Personal reflection is an important way for you to get to know your soul, identify and work through lessons, and tune in to your gut instincts. But it is also essential that you don’t spend so much time or energy thinking about the past that you become emotionally stuck in that time or on those memories. If you dwell in this headspace, you may become too distracted to recognize special moments happening around you and helpful opportunities in the works. And when legitimate concerns keep you up at night—tight finances, strained relationships, health concerns, and the like—Spirit wants you to find the good that’s occurring in the now and look ahead. Remember, the ease and pleasure of your journey depend on positive forward intentions and motion.
This block is different from longing for the good old days of college or reflecting in a way that leads to understanding who you are and why you behave the way you do. What Spirit discourages, here, is staying glued to the past to the extent that you are no longer living in the present. Spirit advises against the emotional drive to look back, stay there, and not participate in the life continuing all around you. If clients are obsessed with the past, they constantly look over their shoulders, wonder “what if,” and consider what could, should, or would have happened instead. In these cases, my guides—who love a good driving metaphor, if you haven’t noticed—flash an image in my mind’s eye of me ripping off a car’s rearview mirror. “There’s no point to looking back,” they say. “Push the pedal that accelerates you forward. Do not hit the brake or slip into reverse.”
Clients who cling to an upsetting past are usually held back by a feeling or situation that makes them feel indignation or regret; and whether they feel vexed at another person or themselves, they replay the situation over and over in their minds, wishing they could travel back in time for the perfect do-over. But regret serves no purpose: The past is already behind you, and feeling unsettled only bombs your thoughts and emotions in a way that fragments and contaminates your current life—you know, the one God wants you to value, appreciate, and experience to the fullest. At its simplest, this could play out as beating yourself up over the fact that you wish you’d put your house on the market sooner than you did, because now there’s noisy construction in the neighborhood that’s inhibiting the sale. The thing is, you didn’t know there would be construction, so all your frustrated woulds, coulds, and shoulds serve no practical purpose. Plus, you can’t control the construction. See where I’m going with this? Spirit says that in this and any situation where remorse takes the lead, your best solution is to respond to what you can change or adapt to in the moment—say, planting bushes to boost curb appeal—and accept the rest.
When I think of more emotionally heavy ramifications of holding on to the past, I’m reminded of my client Adam. Adam was an alcoholic during his daughter Elena’s formative years and deeply regrets that he missed out on quality time with her that he won’t ever get back. Adam mentally relives the mistakes he made, and that sorrow and frustration actually block him from enjoying his time with Elena now. When they went to Yankee Stadium together, Adam lamented that they didn’t go to more games when she was young, and when he met Elena’s fiancé at Thanksgiving, he flashed back to missing her prom because he was at a bar. Rather than being in the moment with Elena—listening to the roar of a crowd or watching Elena make eyes at her fiancé—Adam retreats to how life should have gone differently. And in doing so, he evades the present much like he did when Elena was young—only this time, he lets his past interfere with the bond that he could be strengthening with his newfound perspective. Adam is dodging his lesson and missing out on new memories that could make them both happy. I’m shown that when negative feelings like shame, self-pity, self-loathing, and regret stand in the way of appreciating your life and moving forward, they leave a mark on your soul. These themes will surface in other situations in this and future lives until you learn from them and practice what you know.
When you can’t let go of an upsetting situation, the remaining impression can take on a life of its own. You might turn your wound into an ongoing drama by continuing to overanalyze it long after the fight ends. You might let the past alter your identity by internalizing the other person’s judgment. You ultimately wage a war on your most authentic self, and it creates a break from your reality that makes you feel unhinged. My client Tracy is a frustrating example of this. She quit her glamorous job as a fashion stylist after fighting with a boss who belittled Tracy’s skills and taste. And though Tracy received three job offers after she left, she turned them all down because, in the back of her mind, she worried that her former boss’s insults were true and she didn’t want to confront that possibility. Tracy believed the woman’s negative hype and allowed it to derail her self-image, greater purpose, and soul’s potential. As a result, Tracy remained unemployed for three more years and had to move in with her parents because she couldn’t pay her rent. The last time I ran into Tracy, she told me that she settled for a sales job because she needed the insurance. Tracy was thrown completely off her path because she couldn’t let go of the past.
What I love about Spirit’s take on being in the now is that it’s a bit distinct from what most mindfulness gurus teach. My Team agrees that the present is crucial, but they don’t believe that the now is all there is (especially since your journey’s greater purpose is to better your eternal soul). Instead, they want you to accept the present and look ahead with hope. In doing so, you leave anticipatory anxiety behind but keep your eyes peeled for great possibilities to bring happiness or helpful opportunities. There’s no reason to lose your marbles over a future that’s yet to occur, because you don’t know what tomorrow holds—you only know what you suspect or fear it entails. Planning for tomorrow is a great way to spend your time, but worrying about it? Not so much. While I’m at it, doubling-up on negative emotions outside the present is also meaningless. When I know I have errands to run, I’m already overwhelmed, but thinking about how much I want to cry about it adds fuel to the fire. This causes a mad blaze—I’m so harried, and I wish I weren’t so harried! Yet if you accept and respond to trials in the now, you’ll react in a more manageable and exact way because you aren’t juggling multiple crises at once.
When you embrace the now, you head into each day feeling anchored to your most relevant matters and give them your all. You address, satisfy, or savor whatever the immediate moment requires from you. Putting all else aside, you recognize what feels good and have the space to consider what that moment is contributing or missing. The past can’t hold you back because you’re too busy welcoming what’s ahead. As my guides say, “When you live in the now, your thought process opens to any and all possibilities for your future.”
Forgiving the past and engaging in the present has far-reaching benefits for your life and soul. In this chapter, I’ll help you use the three steps to carry on from the past and embrace today.
●Believe that your past is not meant to define you, no matter what it is. God didn’t create hard times to upset you, and He doesn’t want any of your obstacles to permanently mark you. Rather, your higher power wants you to overcome, grow your soul, feed your happiness, and spread positive energy. To do this, you must Believe your future can be different from your past, and that it will actively and energetically change when you let go of psychic baggage. “Don’t rely on the past to define you another minute,” my guides say. “Trust in yourself and Spirit that you can build a new story right now.”
●Believe that if upsetting past circumstances were out of your control, God didn’t “make” these events happen. Most are happenstance or the nature of the plane we live on. Don’t focus on what has happened and why, but on how to navigate your negative feelings or situation. Use your Team, in the now, to illuminate a brighter future. They cannot affect what is done; they can only influence what’s yet to occur.
●Believe that if you don’t release the past in favor of the now, you reduce your ability to hear and trust in God’s voice and guidance. Don’t let your concerns about the past affect your relationship with God and His emissaries today. Keep the faith. Your beliefs have not let you down. If you enter a negative, conflicted state, your energy thickens, which makes it harder to tease out your feelings and listen to your instincts. On this lower vibration, you’re further away from your Team’s intervention and support.
●Believe that God’s there for you in the present; if you can hold on to this and call on your Team for support, they’ll help you cope with life in the now. Though I’ll discuss grief more deeply in Chapter 9, Believing in God’s unwavering support is a challenge for clients who mourn so hard over a loved one’s death that they turn from the belief system they once leaned on for strength and power their days with negative emotions that trap them in the past. When this happens, your Team encourages you to do what my client Maria instinctually did when she lost her daughter in a car accident. Right away, Spirit showed me that Maria used her beliefs to give the death context and called on God for support. This doesn’t mean Maria wore rose-colored glasses when processing her child’s passing. In fact, she still doesn’t fully understand what happened or why, and she gets angry that her daughter’s not with her. But Maria accepts the loss and hasn’t lost faith. She knows this tragedy will follow her for the rest of her life but Believes she has to keep going because living in the past brings her down. Maria Believes her angels give her the strength to climb out of bed, get dressed, and continue with her life. She also Believes that they send her supportive confidants to lean on when she’s feeling blue. “If you know your angels and guides send you opportunities for peace,” my guides say, “your belief will carry you forward.” Because Maria embraces her beliefs, Spirit presents circumstances to help her cope and heal.
As you work on this block, your Team may point you toward forgiveness—of others, of yourself—and I want to discuss this here so you don’t reject it if Spirit suggests it while you’re listening for answers. Toxic grievances from negative relationships or situations, in the past or present, that create or created resentment, hostility, guilt, shame, fear, and depression can warrant forgiveness; and Spirit says it will help you turn the page and feel settled if you can reconcile these. As far as I’m concerned, forgiveness is about you and your well-being. It helps you feel that positive sense of control we talked about in Chapter 4, so you can return to a balanced state. A lot of my clients who choose to forgive themselves take this step when they’ve decided they don’t like how it feels to conceal, covet, or exude ugly feelings any longer. They begin to own who they were during the incidents that upset them, excavate the feelings that led them there, and reveal the person who feels good in the now. As my guides say, “Forgiving, figuring out the lesson, and not repeating it is when real change happens and your soul grows stronger. You become more open and clear about what motivates your physical experience.”
When other people hurt you, Spirit still advocates for you to be the first to forgive because it frees you from waiting for an apology that may never come and, if it does, questioning if the person’s intentions and words are sincere. Hoping a person who betrayed you will agree with your perspective or that one day you’ll simply stop caring about their opinion is magical thinking. And while I encourage forgiveness for your own good, I’m not saying that nobody else matters to this process, because they certainly do. I just don’t want you to wait for anyone else to begin your healing process for you. Spirit always wants you to be kind to those who betray you, but the way I see it, this is easier when you are in a good place yourself. Forgiveness must come from a pure and honest intention when it’s time to communicate it.
My client Lena’s story is such a wild tale of forgiveness that any time I’m tempted to hold a grudge or hold someone to a past infliction, I’m so inspired by her strength that I shut my trap! Lena has spent most of her life trying to reconcile traumatic childhood wounds in an effort to accept and love who she is now. Growing up, her family participated in satanic worship (yes, I just said that); her father, who’s passed, was a high priest in their cult. This meant Lena witnessed and was the victim of many gruesome rituals. It nearly made my head spin when, during a reading, Lena’s Team showed me an image of her as a child in a cramped space beneath a barn’s floorboards, surrounded by animal carcasses. It was so scary that I actually thought Spirit was showing me a horror movie clip as a symbol; I never expected Lena to confirm that this literally happened to her at the hands of her grandmother no less! Every day was a fight to reconcile the childhood that helped shape Lena and the beautiful person her soul knows her to be.
As an adult, Lena used avoidance tactics to cope with her past; she drank heavily, cut off ties with extended family, and stayed away from any kind of spiritual guidance because she couldn’t get past what she was taught about the afterlife as a kid. When I met her a few years ago, Lena carried tremendous negative energy around and within her by no fault of her own. She had trouble feeling present in her current life and enjoying time with her husband and kids because she was constantly distracted by the shame and fear that plagued her memories. Lena sensed a darkness around her and feared she was inherently “evil” because of her upbringing. Without even knowing her full story, I could see with my naked eye that Lena was engulfed by a thick and murky energy. It looked dense and made my chest feel heavy. As an empath, I could hardly breathe in her presence. In fact, when I channeled her father, my guides wouldn’t let his soul enter my office; they made him stand outside the door instead. (He actually rapped his long, overgrown nails on the wall, a habit he had while he was alive. It was incredibly creepy!)
During our sessions together, Spirit showed me that despite Lena’s tragic past, her soul was most certainly not corrupt. She was a product of what happened to her, and her true nature craved purity and light. But Spirit couldn’t just erase her memory and negative emotions; Lena had to make sense of her experiences for it to benefit her soul. I suggested we use Believe, Ask, and Act to help with this process.
When Lena and I invoked the Ask step, her Team—which was primarily comprised of angels and Native American spirit guides who offered strength, protection, and healing—was quick to respond to her call and offer guidance. They immediately showed me that Lena would benefit from forgiving her situation—not for her father’s sake, but so Lena could feel in control of her pain and anger. I suggested Lena envision Archangel Michael enfolding her in his expansive, protective wings as she did this. Next, her Team recommended that during prayer or meditation, she envision white light coming from her and shining toward the circumstances that hurt her, represented by a series of words, images, or other symbols. For each one, she could say, “I forgive.” This would help Lena exonerate specific situations that haunted her.
In future meditations on her own, Lena went on to Ask her angels and spirit guides to help her know a loving God, find professional support, and feel safe. She Asked to know what it is to feel more love than fear. She wanted to understand herself as a unique and kind individual—not as someone her parents raised her to be, but who she feels she is now and the core values she hopes to personify.
Slowly but surely, Lena made significant, impressive, and well-intentioned strides. She established a belief in a positive, higher power and regularly calls on Spirit for guidance and protection. She spends significant time with a spiritual teacher, who’s helped her access balance and peace in her life. She digests her memories with a therapist; and not only is she sober, but she supports other recovering addicts, too. Lena’s marriage is more peaceful, and she feels endless love for her children and grandchildren. Her siblings are still in denial about what happened to them, so they remain estranged, but Lena sends them love and has let go of the implied judgment that came with her choice to sever ties. She unearthed her most genuine self, accepted and forgave her past, and makes an effort to pay it forward. Negative energy can’t touch her because she has raised her vibration and practices spiritual principles that cradle her in security.
You have a few options for guidance here, so please choose one that makes you feel safe, not judged, and comfortable expressing yourself. Your first choice is a departed soul, like a family member you knew or heard about, that represents kindness and forgiveness to you—maybe they were especially sympathetic or someone you had to forgive at one point. If this doesn’t resonate, call on a soul that supports your beliefs, be it a religious figure or spirit animal like a snake that symbolizes transformation and self-renewal. I like to call on Archangel Gabriel as an agent of God in situations like this.
I’d like you to Ask the following questions during two meditations spaced at least a day apart. If you don’t sense immediate answers, continue to think about the questions and allow Spirit’s answers to present themselves in the form of signs, opportunities, aha moments, and dreams. As with the Ask process in all chapters, pay attention to responses or themes that repeat—this signals a strong instinctual pull that might unlock further work for you to do. For example, if you can’t let go of your father-in-law’s hurtful criticism, your immediate work may be to forgive him and realize that his judgments mean nothing. But in reflecting more on this, you might also realize that it smacks of a constant need for approval, and you’d like to deal with that. Please address one issue at a time; and when it’s resolved and you’re ready to go deeper, use the same Ask questions to do so. Coming into the now is a lot like paring an apple until you reach its core—here, that core is your true identity and light.
To begin, take a few deep breaths to clear your mind and relax, ground and protect yourself, and Ask the soul you chose to join you. State the intention, “I accept my past, ask for the answers to my healing, and celebrate the now.” Ask the questions below, stay open to your Team’s answers, and don’t forget to express gratitude after the exercise and as you receive guidance.
Meditation 1
Why do I keep returning to this memory, place, or moment?
Do I need to forgive a person or situation to move on? If so, how can I do this?
What’s missing from my now because I haven’t moved on? Am I overlooking a void that needs to be filled?
What good can I take from this memory and apply to my life now? What should I leave behind?
Do I hold on to the past a lot? If so, why is this so appealing?
Meditation 2
How would I feel if I let go and moved forward?
What’s the best that could happen?
What’s the lesson in this?
What is my next step?
Consider my friend Diana, who couldn’t afford to keep her small ad agency open when her two biggest clients took their business in-house. Diana indulged her sadness and self-pity for months before admitting it was time to Act on divine help. When she called on her Universal Team for guidance, she sensed that moving to a less expensive apartment and nesting on weekends would offer the financial and mental relief she needed until she could reopen her business. But Diana didn’t immediately Act because her ego didn’t want to scale back; she loved her extravagant lifestyle and brainstormed a hundred ways to keep it. Then one morning during meditation, Diana had an aha moment so strong that she felt like her guides were shouting at her. Diana realized that she’d spent too much time wondering how to re-create her past instead of creating her life from where it was at that moment and with hope for a bright future.
During Act, Diana felt led to search online for a new apartment, and on her way to see the space, everything around her looked different. Her perspective had shifted. It was the craziest thing—strangers on the street seemed more animated, the trees seemed to be a more vibrant green, and Diana’s situation felt more like an opportunity than an albatross. By the time she arrived at the apartment, she was more receptive to the smaller space. Its breakfast nook felt quaint and not cramped as Diana had expected, and she noticed that the apartment had more closets than her current one. Diana signed a lease and continued to save money, and shortly after, her friend introduced her to an entertainment exec who hired her to do a marketing project. Next, she signed a shampoo client. The last time I read Diana, she’d chosen not to reopen her business but save the money from her freelance work so she could take a year to write a book. Like many of my clients, the minute Diana stepped into the now, she became excited about tomorrow and doors flew open.
You’ll know you’re Acting in the now when, like Diana experienced, life feels different when you’re present. It’s as if you’ve popped your head out of the sand, and you’re exploring the world for the first time. You can almost hear your soul say, “Hey, there you are! I was wondering what happened to you!” You may even “meet” aspects of yourself that you’ve neglected. You give yourself to the people and responsibilities around you because you no longer split your attention between the past and present.
Acting on the desire to forgive feels surprisingly simple, too. This gesture comes in many shapes and sizes, including a live conversation, a letter, or an e-mail. You don’t have to make a big display of forgiving, but this does need to be an action, not a passing thought. It’s perfectly fine to forgive yourself, a situation, or another person in your mind or during meditation, too. Just say or think “I forgive you”—with no qualifiers. “I forgive you, but I hope you have a miserable life” is not what you’re going for here.
When you live in the now, you will no longer experience blocks related to the burdens that you refuse to release. When I read my friend Carol, I could feel her extremely strong attachment to her friend Sid. From a spiritual perspective, I understood why: These two had a soul connection from many past lives, but in this one, Sid’s free will caused Carol a lot of anguish. Though their relationship began as compatible buddies who completed each other’s sentences and had each other’s backs, two years into their bond, Sid began to show his true colors to Carol as a manipulative, punitive, and outright deceitful human being. As Sid became more aggressive and self-destructive, Spirit told Carol to hold him at arm’s length. Yet Carol refused to listen because she wanted to help Sid become the person “he once was.” What Carol couldn’t see was that Sid had always been imbalanced, but he’d just stopped hiding it.
For almost a year more, Carol tried to relive and re-create their past rather than admit what their relationship had become. This created blocks for her. Some were her own doing, like the marital problems she faced when she refused to give up on Sid, but I’m shown the universe blocked her as well. Work projects stalled; she had a small fire in her house when she was out with a friend, bemoaning Sid’s duplicity over coffee. Carol energetically fed these negative situations by acting against her better instincts, and Spirit said her guides also used these events to get her attention. They wanted to pull her focus back to where it needed to be—at her business, which had become second fiddle to her friendship, and her home life, because she’d emotionally abandoned it for so long. When Carol finally Asked for help, her life fell into place. During Act, she stopped talking to Sid and saw a marriage counselor with her husband. She also pursued investors to expand her company. Yet I knew she’d truly healed when Carol posted a quote on her Facebook page that was a reflection on the Sid situation. It said, “Your perception of me is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.” Such powerful self-acceptance can exist only when you embrace where you’ve been, who you are now, and what tomorrow holds.
Mental Strategies
●The next time you start to think about the past, close your eyes and imagine the scenario on a movie screen in front of you. Watch it play out, and when you get to the end, replace troubled feelings and “what-ifs” with a positive conclusion. For instance, my client Lisa kept replaying a nasty argument that she’d had with her ex-boyfriend, who insisted on keeping their dog after they broke up. Lisa was upset because she wanted to have a civil relationship with her ex and reclaim her dog without any hard feelings. She visualized the initial argument, and at the end of it, rather than leaving in a huff, she, her ex, and their dog shared a group hug. This exercise encouraged Lisa to reconcile with her ex and create a “visitation rights” schedule with their pet. You, too, should plan to Act on your finale, so don’t just come up with a fantastical one for kicks. Spirit says this will secure a supportive and constructive “end scene” to work toward. When you create and achieve a satisfying conclusion on your own terms, it leads to closure.
●Say a prayer as a positive, quick effort that helps refocus your attention. You can come up with it yourself, it can be a go-to prayer from your faith, or you can use this one I channeled: “Dear God, thank You for removing this negative memory, and help me appreciate the beauty, strength, and magnitude of your gifts that surround me every day. I also call on my highest angels and guides to help. Amen.”
●Think of three awesome actions you could take if you used your energy to pursue them rather than dwell on the past. The next time you’re tempted to sulk, you’ll do one of these instead. The only rule is that the activity must create a positive outcome for you or others. So, for instance, rather than stew over the eleven doctors who misdiagnosed your health condition, write down how you’d use the time you’d spend on those complaints and feelings to write a blog educating others on what you’ve learned, take a yoga class to relax and center your energy, or play a game of Scrabble with the family to remind yourself that love matters most.
Physical Strategies
●Leave your space to do a distracting activity that excites your senses. Go for a run while listening to your favorite podcast. Take the scenic route on your way to the dog park. Sign up for an art class that demands your focus. Savor the moment, being mindful of all you see, taste, smell, touch, and hear.
●Find a reason to laugh. This doesn’t have to last for hours; it just needs to change your mental channel. Watch Tonight Show skits on YouTube or call a friend who makes you howl. I like to send my daughter serious texts using the Crazy Video Helium Booth app, which gives me bug-eyes and a squeaky voice—this cracks us up. Laughter shifts your energy, raising your vibration and lightening your perspective.