Before we can start work, however, we really need to eat. After all that stair-climbing and sleeping and shopping both Terry and I are feeling pretty hungry.
The marshmallow machine senses our hunger and starts firing marshmallows into our mouths at high speed.
Q Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A Because he didn’t want to fall into the hot chocolate.
‘I’m full!’ I say.
‘Me, too,’ says Terry.
We close our mouths and the marshmallow machine fires marshmallows at our faces for a while and then drifts away to see if anybody else in the treehouse is hungry.
‘Right,’ I say. ‘Now we can get started.’
I pick up the Joke Writer 2000™. It’s surprisingly heavy and for a moment I wonder how I’m actually going to write with it, but then something incredible happens—it leaps out of my hand and starts writing all by itself!
‘Look, Terry!’ I say. ‘It’s writing automatically! I’m not doing anything!’
Q Why did the penguin cross the road?
A To go with the floe.
‘Wow!’ says Terry. ‘That’s amazing! It’s doing all the work. I can’t wait to see why the koala fell out of the tree. I bet it will be hilarious.’
‘Well, you won’t have to wait long,’ I say. ‘It’s writing the answer right now!’
‘I was right,’ says Terry. ‘It is hilarious! Make it write another one.’
I put the tip of the Joke Writer 2000™ on the paper and it starts writing again.
Q What do you get if you cross a lemon and a cat?
A A sour-puss.
‘That’s even funnier than the first one,’ says Terry.
‘I know!’ I say. ‘This pencil is fantastic!’
‘Can I have a go?’ says Terry.
‘Sure,’ I say, passing it to him.
Terry puts the tip of the pencil on the paper. It breaks free of his grip and takes off again.
Terry laughs so hard he snorts milk out of his nose—and he’s not even drinking milk!
‘Oh, boy,’ says Terry. ‘This pencil is amazing!’
‘I know,’ I say. ‘With a pencil this funny, we’ll be able to write the funniest books ever!’
Q What do cows give after an earthquake?
A Milkshakes.
‘The Joke Writer 2000™ is worth every single dollar we paid for it,’ says Terry.
‘It sure is,’ I say. ‘It’s worth every bun that knocked us backwards, every flying fridge that almost flattened us, every single stair we climbed on the never-ending staircase and every slimy, revolting, wriggling worm we ate in the worm-snatcher’s nest. It’s the greatest pencil ever!’
As we stand there admiring the Joke Writer 2000™, we see a bird flying towards us.
‘Hey, that looks like the worm-snatcher,’ says Terry.
‘Sort of,’ I say, ‘but it’s the wrong colour.’
Q Why do witches fly on brooms?
A Because vacuum cleaners can’t fly.
Suddenly the bird dives at great speed, snatches the Joke Writer 2000™ out of Terry’s hand and takes off, back up into the sky.
‘Oh, no,’ says Terry, ‘not again!’
We are just standing there—stunned—when Jill pokes her head and shoulders up through the branches, her binoculars around her neck.
‘Did you just see a high-flying, mountain-dwelling Joke Writer-snatcher come through here?’ she says. ‘I lost track of it when it dived into the treehouse.’
Q Why did the robber take a bath?
A She wanted to make a clean getaway.
‘We saw it all right!’ I say. ‘It just swooped down here and snatched our Joke Writer 2000™!’
‘They do that,’ says Jill. ‘That’s why they’re called Joke Writer-snatchers.’
‘Don’t tell me we have to climb the never-ending staircase up to Mount Everest again,’ says Terry.
‘No,’ I say. ‘Actually, I don’t think we do. And you know what? I’m not sure that we needed to climb it in the first place.’
‘Yes, we did,’ says Terry. ‘We needed to get your tooth.’
‘I know we thought we did,’ I say, ‘but I’ve just realised that after you pulled my tooth out back in chapter six I haven’t had any toothache so I don’t really need the Joke Writer 2000™ to help me write.’
Terry frowns. ‘So if we didn’t need to climb the never-ending staircase to get your tooth,’ he says, ‘does that mean we didn’t need to pretend to be baby birds and eat all those worms?’
Q Why did the chicken cross the road and then cross back again?
A Because it was a double-crosser.
‘Well, you didn’t have to eat quite so many worms,’ I say. ‘But, no, we didn’t need to do that either.’
‘And I didn’t need to be really quiet so you could go to sleep and the tooth fairy would come?’
‘No,’ I say.
‘That means I had a bath for nothing!’ says Terry. ‘And we spent four million dollars on a joke-writing pencil that we only got three jokes out of. We could have bought the solid gold toilet seat after all! And now we don’t have any money left!’
‘I know,’ I say, ‘but it is kind of funny when you think about it.’
Terry thinks about it. And then he thinks about it some more. He frowns—and then he laughs. ‘You’re right,’ he says. ‘It is pretty funny that we did all that stuff we didn’t even need to do.’
Jill laughs, too. ‘And look on the bright side,’ she says. ‘It’s going to make a great story for your book.’
‘Yeah!’ says Terry. ‘Especially now Andy’s got his sense of humour back!’
‘I sure have,’ I say. ‘I’m feeling funny enough to write the book and all the jokes ... with your help, of course.’
Q Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet.
‘And mine!’ says Jill. ‘I know lots of animal jokes. Listen to this one: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘What?’
‘A dino-snore!’ says Jill.
‘That joke is not only funny, it’s true!’ says Terry. ‘Let’s get started right away!’
So we write
and we draw
Q What pen should never be used for writing?
A A pig pen.
and we draw...
and we write...
and we draw...
and we write ...
Q Why are artists no good in sports matches?
A Because they keep drawing.
and we write...
and we draw...
and we draw...
and we write ...
Q Why is a raven like a writing desk?
A Because neither is made of cheese.
and we draw ...
and we write ...
Until it’s all done—even the jokes along the bottom of each page.
Q What sort of bird is always unhappy?
A A bluebird.