‘Well, I sure am glad that’s over,’ I say. ‘Now I’ve got my tooth back I’m going to go to bed right away so the tooth fairy can come and give me two dollars!’
‘But it’s way too early to go to bed,’ says Terry. ‘It’s still daytime.’
‘I know,’ I say, ‘but I can’t wait until tonight—we have to get our book done before then. So can you please be really quiet so I can get to sleep?’
Q Why does a dragon sleep all day?
A So it can hunt knights.
‘Sure thing, Andy,’ says Terry. ‘You can count on me! Goodnight!’
‘Goodnight, Terry,’ I say.
I climb the ladder to my bedroom, put on my pyjamas and get into bed.
I am actually feeling quite tired after climbing the never-ending staircase so I don’t think it’s going to be too difficult to fall asleep. In fact, I’m falling asleep right now.
I’m falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
Q What question can you never answer yes to?
A ‘Are you asleep?’
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
I’m almost asleep when I hear really loud clomping. It’s so loud my bed is shaking.
Q Where do books sleep?
A Between their covers.
I get out of bed, look over the edge and see Terry clomping around in a gigantic pair of clomping boots!
‘Hey, Terry,’ I yell. ‘Quit clomping, will you? I’m trying to get to sleep!’
‘Sorry, Andy!’ he says. ‘I was just testing these new, extra-loud clomping boots I invented. Turns out they’re even louder than I expected. But I’ll take them off now. I won’t disturb you again, I promise.’
‘You’d better not!’ I say. ‘GOODNIGHT!’
‘Goodnight, Andy,’ says Terry.
I go back to bed and try to fall asleep again.
I’m falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
Q What’s the biggest problem with snow boots?
A They melt.
falling ...
falling ...
I’m almost asleep when I hear some of the loudest—and most ridiculous—noises I’ve ever heard.
Q How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A You rock-it.
I get out of bed, look over the edge and see Terry wearing an extra-stupid, super-loud hat!
‘Terry!’ I yell, but he can’t hear me over the deafening noise of his stupid hat.
‘TERRY!’ I yell again, even louder.
But he still can’t hear me.
‘TERRY!’ I yell as loud as I can.
Q What did one hat say to another hat?
A ‘You wait here, I’ll go on a head.’
This time he hears me.
‘Sorry, Andy,’ he says. ‘I couldn’t hear you over the noise of this extra-stupid, super-loud hat. What’s the matter?’
‘Your extra-stupid, super-loud hat is the matter!’ I say. ‘I’m trying to get to sleep, remember?’
‘Oh, sorry, Andy,’ says Terry. ‘I forgot. I’ll take it off and be very, very quiet from now on. I promise.’
‘You’d better be,’ I say. ‘OR ELSE!’
I go back to bed and start falling asleep for the third time.
I’m falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
Q Why did the girl tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
I get out of bed, look over the edge and see Terry playing drums, Superfinger playing guitar, and the Trunkinator dancing in an extra-large pair of extra-loud clomping boots ...
Q What’s the best present you can receive for Christmas?
A A broken drum—you just can’t beat it!
and to make it even worse, they’re all wearing extra-stupid, super-loud hats!
Right! That does it! I take a deep breath and yell...
Q What breaks every time you name it?
A Silence.
‘Sorry, Andy,’ says Terry. ‘We were just practising our act for the Treehouse Talent Quest.’
‘What Treehouse Talent Quest?’ I say.
‘The one I thought we could have after this book is finished.’
‘This book won’t be finished,’ I say, ‘if you don’t let me get to sleep!!!’
Q Did you hear about the soldier who bought a camouflage sleeping bag?
A He can’t find it.
‘I’ll be quiet now,’ says Terry. ‘I promise.’
‘That’s what you said last time!’ I say.
‘I know,’ says Terry, ‘but it won’t happen again, I really promise. I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.’
‘All right,’ I say. ‘Goodnight... for the last time!’
I go back to bed and start falling asleep ...
falling ...
falling ...
falling ...
asleep.
Q Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife go to sleep?
A Because of his coffin.