It was an afternoon in March when Merry met Tom again and the unexpectedness of it took her breath away. For a minute she couldn’t think of anything except the pleasure that ran through her as she gazed up at him.
‘Merry,’ he said and stopped in front of her as Benjamin, standing beside her, looked from his mother to the strange man and back again, his brow knitting. For the minute Tom had eyes for no one but the boy’s mother.
‘Hello, Doctor Gallagher,’ said Merry.
They were outside the Co-op Store in Newgate Street and Merry was about to go in. He looks just the same, she thought, he hasn’t changed at all. Oh God, why had he left her, forgotten about her? He took off his hat and his light blonde hair waved back from the sides of his head in just the way Benjamin’s did. His eyes were as vivid a blue, his lips . . . Benjamin! She moved slightly in a daft attempt to hide Benjamin from him. He looked more like Tom than Ben, she thought in a panic.
‘Mam? Mam? I thought we were going for my new trousers for school,’ Benjamin said and as Tom looked down at him his eyes widened. It was plain to see what was racing through his mind.
‘He takes after my brother,’ Merry said quickly. Tom said nothing to this, but looked from Merry to the boy.
‘Does he indeed?’ Tom smiled and transferred his attention to the boy. ‘What’s your name, lad?’ he asked him.
‘Benjamin Wright.’
‘Well, Benjamin, would you like to go in to the teashop? They sell good cakes there and your mother and I need to talk.’
‘Yes please,’ Benjamin breathed, his eyes lighting up. He loved eating in cafes and he didn’t often get the chance to.
‘Emm, we haven’t got time,’ Merry demurred weakly. She felt as though she was being drawn along with no will of her own. ‘I have messages to get and then—’
‘Mam!’ cried Benjamin.
‘We needn’t be too long, Merry,’ said Tom and held open the door for them. Benjamin raced through and Merry had to follow.
They walked through the haberdashery department to the teashop. Being Saturday afternoon the place was crowded, yet somehow within a minute or two Tom had them installed at a table in an alcove away from the main floor and a waitress was hovering to take their order.
‘Tea and cakes, please,’ said Tom. When she had gone he turned to Merry. ‘Is he mine?’ he asked baldly. Benjamin was watching the bustle around him, happy and wide eyed as if it was Christmas all over again. Though she glanced quickly at him she didn’t think he had heard the direct question.
‘Why would you want to know now after all this time?’ she asked. The old hurt when he had walked away and forgotten her still smarted; in fact it swelled within her now.
‘Of course I want to know,’ said Tom shortly. ‘If he is, I want to know the answers to some more questions too. Why didn’t you tell me?’ His voice was beginning to rise and Benjamin looked from him to his mother, his happy grin slipping slightly.
‘Sssh, you’re worrying him,’ Merry cautioned. Tom glanced at the boy and smiled, though it obviously took some effort.
‘Here’s the waitress coming with a plate of cakes,’ he said. ‘You can have first choice, Benjamin.’
‘Can I? Really?’ The waitress put the cakes down on the table together with the tray of tea and Benjamin deliberated over them, all his attention now on what to choose. In the end he picked a large meringue with cream and angelica pieces and was soon absorbed in savouring every mouthful.
Merry poured the tea and handed a cup to Tom. He watched her broodingly as she offered the cakes.
‘No thanks,’ he said in a more normal tone. ‘Are you going to answer my question?’
‘Yes.’
‘Yes what? You’re going to answer or yes, he is mine?’
‘Benjamin takes after my brother, I told you.’
‘Oh yes? But that wasn’t my question was it? You don’t think he looks just a little bit like me?’
‘A bit, but he also looks like my brother Ben,’ she insisted stubbornly. She picked up her teaspoon and put a spoonful of sugar in her tea.
‘Merry?’
‘All right, he looks like you,’ Merry said in an angry whisper. ‘Yes, he is yours.’ She was defeated.
‘And you never thought to tell me?’
‘Do you think I didn’t try? I couldn’t find you to tell you! You disappeared, so I thought you were keeping out of my way. I thought you were ashamed, you—’
‘Ashamed? Ashamed of what?’
‘Of me, I wasn’t good enough for you. You didn’t want to know. I went to your house and I saw your father but he told me to be off. What was I to think?’
Tom bit his lip as he studied her expression. He could see there was anger there and hurt too. He thought back to the time just after the big snowstorm that winter. Not that he could remember a lot about it after the time with Merry and how sweet it had been despite the conditions. The time after that, the time he had struggled to get back to Winton Colliery and tell the men about her injury was like the memory of a nightmare – there were great gaps in it. And afterwards he could just remember sitting in the trap with the snow driving in his face, but no more. He had been ill for such a long time too.
‘I was ill,’ he said now. ‘I had pneumonia. My father should not have sent you away.’ Anger against his father was rising in him.
‘Well, of course he would,’ said Merry. ‘I was from a pit family, wasn’t I? Destitute, a down and out. He didn’t want me dirtying his drive, did he?’ She could not help the bitterness showing in her voice. Oh yes, she had been badly hurt and Tom’s heart ached for her.
He glanced quickly at the boy but he was eating a chunk of meringue, a moustache of cream on his upper lip. He was taking no notice of the strange doctor and his mam, having decided that the man posed no threat.
‘It wouldn’t be like that,’ he said lamely but he knew it would. That was exactly how his father thought about the pit folk, with contempt. ‘I’m sorry, Merry. I’m sorry you were hurt. Oh, what a mess we’ve made of everything!’
Merry stared at the cooling tea in her cup. There were so many questions left unanswered and yet just at this minute she couldn’t think of one of them.
‘I have to go,’ she murmured, for suddenly it felt very stuffy in the teashop and anyway Benjamin had finished his cake and glass of milk and was getting restless.
‘Come for a walk,’ said Tom. ‘Come down the park or along by the river to the dam head. The fresh air will be good for Benjamin.’ He had the feeling that if he let her go now he might not see her again, or at least not for years.
‘I can’t. We have to buy trousers and shirts for Benjamin. That’s why we are here.’
‘Oh Mam, I want to go to the park,’ the boy cried.
‘We haven’t time, you know I have to be back to answer the telephone,’ she replied.
‘I will come with you then,’ Tom put in quickly. ‘I haven’t to be back in Durham until tonight. You can do your shopping and then I’ll take you home. I have the car and I’ll drive you.’
Benjamin’s face lit up. ‘You’ve got a motor? Can I sit next to you? Please?’
‘We have return tickets on the horse bus,’ said Merry.
‘Mam!’ Benjamin looked shocked that she could deny him a ride in a real motor car. Dr Macready just had a horse and trap, and Mrs Macready a governess cart and an ancient pony.
Tom smiled; he knew by the weakening expression on Merry’s face that he had won. He paid the bill at the desk and they went up the stairs to the drapery department. All the time Benjamin chatted, even when he was being fitted for trousers for his new school.
‘I’m going to the Friends’ School at Great Ayton next term,’ he said proudly. ‘I’m going a term early, aren’t I, Mam? I’ve got a scholarship.’
‘The Friends’ School, eh? Gosh, you must be very clever,’ said Tom, sounding awed and Benjamin grinned happily.
‘He wouldn’t have been able to go if it hadn’t been for Dr Macready,’ said Merry. ‘Well, actually it was Mrs Macready who showed me how to go about it. She says he is very clever and will be a talented artist one day if he works hard.’ Merry still couldn’t believe it was happening. Not so long ago it would have been unthinkable for Benjamin to go to such a school – even if he had a scholarship she would never have been able to afford the uniform. However the Macreadys had offered to help out and how could she refuse when it was such a good chance for the boy? But Merry said none of this to Tom.
After they had finished the shopping Tom led the way out to where the Wolsey was parked. He was full of questions he needed answers to, the most important to his mind being the one concerning her husband.
‘Where do you live now?’ he asked as he picked up the starting handle ready to crank up the engine. ‘Eden Hope, isn’t it?’
‘No, just outside Winton Colliery. We live in the flat above Dr Macready’s surgery. I work for him, as a nurse really. I help him in the surgery.’
Tom had to ask whether the boy was there or not. ‘What about your husband? You married Robert Wright, didn’t you?’
Merry glanced swiftly at Benjamin but he was so absorbed in looking at everything about the car that he was taking no interest in what the grown-ups were saying.
‘I left him,’ she said tersely. ‘And I don’t want to talk about it as it upsets him.’ She nodded at Benjamin.
‘All right, we won’t,’ said Tom, his tone bright and conversational. He turned to the boy and began to explain and demonstrate to him how he used the handle to start the engine; Benjamin listened with his head on one side. He explained how the brake worked and the hand lever that changed the gears; Benjamin kept very quiet, taking everything in.
Eventually they drove down Newgate Street and on to Durham Road. When Tom said it was important to go slowly and as quietly as possible past any horses on the road for fear of alarming them, Benjamin nodded sagely.
‘I was ill, you know,’ said Tom as though he thought she wouldn’t believe him. They had left the town and were bowling along the country road which led to the village. ‘I wasn’t myself for weeks. Then when I recovered and looked for you I discovered you were married.’
Merry closed her eyes for a moment in anguish. If only she had known, if only she had waited. All she and Benjamin had gone through could have been avoided if she had had the courage to have him on her own. But she hadn’t and she had paid the price all right.
Benjamin was sitting there in his father’s car if he but knew it, delirious with pride and happiness at the unexpected treat. And he looked so like Tom that everyone would know when they were seen together. After all, it was years since Ben had been seen around here, so no one would think the boy took after him. This should have rung warning bells in her mind as they were approaching Winton Colliery, but it didn’t for she was in such a bemused state of mind herself. Despite the fact that Benjamin was sitting between them there was something there, connecting them. Something warm and heady and electric and it was clouding her brain. She had to hold it at bay, so she turned and stared out at the passing countryside.
They drove past the end of the rows and up the gentle incline beyond the pit yard. There were few people about anyway though unluckily the horse bus from Eden Hope passed them just beyond the colliery and everyone on it stared out of the windows at the motor car and its occupants.
Doris Wright and Annie Suggett were sitting halfway down the bus and they both turned and watched the car as it chugged along.
‘Did you see that?’ gasped Doris.
‘I did,’ Annie replied.
‘Not the car,’ said Doris. ‘That was Merry and her by-blow with Dr Gallagher! You remember, he was doctor at Winton before Dr Macready.’
‘Yes, I know,’ said Annie.
‘Aye, but did you see how like he is to that lad of hers?’ demanded Doris. ‘Do you know, I thought he looked familiar somehow.’
Meanwhile, Tom was drawing up in front of Dr Macready’s house. ‘We have a lot to talk about, Merry,’ he said. ‘I want to know everything that has happened.’
‘Well, you should have come sooner!’ It burst out of her as she fumbled with the door catch, unable to open it.
Tom got out, walked round to her side and opened it for her and the boy to alight. ‘Your mother and I have to talk,’ he said to Benjamin who was hovering round the car, unwilling to leave it.
‘I have to man the telephone,’ said Merry.
‘Then may I come in?’
Benjamin had run off around the back of the surgery to see if Kirsty was in, bursting to tell her about his ride in the motor car. Reluctantly Merry allowed Tom to carry her parcels and led the way up the stairs to her flat. He dumped the parcels on the table and came to her and she took a step back.
‘Listen, Merry, I can explain everything,’ he said. ‘I did come looking for you when I was well enough but you were gone from Old Pit. And then I found out you were living at Eden Hope, and had married Robbie Wright. What could I do? I moved to—’ He was interrupted by the telephone ringing.
‘I have to answer that,’ said Merry and went out to the landing where the telephone extension from the surgery was. Tom could hear her talking in a low voice and fumed impatiently.
‘I have to tell Dr Macready, there’s an urgent callout. I’m sorry but you’ll have to go.’
‘But—’ Tom began but she was already turning for the stairs and so he hurried after her.
‘All right,’ he said. ‘I have to go too as I must get back to my practice. But I’ll be back, I promise you I’ll be back, first chance I get.’
‘Will you?’ said Merry and it was not a question.
‘I will.’
She watched as he cranked the motor and climbed in. Then she turned and went to the house to call Dr Macready. For all her bitterness she knew there was still a powerful attraction between them – she couldn’t bear the thought of all the heartache if he were to let her down.