My name is Heyoan—remember, I told you six months ago. It’s from Africa and means, “The wind whispering truth through the centuries.”
Quietly moving into a spiritually centered life requires a great reorientation of consciousness into the transcendent realities of the higher vibrational levels—five, six, and seven—of the auric field. In these higher ranges of consciousness and energy, whole worlds of nonmaterial spiritual beings exist. Many people do not experience these levels of consciousness at all; to them, even the existence of these levels seems highly speculative, absurd, or even ridiculous. In the healing process, however, if you continue on the upward path through levels of consciousness, you will automatically begin to have experiences involving these higher levels and eventually encounter such beings.
As you move your conscious awareness into the three higher levels of your auric field, you move into the higher aspects of your will, emotions, and reason. Each of these three levels is a template for the lower three levels of the field. The higher will, called the divine will within, is the template for the first level of the field, which contains the will to live in the physical world. The higher emotional level, sometimes called the inspirational level or the level of your divine love, is the template for the second level of the field, your feelings about yourself. The higher reason of level seven, called divine mind, which gives an understanding of the perfect pattern of all things, is a template for the reason of level three, the mental level. This relationship has been stated since the days of old as: “As above, so below.”
The correspondence between levels seven and three, six and two, and five and one provides a way to heal the lower levels by bringing the values from the higher levels down into the lower ones. To do so, we must reach up or transcend into the higher levels. This is called the transcendent process. We reach up into our higher realities and claim them as our own. When we do this, our reason becomes truth, our emotions become love, and our will becomes courage. If we continue this transcendent process, our truth becomes wisdom, our love becomes unconditional love, and our courage becomes power. We claim our spiritual reality as our own and find God within.
The best, most practical way to enter into the transcendent process is through guidance. Guidance is available to all human beings from their higher self within, their guardian angel, or in more popular terms, their spirit guide. Usually people start by getting guidance from their higher self, then later expand into receiving it from spirit guides.
Getting guidance and channeling spirit guides is a very popular activity in some circles now. Many people ask guidance for all kinds of things but generally to find out how to deal with life issues, what to do for a particular day, or how to solve a problem. Guidance is even used to get information to cure illnesses. Guidance is so popular that some try to use it to win the lottery, get answers to tests, and even to find parking places. Some people misuse guidance to try to get out of real responsibilities. They break commitments in irresponsible ways, saying that their guidance told them to do it. They seem to think that that justifies unethical and irresponsible behavior. Many people who use guidance fail to see its deeper function and the great benefit it has in their life learning process.
Guidance is an integral part of the unfoldment of your life. It is the key to the development of your heart’s desire and your life task, no matter what it is. Guidance is more than communicating with guides, more than channeling information; it is a life process. HSP and the ability to get precise information come from following guidance over a long period of time. In observing the effects of guidance in my own life, I have discerned the following information about how guidance works.
As I look back over my life, I find that every major turning point was very specifically and precisely guided. Sometimes I followed guidance that seemed totally outrageous. People around me were telling me not to do it, but I did.
During the time when I was living in Washington, D.C., training to be a bioenergetic therapist, a wonderful guidance event occurred. It happened at Easter. Some new friends said they heard about a miracle that was to take place in West Virginia on Easter morning. They said, “Do you want to come?” I said sure and then thought, “What do I wear to a miracle?” I decided on white pants and a shirt with sandals! We drove five hours and arrived at the apple orchard early, before the sun rose. There were TV cameras. The woman who had predicted the miracle had set up the whole thing with different stations representing the Christ’s life, including the garden of Gethsemane. We were to be pilgrims and bring roses to put in the garden.
We all anxiously awaited the sunrise to see the predicted miracle. Finally the sun came up. I looked at the sun as it rose, and it swirled off lots of red streamers and moved around a bit in the sky. I said, “Ooh, just like the miracle of Fatima, when thousands of people saw the sun spin in the sky!” Then I thought, “What an interesting retina effect. So that is what happens when you look into the sun.” All around me, people were shouting, “Look at the sun spin! Do you see it?” Others grumbled, “I can’t look, I can’t look—it’s too bright.” Again, it was just like what had happened at the miracle of Fatima. Another person was saying, “There’s a cross in the sky.” I couldn’t see it. That was it. So I put my rose in the garden and we drove home. While going home, I said to myself, “Why don’t I just let it be a miracle? I don’t know what a miracle looks like. Maybe it was real.” So I said, “I’m going to test this out.”
The next morning I got up at the same time to look at the sun to test what would happen in terms of the retina effect. I couldn’t look into the sun—it was too bright. I said, “That’s interesting. Now I can’t look into the sun at all. I’ll just be patient and wait to see if anything else happens, since I don’t really know what a miracle is.”
It didn’t take long for the so-called miracle to show itself in new phenomena. What happened from then on, I consider part of the miracle, because what began for me was a whole unraveling of the mystery of life. What happened was simple: Whenever the sun was at a certain angle in the sky, I would hear a clear verbal message instructing me what to do. Sometimes it was “Calm down. Your mind is exaggerating everything.” Or, “Your healing teacher is ill, and you need to give her a healing rather than receive one today.” I would hear a voice, as if it were coming from the sun. The sun would reflect upon me and get my attention, and I would get a message. It seemed that even if the sun could not get to me directly, it would find a way. Once I was sitting in a chair rocking my baby daughter. The sun was over on the opposite side of the house, and it reflected over to the next-door neighbor’s window and came through my window and hit me at the right angle. This communication from the sun has continued for years.
Another example of guidance happened after I had been trained as a bioenergetic therapist and was giving sessions as a therapist in Washington, D.C. I had started to see past lives. I didn’t know what to do about this. So I started praying for help about what to do. I went camping on Assateague Island. It was raining, so I was lying on the beach with a plastic tarp over my head. In the middle of the night I heard my name called three times so loudly that it woke me up. I looked up at the tarp. It was translucent, so I thought I was looking up at the clouds. Suddenly I realized it was just the tarp, so I pushed it off of me to see where the voice was coming from. The whole sky was completely clear, and I fell back in awe because I could hear the stars singing back and forth to each other across the heavens. I knew my prayers had been answered. I had been called, and the answer would come.
A short time later I found the Center for the Living Force (now called the Pathwork Center) in Phoenicia, New York. I went there for a workshop and knew that the answer to my prayer was that I needed to move there. It took a year before I could accomplish this. My husband didn’t want to move to the center, but I did with my four-year-old daughter, because it was guidance. Later he came.
After moving to Phoenicia, I worked in process group on my channel because I was getting a lot of psychic information like other people’s past lives that I didn’t know what to do with. At one time I had a broken leg and was stomping around with a cast on, loudly yelling that I wasn’t angry. The head of the center, Eva Pierrakos, who channeled the Pathwork guide lectures, said, “The problem with you is that your channel opened too fast, and you are too angry inside, and you can’t handle it. You need to close your channel.” My guidance confirmed this. I was getting a lot of pleasure from being psychic. I was getting off on being special and was using it to avoid dealing with important issues in my life. The only acceptable use of my channel was for my own personal work. So I closed my channel except for personal work. I didn’t know how long it would have to be this way. My guides simply said for as long as it takes.
Shortly after my vow, I was tested. One day I accidentally started to leave my body. I saw beautiful guides with jewels all over their robes standing nearby. I was very curious as to who they were, but I remembered my vow and quickly forced myself back into my body. My psychic gifts were a lot to give up, but I let go and concentrated on my personal work. I spent the next six years focusing on my own transformation. I focused for the first two years on divine will. To do this, I made sure that everything I did was aligned with God’s will. Every morning when I got up, I prayed and meditated to commit myself to and align with God’s will. I had private sessions in which I tried to understand what is meant by God’s will. I felt a conflict about what God was going to make me do next. Was I his slave? I dealt with everything in my life from the perspective of being in divine will. Slowly, over time, I found that whatever I wanted to do at any moment from the deepest clearest part of me was also God’s will. I was able to find the will of God singing within my own heart.
The next two years, I concentrated on divine love. I focused on being loving in everything I did. Every morning I prayed and meditated on learning about divine love. In doing this, I found that many of my actions were not so loving. I worked in my private sessions on bringing love into my life. During those two years things began to change, and I was able to be and express loving much more in my life. My work for the next two years was to concentrate on divine truth. I followed the same pattern as before, praying and meditating every morning to find what divine truth is. I spent a great deal of time concentrating on exploring its function in my life, where it was missing, and how to bring more of it into my life. Was I willing to find and stand up for the truth in all situations? Since I lived in a spiritual community all this time, I was always offered life situations to practice all three of these divine aspects of ourselves.
Everyone in the resident community at the Center for the Living Force was working on themselves in this way for self-transformation. It was a real boiling pot of people seeking spiritual truths and struggling with each other every day in running the community. We all learned a lot in those days. We thought we were creating a city of light, but later, as we scattered all over the world, we realized that we each had gotten what we came there for. We embodied the work. We filled our beings with the work, so that we lived according to the higher spiritual principles that we believed in. Finally, after six years of deep work and struggle, I knew I was ready to open my channel again because I was trust worthy. People simply trusted me because I was willing to let go to whatever the truth was and follow it. Of course that didn’t mean I was finished with personal transformation. The work still continues to this day, and it will for the rest of my life. But I knew I had reached a turning point in my life and that things would begin changing drastically, which they did.
I knew I was supposed to go to Findhorn. I did. When I was there, I stood on a nature power point called Randolph’s Leap, a place near Findhorn where the Druids are supposed to have worshiped and communed with nature spirits. I asked to have access to the nature spirits. Nothing appeared to happen. I went to Holland to run an intensive workshop, and then to Switzerland to ski. I totally forgot about my request. After I was back about a month, I started waking up at five-thirty every morning writing reams of information of guidance. I started seeing little nature spirits everywhere I went. They would follow me as I walked around the property. They were always a bit shy and would stay a few feet behind me, giggling.
Through the contact with the nature spirits I got a lot of information about the Center for the Living Force, such as the location and placement of where the sanctuary building was to be built. It came in very small, sweet doses in daily meditations. I was walking down the upper road at the center on my way to work in the kitchen when a voice called my name. I ignored it. It called again. I told it that I was late for my job and kept walking.
It called a third time, and I said, “Oh, okay. What do you want?” It led me to a meadow and to a rock.
I said, “So?”
It said, “Sit.” So I sat.
Then I said, “Now what?”
It said, “Sit.” So I sat and meditated.
Every day for the next year I went to the rock to meditate. Each day during my meditation, I was given small pieces of information about the land. I was told that the rock I sat on was the altar rock. The voice pointed out another rock directly down the hill and then two others on each side that were marker rocks. A line could be drawn between the altar rock and the first marker rock. Another line could be drawn between the two side marker rocks. The two lines crossed each other in the middle of the meadow. On that exact spot two small trees had fallen and crossed. A year or so later, when it was time to find the spot for the sanctuary building, everyone was asked to lead the sanctuary committee in charge of the construction to their favorite places on the center property. A place was chosen.
I was sure it was wrong, but I kept quiet. On our way back to the main hall someone asked me to show them my secret place of daily meditation. I reluctantly led the group of people to the altar rock. Everyone sat on it to meditate. Everyone instantly knew that this was the place. Then I shyly started sharing the information I had gathered over the last year of meditations. Later, when I went there with a surveyor, it turned out that the lines defined by the marker rocks were in the exact position of the maximum solar angle for a solar building. The fallen trees turned out to be the exact location of the joining of two large walls of glass on the front of the seven-sided building.
I was part of the committee that helped design the building. Since the terrain was mountainous, we had to blast the rock bed with dynamite to build the foundation. I tried in vain to shoo the deer away before the blast, but they wouldn’t go. They only moved five or ten feet away when the dynamite exploded, then proceeded to graze as if nothing had happened.
During my years at the center, I went through a long period of testing of very simple things. The guides would give me instructions like, “Go saw the dead limb off that tree.” Sometimes it would take me three months to do it because I thought it was stupid—a little resistance there! But finally I did it. I began to notice that if I didn’t do it, no new instruction would come until I did it. As soon as I would do it, I would get the next instruction. Now I realize that I was being trained to follow instructions exactly and precisely. This built up trust so that I could do fifth-level spiritual surgery with the guides. Fifth-level surgery, described in Hands of Lights is a way to restructure the fifth level of the auric field, with guides doing most of the work. It began one day for me when I still had a massage practice.
I was giving someone a Swedish massage, and a guide appeared and said, “Hold up two green stripes,” to get me to take my hands off the body. My client had come in for a massage, but now I sat there for forty-five minutes with my hands above her body, holding up two green stripes. I saw guides come in under the green stripes and do an operation on my client. That is when I started to learn about fifth-level spiritual surgery. I observed the operation. I kept waiting for my client to say, “Hey, where’s my massage?” But she didn’t. The next week she came back complaining of postoperative symptoms. I could see the stitches on her spleen that the guides had put there. Again, I had to hold up two green stripes. This time they took out the stitches. And again, she didn’t complain that I didn’t touch her body for her massage. She said whatever I was doing felt wonderful. That is how I began learning to do fifth-level spiritual surgery.
One day, after doing my morning writing at five-thirty, guidance told me to buy a typewriter. I didn’t know how to type, but I was getting guidance so fast that I couldn’t write it out in longhand anymore. So I was to type it. I learned to type. After some time of typing, I couldn’t type fast enough. I was told to buy a tape recorder, so I started recording it. Without knowing it, I had started my first book.
I worked on my first book, Hands of Light, for fifteen years. Twelve publishers refused the manuscript. I didn’t know what to do. I got guidance to publish it myself. I sold the house I owned but didn’t live in anymore and got $50,000 for it. Everyone thought I was totally nuts to take my entire life savings to do the book. But I said, “Either this is my life’s work or it isn’t. It’s time to give everything to it.” It cost me $50,000 to make a thousand books. By the time the book was published, I had a few hundred dollars left to my name and a daughter to support. I wrote a letter to people I knew explaining that I had published my book. “I paid fifty dollars a book. I’ll sell it to you for fifty dollars.” The book sold out in three months, and then I got the next batch. Someone suggested I take it to a publisher. I said, “But they all refused it already.” But I did, and Bantam bought it. The book is now in nine different languages and distributed all over the world.
When I first started communicating with guides, I did not particularly distinguish between the ones who were with me all the time and those who came for several-month intervals to teach me new techniques and then left. I could always see them. After I had done all those years of preparation by working with the guides by myself, they started making suggestions as to how to work with my clients during sessions. This continued as my massage and therapy practice slowly turned into a healing practice. The guides would tell me what to do with my hands. They would also give me information about clients that I had no way of knowing otherwise. They would tell me the physical cause of a client’s problem as well as the psychological cause and how both related to certain relationships the client was in now and had been in in the past. I slowly, shyly, and embarrassingly introduced the information into the session. I would say things like, “Have you ever thought of this …” and then add the guides’ information.
Soon the psychic pressure of so much information more or less pushed me into channeling it. I never told the client it was a guide—I just talked in a little different voice. I said that my voice changed because I was in an altered state. After a few years of this, a client said, “You were channeling a guide, weren’t you?”
“Who, me?”
“What is his name?” the client asked.
“I don’t know.”
I usually paid more attention to the guides my clients brought with them to a healing session because the clients would always want me to describe their guides to them. I would convey information to clients from their guides as well as from mine. I even began speaking in strange accents for a while, but I found it rather embarrassing. Finally, I said that I only wanted to channel one guide that had a more normal voice. If somebody else’s guide wanted to convey information through me, I would listen and then repeat it.
I could always see five guides around me when I worked—they are still with me. By this time, guides were in vogue. Everyone was channeling, and I still didn’t know who my main guide was. So I decided to find out. I asked my guides one day when I was giving a healing/channeling workshop with Pat Rodegast, a well-known channeler and author of Emmanuel’s Book and Emmanuel’s Book II. I heard the word “Heyoan” or “Heokan.” I said, “Yuk! I want a guide with a nice name like Pat’s Emmanuel.” I didn’t like the name at all and tried to change it, to no avail. Then I forgot all about it. Six months later, I was giving another workshop on channeling and healing with Pat. Whenever we worked together, we always asked to learn something during the work. This time, in frustration, I said, “Why does everyone know the name of her guide but me? I want to learn the name of my guide.” Sure enough, during the workshop, Heyoan once again leaned over me when I was demonstrating a healing and said,
My name is Heyoan—remember, I told you six months ago. It’s from Africa and means, “The wind whispering truth through the centuries.”
Well now, that was really embarrassing. I had actually been told and had completely forgotten the incident ever happened. That was my formal introduction to Heyoan. We have been great buddies ever since. In my state of conscious awareness that I call Barbara, I usually “see” Heyoan standing to my right and slightly behind me. He appears to be about ten to twelve feet tall and light blue, gold, and white in color. When I channel Heyoan, our consciousness fuses and becomes one consciousness. I “become” Heyoan. When I do this, my auric field stretches out to a diameter of about twenty feet. Many times after channeling Heyoan for an hour or two, I am taken up into a room of light where there is a large long table, with many guides around it. Here they show me a large blueprint of plans of what is to be in the future. I don’t usually understand much of what is on these plans, but I am trying. Little by little, I think I’ll learn how to read them.
Different groups of guides joined the programs I have run through the years. About five years ago, I started channeling another spiritual being who appeared to be very feminine. In the beginning, we called her the Goddess because she appeared to be the feminine aspect of God. The energy field from this being is white and gold and has increased over the years. She is so large that it is impossible to tell her size. My dear friend Marjorie Valeri, a professional harpist, and I go into trance. Marjorie channels the harp. A wall of white light, much larger than the room, rushes in from behind Marjorie and me and lifts everyone’s consciousness. I go into trance and walk around the room giving healing and channeling for people. The power is so great in this work that I have actually been able to give healing to as many as 280 people in one hour.
What is more, the healing power is so great that the effects of the healing unfold over a period of several months’ time. The most outstanding case was of someone who came to a workshop at the Omega Institute. She was carrying oxygen on her back. She was waiting for a heart and two lung transplants. The Goddess worked on her for about five minutes. This, and her longing to heal herself, helped her turn her illness around. The oxygen level in her blood began to increase until it was higher when she was off the oxygen than it was when she was on it. The donor organs never came through. She later got married and moved out west somewhere. The last I heard, her physicians said that she only needed one lung transplant. It has now been three years since the Goddess touched her.
Through the years, the healing energy that we called the Goddess has now become much more balanced in both masculine and feminine energy. And I was told recently in guidance that it really is the holy spirit. I now have to deal with my shyness at claiming to channel the holy spirit. Somehow, the feminine aspect of God seems more permissible. I’ll have to work on that one. In the last workshop I did in Santa Fe, I also picked up a new group of guides that call themselves the Council of Light. They seem to have a great deal of power. They sit around in a circle with a candle at each one’s feet. They seem to have big plans about building healing centers around the world. I’m curious as to how this one will unfold. It will, in its own time.
So that is how guidance has worked in my life. In doing those things, even though some were rather outrageous, ridiculous, or apparently foolish, I built my faith. It took faith as I was continually tested to do exactly what I was asked to do or to give the exact information and not expound on the information that I was given. That is why I eventually got to the level of channeling specific treatments and how long a person should take them. Guidance took me step by step into my Higher Sense Perception, channeling, and the higher three levels of the auric field. It took me into my spirituality and the spirit world and made it real. Guidance has brought me many wonderful experiences and has taken me to a broader understanding of my own divinity.
Following guidance and entering into the spiritual side of life is not always easy because it is so challenging. We tend to ignore it, put it off, or just plain think it is not real. Learning to follow guidance is a step-by-step process that brings us into our higher spiritual realities. Each time we choose to follow guidance, we choose our higher divine will. By repeatedly doing this, we begin to experience the higher levels of our spiritual realities that correspond to the fifth, sixth, and seventh levels of our auric field. Let us now go to the higher levels of the field.
The fifth level of the auric field is associated with divine will. It is the primal level of all form and symbols. As soon as you lift up into the fifth level with your Higher Sense Perception, you will see cobalt-blue light. It may be a bit confusing at first because the fifth level is the template or blueprint for all form. That means that it is like the negative of a photograph or a stencil for an airbrush. Everything is reversed. What you would expect to be solid is empty, clear space. What you would expect to be empty, clear space is solid cobalt blue. After you have spent some time on the fifth level, you get used to this reversal and don’t notice it so much. Since the fifth level is the template for the first, you can think of it as made of grooves into which the lines of the first level of the auric field fit. Or you might think of the bed of a river in which the water (energy lines of the first level) flows. The fifth level of your field is the template for the first level, which is then the template for your physical body.
The fifth level is usually hardest for people in our culture to understand. In our culture, we let reason rule. If we are asked to do something, we want to know why. We want to understand what it is all about. The problem with this is that with our reason we can understand only things that are within our definition of reality. If we have not experienced the spiritual realities of the higher dimensions, they are not real for us. And we have to be taken by the hand and led into them step by step. We won’t recognize the landscape for a while because it is new territory. We need to let go of our preconceived ideas of how it will be and allow the experience simply to unfold.
In order to walk into the spiritual world described in my books, I had to trust and follow divine will when I didn’t understand what it was all about. Understanding came later. It is no accident that one of the first things the guides told me to do was a very simple harmless act. They were accommodating my reason. I needed to be led step by step. With divine will I was able to do this, even though my reason constantly demanded to understand something it did not have enough information to understand. The only way to gather enough information was to just do what I was told to do and to trust.
Divine will, also known as God’s will, is often not understood and has been misused a great deal. The old way of experiencing divine will reflects an authority issue. Our main negative image is that God’s will is pitted against our own, because most likely it isn’t what we want. It is something we must defy in order to be free. Yet we are given free will to choose. So we are in a double bind. We have free will, but if we don’t use our willpower to force ourselves to choose God’s will—which we don’t want to do—we are in trouble.
Therefore, we have another image: God’s will is something to fear, because if we don’t do God’s will, we will be punished. So if we don’t know what it is, maybe we won’t be punished so badly. So we’d better stay away from knowing what it is.
Another image about divine will that we use to resign ourselves to painful situations is: There is nothing I can do to change God’s will. That gets us nicely out of the responsibility to do something about a situation that is painful.
Divine will is also a nice catchall to explain anything we don’t understand. Once again, we don’t have to understand it! It is mysterious. In fact, it may even be sacrilege to try to understand it!
In our religions, God’s will has been used to control people with the idea that only a few know what God’s will is. Therefore, the rest of us have to do what those few say. Essentially, those few people have turned our main image inside out and acted, perhaps unconsciously, as if their will were God’s will. They have used the main God image of their followers for their own advantage. God’s will has been used to give excuses to kill and take territory. In fact, God’s will has probably been used as an excuse for all the terrible things that different peoples have done to each other throughout history.
If we see our desires as being at odds with God’s, then we can blame God for our problems. It is God who won’t give to us. This places power outside of us. All we need to do under this system is to be good, according to a particular religion’s rules, and then he may give us what we want. Our negative image of good is that it is rather boring, hard to do, and definitely not free. God is rather like our parents, isn’t he? “If you behave, we can go for ice cream.” No wonder people shy away from the idea of divine will.
Our negative images of divine will also cause confusion in us as to what will is. Most of the time, we think of willpower as something we need in order to get things done, because it is hard to get things done. There is always something or someone that we have to push or get out of our way. In other words, another negative image we have about will is that it is needed to fight resistance. Will gives us the power to win over an obstacle. Within the old system, the resistance is always seen as outside of us.
In fact, all these images about divine will separate us not only from others but from ourselves. If we’re doing God’s will and it’s different from what we want to do, we’re separated from ourselves. When we’re separated from ourselves, we’re also separated from others, and the battle begins.
The fact that we have to work so hard to make our will agree with God’s will implies that our will is not so good. Where does the idea that our will might not be good come from? It comes from the idea of separation and that there is something wrong with us. Such vestiges of old religious values are outmoded and no longer work for us. They exist under the old regime of power-over. The underlying image in this old way of being is that we need a God to keep us responsible and good. But is that really so? Heyoan says:
All of this, my friends, is an illusion. By virtue of your pushing, you create the resistance to push against. Without the resistance, what would the will do?
We are moving into a new way of being that is based on power and responsibility from within. Consider the possibility that will has nothing to do with overcoming resistance, but rather acts to find our way. Let us look at a different metaphysics in which this will make sense.
If we recognize ourselves as having a good, responsible God within that lives in synchronicity with and is holographically part of the great universal God, then our inner will is the same as that of God. It simply is. There is nothing to fight against, nothing to push against. There is only action to be done to accomplish that which is willed. Will evokes action.
Our need is to be able to know what our good will is. Where does it come from? How do we recognize this good will within us? How do we know that it is the right one? What does it feel like?
Again, it is time to turn to the new M-3 metaphysics, introduced in Chapter 3. Within this framework, all things physical are born out of mind or consciousness. Thus, our physical lives are born out of mind. Mind was there before matter. If we assume mind indeed created our physical lives, it must have had a purpose in doing so. The universal mind’s purpose in doing so is divine purpose. The divine purpose for which we were created is our life task. Divine will puts divine reason into action.
The physical world is constantly held in creation by universal or divine mind. Our purpose is ongoing. It is, so to speak, alive. Our purpose extends not only across the broad expanse of our lifetime but functions in the here-and-now moment. Our purpose in this very moment is always connected with our life purpose, no matter what situation we find ourselves in. Our inner divine will functions in all tiny moments, in all grand time scales, in little actions, and in large long-term projects. It functions holographically to serve divine purpose.
Our confusion about will comes when we do not understand that our free-will choice of any moment is always challenged to serve our internal divine will. The degree to which we freely choose our divine will within is the exact degree to which we express and act according to our true self. This will is based on power-from-within rather than power-against or -over another. It is based on self-responsibility rather than on blame. It is based on freedom for all, rather than control of others. In divine will, there is no place for blame or the illusion of something outside us to fight against.
In areas of our lives where we have pain and trouble, we have acted out of fear and not followed our inner divine will. Perhaps we are confused about what we want to do with our lives. We act out of fear and do what we think will please other people. Here our actions are still functioning from the perspective that we must fight against something outside us to get our way, so we don’t bother to follow our true will. We are not doing what we truly want to do. We may even create an apparent outside resistance to prevent us from doing what we want. It is really ourselves that we fight—other people are just “stand-ins.” At times, we say things calculated to get someone else to protest, so that we can get out of doing something we want but are too afraid to take the chance to do. Of course, it certainly doesn’t seem so at the time of our decision making. We just focus on the protest from people around us as a diversion from what we know we must do. But in the long run that never really works. Happiness will not be ours until we do what is right for us.
For example, writing my first book was a very difficult task. I was constantly fighting myself on it. I spent a lot of time in doubt and avoidance, committing to too many things at once so there was no time left to write. I was too afraid to admit that what I was doing was very important work and that the world really wanted this material. Most people didn’t even know that I was writing a book. Almost everyone I spoke to about publishing a book on my own thought it was a pretty crazy idea. “Who in their right mind would take their entire life’s savings and put it into a book that twelve publishers have already refused?” they asked. But I knew that it was my divine purpose to bring this work into the world, so I did it and trusted. Doing it myself was a great act of faith and extremely empowering. It changed my life because I knew that my work had been done out of love.
Our divine purpose in the moment is always aligned with the universal whole. People may not know that and may protest what we have decided to do, but it is our full responsibility to decide and to then follow through. What our divine will says to do is not usually the easiest solution. Many times it is very difficult, as when I moved to the center without my husband. Had I not done so, however, my life would have been very different.
Does my will interfere with someone else’s freedom?
Am I trying to control someone?
Is my will based on blame and therefore defiant of an imagined authority?
Is my will pitted against someone else’s and therefore expressive of an inner resistance?
If your answer is yes to any of the above, you are still thinking or acting out of M-1 metaphysics.
Is my will in this moment connected to the purpose of my life?
Does my will turn me in the direction of my own self-responsibility and therefore my freedom?
Does my will help me open my heart and love?
Does it empower me to move ahead to fill the deepest longing of my soul?
If your answer is yes to any of the above, you have shifted your perspective to the new M-3 metaphysics.
It will work better for you.
To keep your life and your health running smoothly, it is a very good practice to align yourself consciously with your divine or positive will. What is it that you wish to accomplish? This question holds not only for your personal life and health but for your whole life as well. As we have already said, our purpose in life is synchronistic with our purpose in this very moment. They are holographically connected. Whatever it is you want to accomplish in any given moment is directly connected to your greater purpose in life. It may not always seem so, but it is.
If your purpose in life is to be a healer, for example, then how you take care of your health right now matters because it affects your energy field and your ability to heal others. If your purpose in life is to express yourself in words, then speaking your truth right now is a way to stay aligned with your expression. If feeding the poor is your life task, then your relationship to food and nurturing is very important. What you do right now to nurture others is practice for your larger life task and affects it directly. How, what, and how much you eat right now matter. If your life task is to simply find pleasure in living, then how you approach your life in this very moment is a very important step in that task. If you see the glass as half empty now, you are further from pleasure in living than if you see the glass as half full. If you feel deep inside that you are to be a great leader of many people, then how you act right now to those near you who have the least power matters a great deal. If you do not treat them with love and respect now, you will not get closer to your leadership. Your task now is to practice higher principles in the things that you do every moment. Your greater life task is actually just a result of your moment-to-moment practice of higher life principles. The real work is right now, wherever you are, whatever life brings.
If your purpose in the moment is a distorted version of your original purpose and therefore causes pain and dis-ease in your life, it needs to be placed in direct alignment with your greater purpose, so it can create health and balance in your life.
A way to align your will is with affirmations. If the idea of following God’s will sounds like a struggle to do something imposed from the outside, then you still carry the negative authority image that God is a deity that gives rules. The truth is that God’s will rests within your own heart. Listen to the will of God as it speaks through your own heart.
Here is the affirmation I used several times every day for a period of two years, right after I was asked to close my channel and concentrate on my own inner work. I used it to bring about the shift within myself from the small ego will to the divine will within my own heart. It is a great affirmation to dispel the notion that God’s will is an outside rule. It is taken from a Pathwork guide lecture channeled by Eva Pierrakos.
I commit myself to the will of God.
I give my heart and soul to God.
I deserve the best in life.
I serve the best cause in life.
I am a divine manifestation of God.
The mechanics of getting guidance are actually rather simple. It is best to start very simply. You may do it in a group or alone. It is important to experience getting guidance in both ways during your training period. Simply sit down with a notebook and pencil. Sit in a meditative position and consciously align with divine will.
You may silently say to yourself, “I align myself with God’s will. I want to know the truth, whatever it is. I let go of my personal stake in the answer. In the name of God [or Christ, Buddha, Allah, or whatever spiritual figure is meaningful to you] I want to know.” Write down your question on the paper, then simply wait for an answer. Your pencil will not move automatically. You are not doing automatic writing. Rather, you are telepathically listening. Write whatever comes into your mind without discrimination. You may judge what comes out as stupid or wrong, but write it anyway. After the writing is ended, put it away without reading it for at least four hours. Then you may read it and analyze it.
It is important to write down everything that comes into your mind when you are practicing. If you do so, with practice, you will begin to recognize what you are making up with your mind and what you are hearing telepathically. There will be a distinct difference in the quality of information, the language it comes in, and its tone. True guidance is always loving, supportive, non-judgmental, and truthful. It will not betray your integrity, your honesty, or your honor.
If you are practicing in a group, have one person ask a question. Everyone can get guidance for the answer. Share it right away, and compare answers. You will be surprised at how they agree and complement each other. Do not be afraid to speak up in the group if you think an answer is wrong. Now, in the beginning, is the time to learn to keep the channel clear. If you are criticized, find the seed kernel of truth in the criticism and take it to your next guidance session. When you find something in yourself to clear that relates to the criticism, take it to a session to find out what your bias is that influenced your channeling. This is difficult work and usually needs to be done with another person who is skilled in psychological functioning and in finding spiritual truth. I have always found it necessary to get regular help from another person. The more honest you are with yourself, the clearer your channel will be.
Following my guidance for so many years has brought me great reward and many experiences of spiritual ecstasy. As I used to say when I had a healing practice, “It is a great privilege because I spend all day working with angels and being in a state of love.” It was the most effective tool in helping me lift to the sixth level of the auric field, divine love.
Unlike level five, level six is very familiar to us. We are inspired by the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, by the beauty of sunlight on water or of moonlight on a lake. The stars lift us into the indigo of the night sky, and we are in wonder. We listen to music in a cathedral or chanting in a temple, and we are brought to spiritual ecstasy. We feel as if we are brought home to ourselves, and we love all that there is. These experiences are unique to each of us. There is no way words can convey the depth and breadth of spiritual feelings. Poetry brings us to the door, but we walk through it.
The sixth level of the aura looks like beautiful bright opalescent rays of light that reach out in all directions in a general egg shape. It has all the colors of the rainbow and is perhaps the most beautiful level of the aura to look at. Bringing our conscious awareness to this level brings us into spiritual ecstasy.
We all have a need to experience this regularly, like breathing. Many people do not know this. But it is as essential to feed the human soul as it is to feed the body. When the human soul is not fed, we become cynical about life. Life becomes just one hurdle after another, and there is a lack of well-beingness. Many times we try to replace the something-is-missing feeling with material wealth. It doesn’t work. The only way to fill sixth-level needs is through sixth-level experience. That means lifting ourselves to this level of experience. This means giving time and energy to this part of ourselves in our daily lives.
It may mean regular meditation. It may mean regular silent sunrise walks on the beach or in the mountains. It may mean going regularly to a religious service of your choice. It may mean regular poetry readings or regular attendance at the symphony. It is simply a matter of giving it time and focus. If silent meditation is not for you, try playing inspirational music when you meditate.
Your job in your self-healing is to provide yourself with this kind of nourishment. What music lifts you to these levels? What type of meditation do you prefer that lifts you into spiritual experience? Do you have other ways to do it? What are they?
When you do this regularly, you will awaken vast parts of yourself that are full of beauty and love that you get to know. They will become part of your normal self.
On the sixth level, you will experience unconditional love, both for yourself and for others. Unconditional love is the experience of caring completely for the well-being of another person without wanting anything in return for it. You give your love without placing any conditions on it. That means completely accepting them exactly as they are. It means giving your love in a way that stands in honor and respect for who they are, delighting in their differences from you, and supporting them to move into their excellence. It means acknowledging the source of life within them as the source of the divine.
The even-numbered levels of the aura are all feeling levels. All carry our desires. On level two—our feelings about ourselves—we carry the desires to feel good about ourselves, to love ourselves, and to be happy. On level four, our desires center on our relationships with others: our desires for intimacy, for a loving home, and loving friends. On the sixth level, our desires are to feel connected to all that there is, connected to God. These are our desires for spiritual communion.
Some spiritual or religious groups say that desires are not good, that desires get you in trouble and need to be controlled or turned off. All the world’s major religions have rejected a part of the human experience, whether it be sexual desire, our desire to be connected to God directly instead of going through some particularly chosen person, our desire to know who we are, our desire to remember our past experience, our desire to commune with the angels, our desire to know good and evil, and our desire to know reality—how it is created and our part in it. Every religion has labeled some of these desires as bad, dangerous, or ridiculous.
Heyoan, however, has a different viewpoint. He says that the prime problem is not the true desires themselves but the distortion or exaggeration of them. All of these desires are connected to a deeper desire, or our spiritual longing carried inside us on deeper dimensions of who we are. (These dimensions will be discussed in Chapter 17.) This spiritual longing leads us through our lives. It keeps us on our path. It helps us complete our purpose in being upon the earth. Recently, during a meditation, Heyoan explained how our personal desires are very helpful to us and need to be listened to, clarified, and followed through on. Here is a little lecture he gave that explains the causes of the distortion and exaggeration of our true desires. It shows us how to separate the true desires from the distorted ones and how to heal the distorted ones that bring us so much frustration and a sense of unfulfillment.
CONNECTING PERSONAL DESIRE WITH SPIRITUAL LONGING
Channeled from Heyoan
Set your purpose of personal healing for what you wish to receive, and connect to the greater plan that is being directed by the spiritual world. When you continue to align with your task that is synchronized with the task of the spiritual world, the work will be much lighter and easier. You will be connected to the deeper meaning of any event that you experience as you go through your healing process. You will be able to settle into the purpose that you have set and let go the desires of the personality that do not synchronize with those of your life task.
You see, not all desires are negative, as some groups perhaps say. Rather, some desires are a distortion or exaggeration of your deeper spiritual desire that rests within your life plan. The unfulfillment or frustration that you feel comes from the unfulfillment of the deeper spiritual work that you have come to accomplish, not from the apparent unfulfilled desire that rests on the surface of your consciousness. Your personal work, then, is to find and understand the root of your distorted desires that rest within the life plan, then manifest those deeper desires, or spiritual longings as we call them, in accordance with that plan.
And so, dear ones, what are your true needs? Here is how to allow the feelings and the longings for those real needs to fill your being so that they can be fulfilled. First make a list. What do you wish to create for yourself? Keep it simple and profound. As you make that visualization clear, do not send it up to as as if we will give it down to you, but rather seed it deeply into the core of your being so that it can emerge from your inner fountain. Whenever you have a desire that is clear and synchronized with your life task, take it to the inner fountain of creativity.
As you move into yourself and expand your conscious awareness to a greater level of being, you will experience at first hand the connection to the great plan of salvation and to the hierarchy that runs it. For there is a plan that involves many, many people. This plan will continue to unfold over the face of the earth to a greater extent and intensity and with a greater clarity as the years progress.
What you read today may not be immediately understandable to you. Understanding may come perhaps in the next three, seven, ten, or fifteen years. Hold these teachings in a personal, sacred place within. Keep a sacred personal journal, so that as the years progress and your personal path unfolds, you will have reference to earlier occurrences that did not make sense or were not understandable to you at the time of occurrence, but that will later become a key piece in the puzzle of your life task. These journals can also be for private guidance that you receive for your personal process. We seek to help you recognize the power and the light and the responsibility for that power and light within you, for that is where it already rests.
Now we will lead you to a deeper understanding of the wound that you carry that we spoke about in the first chapter in this book and to a deeper understanding of your intent not to feel that wound. This intent is called negative intent, for it does not serve you. It just brings more pain into your life. This will bring a greater understanding of self and the overall process of personal transformation. The work of transformation is to move into the self and discover the inner landscape. You have already traversed such landscapes. You have traversed inner tunnels of darkness that lead to more light. Through this transformation process, you find greater love, integrity, power, and innocence within the self. You discover that the world inside is just as large as that outside, and then you might ask again, “Who am I?”
In the beginning of your life, there came unexpected pain. You reacted to this pain by trying to stop it. In doing so, you stopped the creative impulse within you. Perhaps it was as simple as the pain you felt when you touched the hot burner of a stove, or perhaps it was an angry look from a parent. In the moment pain came, you stopped the creative force within you and covered it with shadow. In doing so, you disconnected from your center, and a part of you forgot who you are.
As you discover more inner landscapes through the personal transformation process, you bring back the memory of who you are. The original love and spiritual longing that you carried in your emotion, the original courage of your will, the original truth in your reason is still within you. You may not be aware of your spiritual longing directly, but it makes its way through your inner shadows as personality desires. There is nothing wrong with personal desires on the human level, for they are a reflection of the divine longing within, the original creative impulse.
The desires that you have as a human being for relationship, for love, for security, for finding your way to create your life as you wish are beautiful. Perhaps they are also not clear. Perhaps they are distorted. Perhaps you wish for a great deal of money because you do not feel safe. But it is not money that will make you feel safe. Perhaps you wish for a perfect mate who will completely understand you, not disagree with you, and take care of you. But what is under such a desire? The abdication of adult responsibility? The fear of change? In such conditions you would not grow through an exchange of ideas. That kind of “perfection” would not work in the human condition; it would neutralize your purpose of life in the physical.
If you wish to fulfill your true desires in your life, it becomes a matter of finding the parts of you that shadow and distort the original creative act coming from your inner fountain. You can do this by clearing the shadow and distortions and synchronizing your personal desires with your original spiritual longing that is held deep within the core of your being. They are directly connected. Your clear undistorted personal desires are the manifestation, on the personality level, of your deeper core’s longing. They are your allies. They lead you to the deeper core of your life.
What is the desire that you feel now? Perhaps you think it’s selfish. It may or may not be. Simply ask, “How does this desire of my personality connect to the original inner longing that leads me through my life?” Your work is simply to clear a path between the two so that the personality desire is a pure expression of the original creative impulse within.
There has been a lot of confusion over the earth about this issue. Much pain has come from this confusion because in some circles desires are regarded as sin. The only sin is forgetting who you are. The only sin is the illusion that you find yourself in. Do not judge your desires. Hold your desires as most holy precious parts of yourself, parts of the pieces of your life that need to be illuminated.
Now meditate to find a way from your personality desires to your deeper soul’s longing. Remember, you are connected to the great plan of salvation that is unfolding on this earth. As you heal yourself, so earth heals herself.
It is at the sixth level of our being that we experience faith and hope.
A very important part of your healing process will be the building of faith and hope. The building of faith in yourself, in your internal resources, and in your ability to take care of yourself and create what you hope and long for in life: Hope for a better life. Hope for better health. Hope for a new world order. Hope for humanity, for the planet. Faith carries you step by step through the dark tunnels we all traverse in life toward the hope for the fulfillment of our longing.
We all go through periods of our life when we lose faith. This happens when we are in the darkest places of the internal tunnels we go through during the transformation process. When all else fails and we are sure we have lost, we finally surrender to faith and hope that we didn’t even know we had inside.
A beautiful healing meditation came through in a lecture I gave in Denver in July 1988. It speaks of faith and hope, and it connects healing your pain to your life task. It is a wonderful thing to use when your faith is being tested. Here it is.
HEALING THROUGH FAITH AND HOPE
Channeled from Heyoan
Allow the light to come through you and lift you while you have your feet firmly fixed upon the earth. For you stand most naturally as a bridge between heaven and your spirituality and the earth, your beloved home in the physical. The more you allow this reality to come through to your daily personality, the more you will begin living your true self—who you are and what you have come here for. Feel the energies in this room turn molten white as we join you for this communion. Open your eyes to see, your ears to hear, and your senses to feel our presence. We are not your imagination. Indeed, we are your brethren, and we have come here to work together, to bring peace and healing to this planet.
We have all agreed to do that before you were born. It was with a great deal of hope and faith that you came here and took over a physical body. For the longing that you felt to come to this planet and to serve her was so great that you agreed to take up some of the pain that exists upon this planet and to heal it. You agreed to take that pain into your own body and into your own psyche, so that it could be transformed into love.
So I say to you, you came with great hope in your hearts of a beautiful future and with the faith to guide you every step of the way to that transformation not only within yourself but of this planet.
So let us explore a bit more in detail just how this works. We call it connecting with the universal divinity. You have brought with you great wisdom and great power. You have brought with you tremendous amounts of love, much more than you have ever dreamed of having or receiving. It is with that love and wisdom and power that you came here to heal. You have brought up a body from the body of the mother earth. You have designed that body well. You have brought from the heavens an energy system of the perfect combinations of energies that will give you the tools to fulfill your deepest inner longing. For that is what you have come here for: that which you long to do more than anything. That most outrageous dream that you carry secretly locked away, in a little package, deep within your heart—that is what you have come here to do.
So perhaps now you can take that little package, open it, and look inside. Do not be ashamed. Do not think that what you see is egotistical. It is not—it is the truth. Do not think it too outrageous, for the only limitation that you have is the belief system that you have placed upon yourself. Do not think it too mundane to be in the now, to be connected and have all your actions come from your being. No matter what you happen to be doing at the moment, it is a most holy act. It is an act of faith.
If you haven’t opened your little package yet, go ahead and do so. You will be delighted with that which you’ve packed away. I suggest to you that you take this package that is opened and put it upon an altar and meditate on it twice a day, at least five minutes each time. I’m sure you can find five minutes twice a day, when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night, to align yourself with this purpose. If you are shy about it, keep it a secret. If you wish to speak about it, feel free. But choose well those with whom you speak about it, choose those who will understand and will support you in your endeavor. For you have a job to do. I shall describe that job to you in the following way.
I would like you now to scan your life. Go back to your childhood to find the deepest pain that you have ever felt. Find that pain in its seed kernel. For every one of you carries a seed kernel of pain within you.
Once you have found it, follow where you have gone from the seed. Find how it has permeated every moment of your life, every area of your life. Find how you have carried this pain, year after year. Yes, it has changed. It has expressed itself differently in different areas, but I assure you it is the same pain.
It is precisely the pain, not only within yourself but reflected in the world, that you have come here to heal.
You have taken up this pain and placed it within your body and in your psyche. With great courage you have done this. There is no escape. Escape from the pain does not heal it. There is only the healing.
I would like you to take this pain and wrap it gently in love and acceptance. Treat it as a newborn child, a child who has forgotten who he is. This is a child of hope, a child of the bright, shining future, and it is you, the healer, that has the faith to heal this child of pain. The first step in your self-healing is to accept that this pain is yours to heal. It is your personal task that you have voluntarily accepted in service of not only yourself but the planet. You as healers have taken an oath to be meticulously honest with yourself, to love and honor the self, to follow and obey the divine wisdom that is inside of you, above you, below you, and all around you.
Feel our presence in the room. You need not pick up this burden alone. There is always guidance. Use your faith to heal your body. Make a habit of it. Do not wait until you are in pain. Do it with faith.
Upon your altar, place the pain of the child next to the love of the healer within: One is hope and one is faith. It is these two that will mold and transmute your energy so that you and the earth can become transfigured in light. Feel the love in this room. Feel the light that you are. Feel the light above you and below you. Feel the light all around you, and the light of those who have gone before you. Feel the light in every cell of your body. Be who you are. That is all that you ever volunteered for. Be who you are, that is all that was ever required. Be who you are, that is all that was ever needed. Be who you are.
It is said that the highest form of ecstasy is pure, divine creative thought. This is the gift of the seventh level. Here is where the creator soars, for it is here that he/she knows the perfect pattern and understands him/herself to be God. Here he/she weaves his/her own golden thread through the perfect universal pattern of creation, bringing even more perfection to an alive, pulsating, golden web of reality.
This is everyone’s birthright; it is everyone’s most natural, normal state. The more we allow ourselves this, the more alive we become, the more healthy we become, and the more human we become. We could not exist without this seventh level. We will exist in much more happiness, ecstasy, and love when we give this to ourselves in simple regular daily meditation, and then integrate it into our daily lives. Do not underestimate yourself. It is already in you. It is a matter of bringing your conscious awareness to it, and being who you are.
Do this simple meditation for ten minutes daily each morning on rising, and you will be surprised how well your day goes. Simply sit in a meditative position and keep your back straight. Do not lean on anything with your upper back. If you need support, prop something behind your sacrum. Now simply repeat each word of the following mantra with each in or out breath that you take. Each time your mind wanders, simply bring it back to the words of the mantra, which is, “Be still, and know that I am God.”
The level of divine mind brings us to our reason for being. The seventh level of the field is divine mind, knowing the perfect pattern. When we lift our consciousness to this level of our being, we enter into a state of clarity that brings us to the understanding that everything is perfect the way it is, even in its imperfections. It is only from this level of our being that we can understand this. From other levels, it may sound like a copout or just another airy-fairy idea that has nothing to do with reality. How could something that is imperfect be perfect?
It is from the seventh level that we understand that the earth experience is a schoolroom of lessons. The major lesson here is to learn love. It is easy to love what is perfect and gives us no problem. It is when we are in trouble and pain that we need to learn to love ourselves and others. Therefore, the imperfections on the earth are the perfect situation in which to learn love. If we knew how to love under any conditions, we would not have created these conditions. When we learn to love under any conditions, the love we give will change the conditions.
On the seventh level, the aura is made of very strong brilliant lines of gold-white light. They hold the whole thing together. These lines of light are surprisingly strong. Meditation in which you lift your conscious awareness to this level will bring about a sense of strength, ease, and acceptance in your life. Since everything is perfect and is working within a perfect order of things, whatever happens must have a higher reason behind it, no matter what it is. Bad things don’t happen because we are bad. We are not being punished. Many things happen out of a greater order that we may not understand. Whatever happens, no matter how much it doesn’t make sense or makes sense only in a negative context, is a lesson in loving. No matter what.
Learning what the higher divine reason for any difficult situation is helps us deal with what is happening. If we know that a divine lesson is being learned through a difficult experience, it is easier to go through it, even if we do not know what that lesson is. Most of the time, we do not know what that lesson is because usually we can’t understand it until we have learned it.
Two particular cases come to mind that show how an unacceptable event was made acceptable through surrendering to the healing process or life lesson being learned, and lifting to a higher level of understanding.
In 1985, I gave a series of healings to a three-year-old and her mother. The little girl, Stephanie, had been born with atrial septal defect (ASD), a hole about the size of a quarter between two chambers of her heart. Open heart surgery had been scheduled for July 1985. The mother, Karen, had had several surgeries herself and was afraid for Stephanie of the pain that would follow surgery. Karen’s initial motive for bringing Stephanie to the healings was to prevent the surgery.
Each session, Karen would ask Heyoan if her daughter really had to have open heart surgery. Wasn’t there any way it could be prevented? I was also really into avoiding the surgery. Every time Karen asked Heyoan about it, I would get nervous. I didn’t want to give any false predictions. At one point toward the end of a healing, Heyoan, as if he had had enough of our complaining, suddenly exclaimed to me, “Here, follow me.”
I found myself rushing down a hospital corridor behind Heyoan. He flung open the doors to surgery, brought me up to the table, and said, “Here, look at this.”
I found myself leaning over and looking down into the open cavity in Stephanie’s chest. The operation was going well. Then the scene moved forward in time and switched to recovery. Stephanie was doing fine. Then it was a day or two after the operation. Already Stephanie was sitting in a chair in her hospital room looking very chipper. I saw her jump out of the chair and run to her parents when they came into the room. Next, the scene switched to Stephanie, at about thirteen years old, just moving into puberty. She was standing in front of a mirror, looking at the scar on her chest. She looked beautiful, healthy, and radiant. She was examining the scar in a curious and unconcerned way. The scar helped her connect with her heart and loving.
Then Heyoan said, “Now, is that so bad?”
I relayed my little adventure to Karen, and her fears abated for a while, but of course, by the next session, they were back.
It was still very difficult for me to stay unbiased in the healings. Since I am a mother of a daughter, too, I wanted to help avoid this operation. Having had a cesarean section with complications for the birth of my own daughter, I also found that I was biased against surgery, even though the surgery had saved my baby’s life. Because of my own bias and the pressure from Karen, I again was having trouble keeping my channel clear. Finally, I was able to lift up through the higher levels of the auric field to Heyoan, and I received the following guidance from him:
The issues around loving for you relate to your being able to hold someone within the field of your loving energy and still let them experience their life as they had planned it for themselves. You cannot protect or save any child of yours from its own karma. Karma in this case means its own life plan that it has chosen. For this is a wise soul and has come in for a beautiful task and has chosen exactly how she will do it, and she continues to choose that moment by moment. She continues to remake her commitment to life in the physical world with every breath she takes, just as the two of you do.
[Here Heyoan refers to both Barbara and Karen.]
And so if we could enter into these discussions from this broader point of view, perhaps there will be less static in the channel. If the two of you were now to move to the place of wisdom within yourselves, you will both find the deeper wisdom within you that chose the operations that you each experienced. There was an enormous amount learned by each of you. Why, it started this one [referring to Barbara] on her road to becoming a healer, did it not? For before that, there was no experience of pain or illness, so therefore there was no empathy of those that were ill because her experience was lacking.
And with you, Karen, my dear, similar issues hold. You had never experienced being so well cared for until your surgery. It opened for you great vistas of the heart, of caring and being cared for, of giving in and trusting. But yet I’m hearing you say, “Trusting—are you kidding? I trusted and look at what happened!” And I say to you, do look at what happened. You ended up with two wonderful children. You were cared for. The closeness between you and your husband and between you and your greater family grew a great deal.
You are now caring for them. You understand their pain more. You are certainly well prepared to help carry your child through this operation, if it occurs, for you know what it’s like. So ask yourself, “What would you have asked of others when you had your operation ? What gave you the most pleasure—the flowers in the room, the people visiting, the loving hands placed upon you? How did your experience lighten itself? Through what experiences did your hospital stay become more pleasant?”
And so, if you have a child who goes into surgery, how can you be with her? Choose the hospital carefully, as you did for the birth. Be there in the hospital with her. Go through the experience. Have your feelings. Hold her in your field of love, knowing that whatever happens is God’s will and her will. That is the most difficult. For whatever happens is what she has chosen. Therefore, respect the wisdom of the soul that resides within your child. Respect its choices and support those choices. Support the learning that this child has undertaken to do. If she chooses to go through the surgery, know that it is a statement from her of an increased trust in the family, in loving, and in the heart.
Now this may sound like a contradiction in terms, but look at the experience. Would one not need more trust in family, in loving, and in the heart to go through the experience than to not go through it?
And yes, Barbara would argue, “But why couldn’t she avoid it? Why not?” And we simply say one way is no better than the other. Each teaches a different lesson.
Remember, keep complete respect and courage. She has so much courage. She will tell you, “Mommy, look—I am going to do this, and it will increase your faith as much as mine. I bring this to you as a gift. For the world is safe, although there be pain in it. The world is loving, although there be separation. The world is beautiful, although there be disarray. And I make this statement through these actions of my complete faith in the physical realm. I bring this to you as a gift. And so, dear Mommy, I have come to heal your heart as you have come to heal mine.”
KAREN: In light of all this positive talk, and this has really touched me, my husband wanted to know if there are any psychological issues that will come out of it if she does have the surgery. She sounds as if she really is very together. It seems the difficulty is more for my husband and me than for her.
HEYOAN: We spoke to you today in the terms we did to echo the statements of Stephanie’s broader and greater and deeper wisdom. But of course, there is the part that forgets. Of course, if she has surgery, when she wakes up there will be pain; and of course she will react in the pain; and of course she will say, “Mommy, take me home. Mommy, take me home.” And you will not be able to. But you can stay with her and say, “The world is a safe place. I remember ’cause you told me so.”
And the same goes for your dear husband. Trying to protect her from her own wisdom does not work, my dear son. Go with the deeper wisdom of her choice, and you will be strengthened by it. When she forgets her strength, you can give her yours. You simply are returning the gift. You see how beautiful the harmony flows between each of you in the family, and what a family it is!
KAREN: I don’t have any more questions, I just want to thank your guides for suggesting we do laying on of hands and for all the help. It really has been a pleasure to do it this month. She likes it and I like it, and it’s become a ritual.
[Heyoan had instructed Karen to do laying on of hands healing with Stephanie each evening at bedtime. They grew much closer through this process and had been doing it for several months at this point.]
HEYOAN: Yes, it is a beautiful communion, is it not?
KAREN: I also wanted to know if there was anything that happened today that we should know about.
HEYOAN: The heart was strengthened; her faith was strengthened; and you need to go through more time before you know the outcome. I’m sorry, my dear, but we respect again the wisdom of your soul, for there will be great rejoicing when you have come through your tunnel.
BARBARA: I’m trying to see what’s in this tunnel here. [She looks in the tunnel.] It looks like one of those Lego block games, sort of a funny little game, a kid-adult game to play with. That’s what’s in the tunnel.
They’re standing waiting as if there’s more to say, only they don’t have anything to say. I don’t know if you have more questions.
KAREN: I have a lot of feeling. I can feel the tunnel. A lot of what I’m going through this last month is separation from my parents. I really finally am taking it in that my parents aren’t here for me. And when they said the tunnel, I felt as if I’m having to be here for my family and be grown-up and be really separated from my dependence on my parents that was never … I was dependent on them, and they were never there. I’m having a lot of feelings about them. I don’t know what to ask about it.
HEYOAN: We are sorry that you experienced this pain, and we are so sorry that it was not perfectly the way you wanted it, from the level of the child. And as we have already said, your greater wisdom chose your childhood experiences. If you were to look at your mothering now and see the wonder of it, of the self-expression and the enormous room that you have for your self-expression through mothering, you would understand some of the choices that you have made. For there is no one bending over your shoulder saying, “No, this is how a mother acts.” Nor would you do that to your child when she becomes a mother.
KAREN: That’s true. I forget the freedom.
HEYOAN: And so remember when you are in the hospital, don’t let anyone stand over your shoulder and say, “This is how you should be acting.” Be completely yourself, and if you need someone to hold you, then by all means ask for that, for no one ever really grows up, at least in those terms. Needs are real and they are beautiful, and they bring people together and create more love between people, more communication and strength. You might say that a need is a strength growing. Admitting a fear is finding love. Admitting that you are lost means you are finding your way home. A need is a statement of truth, of where you are along your path. When Christ was on the cross, he expressed his doubts. There was a moment of nonfaith, and he expressed it. Then later it was followed by a moment of faith. And so be completely in yourself and who you are in the moment. This will bring more courage and more strength to those around you. Lean on that dear husband of yours more. He’s very strong.
KAREN: Really!
HEYOAN: Perhaps he forgets now and then. Try leaning a little more, and he’ll remember it.
KAREN: I feel as if I’m going to burden him. I don’t want to lean on him. It’s amazing. Thanks.
HEYOAN: YOU are heartily welcome, and remember we are always with you. We will be there holding her gently when she leaves her body in the possible operation.
KAREN: Yes, I know. I don’t want to bank on the fact that she might not have it, so I’m really like sort of preparing myself that—
HEYOAN: You’re going through it. You need to go through your tunnel one way or the other.
Through guidance, it became clearer and clearer that the surgery would probably happen in order to help the whole family come together and learn to have faith in and trust in living in a physical world. Both parents were very spiritually oriented and somehow had equated the surgery to not having done something right spiritually. Through the series of guidances, it became clear that this was not the case. In the last session, Heyoan told Karen that shortly after the surgery, her husband Michael would get a new job and they would move out of Brooklyn and into a small town about an hour out of New York, where their life would take on new form. All this, he said, would be the result of the tremendous changes and growth in the family as it went through the family healing initiated by Stephanie’s surgery. Karen said that her husband had been looking for a job for over a year and that they wanted to move to New Jersey. Heyoan said that it was not yet time for them to move, because they needed to complete the family healing that was taking place. It was important for Stephanie to complete her healing in the old home and leave it all behind so that she would start a new life in the new one.
It is 1992 as I write this book. I have just interviewed Karen to check out the results of all the work. They are happy and comfortable. Karen says life is better than she ever dreamed it could be. She just confirmed the little trek that Heyoan took me on, through the operating room. Events unfolded just as he had said they would. Stephanie had open heart surgery in July. Her recovery was very fast. Two or three days after the operation, she was very perky. The minute the nurses took the tubes out of her, she jumped out of the chair and ran across the room to greet her parents as they walked into the room.
Karen said that Stephanie had had three emotional traumas during the hospital stay. They occurred when the staff had to take Stephanie away from her parents to have testing procedures, to have surgery, and then to remove the tubes. Karen said that Stephanie had three nightmares the first three times she slept at home, one for each of the emotional traumas. After that she was fine—no bad memories, and no problems about the hospital experience.
The family went on vacation in August, another thing Heyoan said would happen that they didn’t believe. When they returned from vacation, there was a job offer for Michael in New Jersey. It was the job he wanted but had refused earlier because the salary was too low. Now they had increased the salary to meet his requirements. Karen said it had taken only a couple of days to find the house they bought. By October, they were living in New Jersey, and Michael was in his new job.
Karen says that the healing experience with Stephanie was a very important step in their evolution as a family. She says that three to four weeks after the surgery Stephanie was a different child. Before the surgery, she had been a wistful child, but afterward she came solidly into her body, and her color changed. She is now ten. She calls herself a Heart Child. She writes beautiful poetry and music, sings, and is interested in acting.
Karen says that, through the experience, she learned to trust much more in the synchronicity of the universe. Looking back, she can see that everything happened in perfect timing. For example, even though Michael had looked for a job for a year, the move could not happen until the healing was completed. Once it was, everything flowed easily and automatically into the new life the family made for itself.
Now Karen says, “I’m learning to trust in this greater plan. You have to put an effort out for anything. But when you put an effort out and you keep meeting resistance, you have to know that something else is going on. It might not be just that you are resistant; it might be that the timing is not right, and that something else has to happen, something has to be completed. Because once it was completed, everything fell into place immediately. I went house shopping for two days, Michael went one day, and we bought this house the day after we saw it. They had just lowered the price, so it fit at the top of our price range. Everything was like clockwork. I feel as if I learned to trust in that from the experience with Stephanie. And I have continued to have things like that. When something is right, it just goes along easily. You don’t have to push upstream.”
The second example that gives us the possibility to accept the unacceptable through lifting to a higher level of understanding and thereby transforming our life experience is that of a young man of about twenty-five who was dying of malignant melanoma. I shall call him Andy.
Andy lived about three hours away by car, and his lovely mother brought him to healings. When Andy came to me, he had, according to his doctors, less than a year to live. The fast-moving cancer had already spread all over his body and was now entering his brain. Later, as he worked with me, radiation was given periodically to reduce the size of the tumors, which then were beginning to give him pain.
No one told Andy what the real state of his health was, but deep inside he knew. What was very striking about Andy was that he was not really that concerned about his death. This was true even when he first started coming to me, and he was not yet in pain. From the first moment he walked into my office, he did not struggle much for life in the physical body. He admitted that he was very ambivalent about being in the physical world at all. He wanted to know more about the spiritual world. I channeled Heyoan a lot to Andy, and they became good friends.
Over time, Andy became more comfortable in the spiritual world and sought to reach his own guide. Andy became more and more concerned about love between people, especially about people in his family loving each other. Sometimes he would puzzle as to whether he would die soon, but each time he would state his ambivalence and a certain curiosity, as if looking forward to a great adventure.
Soon he had a prophetic dream that completely took him out of denial. He said that he was pretty sure he was going to die because he saw his guide. In the dream his guide got closer and closer to him, until he merged with and became one with his guide. Then, in this state of oneness, he watched people at his funeral lower his casket into the ground. Andy died a month or so later.
I was very sad. I knew this young man had a lot to teach me and others. I felt I had failed him because he died, even though it had been okay with him. I was rather shy about seeing his family again, when his brother and mother came to see me after a lecture I gave in their area. I assumed they would not be too pleased with me, having not been able to “save” him. But I had a great surprise. They thanked me profusely and told me that Andy’s healing had had a profound effect of healing on the whole family. Through the healing process, Andy’s surrender to truth and love had helped the family members open to each other so deeply that the entire family had changed.
His brother told me that there had been a severe break in the family around the time of Andy’s birth, about twenty-five years earlier. Apparently the family had split in half, and one half had not spoken to the other half for years—that is, not until Andy, during his healing processes, started insisting that they heal the wounds. The two halves of the family that had split at his birth came together in love on the day he died, and they had been together ever since.
The family was convinced that one of Andy’s life tasks had been to heal the family. Andy’s whole life had been a momentous life lesson for the family. They were grateful for having had him with them, and grateful for all he had given them.
Sit up with a straight back, or lie down and relax on a comfortable surface. Slow down your breathing and relax. Center your focus inward; let go of the things you may have to do. Listen and feel inward.
First, feel your body as it is now. Bring your awareness to the particular part of your body you are concerned about. Bring it into integration with your body, by giving it your loving acceptance just as it is.
Next, visualize it in completeness and perfection. See it as a golden grid of perfection, bright, strong, and beautiful. With a sweep of your hand that is golden light, you turn the organ into its perfect state. Give thanks for its transformation.
Do several times a day. It only takes a minute or two.
A simple, deep relaxation and visualization technique helps you bring healing energy to specific areas of your body and all the levels of your auric field that are in need of healing. I call it “Traveling Through the Body.” It consists of four major parts. The first part is becoming deeply relaxed; the second part is loving the self and connecting with your guardian angels; the third part is healing specific parts of the body; and the fourth part is coming back out of the deep relaxation while maintaining a healing state.
You can become very deeply relaxed by utilizing both kinesthetic feeling and visual imagery through audio suggestion, along with soft music. If you are primarily kinesthetic (meaning that you relate to the world through the physical sensation of feeling), then you will respond to suggestions of physical sensations, like lying on a bed of feathers or gently floating on a boat. If you are primarily visual, you will respond to the descriptions of beautiful skies, mountains, and lakes. It is best to use all five senses to help induce a relaxed state.
Once you have entered into a relaxed state, you have created a harmonious flow in your body that promotes healing. You can go on to the second part of the visualization. It is loving yourself and opening to help from your guardian angels.
Next, in the third part, you can get specific about what you want healed. You can keep it very simple and focus on a state of complete health for your whole body. Or you can be very specific about organs and even cells. For example, some people visualize white blood corpuscles eating the unwanted cells of a tumor. You will feel healing energy coming to the unhealthy parts of your body. It is important to stay in this state until you know that you have completed your work for the period of time allotted.
The fourth part of visualization is to simply come out of the deep relaxation and to create a nice closure to insure continuation of the healing process. Give yourself time to come out of your deep relaxation, and while you are doing it, be sure to give yourself the suggestion that you can return to that healing state within a matter of moments anytime you wish. Also include, in your closure, the suggestion that the healing that you have initiated will continue throughout the rest of your healing process. That way, each day you can build up more healing power in your energy system.
You can build your own visualization from the above format. Use your favorite music, your favorite images, and your favorite physical sensations. Here is an example of traveling through the body that I find effective. First, put on some of your favorite soft music. Then lie down on a couch, bed, or mat, and relax your breathing.
Stretch out on a comfortable surface, and loosen all tight clothing.
Feel your body resting on the surface beneath you. Feel warmth and energy flowing through each part of your body. Focus on your feet. Your feet become heavy and warm. Then move to your legs, and slowly work your way up the body. Each part becomes heavy, warm, and deeply relaxed. Feel the tension flowing off your body into the surface below you like thick honey. It oozes down through the surface, through the floor, and into the ground beneath. It sinks deep into the earth. Allow your breathing to continue to slow down to a nice healthy relaxed pace. Repeat to yourself, “I am at peace, no noise will bother me. I am at peace, no noise will bother me.”
Imagine yourself very tiny, like a small gold light, and enter your body wherever you choose. Your tiny self flows to your left shoulder, relaxing all the tension in your left shoulder. Say to yourself, “My left shoulder is heavy and warm.” Then move across into your right shoulder. Give your tiny self any tools it would like to use to relax the tension in your left shoulder, like squirting it with a hose or painting it with a brush. Say to yourself, “My right arm is heavy and warm. I am at peace, no noise will bother me.” Your tiny self flows back up your right arm and flows into your chest, relaxing you even more. Your tiny self continues to move throughout your entire body, part by part, relaxing it. It becomes heavy and warm.
Pause for a few moments to go through your whole body.
Now if you really wish to go deeper, imagine that you are walking in a meadow with beautiful flowers. Look at the flowers and all their beautiful colors and shapes, smell their fragrance, feel the soft velvet petals. As you continue walking through the meadow, feel the light breeze on your face. You come upon your favorite fruit tree, and you taste your favorite fruit. The breezes rustle gently through the leaves of the trees that surround the meadow. The birds are singing. You look up and see a beautiful sky, with white puffy clouds. As you lie on the soft grass beneath the tree, you make shapes out of the clouds.
You feel good about yourself, your life, and your body. You begin to feel love for yourself. You begin thoroughly loving all of yourself, all of your personality, all of your psyche, each part of your body, all of your problems, and every aspect of your life. You gently enfold each aspect of yourself in loving acceptance, no matter how much you normally hate this part and reject it. Enfold each negative part in loving acceptance, and visualize it melting into whatever its original divine aspect was. It is okay not to know what that original aspect was. In the melting and remembering process, it will slowly and automatically revert to its original divine purpose, truth, and feeling. You recognize the deeper meaning of your life.
As you love yourself, you go through each part of your body loving it, and wiping away any pain that may be there.
If there is a particular part of your body that you are concerned about, send special love to that part. Enfold it in loving acceptance. Now it is time to do the specific work of getting rid of unwanted cells or microorganisms. Tell them that it is simply not appropriate for them to be there and that they should go elsewhere. Or put up a more aggressive fight—whichever feels right for you. You can imagine a hose of fresh water squirting away anything you wish to leave. If a particular organ is under- or overfunctioning, you can make contact with it and coax it into balance. Be as creative as you wish. Enjoy yourself.
Pause to have time to go through the body parts that are ill.
After you finish healing specific body areas, move through each layer of your auric field, bringing energy and loving acceptance to it. Each time you move up a layer, it is like tuning the radio to a station with a higher frequency. Or going up in an elevator and getting off on the next floor. Just set your dial a bit higher, and you are there.
Level one of the auric field: First there is the layer of physical sensation. It is beautiful blue gridwork of energy holding the cells together. Make it brighter. You feel a bit larger than your physical body because it extends out a bit from it. Now focus on each of the seven chakras.
They are located as follows: The first is in the perineum, between your legs. The second is just above the pubic bone, on the front and back of your body. The third is in the solar plexus area, in the hollow between and just below your ribs, on the front and back of your body. The fourth is on the heart and between the shoulder blades. The fifth is in front of and in back of your throat. The sixth is in the forehead and back of your head. The seventh is at the crown of your head. On this level of your field, they are all made of blue meshwork. Spin each one clockwise, as seen from the outside of your body on both the front and back of the body, so that they spiral in toward each other. Imagine a clock on your body in the location of each chakra, and spin the dials on the blue clock.
Level two of the auric field: Next go to the emotional level, where many clouds of color are moving over and through you. Enjoy them as they move, and make them brighter. Feel the love to yourself that flows here. On this level the chakras change color. The first is red, the second is orange, third is yellow. Next comes green, then blue, then indigo, and finally white at the top of your head.
Level three of the auric field: Now move to the light, delicate yellow of the the mental level. Feel the sense of clarity, appropriateness, and integration that is here, and enhance it. Now your boundaries are even larger. You must be at least six inches wider on each side. Each level of being you go to draws your consciousness into higher realms of self-acceptance and self-understanding. Spin each chakra clockwise on this level—they are all a fine bright yellow color.
Level four of the auric field: As you now move to the fourth level of your field, you will again feel colors flowing through and around you. Remember each level extends completely through the body. This time they feel a little thicker, more like fluid. You will find even more love in this layer. Let it flow through you as you feel your love for others. Again, enhance the colors of your field. Spin each of the fluid flowing chakras clockwise. Again, the colors change as you move upward. The colors are similar to the second layer, except that they have a lot of rose light in each of them.
Connect with guardian angels for help.
During this time, it is also good to ask for help from your guardian angels, for there is much help available to you through your greater spiritual connections than most people are aware of. I have seen personal guardian angels working on many patients without the presence of a spiritual healer. Knowing this help is available to you will help you feel supported and not alone in your struggle. With the help of your guides, now move through the higher levels of your being.
Level five of the auric field: First, feel the divine will within you. Feel its template all around and through you. It looks like a cobalt-blue blueprint of the first layer. Feel how it strengthens you and gives you form. This is usually the hardest for people to relate to, because on this layer, the background, the space, is solid dark cobalt blue, and that which is normally solid is empty space. Spin the chakras on this level. They are composed of fine lines of empty space.
Level six of the auric field: As you continue to move out now, to the sixth level, you begin to feel spiritual ecstasy. You are like the brilliant glow around a candle. You are opalescent colors streaming forth. Let your light shine. Your awareness of self now extends at least two feet from each side of your body. Each chakra again changes color, like before, but this time they are all full of opalescent pearly light.
Level seven of the auric field: Finally, you come to the golden grid of the seventh layer. Feel the strength of these fine golden threads of light. They wrap you inside a golden egg. Feel the strength of the eggshell as it protects you. Make it even stronger. Fill it in in places that need it. Spin each golden chakra clockwise. Feel how strong it is. Now you extend to about three feet beyond your physical body in every direction. Enjoy it. Rest in the serenity of your divine mind. Stay in the expanded relaxed state as long as you like. It is good for your healing. Go to sleep if you like.
Come back to a normal state of awareness.
When you are ready to come back to a normal state of awareness, give yourself a count back to assist. Simply say, “By the time I count back to zero, I will be wide awake and alert, self-confident and aware, but remain deeply relaxed, and my healing will continue.” Then slowly start counting back from five or six. Each time you count the next number, remind yourself that you can return to this deep state of healing within a matter of minutes. Again say, “By the time I count back to zero, I will be wide awake and alert, self-confident and aware, and yet remain very deeply relaxed.”
Finally you can say, “Zero! I am now wide awake and alert, and my healing continues!”