ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

NO ONE DESERVES MORE GRATITUDE FOR THEIR contributions to this book than the eleven volunteers who jumped into this journey with me and workshopped every chapter as I finished it. Their directly quoted words are some of the best things in this book, and their influence and inspiration have shaped every page. Prerna Abbi, Robin Colodzin, Judith Avory Faucette, Mieko Gavia, Rayshauna Gray, Rebecca Kling, Heidi Knabe, Shana Minish, Zeinab O., Enoch Riese, and Buffy Seipel, I’ll never be able to fully express my gratitude to you for your honesty, bravery, humor, dedication, camaraderie, intelligence, and thoughtfulness. You gave so much more to this project than I had ever dared to hope for or even imagine.

Also essential to the making of this book was educator extraordinaire Claire Robson, who created almost all of the “Go Deeper” exercises throughout the book, as well as the timeline. Without her provocative and compassionate contributions, this road map to healthy sexuality would have outlined a much smaller world. And without her friendship and mentoring over more than a decade, I could never have written this or any book.

Thomas MacAulay Millar not only contributed the excellent section for men that can be found online at www.wyrrw.com/formen (and pulled together a fantastic group of guys to workshop it—big thanks to Daniel J. Corcoran, David Mortman, Daetan Huck, Jason Page, Oliver Lauenstein, Nick, Gabriel Pastrana, Ben Privot, and Admin Dave), but also served as a steady sounding board, talked me off several metaphorical ledges, and continues to be an invaluable comrade.

I’m blessed to have as friends some outrageously smart and dedicated people whose expertise I’ve relied on throughout this process. Much love and gratitude are owed to: Heather Corinna, for being this book’s literal godmother, a generous host, and an international treasure who’s dedicated her life to providing countless thousands (possibly millions) of people with the support and straightforward information they need to live lives full of safety and pleasure. Mylène St. Pierre, for sharing with me the wisdom of her many years as a whip-smart sex educator, and for her big-ass heart and matching fashion sense. Leslie Smith, for the indelible lessons about conscious competence and what it means to fight for your right to pleasure in this world—you’re deeply missed, but your legacy lives on inside so many of us. Adaora Asala, for being a ferocious leader on behalf of many communities, and for helping me advise readers on how to refuse to be reduced to symbols. Melissa McEwan, for being an articulate and ornery voice for the voiceless, and for the last-minute save. Deanna Zandt, for her genius solution to the problem of URLs in analog books, and for the long-distance tequila. And Mark Orr, for schooling me about online gaming and virtual worlds, and for the spoons.

Thanks are also owed to the dozens of people who offered up their own personal stories for me to share with you throughout the book. You heard from Ruby Ailment, Chloe Angyal, Cassie Barnes, Elizabeth Calhoun, Jill Filipovic, Idalia Gutierrez, Rachel Casiano Hernández, Miranda Mammen, Laura Mandelberg, Zia Okocha, Simon Pedisich, Renee Randazzo, Jenn Thoman, and Bobbie W., but there were so many more stories I wished I could have shared, from the hilarious to the heartbreaking to the sublime. Thanks to everyone who took the time (and the leap of faith) to send one in.

Obvious but real gratitude is owed to Seal Press, especially Brooke Warner and Merrik Bush-Pirkle, for believing in my vision and helping me make it a reality. Reidan Fredstrom is also owed some applause, for the great good humor to watch me write this entire book on our dining room table and treat it as a fascinating performance-art piece for an audience of one, rather than as the incredible imposition and nuisance I’m sure it was. Thanks to Dave Rini and Andrew Pari for their very necessary last-minute contributions (you know what you did). And, of course, I’m indebted to Colette Perold at H Bomb, who first asked the question that inspired this whole project.

Last and most important: I couldn’t have even imagined this book without the work of generations of feminist and sex-positive activists, organizers, agitators, evangelists, riot grrrls, zinesters, bloggers, and general troublemakers. I could never finish naming you all, so it hardly seems fair to begin. But know that so much of what I’ve shared here, I learned from following the trails you blazed. Thank you.