We hurry to the money-making machine.
‘How do you turn this thing on?’ I say.
‘Easy,’ says Terry. ‘You just flick the HONEY/MONEY switch to MONEY and then press the ON button—like this.’
The machine whirs into action and money starts flying everywhere.
‘Making money is fun!’ says Terry as he jumps around excitedly, snatching money out of the air.
‘Be careful,’ I say. ‘Don’t bump the HONEY/MONEY switch.’
Q What is harder to catch the faster you run?
A Your breath.
‘Oops,’ says Terry, as he slips backwards and bumps into the honey/money switch!
The machine makes a weird growling, gluggy sound as it switches from making money to making ...
Q What did the bee say to the flower?
A ‘Hello, honey!’.
Before we know it, we’re up to our knees in honey! It’s pouring out of the machine in great sticky waves.
‘Terry, you idiot!’ I yell. ‘You bumped into the HONEY/MONEY switch.’
‘I’m sorry,’ says Terry. ‘But it’s okay, I’ve turned the machine off now.’
Q How do bees get to school in the morning?
A On the school buzz.
‘Then why is it still making that weird growling sound?’ I say.
‘That’s not the machine,’ says Terry. ‘That’s actual growling—I think it’s coming from all those bears!’
‘Bears?’ I say.
‘Yes,’ says Terry. ‘Look!’
Q How do bears keep their caves cool?
A Bear-conditioning.
‘Oh, no!’ says Terry. ‘This is bad!’
‘No,’ I say, ‘it’s actually good—they’re eating all the honey!’
‘But what about when there’s no more honey left?’ says Terry. ‘Then the bears will eat us!’
‘Not these ones,’ I say. ‘These are obviously honey-eating bears, not human-eating bears.’
Q Why couldn’t the teddy bear eat its lunch?
A Because it was stuffed.
‘I think they must be bun-eating bears as well,’ says Terry, pointing up at the bunfighting level. ‘Look!’
‘Uh-oh!’ I say. ‘They’re not just eating the buns—they’re throwing them as well... WATCH OUT!!!’
I take cover but Terry is too slow. One of the buns hits him in the head and knocks him over.
Terry jumps back up. ‘Right!’ he says. ‘This means war!’
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘If it’s a bunfight they want, then it’s a bunfight they’ll get!’
Q What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A A gummy bear.
We scoop up the buns the bears have thrown at us and start hurling them back.
Q When are people like bears?
A When they’re barefoot.
Buns of all types are flying through the air in all directions. Hot-cross buns, cold-cross buns, Boston buns, cinnamon buns, cream buns, currant buns, out-of-date buns, hamburger buns, hotdog buns, refrigerator buns ... hang on, REFRIGERATOR BUNS?!
Q How far can a bear walk into the woods?
A Halfway—then it is walking out of the woods.
There’s no such thing as refrigerator buns!
The bears are throwing actual refrigerators!
‘Cut it out, you bears!’ I say. ‘Fridge-throwing is totally against the rules of bunfighting! Look at the sign!’
Q What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?
A A panda bear rolling down a hill.
‘Maybe bears can’t read,’ says Terry.
‘I think you’re right,’ I say. ‘We’d better get to the fortress—and fast—before we get flattened by a flying fridge!’
‘Or four flying fridges,’ says Terry, as four flying fridges fly towards us. ‘Flee!’
We make it just in time. Fridges smash into the wall of our fortress, but because it’s reinforced with extra-strong fortress reinforcer it has no trouble withstanding the ferocious fridge attack.
‘How long do you think they’ll keep it up for?’ says Terry.
‘Who knows?’ I say. ‘They could go on forever ... or until the refrigerator-vending machine runs out of refrigerators—whichever comes first, I guess.’
‘If only Jill was here,’ says Terry. ‘She could talk to the bears and ask them to stop throwing fridges.’
‘Hey, I know,’ I say, ‘let’s call Jill!’
‘Good idea, Andy!’ says Terry.
Q Why did the bear fall off his bike?
A Because his mother threw a fridge at him.
Within moments, Jill zooms down out of the sky and lands her flying-cat sleigh safely inside the walls of our fortress.
‘I heard your call and came as fast as I could,’ she says. ‘What are all these bears doing in the treehouse—and why are they throwing refrigerators at you?’
Q Why did the bear fail his maths test?
A Because his mother threw another fridge at him.
‘Well,’ I say, ‘we were using the money-making machine to make some money but Terry knocked the switch to HONEY and then the bears came to eat it all up. And then they started throwing buns.’
‘And fridges,’ says Terry. ‘Can you make them stop?’
‘Well, I’ll try,’ says Jill. ‘Bears can be very stubborn but I’ll have a word with them.’
Q Why did the fridge fall off its bike?
A Because its mother threw a bear at it.
The bears put the fridges down and look up at Jill.
‘I’m very disappointed in you bears,’ she says. ‘This is no way to behave when you’re a guest in somebody’s treehouse.’
One of the bears steps forward and growls quietly up at Jill.
‘That must be their spokesbear,’ says Terry.
Jill turns to us. ‘The bears say they’re very sorry,’ she says.
‘That’s okay,’ I say.
‘Yeah,’ says Terry. ‘It’s all right. The bunfight was actually a lot of fun. It was just the fridges we had a problem with.’
‘You know,’ Jill says to the bears, ‘it’s almost winter so you should be settling down to some serious hibernation. How about you all go home now and I’ll come to your cave later, tuck you in and read you a nice bear-time story, perhaps even The 104-Storey Treehouse?’
The bears obviously like Jill’s idea. They start jumping around excitedly, high-pawing one another.
Q Why did the fridge fall out of the tree?
A Because it had no arms.
‘Bears love their bear-time stories,’ explains Jill.
The spokesbear taps Jill on the shoulder and growls in her ear.
Jill turns to us and says, ‘He wants to know if there are any bears in your story?’
‘Only about one hundred!’ I say.
Q How do you catch a fish without a fishing rod?
A With your bear hands.
The bears all start growling excitedly and Jill translates for us.
‘They said would you please come, too, and read it with me?’
‘Sure,’ says Terry. ‘We can do that.’
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘But we have to finish it first.’
‘Well, we’d better get going then,’ says Jill, ‘and let you get on with it.’
She climbs into her flying-cat sleigh and calls to the bears. ‘Follow me! My cats and I will show you the quickest way home.’
‘See you all later!’ shouts Terry. ‘And thanks for eating all the honey—it would have taken us ages!’
Q What sort of stories do bears like best?
A Furry tales.