Twenty-One

 

We’d decided that staking out Byrne’s drop point would be a good idea to try and see what role Tempo had to play in everything. Grayson was with Tabs. They were looking through Zapped and trying to find some connection between the witchlings that we might have missed.

“How are you feeling, Niko?” Alasdair asked as we sat in the long grass watching the only entrance and exit of the room the drop box was located in.

“Cold, stiff, miserable,” I said with a frown.

I hadn’t been on many stakeouts, but they were rapidly becoming my least favourite thing. Staying still for extended periods while watching a space for something to happen was beyond tedious.

“Your initiation is in two days,” he said gently.

“You’re worried that I’m not ready to be soulbond to you,” I said.

He remained silent. Butterflies flew around my stomach and reached the point of making me nauseous, although that last part could have been from going cold turkey from the brownies.

“I’m terrified, but nothing needs to change, right?” I said.

“I promised you we’d move at your pace. That hasn’t changed.”

I reached down and took his hand in mine, slowly caressing his palm.

“Then I’m ok.”

“Why don’t we use this opportunity to get a better grip on your shadow magic?”

“I was hoping to pretend it doesn’t exist,” I said.

Alasdair gave a soft laugh. I was being serious.

“It could be very useful. It could help you as a Guardian.”

He was pressing my buttons, and he damn well knew it.

“Have you worked with shadow magic before?”

“Once, a few centuries ago.”

That wasn’t filling me with confidence.

“You can wrap us in it so we can sit closer to the box. We’ll be on a wooden floor instead of damp grass,” he said.

I was starting to get the impression that he knew me too well. Could you know your soulbond too well?

“Fine, we can try.”

Alasdair entwined his fingers with mine.

“I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

I glanced at him, unsure if we were still talking about shadow magic.

He caressed my thumb with his. “Slowly let the shadow forward. Remember that you control it, not vice versa.”

The shadow was already spilling into my veins and beginning to whisper in the back of my mind. I’d barely noticed it. That was not the start I’d been hoping for.

Alasdair squeezed my hand. “Breathe, Niko. Take control.”

I focused on the roughness of his fingers as they pressed against mine. He looked soft and manicured in his suits, but his hands spoke of experience. My mind flitted over to wonderful experiences I could enjoy with those hands. It had been a while since I’d been laid.

“Niko,” he growled in my ear.

The shadow had consumed my free hand, and I felt it flickering around my head and slipping down my spine. I felt for it in my mind and grasped onto the slippery sensation, pulling it back. I’d controlled it when I’d fought Renee; I could do this.

It felt semi-sentient. It pushed back against me when I tried to grapple with it. I mentally bared my teeth at it and demanded that it submit. It slipped back into my free hand, and I had a moment of great pride. I was getting somewhere.

“Now wrap it around both of us,” Alasdair said.

The shadow rebelled against me once again. It didn’t want to be too close to Alasdair. I pushed it to gently cover him and hide him. It kept recoiling and trying to double down on wrapping around me. By the time I’d finally gotten it to cover both of us, I was ready for more of those brownies.

“Fucking fae,” I muttered.

“It will pass soon enough. It’s hard to get shifters addicted to anything. Our bodies remove the mechanisms pretty quickly.”

I held my tongue and slowly stood, keeping a grip on Alasdair’s hand. Pointing out that I’m a made wasn’t constructive.

We walked through the tall grass, which was coated with raindrops. My jeans were soaked through and clung to my legs, making them cold by the time we walked into the old farmhouse. It was a ramshackle building on the edge of an overgrown field with a scruffy hedgerow overflowing onto the verge of the road. No one would think twice to come looking around there. There wasn’t a living soul for a good mile or more. It was all farm land.

We settled down into the corner opposite the lock box. Our hands remained entwined, and I was increasingly ok with it. My mind kept flip-flopping between the desperate urge to remove the contact and the need to lean into Alasdair and embrace the support and affection he offered. I ignored the thoughts that told me it was temporary, that he was just pitying me. The goddess had chosen us for each other. We were made for each other.

“Relax, Niko, you’ll burn up too much energy if you remain this tense.”

I pushed aside my fear and leaned into Alasdair, allowing my thigh to press against his. He rested his head against mine, and I smiled, allowing the contentment to wash away the stupid negative feelings.

“Don’t lose a hold of the shadows.”

I mentally tugged them back down over Alasdair and glared at them. I had no clue if that was helping me do whatever I was doing, but it felt natural, so I went with it.