In so many ways, this book is the book of my heart.
I was adopted when I was only six weeks old. My adoption was something that felt like a fairy tale told to me by my parents from the time I was old enough to understand stories—the one about the loving but lonely couple who desperately desired to have a child, and the brave sixteen-year-old girl who was determined to find a better life for her baby. I was the happy ending of that story, like Cass, and like so many other adoptees I’ve always been curious to know how that story began. When I was eighteen, with my parents’ blessing, I embarked on a journey to try to find my birth mother, or, at the very least, to find out who she was. It was a heart-wrenching and often frustrating quest that spanned more than twenty years, and I never did find her. I still don’t even know her name.
In some ways I wrote this book to explore my wishful feelings about that elusive sixteen-year-old girl. Still, I want to clarify that this novel is a work of fiction. When I write I try to escape myself and find new characters and, hopefully, follow them home. Cass and Sandra both came to life for me in that magical way that characters do, and went off in directions I never expected. And so, dear Reader, The How & the Why is not my story, although I will confess that three major details are lifted from real life:
1. I did go to College of Idaho, one of the best and most formative periods of my life. This book is my love song to this amazing school, where I learned so much and where I also, all these years later, sat in the gorgeous new library and composed this book. I also went to Boise State for graduate school, where I really committed myself to becoming a writer.
2. There really did used to be a letter-writing program in Idaho in which birth mothers could leave letters for their unborn babies.
3. There was indeed a home for pregnant girls in Boise, which is now called the Marian Pritchett School, and is still helping pregnant teens today. The people who work in this place are, in my eyes, nothing short of educational rock stars. They make a difference in the lives of young people in such a huge and tangible way that it truly is changing the world one life at a time.
On that note, the first person I’d like to thank is Lindsey Klein, for her enormous help when I was researching this novel. Lindsey gave me a thorough tour of the school and patiently answered all my seemingly inane questions about the history and daily operation of Booth Memorial. I also want to thank Amber Young, who worked in the dorms in the final years that the school operated as a home, and who gave me so much valuable insight into what life would have been like for Sandra Whit.
I’d also like to thank one of my oldest and dearest friends, Amy Yowell, who drove with me over to Booth to be my moral support because she knew that it would be emotional for me to be there. She read the first draft like a cheerleader, but also as a kind of expert, because she’s a high school teacher, she grew up in Idaho Falls, she’s my former roommate at College of Idaho, and, in a weird coincidence, she just happened to be at the exact same Pearl Jam concert I randomly chose for how Sandra and Dawson met. Amy is the best bestie I could ask for, and I can’t adequately express how glad I am to have her in my life. To Ben, her husband, and her amazing and funny daughters, Katie and Gwen; I am also immensely happy to call them my friends.
As usual, I owe an enormous thank-you to Katherine Fausset, my agent. She has seen me through all the ups and downs, not just with this book, but over the past ten years of guiding me through my life as an author. So much more than fifteen percent of any success I’ve had in this business is due to her hard work and perseverance.
I also want to thank Erica Sussman, my editor. This was an emotionally challenging book for Erica, too, as an adoptive parent, and I’m so grateful for her good humor and her patience as this story evolved through so many different drafts. The entire team at HarperTeen has been so amazing to work with: Stephanie Stein, Louisa Currigan, Gina Rizzo, Jenna Stempel-Lobell, Alison Donalty, Alison Klapthor, Alexandra Rakaczki, and Michael D’Angelo. I’d also like to give a shout-out to my new out-of-house publicist, Sarah Kershaw.
This time around I was fortunate to have people who read this book to help me to better convey the experience of those in my story who had backgrounds so different from my own: Francina Simone, especially—thank you.
As always, I’m grateful for my friends: Wendy Johnston, Lindsey Hunt, my fellow stooges Brodi Ashton and Jodi Meadows, Tahereh Mafi and Ransom Riggs, my book club: Melissa Bollinger, Heather Ramey, Heather Westover, Rani Child, Danaka Stanger, Amber Woolner, Breya Fujimoto, Krista Cromar, Krissy Swallow, Jami Harris, Claire Boyd, and Kerry Ramey.
I’d also like to thank my family: my parents, Rod and Julie Hand / Carol and Jack Ware; my brothers, Allan and Rob Follett; my kids, Will and Maddie; my stepkids, Wilfred and Grady; and my utterly sweet, funny, and supportive husband, Daniel Rutledge. That line Ted says about S being “hot for a while” came straight from him, and it still makes me smile.
And you, Dear Reader, you. Thank you for reading this book of my heart.