The taxi drops us outside a semi-detached house, right in the centre of a housing estate. There are kids playing outside, kicking a football around, and a couple of dogs are running around without leashes. It looks like a fairly typical street, not too dissimilar to the one I grew up on. So far, so normal.
‘Both cars are here, so they’re both home,’ Danny says. ‘They’re going to be so surprised!’
I follow him up the driveway and through the front door. He gestures at me with some kind of military hand signal to follow him through the door into the living room. When he said he wanted to surprise them he didn’t just mean by showing up unannounced, it seems.
As we enter the room as quietly as possible, we find ourselves staring down at Danny’s parents, who are having sex on the living room floor. The worst thing of all is that they haven’t realised we’re here and they’re really going at it. Danny is rendered dumbstruck, but only for a second.
‘Oh shit!’ Danny yells as he recoils in horror, actually sounding like he’s in physical pain.
I glance down at my feet, the temptation to look up near non-existent.
‘Shit, lad,’ Danny’s dad says as he grabs a cushion from the sofa, placing it on top of his wife in a way that attempts to protect whatever modesty they have left.
‘Daniel!’ his mother beams, before being reminded of their predicament.
‘Candy, don’t look,’ Danny instructs me.
‘Already not looking,’ I say softly, still staring at my shoes.
‘Shit, lad,’ his dad says again, clearly struggling to finds the right words to make this OK. ‘If we’d known you were coming we’d have baked a cake. Or, you know, we’d not been having sex on the living room floor.’
‘Candy, is it?’ I hear his mum ask.
Without moving my head, I look at her with my peripheral vision.
‘Yes, nice to meet you,’ I reply, praying she won’t want to shake my hand right now. I don’t bat an eyelid at her calling me Candy. Well, now hardly seems like the time or the place to get technical over what I like to be called. ‘Both of you.’
‘It’s my birthday,’ Danny’s dad tells me, by way of an explanation.
‘Happy birthday,’ I add, with a half smile, half wince.
Despite her warm, mumsy tone, Danny’s mum is young and slim – I imagine she was quite young when she had him. His dad looks older, having lost his hair (something I can’t imagine going down well with Danny should he go the same route), but he’s a handsome man. I could imagine Bruce Willis playing him in a film of his life, should anyone ever think his story needed telling.
‘Oh my God, this is so weird,’ Danny practically cries, his usually manly voice the highest I have ever heard it. ‘We’re staying the night. I’m going to show Candy to my room while you guys put some clothes on.’
‘If that’s OK,’ I add politely, as Danny drags me from the living room and up the stairs. He drags me at such a speed, I don’t even have time to take in my surroundings. Next thing, we’re in Danny’s old bedroom. He closes the door behind himself before leaning back on it and exhaling deeply. His distressed look quickly melts into an amused one – thank God. Things were starting to feel even more awkward.
‘I could have done without seeing that.’ He laughs.
‘Me too,’ I reply with a giggle, but then we fall silent, like we’ve just remembered that we don’t like each other very much.
‘Well, I’ll go make sure my grandparents aren’t screwing in the bathroom before you go for your bath,’ he jokes. ‘Might grab a quick shower. Make yourself at home.’
As Danny leaves, closing the door behind him, I take a seat on his bed and take in my surroundings. As far as I can tell, Danny hasn’t lived here since he was a teenager, so it makes sense that I am currently sitting in a teenage boy’s bedroom. Like Danny’s bizarre personality, his room is neither nerdy nor sporty, it’s that healthy mixture of the two he seems to have going on that’s rare to find – like, he’s the kind of man who could explain the offside rule to you, and reformat your hard drive while he was at it. No, I don’t know what either of those things are.
I stroll over to the large chest of drawers, skimming my fingers across the top as I take stock of my surroundings. Everything is so neat and tidy. He was right when he said his mum kept his room ready for him in case he wanted to visit, which it doesn’t sound like he does very often.
There’s a mirror hanging above his chest of drawers, which only serves to remind me what a mess I’m looking today. The edges of the mirror are covered in stickers, photographs and little mementos like gig tickets. I only run my eyes over them briefly, but a photograph of Danny with a girl sitting on his lap catches my eye. She’s a skinny brunette, wearing leather-look leggings, a bright purple halter neck top, and her face is forced into a very severe looking pout/stare combination. She is posing for the camera, but Danny is just staring at her with pure adoration. I take it down to get a closer look, just as Danny walks back into the room.
‘The bathroom is free of fornicators, so…’ His voice trails off as he notices what’s in my hand. He pauses for a second. ‘That’s Emma, my ex.’
For a moment, I am captivated by the sight of Danny in just a towel. I’m staring at his hard body as droplets of water roll down his torso. I blurt out the first thing that pops into my head.
‘Looks like you really liked her,’ I say without thinking. Wait, am I jealous? Because there’s so much wrong with that.
‘Yeah, I fell hard for Emma. But she cheated on me, so…’
‘Ah,’ I reply awkwardly. ‘Not cool.’
‘Nope. Cheaters are despicable creatures.’
And then he gives me this look, this knowing glance, and it hits me hard and it hurts. It’s like he just knows about Will.
‘I’m going for a bath,’ I tell him, squeezing past him through his bedroom doorway, forcing myself not to look at his body because, as hot as he is, he’s annoying. I might be attracted to him physically, but his personality just puts an end to any kind of crush developing.
‘I might get my head down for ten, then,’ he tells me.
‘Fine,’ I call back, and I’m not sure who I’m more annoyed at now, Danny or myself.