Early next morning I found a basket of food on our doorstep. It was sent from the Hall, with a note from her Ladyship saying our rent had been ‘arranged’ so we’d nothing to fear, and that she’d write me the best character a maid could ask for. Ma made me read it over and over, and even then it took a while to sink in.
After a fine breakfast of bacon and bread, Ma settled to her work and I did the pots and scrubbed the floor. It felt good to be busy at something. For not far beneath the surface, I reckoned we were both still sad. But then, it would take time, wouldn’t it? Up at the Hall, it had taken years. Ma and me, we’d made a start, at least.
The day itself was bright and warm, so I kept our front door open as I worked. Anyone might’ve walked right in, I wouldn’t have cared, though I’d have made them take their boots off so as not to ruin my floor.
But no one did come.
And as the day wore on, I hoped a particular someone would call by. I listened for footsteps up the path, and decided to clean the windows for an excuse to keep an eye out. And just as I knelt to scrub the front step again, our gate swung open at last.
‘I’ll get it!’ I said, leaping to my feet.
‘If it’s that nice lad Will Potter, be sure to invite him in,’ called Ma.
Blushing, I turned to see not Will at all, but a man in a dark uniform and hat. My heart sank.
‘Matilda Higgins?’ he said.
‘That’s me,’ I said.
‘I’ve got post for you.’
He handed me a thick envelope. I peered at it. I’d never had a letter in my whole blooming life. And now I’d got one, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. One look at the envelope and I went hot then cold all at once. I knew that handwriting anywhere.
It was from Eliza.
I didn’t dare take it back inside. I went a little way down the lane to a low wall, where I sat and waited for my heartbeat to steady down. I couldn’t bring myself to read the damned thing. Instead, I left it unopened in my lap and shutting my eyes I listened to the blackbirds singing. The sun was warm, the air smelled of earth and wet grass. If I stayed here just like this, Eliza couldn’t hurt me any more.
It was no good. I had to read it.
I picked up the envelope. The postmark looked like ‘Liverpool’, though the ‘ool’ was hard to see against the little black stamp. I took a deep breath.
The letter was only short. Even so, it was a job to focus on the words.
Dear Tilly,
By the time this reaches you, you might of forgotten us already. Or cut us from your lives – I wouldn’t blame you for that. But you must know that I couldn’t bring myself to pawn your ring. It just weren’t right, not when I saw the name inside it and what with all you’d said about your queer dream – though where you got such a thing God only knows. But, see, I do have a heart, after all.
Pa wanted you to know something. Last Sunday, when he nearly came home he saw you. You was with Will Potter on the road heading towards Frost Hollow Hall. He said you looked excited and happy, like a person heading off on an adventure. And he was glad that you weren’t sat at home waiting for him. Seeing you so purposeful made him strong. It gave him the guts to follow his dream. He thinks you’ll be better off without him. Lord knows you’ll be better off without me!
In two days’ time, we set sail for America on board a vast ship called the Britannic. Pa still has this little dream that you might come after us. So if you change your mind we’re staying at . . .
I didn’t read the rest.
I shook the envelope like a mad thing. A small gold ring fell into my hand. I grasped it tight, and started to laugh, since the joy was too much. And then of a sudden I was crying. The tears fell fast and hot. My whole body trembled, but I didn’t hold back. I let myself weep. And as I sat and sobbed ’til my throat ached, the ring turned warm in my hand, just as it had a week ago when I’d found it in the hem of my frock.
Eventually, my tears stopped. I folded up the letter and pushed it to the deepest part of my pocket. Eliza was right; it was too late. Things were different now.
It hurt, though. Deeply.
So Pa had seen me with Will on our way to go skating. Had I been excited that day? Really? I didn’t think so. I’d been miserable because Pa hadn’t yet come home. Will and his skates were just a distraction. Or they had been then.
Yet it was also the very start of things. I’d been heading towards the lake, towards Kit Barrington. An adventure was about to start. He was right about that. Perhaps Pa knew it before even I did.
There was one thing I did know. I’d not be chasing after him and Eliza. Though I’d miss them both every day for the rest of my life, I’d not leave my ma. Not for anything. That didn’t stop it hurting. Yet I knew what it was, this feeling. I was losing something dear to me, my own flesh and blood.
I was letting go.
I looked up to see Will limping towards me along the lane. Quickly, I wiped my face and hoped I wasn’t a complete state, though I knew he’d seen me looking worse.
‘I was just coming to call on you,’ he said.
I patted a place on the wall next to me. He eased himself down. Straight away he saw Kit’s ring in my hand.
‘What on earth you got there?’
I held it so he could see it properly. My hand was shaking hard. ‘This belonged to Kit Barrington,’ I said, and told him about Eliza and the letter in my pocket.
His eyes went wide in wonder. ‘So there really was a ring.’
‘You didn’t believe me, did you?’
‘Not quite. Not at first.’
I shrugged. ‘Well, I can hardly blame you for that.’
He sat quiet for a moment. I noticed how close we were sitting, how our hands were nearly touching. My stomach did a little somersault.
‘Reckon you’re done with this business now?’ said Will.
‘I think so.’
He took a deep breath.
‘Any chance I might get a look in, then?’
I stared at him. ‘What? You?’
‘Why not?’ he said, all easy. ‘Up to you of course, but let’s just say I’ve never come second best to a ghost before.’
Damn Will Potter!
I bit back the urge to be sharp. Because in a way, he was right, wasn’t he? The Kit I’d known hadn’t been real. He’d been a thought in my head, an idea of a person. And because of him, I’d got off my backside and done things I was proud of. Kit would always be dear to me.
Will seemed to sense my shift in mood. He said gently, ‘You did right by Kit Barrington. He’s a lucky chap.’
I gazed at the ring, then at Will. ‘That’s all done now.’
For here was Will Potter, sat so close I could almost feel the warmth coming off him. Goodness, he was lovely to look at. And he was real.
‘So what you going to do with it?’ said Will, meaning the ring.
‘I’ll give it back to her Ladyship. Its rightful place is with her now, not me. But that can wait ’til tomorrow. I can’t face Frost Hollow Hall today.’
‘If you like, I’ll come with you.’
‘Ta,’ I said. ‘I’d like that very much.’
Will got down off the wall and stood right in front of me. His eyes were the deepest brown.
‘I’ve got a dare for you, Tilly.’
My mouth must’ve fallen open in horror, since he said, ‘Now then. Be fair. It is my turn, after all.’
‘Go on then. What is it?’
He folded his arms across his chest. ‘You’ve to invite me in. Properly this time, for tea and everything.’
I tried to keep a straight face, um-ing and ahh-ing until he started to look quite vexed.
‘Oh all right then,’ I said finally. ‘On one condition.’
‘Now what?’
I jumped down off the wall and I held out my hand, hoping more than anything he’d take it.
He raised an eyebrow, then smiled the handsomest smile.
‘Very well,’ he said. ‘It’s a deal.’
And he took my hand in his.
It wasn’t just any old handhold, neither, for it made me flush. Our palms seemed to fit together perfectly. His fingers felt so warm, so sure, I felt certain I’d never let them go.
We walked back up the lane, dawdling a little just for the joy of it. As we reached our gate, I stopped to take in the clean front step and the curl of smoke coming from the chimney. Inside, I pictured Ma still hard at work. Or perhaps she’d seen us coming and had already put the tea on. Either way, my heart was full. This was my house, my home. I wondered if it was right to feel so happy.
‘Pinch me, would you? Just to check I’m not dreaming,’ I said.
Will pinched my arm.
‘Ouch! Not that hard!’ I laughed, pinching him back.
Really I was glad because I’d had enough of dreams. What I wanted was the here and now. To live my life with what I had, not what I hoped might be.
When we reached our front step, I held the door open wide.
‘Come on in,’ I said to Will.
He let go my hand just long enough to take off his cap. Then with his fingers in mine, he stepped inside. And as the sun streamed in through the windows, we took our tea together, Will Potter, Ma and me. It was very fine indeed. Better, in fact, than any dream.