I feel empty when I get back inside One Light. Desolate. Stupid. Why didn’t I see this coming? Did I honestly think I could keep up the pretence forever without him finding out? I care about him more than the momentary embarrassment that telling him it was me would’ve caused, and now what? He’ll never trust me again. I doubt he’ll ever even speak to me again. He’ll probably never trust anybody again. Next time he needs to talk to someone, what’s he going to do? Because I know one thing for sure – he won’t phone One Light again.
‘You okay?’ Mary asks as I traipse through the shop, aware of all the eyes on me. For once, I’m not exactly pleased at the number of customers we’ve got.
I shake my head, knowing I’m going to break down in tears if she looks at me too kindly.
‘I hate to say it but both managers are waiting for you upstairs in the office, and they don’t look happy.’
Of course they don’t look happy. I trudge up the stairs feeling drained, each foot taking too much energy to lift. As if everything they’ve just heard wasn’t bad enough without adding the almost arrest, the handcuffs, and the very big, very public spectacle. It doesn’t exactly reflect well on the charity, does it?
In the office, the man is doing something on his tablet and the lady is sitting in my desk chair with her hands folded in her lap, waiting.
There are no spare chairs and I can’t be bothered to drag one out of the kitchen, so I sit down on a plastic bag full of rags that haven’t been collected yet. It’s probably the most informal spot for what I’m sure is going to be a formal firing.
‘I don’t know where to start,’ she shakes her head. ‘Answered a critical call, pretended to be someone else, disobeyed the fundamental rules this charity exists on, used a brilliant marketing strategy to help a competitor rather than benefit the charity you work for. The list is endless.’
‘Leo’s not a competitor. Between us, we’ve been helping the whole street so everyone benefits,’ I sigh. ‘And I didn’t pretend to be someone else. He knew he’d phoned the wrong number. I just didn’t tell him when I realized it was him. I told a little white lie that got out of hand.’
‘Georgia, you answered a call meant for the helpline. The people there are trained in dealing with those calls. They know what to say, how to act, how to handle those sorts of issues. You do not. You could’ve said the wrong thing and pushed a suicidal person over the edge.’
‘But I didn’t.’ I know my response is half-hearted at best, but I’ve given up trying to defend myself.
‘What about you?’ she asks. ‘Training is in place to help both staff and the people who use our service. How would you have felt if he had jumped? You can’t save every person who phones. How would you have handled it if you had heard him take his last breath and drown?’
Tears fill my eyes at the thought and the look on her face softens for a moment. ‘I’ve worked on the phones, Georgia. There are some things that you can never un-hear. It might seem harsh to you, but our rules are in place to protect everyone – our staff and the suicidal people.’
‘You know what, maybe you shouldn’t class them as suicidal people like there’s something wrong with them, like they’re different to other people, a race all of their own. Everyone is individual. Everyone can hit hard times and end up in a place where they never thought they’d be. Sometimes the only thing anyone needs is a friend.’ If I’m not well on my way to being fired here, snapping at the managing director will certainly speed up the process. ‘And you know what, if he had jumped, I’d still be glad I’d answered that phone because at least he’d have known in his final breath that someone cared about him.’
‘We can’t be emotionally involved. Part of the training procedure for staff on the helpline is learning to distance themselves. It’s a heavy, emotional job that takes its toll. You’re a retail manager, you don’t know how to cope or what to say, and the … mess … you seem to have got yourself into over that phone call is proof of that.’ She struggles to find an accurate word for the current situation and I know exactly how she feels.
‘Look, it happened once.’ I try to tamp down my annoyance. I understand what she’s saying but it’s done now. I can’t change it. ‘I’ve asked you repeatedly to get the leaflets reprinted with more space between the two phone numbers. It’s never happened before –’
‘And it won’t again?’ She phrases it as a question but uses a tone that suggests there’s only one answer.
I don’t reply. Because honestly? If I picked up the phone again and someone on the other end asked me what it would feel like if they jumped, I still wouldn’t be able to hang up. ‘I answered that call because that’s what anyone would’ve done. What came after that was because I saw a way to help someone and I took it.’
‘We have no choice but to terminate your employment,’ the man says, finally glancing up from his tablet. ‘Taking that call and not immediately telling the caller they had the wrong number and giving them the right one, using the information he’d told you in confidence to gain access to his life, trying to fix the problems he’d shared with you in private, forming a relationship with him, and then there’s all this nonsense of getting the bank involved, pretending to work there … we don’t even know what to do with that. All followed by this scene with the police this morning. It falls far below the professional standards we expect from our staff. You are the face of our charity in the community. We are supposed to present a solid, strong, and steady base from which we help people.’
‘And yet, when someone actually turns to me for help, I get sacked for it.’
‘Actually, you would probably have only got a warning for taking the call. It’s everything that seems to have followed that’s grounds for dismissal.’
‘Great,’ I mutter.
‘I’ve just heard you tell that man that you don’t care about your job,’ the lady says.
‘That’s not true. I was just saying that … well, not just saying it, I do care about my job, I love working here … but I love him more.’ I pause as the words themselves hit me. Really hit me. Because what started off as a crush has turned into so much more as I’ve got to know him. ‘He needed to talk that night and if it means losing my job because I talked to him then so be it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’d do all of it again because we’ve made a difference to this street. Because of Leo’s call, we managed to do something good here that has brought people and businesses back. Our sales this month have almost tripled from what they were last December. Our donations are up. Our high street feels alive again. People are happy. People are doing their last-minute Christmas shopping here rather than rushing through as quickly as possible to get to the retail park. But mainly, I would answer that call again because Leo is still alive, and if I had any part of that then it was all worth it.’
The man tuts.
‘What if he was your son? Your husband, your brother, your uncle, your nephew, your cousin, your friend? Anyone you loved? Would you say the same then?’
‘Rules are there for a reason,’ the lady says, not answering my question.
‘Sometimes rules have to be broken.’
The man gives a nod of acquiescence. ‘Your final pay cheque will be in your bank next week.’
‘We don’t have an option here, Georgia,’ she says. ‘Everyone understands that you were trying to do the right thing. Mary has been pleading your case while you were still outside. Even the girl from the bank came in and tried to take the blame, but ultimately, you are in a position of responsibility and we can’t have a manager behaving like this and let it go.’
‘It’s fine,’ I say, because I do get it. How many times has the thought of being fired crossed my mind in the last few weeks? I knew the consequences. I just convinced myself that I’d never be found out, not by them and not by Leo.
I collect my bag from my locker and hand her my set of keys.
I never did find out their names.
I trudge home the long way round to avoid walking past It’s A Wonderful Latte.
Maybe it’s for the best that I don’t work on Oakbarrow High Street anymore. I’ll never be able to set foot in It’s A Wonderful Latte again, and that’s always been the highlight of my day.