8
HAYLEY AND JUSTIN STARED at the bridal suite. During the time they’d been in the grand saloon pretending to get married, the room had been transformed into a bower of romance.
The steward had unpacked all their luggage and had arranged Hayley’s white negligee in the shape of a swan which swam at the foot of the bed. Apparently, their cabin steward subscribed to the “rainbow of love” theory, too.
No less than three bottles of champagne chilled in buckets of ice, and an array of hors d’oeuvres on silver trays adorned the tiny table in the sitting area next to the picture window. Fresh flowers sat on both bedside tables and fat white candles were clustered on the vanity.
“The wax is barely melted,” Justin pointed out. “He must have been watching for our grand exit.” .
The idea of being watched made Hayley feel creepy.
The idea of being in a honeymoon suite with a man she wasn’t married to wasn’t reassuring, either.
In fact, it was depressing. She longed for solitude, chocolate and a hot bath.
Justin shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up in the closet. Then he stood, hands on hips, and stared at Hayley’s side. “What’s all this?”
It was the rainbow of love, but she wasn’t going to tell him. “My nightgowns.” Even her sisters had acknowledged that in this area, Mama knew best.
Justin pushed past a short slip splashed in orange poppies with matching kimono, and withdrew a long gown. The top was stretchy peach lace and the bottom was a single layer of blush-colored chiffon. Transparent chiffon. He glanced from the gown to her, then put the garment back.
While Justin was looking at the gowns, Hayley was remembering that they were all she had to wear. She’d let her mother and sisters pack, never thinking she’d be in this situation. She longed for the terry-cloth robe, or even her favorite Mickey Mouse nightshirt.
What she had was the white peignoir. If she remembered to keep the robe pulled closed, it wasn’t too bad. Four layers of heavy chiffon and some expensive lace were between Hayley and indecency with a fake husband.
Well, she couldn’t stay in the hoops, could she?
Justin had wandered over to one of the ice buckets. “‘Best wishes from Ross,’” he read, and laughed.
“Ross!” Hayley stared at Justin. “What is he going to do? What if he gets off in Vicksburg?”
“I’ll check, and if he does get off—but remember, he’s organizing a poker game—I’ll wait until the buses leave, then rent a car and follow him back to the Peabody.”
“That sounds like a good plan.” Sighing, she kicked off her shoes. Her toes embraced the plush carpet.
“Hey, do you need help getting out of your dress?”
Hayley gave him a look.
Justin grimaced. “Please. We’re past that, aren’t we?”
Darn. “If you can get the buttons in the middle of my back, I can get the rest.”
She turned around and pulled her hair out of the way, conscious of having done so one other time.
“I see why women back then had ladies’ maids,” Justin said, his fingers working the buttons and loops. “What would you have done if I hadn’t been here?”
“Ripped,” Hayley told him.
“Then I’m glad I’m here.”
It was such a gallant thing to say, that Hayley didn’t point out that if he weren’t there, she wouldn’t be in this situation.
“Okay,” he said, after several minutes of silence filled by the rhythmic sloshing of the paddle wheel. “I’ll untie the ribbons on your hoops, too.”
Hayley felt the waist loosen and took her first truly deep breath in hours. “Thanks,” she said, turning back around. “You can’t imagine how liberating that feels.”
Justin’s eyes looked very blue. ’Ill, uh, duck in the bathroom and give you some privacy. Knock when you’re decent.”
He grabbed a shirt and slacks, and disappeared into the bathroom.
Hayley maneuvered her way out of the dress, hoops and corset, and slipped on the flowing white gown.
“You can come out now,” she called to Justin, and went to hang up the dress and figure out what to do with the hoops.
THAT DIDN’T TAKE LONG, Justin thought. He opened the door. “Did you know that there is a whole basket of bubble—”
He broke off. From the closet, Hayley looked inquiringly at him.
She was wearing a white outfit that revealed the shadows of her legs in the candlelight. “Is that your idea of decent?”
She looked down at herself. “You can’t see through it, can you?”
“I—” Not entirely. “That’s not the point.”
“What is the point?”
He waved his finger. “That’s a...a...”
“Peignoir,” she told him calmly.
“Yes. Peignoir.” He’d seen enough old movies to know that women in peignoirs were ready for romance. And he was standing in a room so crowded with romantic notions he tripped over them every time he turned around.
She looped ribbons over a padded hanger. “Would you prefer that I wear one of the others?”
He’d seen the others. Yeah, he’d like to see her in the others, especially the black one with the interesting lace insets. But he wasn’t falling for that trap. “It seems dressy for the occasion.”
Hayley sighed and looked away. “And what, exactly, is the occasion?”
Justin felt he was in a no-win situation. No matter what he said, it wouldn’t be the right thing. “I thought we were waiting around until we could, or until I could, leave the boat.”
“So what is appropriate to wear to an après faux wedding supper?”
Judging by the tone of her voice, he was headed for disaster. Better surrender now. Justin hung up his tuxedo. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m apologizing, but I am sorry.”
“No.” She touched his arm. “I apologize. My mother and sisters packed my bags and I don’t have anything to lounge around in except what you see here.” She ran her hands across the fluffy stuff in the closet. “The fact is, Justin, this day has been very...emotionally draining. I feel like crying. I want to cry. I need to cry. And I deserve a good cry. I’ll feel much better afterward.”
Justin stared at her. She seemed so matter-of-fact about it. The only female crying he was familiar with were his mother’s late-night sobs of despair.
“What you should do...” she continued.
Yes, please tell me what to do.
“Is watch a movie, or eat or something.”
“Watch a movie?”
“Yes.” She walked toward the bathroom. “I’ll try not to disturb you.”
This wasn’t right. He may not know what right was, but he did know this wasn’t it.
“I trust there’s an ample supply of tissues?”
“Hayley...” He followed in her wake.
“Don’t worry, Justin.”
His name sounded funny. She was already crying.
“Aw, Hayley...”
“What?” She spun in the doorway, her eyes bright with tears.
Yes, what? “Don’t cry.”
“Ooo!” She ripped half a dozen tissues out of the dispenser. “After a day—no, a year—like the one I’ve had, I’m entitled to cry, and nobody’s going to stop meeeeee!”
Her face crumpled and he held out his arms. She shook her head and tried to close the bathroom door, but Justin wouldn’t let her.
“Go awaaaay!”
“No.”
She stared at him, hiccupped a sob and then she was in his arms.
Justin held her shaking body, feeling the same weary helplessness he felt when he was a boy and heard his mother crying late at night. Sometimes he’d get out of bed and find her—usually at the tiny kitchen table surrounded by papers he now knew were bills—and hold her, much as he was holding Hayley now.
At first his mother had tried to hide her tears, just as Hayley had done, but when he was older, she’d just cried and clung to him.
Justin didn’t speak. He automatically stroked Hayley’s back and hair and allowed his mind to wander, thinking over his childhood, his friendship with Ross and the extraordinary events of the past few days. He didn’t think Hayley was crying over bills, though she probably should.
It was at that point that he began to think about Hayley herself. After spending hours with her mother and sisters, he thought he had a fairly good idea of her childhood. It was the ugly-duckling scenario, only, nobody had realized that Hayley had turned into a swan. But he sensed that there was love in the family, even if there wasn’t acceptance.
What a wonderful mother she’d be.
The astonishing thought popped out of nowhere and it alarmed him. Okay, deep breaths.
Hayley’s sobs quieted, her head heavy as his chest rose and fell. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know men don’t like it when women cry.”
“Because guys feel helpless.” Justin reached around her and turned off the bathroom light, leaving the outer room illuminated by the candles and the closet light. “Let’s sit down.”
His arm around her, Justin urged her over to the small sofa, which he turned around so they could see the view. Lights from houses on the bank of the Mississippi made smeary reflections in the water. He found the sight restful and hoped Hayley did, as well.
“I feel better now,” she said. “All the wedding stuff got to me at once. I mean, it’s supposed to be the most important day of a woman’s life and...and...oh, drat” She brought a tissue to her nose.
He got up and opened the bottle of champagne Ross had sent, then moved the ice bucket next to the sofa and poured two glasses, handing Hayley one. “See if this doesn’t help you relax.”
“Champagne is for celebrating,” she said.
“So let’s celebrate.” Justin clinked his glass against hers. “Here’s to pulling off your wedding.”
With a trembly little smile that went straight to his heart, she clinked her glass against his.
“Do you want something to eat?” he asked before he said something stupid. “There’s quite a spread here.”
“Sure.”
He brought her a plate with an assortment of elaborate little mouthfuls.
“Smoked salmon.” She sighed, and popped a pink puff into her mouth. “I love smoked salmon.”
Justin promptly put all the smoked salmon hors d’oeuvres on her plate and she laughed.
Her laugh made him feel as though he’d done something wonderful.
Dangerous feelings, the sort of feelings that made a man want to juggle his financial commitments.
Sipping her champagne, Hayley propped her legs on the club chair. The chiffon settled limply around them, leaving their shape clearly defined. She’d painted her toenails with an opalescent polish that changed colors in the flickering candlelight, like an oil slick in the sun.
He stared at her toes, watching the colors change from pink to purple to blue to silvery white. Maybe marriage wasn’t completely out of the question.... Abruptly catching himself, Justin ate a cheese cube, then ripped a couple of grapes off a stalk.
“Those look good.” Hayley casually reached over and took a grape for herself. “Do you want to try one of the salmon ones?”
“Sure.” As he ate, Justin thought that, with anyone else, the current situation would be intolerably awkward. With Hayley it was relaxing. Companionable. Lulled by the rhythmic paddle wheel, Justin imagined sitting with her, watching the lights drift by and eating wonderfully exotic food for hours. Days. Weeks. An eterni—
“Do you hear something?” Hayley asked.
Justin listened, hearing faint music over the sloshing paddle wheel. “It’s coming from outside,” he realized. He got up and slid open the glass door to the balcony.
The lyrics to “Big Hunk O’ Love” filled the night.
“That’s Ross again.” Hayley grinned.
Stepping to the edge of the balcony, Justin leaned over the railing until he could see the deck below. “Yes, Elvis has returned for his second set and is apparently serenading us.” Justin closed the door. “I’ve known Ross a long time, but I had no idea he could sing.”
Hayley held out her glass and Justin refilled it. “You two make odd friends.”
“That’s what I told him, but we get along.” Justin settled himself back on the couch. At least Hayley wasn’t crying anymore. He didn’t mind talking to distract her—or even listening if she wanted to talk.
“I like him, too. During the toast he gave, he said you went to school together.”
“We were potluck roommates our freshmen year.” Justin sipped his champagne. Not bad. Ross did know his wines, though he rarely had enough money to demonstrate his expertise. “I went to class during the day and studied at night. Ross slept during the day and went to class or plays at night. He was a theater major. Royally ticked off his father, who wants Ross to join the family business.”
“Which is...?” Hayley shifted and threw the edge of her robe over her legs.
Like that covered anything.
“They sell office furniture. And the funny thing is, Ross is really good at it. He’s got a knack for seeing how space can be used, and he helps people visualize it.”
“I’ll bet he learned how in his set-design classes.”
Justin had never considered that before. “Could be.” He chased an olive around the plate, then stretched over to the serving tray and speared some prosciutto and melon.
“I got the impression that Ross and his dad didn’t get along.” Hayley leaned her arm against the sofa back as though settling in for a long talk.
That was fine with Justin. Talking was infinitely preferable to crying. “His dad didn’t handle Ross right at all. I’ve seen them together, and Mr. St. John doesn’t understand that Ross’s creativity is his strength. It’s what makes him such a good salesman. They’re always fighting. Ross knows how to push all the hot buttons. Anyway, he decided he wanted to be an actor and swore he’d never take a penny from his father.”
“Has he?”
Justin met her eyes. “I needed a loan to go to law school, but couldn’t get one because I already had huge loans from college to repay. So you know what Ross does? He goes to his father and asks for money. Listens to this big I-told-you-so lecture, but gets a potful of money and parks it in a bank, then cosigns my loan using the money as collateral. He did it for me, and I don’t even know why.″
″Because he’s your friend.″
″But—why? We’re not anything alike.″
Hayley ate the last of the salmon. ″Do you remember the toast? He called you an inspiration. He’s seen you work toward your goal and I think it encourages him to work toward his own goal, whatever it is. Also, how can you not like a guy who’ll drop everything to help a friend honor his commitment?″
The shine in her eyes wasn’t entirely due to leftover tears. ″Hayley, don’t make me out to be this noble white knight Ross fell because I spilled detergent and hadn’t cleaned it up yet. The whole accident was my fault.″
Instead of looking disgusted, her smile widened. ″How can you not like a guy who’ll admit to his mistakes and try to make them right?″
HAYLEY WAS WEARING an expensive cloud of chiffon. Candlelight flickered in the room. There was champagne, fresh flowers, wonderful food, a breathtakingly romantic view and a handsome man.
So what, exactly, was wrong with this picture?
The handsome man was sitting miles away on the other side of the couch. The handsome man was not interested. Or maybe he was, but wasn’t going to do anything about it, which resulted in the same thing.
Now, granted, after an uncontrollable boo-hooing session, she probably had a blotchy face, swollen eyes and a red nose, and she hoped that waterproof mascara was also tearproof. But candlelight wasn’t all that bright, was it?
How could he be completely unaffected by their circumstances ? No doubt he thought he was being noble by not taking advantage of the situation.
Did she have to fall for the last noble man in the universe?
Her eyes stung. Great She still had tears left.
. She sipped her champagne and hoped Justin couldn’t tell she was getting weepy again. He’d been wonderful to her, even though she’d rather have been alone, since he was the reason she was crying.
Instead of acknowledging that they had the beginning of something special, he announced with depressing regularity his intention to date the entire female population of Memphis.
Her mother and sisters would know what to do in this situation. They knew how to hook a man, but good. Only, Hayley couldn’t ask them how because they thought she’d already hooked this one.
They’d congratulated her, and they were happy for her. But though they’d never say so to her face, Hayley knew they couldn’t figure out how she’d attracted a man like Justin—Sloane. And of course, she hadn’t.
She gazed around the room again. With all this material to work with, even Medusa would have inspired a pass by now. Talk about depressing. She sniffed. This was absolutely the worst Valentine’s Day in her entire life.
HAYLEY WAS STILL UNHAPPY. She was trying to hide it, but every so often, the candlelight caught a glint in her eye, and she’d just sniffed for the first time in a while.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Justin asked, half hoping she would and half hoping she wouldn’t
She gave him a look he couldn’t read, then started talking. “Some little girls spend a lot of time imagining their weddings. I never did, so I thought I was immune to the allure of the fantasy wedding—especially after enduring my sisters’ productions. And yet today, I realized I wasn’t immune at all. Today was probably the only wedding I’ll ever have and...and it wasn’t even my wedding.”
Justin remembered thinking that this was more her mother’s farewell to Memphis than her daughter’s wedding. “Hayley, you’ll find somebody,” he forced himself to say, not all that taken with the idea.
Get over it unless you’re prepared to claim her for yourself.
“Yeah, sure.” She sniffed again. “And then I get to say, ‘Oh, by the way, this is my first marriage, but my second wedding. Just ignore all those comments about my ex-husband.”’
Justin knew laughter was not the correct response here. “If you explain the circumstances, he’ll understand.”
“Maybe.”
“If he loves you, he will.”
She gave him a sad smile. “And you don’t think he’ll be appalled at what I’ve done? Even I’m appalled at how everything snowballed until all I could do was roll along with it.”
Justin knew exactly what she meant. “I was snowballing right along with you.”
She twisted the clump of tissues in her hand. “I think what I really hate about all this is that when I announce my divorce, all those people are going to think it’s because I couldn’t hang on to you. They can’t imagine how I managed to attract you in the first place.”
“That’s not true.” But Justin realized he was trying to convince himself more than Hayley. He wished she hadn’t noticed all the comments. “And...the guy you marry should not only understand what you did, he should admire you for it. You let your mother have her dream at the expense of your own.” He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. Yes, she was crying again.
Obviously, her self-confidence had taken a beating. “Hayley.” He leaned closer because she’d turned her head away. “You’re smart and fun to be with, and you can find humor in absurd situations. Any man would be lucky to—”
“If I’m such a prize, then why aren’t you attracted to me?” She glared at him through tears.
Didn’t she know? Couldn’t she tell? “I am. But I’m not in a position to act on that attraction.”
“Your passion overwhelms me.” She took their empty plates and walked over to set them on the table. On the way, she passed by the candles.
Justin saw her in slow motion...saw her legs...saw the outline of her torso.... And she thought he wasn’t attracted to her? What about those kisses they’d exchanged? He thought they were pretty potent—at least for him they were. Maybe she was used to potent kisses. Maybe they weren’t anything special to her.
The thought didn’t sit well with him.
Hayley floated back to the couch, gave him a you’re-an-insect look and dabbed at her eyes.
That did it. “My passion might not overwhelm you, but it’s about to overwhelm me.” Justin was angry and getting angrier. “I’ve listened to you whine and cry, and now it’s your turn to listen to me. I’ve been up-front with you from the beginning about not being in a position to start any kind of relationship. I’ve still got debts to pay off, first and foremost the one to Ross. I will pay it back as fast as possible. In the meantime, I’m not going to take advantage of you or any artificially romantic situations.” Her eyes widened, but Justin’s frustration had been building.
“Yes, your sisters are very beautiful, and they make it clear that they expect men to tell them so. And you know what?”
She shook her head.
“It’s annoying. I never felt that way with you until right now. But if you want me to tell you that you’re beautiful and that I can hardly keep my hands off you, then I will!”
“You think I’m beautiful?” she asked in a small voice.
That’s all she’d heard? He nodded and watched her smile. Swallowing, he added, “And the hands part—don’t forget that. It’s important.”
“I do think hands are very important.” Somehow she’d drifted right next to him. She lifted his hand and placed it palm to palm with hers.
“Hayley,” he said sternly. At least he was trying for stern. There was a little too much question at the end.
Hayley took her index finger and traced the outline of his hand, and he discovered how sensitive the nerve endings in the webbing of his fingers could be.
“Don’t worry. You’ve been crystal clear. No strings. No promises.”
His hand was on fire. “We shouldn’t”
Up and down. Up and down. “Shouldn’t what? We haven’t done anything.”
Not yet. He shuddered.
“Are you cold? I’m hot.” Languidly she fanned herself, first with her hand, then with the flimsy edge of her robe.
It caught the edge of his champagne, sending half a flute full of liquid down the front of her robe.
Her gasp broke the trance he seemed to have fallen into. “Sorry,” he said, and grabbed for a cloth napkin.
“It’s not your fault.” Hayley stood and removed her robe, using the napkin to dab at the nightgown underneath.
And that’s when Justin discovered the amazingly transparent qualities of wet chiffon. The wine had splashed over her left breast and dripped in streams down the side. Between that and the candles silhouetting the rest of her, he decided she was the most beautiful, desirable, tempting woman in the world.
But he’d already known that, hadn’t he?
Hayley pulled the wet fabric away from her body and blew, like that was going to do anything.
All she accomplished was to blow away the last tiny particle of rational thought Justin had left. That could only explain his next thought which was, if he’d shown restraint and she’d looked at him with contempt, then how would she look at him if he showed no restraint at all?
His ears buzzed, a sure sign that his thinking was wrong.
So he stopped thinking.
He stood and silently approached her. Stopping directly in front of her, he held out his hand.
“Oh, I’ve got it,” she said, bending over to dab her thigh where champagne had rolled before soaking in.
“Let me.”
Something in his voice made her look questioningly at him. She dropped the damp napkin into his palm. “I should rinse this out....”
Starting at her throat, his eyes never leaving hers, Justin slowly trailed the napkin over her breast, her stomach and thigh. The wet fabric stuck to her skin. He dropped the napkin to the floor.
Her eyes were wide, staring into his.
Deliberately, Justin allowed his gaze to drift over the same path he’d drawn the napkin then float back to her eyes.
Her breathing increased. She glanced down, then gasped as she saw herself. “Oh, I should—” She broke off as he captured the hand she’d moved to cover her breast. Her lips parted.
He lowered his head and she raised hers. She probably thought he was going to kiss her. And he was.
But not on her mouth.
He’d shown restraint and she’d been hurt. He’d played by the rules and she’d been scornful.
Life is short. Eat dessert first. Maybe it was time to follow Ross’s advice.
Justin started at the top edge of the spill, just above the swell of her breast. He both heard and felt her gasp as his lips touched her. His tongue tasted the champagne, chiffon and skin. He lightly sucked until the champagne flavor was gone, then moved lower.
“What are you doing?” she whispered as she inhaled.
“Eating dessert first,” he whispered back, liking how his breath made her tremble.
Or was he trembling?
Justin worked his way lower. Hayley clutched his shoulders and threw her head back.
He was almost to the tip of her breast. He could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. He could feel each minute thread of the chiffon with his tongue.
“Justin!”
Justin’s mouth closed over her, sucking out every bit of champagne and some of the chiffon flavoring, too. His hands roamed over her body. The chiffon was like nothing. And soon there was nothing, nothing but a pool of chiffon with Hayley standing in the middle.
The starlight, the candlelight, whichever it was that made her look like a dream woman, Justin didn’t know. She was beyond beautiful and he tried to tell her so, but wasn’t certain if he managed to speak the words.
It didn’t seem to matter. Hayley was in his arms, kissing him and murmuring his name.
Justin was happy—giddily happy. Happy in an immature, juvenile way that he’d never felt before.
He helped her take off his shirt, nearly passing out from the pleasure of experiencing her skin next to his. Soft womanly skin, covering curves and hollows he longed to explore.
Soft womanly fingers unbelted his trousers and soon he was standing in a pant pool. It did not have the same romantic effect as Hayley’s chiffon pool, and they both laughed.
Shared laughter. This wasn’t the first time Hayley had understood without words. It was one of the things he lo—liked best about her.
She looked him frankly up and down. “My sisters are right. You are worth waiting for.” Wrapping her arms around him, she whispered, “Don’t get off the boat in Vicksburg.” She kissed his throat.
How could he leave the boat—and Hayley—in Vicksburg?
He kissed her hard and fast, then held her tightly, afraid to let her go.
And that was when he knew he must.
If he made love to her now, he wouldn’t be able to let her go.
Lacing their hands together, Hayley stepped back, pulling him toward the bed.
Justin didn’t move. “I can’t.”
Her other hand encircled him. “Oh, yes you can.”
The blood rushed in his ears with such force, Justin was certain his eardrums would burst.
And he wouldn’t feel a thing, since all sensory awareness and any conscious thought had relocated to his groin.
Before moving toward the bed again, Hayley picked the champagne bottle out of the ice bucket. “If we’re lucky, I might spill this, too.” She held it up and several drops of icy water landed on Justin.
They were tiny drops, but they were enough to restore brain function.
“Hayley—no.” Regretfully, and she’d never know how regretfully, he shook his head.
“No? Why not?”
He took the bottle and replaced it in the ice bucket. “Sex with you would mean too much.”
“And this is a bad thing?”
“Right now, yes.”
“Why?”
“Hayley, my parents got married when they were still in high school because my mother was pregnant with me.”
“If you’re worried about that, then you haven’t seen the prize basket I won from Martin’s Drug Emporium.” She pointed to a white basket with a huge red bow on the floor beside the canopy bed.
An unwilling chuckle escaped him. “It’s not just that,” he mimicked her, then sobered. “You want more from me than I can give you.”
Slowly she reached behind him for the champagne, allowing her body to touch his. “From where I stand, it looks like you can give me quite a lot.”
He couldn’t think when she was touching him. He didn’t want to think when she was touching him.
He wanted to touch her back. And why shouldn’t he? Justin had been denying himself for years, sticking with his goals, never wavering, waiting to collect his reward: happiness.
Being with Hayley made him happy. If he made love to her, he’d be ecstatic. And if his ultimate goal was happiness and it was right within his grasp, or rather was currently grasping him, then why wait?
Hayley stuck her finger in the end of the champagne bottle and tilted it. When she withdrew her finger, bubbles clung to it.
She drew her finger across his lips.
The reason why he shouldn’t make love to her fizzed away along with the bubbles.
Hayley tilted the bottle until champagne dribbled onto her breasts. “Oops,” she said.
The drops of champagne glistened in the candlelight.
Kneeling, Justin caught a drop with his tongue and followed it all the way up to the source, switched to another trail and traveled back down again.
Hayley’s breath came in short gasps and she clutched at his shoulders. She moaned his name.
There were too many champagne trails for him to remain standing here. Feeling a kinship with ancient cavemen, Justin knocked her knees out from under her and swooped her up as she fell.
“Justin!” she squealed.
He carried her to the bed.
“Justin.” She sighed when he set her gently down.
He took the champagne bottle from her and poured some new trails, making it a personal rule to keep his tongue strictly on the paths forged by the champagne.
Hayley wiggled and squirmed. “Justin,” she pleaded.
“Rules are rules,” he murmured, bypassing the peaks for the valleys.
“Juuustinnnn,” she begged.
She’d made his name into a complete vocabulary.
He decided to reward her by veering off the trails.
Hayley responded by pulling him on top of her. “It’s time to break open the gift basket.”
He raised himself onto his elbows and stared down at her. “Now? As in right now?”
Hayley nipped his earlobe. “Yes.”
When he’d thought of making love with her, he’d imagined hours of exploring each other. “Are you sure? We can take this slow.”
In answer, she reached for the gift basket. “We will. Later.”
But after they had to use their teeth to tear the shrinkwrap, Justin figured the moment was gone.
Fine with him, he thought as he took her lips in a long, slow, lingering kiss that produced the tiny moan in the back of her throat that he loved so much. He wanted Hayley to experience passion as no one had ever experienced passion before. He wanted her thrashing. He wanted her moaning. He wanted her on the edge. He wanted her eyes glazed. He wanted her panting. He wanted—
“Justin!” Hayley grabbed him and rocked forward.
Justin inhaled sharply. “Hayley, you can’t do that to a man and expect him to wait!”
“Don’t wait. I’m not,” she said, and exploded around him with a force that left them both gasping.
Justin was on the edge. “Incredible,” he breathed as he moved. Seconds later, his shudders echoed hers.
It was passion as he’d never experienced it before. He gulped air as though he’d run a marathon. He blinked, certain his eyes were glazed. He’d thrash, but he didn’t want to move.
It wasn’t possible to feel better than this.
Hayley purred. That was the only way to describe the satisfied sound she made when she wrapped her legs around him.
Justin wanted her never to let go. Never ever.
Gradually their breathing slowed.
Gradually Justin began to think again.
Hayley stretched, squeezing him in the process. “I am ravenously hungry.” She smiled up at him.
Justin had thought she was beautiful before. Now she was radiant. Glowing.
And he realized she was in love with him. The committed kind of love. The let’s-get-married kind of love.
The too-soon kind of love.
The knowledge filled him with dread. What had he done?
“Let’s get something to eat,” she suggested, sliding her legs down his. “We’ve got the rest of tonight and six more gloriously, stupendously wonderful days ahead of us.”
Justin managed a smile. Hayley didn’t seem to notice his silence. Unselfconsciously she rose from the bed, talking all the while about the rest of the trip to New Orleans and the stops along the way.
She was making plans, plans that included him. Plans that assumed they’d be together in spite of what he’d told her.
He’d known making love to her would change everything. He’d tried to explain....
It was all happening too fast Getting to know her, his growing feelings, the sex—everything was too fast. Justin needed time to absorb all the changes and the impact they had on his life. He needed time to figure out what he was going to do. He couldn’t toss away a lifetime goal based on a few minutes of mind-numbing pleasure. Above all, he couldn’t put either Hayley or himself through the struggles his parents had gone through.
With an excited exclamation, she pulled him toward the window. Naked, they stood and looked out onto the lights of Vicksburg, Mississippi.
Oblivious to his inner turmoil, Hayley chatted happily as she scarfed down the hors d’oeuvres. “After the six days here, what about the Puerto Rican cruise? I wasn’t going on it, but we can if you like. Can you get more vacation?”
More vacation? With the computer situation at his office, he couldn’t even get this vacation. He and Sloane apparently had something in common after all. “No.”
“Oh, come on.” She pressed her body against his and traced her finger along his jaw. “It’ll be fun. We’ll make love for days and days—”
“No!” Didn’t she remember what he’d told her? Didn’t she understand? Justin stepped away from her. “In fact, I...I should leave now.” Or he never would.
“What?”
Justin’s hands were cold, so he didn’t touch her. It was probably for the best. “I need time.”
“Time for what?”
“To—to think.”
“To think about what?”
Justin gestured all around them. “Hayley, I’m not ready for all this.”
Hayley stood there, looking at him, incredulity in her eyes. “So you’re just going to leave?”
He nodded.
“Even after we...” Her gaze darted to the bed, then around the room, and Justin realized she was searching for something to cover herself. After taking a step toward the discarded chiffon pool, she went to the closet, running her hands over the gowns hanging there. Justin heard her make a small frustrated sound before grabbing the bright, orange flowered short kimono and tying it in a tight bow.
Then she looked at him.
And then she looked away.
This is what happened when a man followed one set of instincts when he should be following another. Mumbling something—he wasn’t sure what—Justin drew on his pants.
“I’d like to hear an explanation,” she announced as Justin pulled on his shirt.
“Not that there could be any acceptable explanation,” she continued. “I just want to hear one so I can tell you how stupid it is.”
“I don’t consider what happened to my parents to be ‘stupid.’ Mom dropped out of high school and never graduated. They struggled along until my dad left us when I was four. The whole time he resented me for ‘stealing his fun,’ as he put it. Felt he’d missed a big part of life. I remember the arguments and I remember my mother crying. They weren’t ready for marriage and children.”
“Justin, they were, what...seventeen? Eighteen? No education? You’re almost thirty! You’re a lawyer. We have condoms. There is no comparison.”
“But there is! I worked from the time I could push a lawn mower. There has never been a period in my life when I’ve not been struggling for money, or when I could kick back and have fun. I missed out on all the after-school clubs and sports, hanging around the malls on weekends—all of that, because I was always working. It was the same in college. I was either working or studying. Nothing else. Teaching high school showed me how much I’d missed—and even then, I was going to law school at night. I’m not going to make the same mistake my parents did. I’m not going to commit to a relationship before I’ve had a chance to experience the stuff I missed as a kid.”
She’d listened to him with a face of stone. “So, you’re still worried about what you might miss...say, hanging out at a mall—and who you might miss it with—if you stay with me?”
Put that way, it made him sound like a jerk. Maybe it would be easier if she thought he was a jerk. And maybe he was. “How long do you think we’d have together before I resented you the way my father resented my mother and me?” he asked at last.
“That won’t happen.”
Echoing through Justin’s memory were the shouts of his immature father and the crying pleadings of his helpless mother. “I’m not willing to take that chance.”
Hayley looked at him for a long moment, her arms crossed over her chest. “In that case, I guess you’d better leave.”