Hercules kept growing bigger and stronger. Most of the time, he was a kindhearted boy. But when Hercules got angry, “accidents” seemed to happen.
I stopped by the palace one afternoon when Hercules was around nine. I only meant to stay a couple of minutes, so I had on my helmet.
Princess Alcmene was out on the royal lawn with her son and his cousin, Eurystheus. Hercules was big, brawny, and healthy. Eury was pale, scrawny, and had a seriously runny nose. The boys were total opposites.
“Why don’t you two play a game of catch?” Princess Alcmene said. She tossed her son a ball and went back into the palace.
“Catch, Eury!” called Hercules. He threw it.
Eury missed it.
“Wild throw!” Eury wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Go get the ball.”
“No problem,” said Hercules. He went after it.
Eury was a creepy little kid. But Hercules was being nice to him. I thought maybe he’d outgrown his bad temper. Wrong!
“Catch!” called Hercules. Once more he threw the ball to his cousin.
It was an easy little blooper of a throw. But Eury missed it.
“Wild throw! Wild throw!” whined Eury. “Get the ball yourself.”
“Okay,” said Hercules, and he did.
“I’m ready,” called Eury. “Ready for someone else to play catch with!”
“I’ll aim it better this time!” said Hercules. He threw the ball.
BONK!
It hit Eury right between the eyes.
“Oops!” said Hercules.
“Aunt Alcmene!” Eury cried, running toward the palace. His nose was running like crazy. “Hercules hit me with the ball!”
“It was an accident,” said Hercules when his mother rushed outside. “I was trying to throw it so he could catch it.” He turned to his cousin. “Sorry, Eury.”
“He did it on purpose!” Eury told Princess Alcmene.
“Did not,” said Hercules.
I believed him.
But his mother wasn’t so sure.
“All right, Hercules,” she said. “You get a time-out.”
Hercules had to sit on a stump for fifteen minutes and watch while his mom played catch with his slimy cousin.
When his time-out was over, Hercules got the ball back.
“Play nicely!” Princess Alcmene said, and she went back inside.
“Catch!” said Hercules. He threw a gentle, underhand toss.
Eury missed again.
“You can’t throw the ball!” chanted Eury. “You can’t throw at all!”
Hercules’s eyes began to flash with anger. His face turned red.
I thought about whipping off my helmet and trying to calm him down. But to tell you the truth, I was half ready for Hercules to get back at that little stinker.
“I’m not chasing that ball,” said Eury. “If you want it, go get it.”
Hercules ran and picked up the ball. “Heads up!” he called, and he threw it.
BONK!
The ball hit Eury on the top of his head and bounced off.
“Ow!” cried Eury.
Hercules caught the ball in the air and threw it again.
BONK!
“Ow! OW!” cried Eury.
And again.
BONK!
“Auntieeeeee!” cried Eury.
When Eury’s mother came to pick him up, she was horrified. “Eurystheus!” she cried. “Your little head! It’s . . . it’s all lumpy!”
Eury wiped his nose on his sleeve and pointed at Hercules. “He did it!”
“Beast!” Eury’s mother yelled at Hercules.
“Hercules is sorry,” said Princess Alcmene. “He wants to apologize!”
But Eury’s mother dragged Eury off. Later, I heard that she spread the word to all the other moms in Thebes. She told them not to let their kids play with Hercules. That he was out of control.
After that, I didn’t see Hercules for a while. No reason, really. I was busy in the Underworld. Then one day an invitation came:
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Hercules is turning X! |
On the day of the party, I showed up. I’d brought the kid a great present—a complete set of Immortals of Wrestling cards. Very rare. Worth a fortune.
“Welcome, Hades!” said Princess Alcmene. “You’re the first to arrive. We’ve invited every boy and girl in Thebes to come, too. They’ll be here any minute.”
“Is Eury coming?” I asked.
“No, he and his mom moved to Mycenae,” said the princess. “But there will be lots and lots of kids.”
But an hour later, only a two-year-old boy had shown up, little Theseus. His mother had brought him all the way from Troezen, which was why she hadn’t heard about Hercules’s temper.
When Hercules came into the nearly empty palace yard, he wasn’t disappointed because he didn’t know about the party. He was just happy to have such an enormous birthday cake all for himself and Theseus, who was too little to eat very much.
“This is a wake-up call, Alcmene,” said Amphitryon after Theseus had gone home and the “party” was over. “We have to do something about Hercules,” said Amphitryon. “His terrible temper has made him an outcast.”
“The boy doesn’t know his own strength,” Alcmene admitted. “He could hurt someone someday.” She turned to me. “You’re his uncle, Hades. Can he come and stay with you for a while?”
“I’d like to help you out with this, Alcmene,” I told her. “Really, I would. But live mortals aren’t allowed down in the Underworld. Sorry.”
“My second cousin Humus and his wife, Pita, have a dairy farm out in the middle of nowhere,” Amphitryon said. “Why don’t we send Hercules there? Cows are peaceful, mellow creatures. Maybe if he tends cows for a while, Hercules will mellow, too.”
“All right,” said Alcmene. “But you have to tell him.”
“No, you,” said Amphitryon.
In the end, they decided to write Hercules a note.
