Richard is handing out the till keys this afternoon while crooning about his Cogs. ‘All my new girls are lovely. They’re all my princesses.’ Only he can pull off a line this cheesy.’
Among the newer Cogs there is unrest. Rebecca, Magda and Michelle are all talking about the twelve-week probationary period. None of us knows yet if we are being kept on. I’ve figured that no news is good news, but no one’s listening. I think they’re expecting a graduation ceremony and then perhaps a crown of some kind.
At Grace’s till opposite me two shoppers are arguing over the time that one of them is taking. Grace is in the thick of it.
‘Calm down,’ shouts the customer she’s serving. ‘There’s a problem on my receipt and it’s not her fault or mine.’
‘Well, just hurry up, will you?’
Grace looks over her shoulder nervously for a supervisor.
‘Can you just calm down so she can sort it out. Just stop shouting,’ hollers the customer that Grace is serving.
‘You stop shouting,’ bellows the waiting shopper.
Supermarket wars rock—they’re the highlight of my day. There is a long wait and then Susie arrives and takes one of the shouting customers away. Grace looks like she’s survived—just about.
Mums and their kids are in. Some with two and others with three. I read an article today that declared that couples need to opt for recession-friendly family planning. So I gauge opinion.
‘Once you’ve got the cost of two, the cost of three is not that much more.’
‘I’ve got two boys and I’d love to have a third child. But it’s going to be too expensive during this recession and I can’t afford to be off on maternity leave now.’
‘Two is better than three, definitely. The financial cost of two is enough as it is—computer games, DVDs, Nintendos, etc.’
‘With just my two kids I get free time to myself. I play tennis, I have coffee and don’t have to worry about money. Spare cash goes on me, not a third little thing crawling around. Although, I have to tell you, if my husband had been up for it I would have gone for it in a heartbeat. But then I see women at the school gates with a third child in the pram and I just feel sorry for them and their bank account.’ She changes her mind so many times, I lose count.
Hayley sends me on my break a highly considerate three hours in. I bump into Adil and he’s unhappy about his hours. Like all the other students, he doesn’t get enough time to study but needs the money. I tell him to threaten to leave; it may just do the trick. While enjoying a quiet coffee and chocolate bar, I start thinking ahead to when I will leave.
Dear Supermarket Boss,
I’ve only been here just over three months but it’s been an eye opener. Your workers are fine people. Can I just make some requests for them based on what I’ve learnt so far?
1. Get them proper chairs. Hunchback of Notre Dame is not a good look.
2. Adjust the hours for students so they don’t flunk all their exams and spend the rest of their days here—unless that’s your grand plan.
3. I don’t care much for bonuses myself, but could you be more generous with them? A couple of extra hundred pounds won’t mean anything to you but would make a world of difference to a Cog.
4. Your profits are increasing every day. How’s about paying them slightly more than a pitiful £6.30 an hour? Most of them blow that straight after their shift while doing their shopping in your store anyway, so it makes good business sense; the more money they have, the more they’ll spend in here.
5. Don’t be so strict on the no-chatting-to-other-colleagues rule. When they are serving a customer, admittedly it’s not on. But when it’s quiet, let them make friends. Otherwise they will curl up and die like the vegetables in the waste crate at the back of your warehouse.
6. Finally, as soon as their shift ends, send them home. I bet they will reward you with greater loyalty.
Yours,
A. Cog
Just before the end of my shift, Susie offers me overtime, again. I turn it down again. And then Hayley closes my till ten minutes early. I can barely believe it. I LOVE her. Rebecca and I drive home together and we talk D grades, Valentine’s Day dateless-ness, studying, working, mothering. She’s not doing well. On the upside, she’s knocking the competition sideways with her customer service.
I switch the radio on after she gets out and I’m told that white-collar jobs will face the biggest cuts during this recession—and that this downturn will be deeper and larger than any of us expect.