His words were always present in the huge moments of their relationship. Of course they would be here too. It only made sense.

Unfortunately for Tessa, her words didn’t work anymore. She’d been reduced to sensation and ecstasy and love.

The realization hit her hard.

Love.

She loved him.

Not in the way she thought she did earlier that day, but in a way she’d never experienced before—soul deep and eternal. In a way that she knew that even if they didn’t stay together forever, her heart belonged to him.

Kip lifted her up and carried her the few feet to the bed. He put a knee on the mattress and gently laid her diagonally across it. He brushed her hair out of her face with one hand while the other cradled her cheek.

Those green eyes were almost entirely golden with emotion and firelight.

“I’m so in love with you,” he declared, roughly. “My heart has never known a home. Until you. If you’ll have me.”

Wetness gathered in the corners of her eyes as she studied him. Her fingers slowly touched the lines on his face she knew were dimples when he was happy, and the line between his eyebrows when he was thinking. Her thumb grazed his bottom lip and he turned his mouth to kiss her wrist on its way by.

“I love you. I’m in love with you,” she whispered, one tear escaping and sliding down her temple.

He watched it in awe, like he wasn’t sure she’d actually said it.

As his lips descended on hers, her body rose to meet him.

And for the first time in both of their lives, they made love.

 

***

 

Sometime after round three, Tessa slipped Kip’s shirt on and snuck downstairs to raid the refrigerator.

Her body blissfully sore, she filled a plate with fruit and cheese and skipped back upstairs.

She closed the door behind her and Kip pushed his back against the headboard, tucking the sheet around his waist.

“You’re so fucking cute,” he said, making her heart do a happy skip.

She set the plate on his lap and crawled closer to him on her knees. When she was an arm length away, he reached for her and she folded into his side, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“I think,” he began slowly, picking up a few blueberries. “That sex is probably the greatest thing ever.”

He offered her a berry and she nibbled it from his fingers. “Agreed.”

“Do you think people know how great sex is?” he asked her thoughtfully. “Maybe we happen to be very good at it and the rest of the world is only mediocre.”

She snickered and leaned into him lazily. “What makes you say that?”

“Because I think if everyone had sex like how we just had sex, nothing else would ever get done.”

She chuckled and slid down into the covers. The best part about his idea was how serious he sounded as he said it. She folded her pillow and tucked it under her head so she could watch him eat naked.

Finally.

She finally understood what all the fuss was about.

And for all Kip’s apparent “lack of experience,” he wasn’t naïve when it came to how everything worked. He’d been eager to learn her body and her responses. He wanted to please her, and his desire had made the whole experience that much more enjoyable.

Which was why they did it again. And then again.

And they’d probably do it again any minute now.

Just as soon as she caught her breath.