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CHEERS ERUPTED FROM the small crowd. I looked over at Carter, the color having drained from his face, then at Ida Belle, who stood frozen, her mouth agape.
Gertie was shaking her head furiously. “Bad idea!”
I held up my hands. “Isn’t that sending the wrong message?”
“Look at my lawn!” Celia screamed. “It’s exactly the message I want to send! As part of the Beautify Sinful committee last year, I oversaw the seeding of this lawn. I went to gardening conventions, visited nurseries all over Louisiana before choosing the perfect grass for our town square. And it was beautiful. Now look at it! It’s ruined! The Assassin is exactly the message we want to send to those... animals.”
“Yeah, but... what about Fort Knockers? That’s a good one.”
“I love it,” Gertie said.
“Fort Knockers?” Celia asked. “Have an ounce of dignity, Yankee.” Celia stomped onto the grass of City Hall, standing within feet of the words, “Sinful Losers.”
“All those in favor of naming our newest skater The Assassin, say Aye.”
The crowd shouted a resounding Aye.
Celia stepped over to me. “As the mayor of Sinful I happily bestow upon you, Sandy-Sue Morrow, aka Fortune Morrow, the title of The Assassin. May you bear the name proudly and get those...” Celia struggled for words. A few of the saltier Sinful residents supplied some words of their own. Celia continued, “May you exact vengeance on whoever perpetrated this act of vandalism on Sinful soil.” She turned to Ida Belle. “We’ve had our differences, but know this, the mayor’s office of Sinful stands with you and your team. You have our full resources at your disposal.”
“O-kay,” Ida Belle said dubiously.
Celia turned to Gertie. “Get baking. I want my chicken casserole for tonight’s dinner. Extra carrots. And don’t skimp on the chicken.” Then to Carter and Deputy Breaux, “Deputies, I’d like a word with you two.” With that, she turned on her heel and marched back to City Hall.
“Okay, people, nothing more to see,” Deputy Breaux said, dispersing the crowd. Before leaving, many came up to me and offered words of congratulations and enthusiasm, patting me on the back and flashing me thumbs-up.
After Deputy Breaux tromped back to City Hall, it was just Ida Belle, Gertie, Carter and me.
I shook my head. “The Assassin? Could they have picked a worse name for me?”
“Fortune Redding, CIA Assassin-in-Hiding,” Gertie said. “That would be worse.”
Ida Belle shrugged. “Here She is, Ahmad, Come and Get Her. That would be pretty bad, too.”
“And it would never fit on her shirt,” Gertie said. “Which reminds me. We need to make her a team shirt.”
Carter slipped his arm around my shoulder. “You can still back out of this.”
“Six-day rule!” Gertie said. “No listening to a man for six days.”
He tried to suppress a smile. It wasn’t working.
“You don’t think I can do it?”
“Let’s just say you’re a little wobbly. No, you’re a lot wobbly.”
“I’ve been practicing.”
“Once she practices her turns tonight, she’s good to go,” Ida Belle said.
Carter’s brows shot up. “Is that so? I happen to be an expert at turning on skates.”
Gertie sighed. “What about ‘six-day rule’ do you not understand?”
We were interrupted by the sound of a car door closing. Lila Rose and her daughter, Janice, had just exited Lila Rose’s Mercedes and were walking toward us.
“Mrs. Fontaine, how nice to see you today,” Carter said. “You too, Janice.”
He pulled his arm away from my shoulder.
“Don’t do that on our account, Deputy,” Lila Rose said. “I think everyone knows you two are an item.” She walked to the edge of the grass and stared at the vandalism. “Hmmm. Not very original.” She turned to Ida Belle. “And what do you plan on doing in retaliation, and may I tag along? Good background work for the book I’m writing.”
“There will be no retaliation,” Carter said. “This ends right here.”
Lila Rose gave him a dismissive wave. “Pranks are a tradition in sporting rivalries. And there are no bigger rivals than Mudbug and Sinful. I remember when my softball team played Mudbug.” She looked at Ida Belle. “Didn’t you and your Sinful Ladies steal their mascot before the championship game?”
“We did.”
Lila Rose looked at her daughter. “Back then it was a live mudbug they kept over at their City Hall in a tank. More than seven inches. Pierre they called him.” She looked back at Ida Belle. “What happened to him? Did you publicly return him, or did you have to sneak into their City Hall and put him back where you found him?”
Ida Belle glared at Gertie. “Yeah, what did happen to old Pierre?”
Gertie folded her arms. “How long are you going to be mad at me for that? I wasn’t in on the heist. If you didn’t expect me to cook him, then you shouldn’t have left him on my kitchen counter.”
“With a note that said, ‘don’t cook me.’”
“I told you the note must have fallen between the counter and the refrigerator.”
“Was he good?” Lila Rose asked.
“Delicious,” Gertie said. “That was the last time they used a live mudbug as a mascot. Now it’s some stuffed one they keep in the trophy case of the Roller World.”
Lila Rose shrugged. “Well, if you do plan on retaliating, consider taking me with you.”
“Again,” Carter said. “there will be no retaliation. Laws have changed. It used to be okay to do things like that, but now with terrorism and cyber crimes spreading, sheriff’s departments throughout the country are arresting people for petty crimes even when they’re just town rivalry pranks.”
Carter made us each swear on something dear to us that we wouldn’t pull a revenge prank on Mudbug. For me it was Merlin, my cat. Although I regularly wake up in the early-morning hours scrunched up on a quarter of the bed while he manages to stretch his little body over the remaining three-quarters, I’d grown attached to him. For Gertie it was a toss-up between her kitchen and her ancient Cadillac. She finally went with her Cadillac. Ida Belle kept hers secret, but I suspect it was Walter. Maybe she didn’t want to admit that out loud, particularly since Walter is Carter’s uncle, but the twinkle in her eye said it was him. Okay, maybe it could have been her motorcycle. I’d seen the way she looked at that sometimes, too.
“And I swear on my daughter, Janice,” Lila Rose said. “I will not steal the Mudbug mascot.”
Ida Belle stared at Lila Rose. “That wasn’t necessary. We would never consider letting you tag along.”
Lila Rose drew back her head. “You don’t think I could break into the roller rink and steal the mascot by myself?”
“You mean, pick a lock?” Janice asked.
“Well, of course. I’ve practiced on many homes in Sinful as background material for my books.”
Carter cleared his throat.
Lila Rose smiled. “Or perhaps I’m embellishing.”
“Well, practicing on locks is a lot different than actually breaking and entering,” Gertie said. “You have to keep a cool head and always have an escape route in mind should someone surprise you on your mission.”
Carter cleared his throat again, only louder.
“Or, so I’m told,” Gertie said.
Celia called out from the steps of City Hall. “Deputy LeBlanc! We’re starting our meeting!”
“I have your words,” Carter said. He glanced at me and smiled. “See ya.”
“You can’t kiss her,” Gertie said. “Six-day window.”
“Not that it’s any of your business,” Carter said, “but I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Why?” Gertie asked.
Carter threw his hands up in the air. “I’m on duty.” He shook his head. “Why am I explaining this to you?”
After Carter returned to City Hall, I took a closer look at the lawn graffiti. Ida Belle joined me.
“This goes beyond our normal rivalry pranks. Except for Gertie eating their mascot, our pranks are tame, like TPing the outside of City Hall.” She took out her phone and made a call. “Tilma, this is Ida Belle. Whatever you sprayed on the grass had better not be permanent, or you owe Sinful for a new lawn, but I expect Celia will have her lawyer tell you all about it.” She stopped and listened, then frowned. “Well, good riddance to the ugly thing, but we didn’t take your mascot.” She paused. “Yes, we’ve stolen Pierre in the past, but we were younger then.” She rolled her eyes. “That was a mistake. And we made it right by replacing Pierre with an even bigger mudbug.” Her brows shot up. “There are many words that rhyme with witches, Tilma. Could you be more specific? Are we hitches, twitches or stitches?”
Gertie rushed over and grabbed the phone from Ida Belle. “Pierre was delicious, by the way. All smothered in butter and garlic.” She made slurping sounds into the phone. “I’ll remember every last bite as we whip your bony butts from here to—”
Gertie handed the phone back to Ida Belle. “She hung up on me. That was rude.”
Lila Rose joined us. “What was that all about?”
“She said they didn’t mess with the lawn. Then she accused us of stealing their stuffed Pierre.”
Lila Rose rubbed her chin. “Well, isn’t that peculiar? Pranks that no one is claiming credit for. Seems a little odd, now, doesn’t it?”
“Mom, not everything is a big mystery, okay?” Janice said. “Maybe we should get going.”
Lila Rose continued examining the lawn. “In a minute. I have an odd feeling about this one. Let’s toss around a few theories.”
“Lila Rose,” Gertie said gently, “I love your books. The mysteries you weave delight me to no end. But this might be a little out of your league.”
“Is that a fact?” Lila Rose said, crossing her arms.
“Maybe it has something to do with their new ringer, All Beef Patty,” I said. “That’s the only thing that’s changed since the eighty-two matchup.”
Ida Belle nodded. “I say we pay a visit to the Roller World tonight. Maybe you can snoop around and see what you can find out about her. I’ll call your boyfriend over at the rink and ask if he can squeeze us in for a practice session.”
“You have another boyfriend?” Lila Rose asked.
“Mom!” Janice glanced at me and mouthed, I’m sorry.
“He’s not my boyfriend. He works at the Mudbug General Store and the roller rink.”
“And he likes you,” Gertie said. “Might as well use it to our advantage.”
“What time are we going?” Lila Rose asked. “I’d like to look around that place myself.”
“Mom.” Janice pulled Lila Rose away from us. “We need to get back home.”
“Fine,” she said. “But I’ll see you ladies tonight.”
While Janice and her mother walked to the car, I could hear Lila Rose dismissing her daughter’s protests. “The roller rink is a public business. I have every right to go.”
Gertie watched them walk away. “I liked Lila Rose better as the reclusive author no one ever saw.”