Dread filled my chest when I walked into our room at the Apple Blossom B&B and saw Spencer standing next to the bed with his bags packed and his lips pulled tight. I allowed the door to shut slowly behind me before I turned to face him. I’d messed up, but he was taking this too far.
He’d shut me out. What was I supposed to do?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I wanted him to know that I understood the pain I caused him even though I felt frustrated that he was reacting this way.
He growled. “How long have you been seeing her?”
I sighed as I dropped my keys and purse onto the small dresser. “It didn’t start out by going behind you back,” I said.
He stiffened but kept his gaze trained on the bed.
“I ran into Abigail on the sidewalk. She invited me to the bookstore since we both liked the same books.” I swallowed, my heart aching for Spencer and Abigail as well as myself. If only Spencer would give up some of this pride he was hanging onto for dear life, we might be able to create a happy future together.
But he didn’t seem interested in that at all. Instead, he stood there, his jaw muscles clenching over and over, shredding my already ragged nerves.
“You should have stayed away from her. I asked you to stay away. I told you what I needed, and you didn’t respect that.” He pulled hard on the zipper of his suitcase and then set it on the floor.
“That’s not fair,” I said.
He glanced over at me. “What?”
“You are not being fair to me.” I raised my hand in hopes that he would let me finish. “I came here to help you, and you shut me out. You asked me to stay away, and I tried. But Abigail asked me to be her friend. I couldn’t just say no.”
He glowered at me. I could see his pain buried deep in his gaze, but I didn’t let it sway me. I was tired of the wall he’d built up, and I was ready to take a wrecking ball to it come hell or high water.
“You should have told me.” He folded his arms across his chest, and I could feel him challenge me.
“You’re right. I should have told you.” Tears pricked my eyes. “But would you have listened?”
He frowned.
“You’ve been pushing me away since we got here. If I came clean to you about what was happening, would you have even listened? Or would you have reacted this way?” I waved my hand at him.
He paused, seeming to contemplate my words, but then shook his head. “Regardless, you should have respected what I wanted. This is my life I’m trying to fix.”
His words angered me. Tears were quickly replaced with rage as I glared at him. “I love you, Spencer. I want to share my life with you. Nothing hurts me more than when you assume things like this don’t affect me.” I folded my arms and glowered right back at him. “I know you miss Rosalie and that you think you are the only one who can fix what broke when she died, but that’s not true. I’m here for you. I want to help you shoulder that burden.”
The anger in my voice drifted off, and tears began to roll down my cheeks. Despite the fact that he frustrated me, I loved the man. His pain was my pain even if I didn’t want to admit that.
“Keeping your distance keeps you safe. But it’s also kept you from the happiness you can only experience when you open yourself up to being loved.” My words were a whisper now. Pain had a way of filling me to the point where it hurt to breathe. Hurt to speak.
Spencer didn’t look up. He kept his gaze focused on the ground as if he were thinking on my words. Then he sighed, and I allowed myself to hope for a moment that he was finally going to open up to me.
“I know you meant well. I do. But this was a journey that I needed to take on my own.” He shouldered his duffel bag and wrapped his fingers around the handle of his suitcase. “And I can’t be around you right now.”
“You’re leaving me?” Was this a permanent thing? Or did he just need to blow off some steam?
He moved to pass by me but paused when we were side by side. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and then he was gone.
The sound of the door latch engaging marked his departure.
With him gone, I collapsed on the bed. I covered my face with my hands and let the tears flow. I was angry with myself for letting things get to this point. I was angry with Spencer for being so stubborn. And I was angry with the world for taking Rosalie from this family and breaking them like it did.
I wanted to fix this, yet I’d only managed to make it worse.
I wasn’t sure how long I lay there crying. But eventually the tears dried up. I pulled the comforter around me and allowed my eyes to drift closed.
Darkness had filled the room when I startled awake. I glanced around, hoping for a moment that Spencer had returned. But from the lack of light and movement in the room, I was alone.
I yawned and stretched out. My head was pounding, and my stomach ached from hunger. I was starving, but the last thing I wanted was to walk downstairs and face Missy. I had a feeling she was going to have a lot of questions for me, and I didn’t want to answer any of them.
All I wanted to do was pack my things and head back to Magnolia. Being here hurt too much.
My phone rang, snapping my attention over to it. I reached out and turned on the light and looked to see who was calling.
Maggie.
I missed seeing her. I missed being able to meet her for lunch to talk. I selfishly wanted her to come down here and comfort me, but I resolved myself not to act sad or heartbroken. I knew she would hop on the soonest flight and come down here if I asked her to, but I didn’t want to inconvenience her.
So, I cleared my throat and swiped the talk button. “Hello?”
“Mom?” She paused, and I held my breath. “What’s wrong?”
I closed my eyes. This conversation was already off to a rocky start. She was like a bloodhound when it came to me. She could sniff out how I was feeling no matter how much I tried to hide it.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” I winced at the lie. I wanted to be honest with her—it was a goal I’d made for myself after we mended our relationship—but this wasn’t the time to make good on that goal. I didn’t want her to worry, and honestly, there wasn’t a lot she could do to help me in this situation.
“You’re lying to me,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes as tears formed once more on my eyelids. “Really, I’m okay,” I said, my voice cracking. I cursed myself for being so weak.
“What happened?” she pushed.
“Nothing of consequence. Spencer is just struggling, and I’m trying to be here for him. We’re going to be okay.” I smiled even though she couldn’t see it. In all honesty, it was more for me. I needed to convince myself that everything was going to work out and that I was going to be okay.
“I’m coming,” she said.
“Maggie, no—”
She’d hung up the phone before I could come up with a reason why she shouldn’t come. I stared at my black screen, our conversation playing in my mind. Part of me wanted Maggie here—I could really use a friend—but the other part wanted her to stay in Magnolia. After all, she had a life there, and I didn’t want to disrupt that.
I had half a mind to call up Archer and tell him to stop Maggie, but I knew what he would say. She was an unstoppable force when she wanted something. He had a better chance at stopping the waves on the ocean than Maggie.
Not wanting to think about this anymore, I set my phone down on the nightstand and buried myself in the blankets and pillows around me. I closed my eyes and let my remaining tears fall. I wasn’t going to move from this bed until my heart hurt a little less.
The next thing I remember was waking up to a sharp pain in my stomach. I rolled over so I could look at the clock. It was well past seven that evening. I’d slept the entire day away.
I groaned and peeled myself off my bed. My body ached. My heart hurt. And my soul felt defeated. I shuffled into the bathroom and stared at my reflection. Why had I let things get that bad? I should have honored Spencer’s wish and just left his family alone. But I lacked faith that he would actually let me in, which was why I’d overstepped and inserted myself into his life.
I should have stayed back. But I thought I knew better.
I flipped on the faucet and let the cold water fill my hands. I cursed myself as I splashed the water on my face, causing my mascara to run down my cheeks. I grabbed my face wash and scrubbed my skin until it turned pink. Then I blotted the water with a towel and hung it on the hook nearby.
I changed into my pajamas, vowing not to go out tonight. I didn’t want to run into Abigail or Missy, and I certainly didn’t want to see Spencer. I allowed myself to wonder where he’d gone for just a moment before I pushed those thoughts from my mind.
Wherever he was, I hoped he was happy.
I ordered some Chinese takeout from a local restaurant and asked them to deliver to my room. Thankfully, they were used to fulfilling orders like that and they quickly agreed. With my food situation handled, I created a nest on my bed with the pillows and blankets. I flipped on the Hallmark channel, determined to lose myself in cheesy romance and corny one-liners.
With the way I was feeling, it sounded heavenly.
I must have looked a sight. When the delivery driver saw me, his eyebrows rose as he took in my appearance. Not wanting the whole world to know that Penny Brown had had her heart broken, I quickly took the food, shoved the money into his hand, and shut the door.
I hurried over to my nest and dove back into it. I filled my belly with an inordinate amount of greasy noodles and fried chicken. But the pain in my stomach helped mute the pain in my heart. Eventually I fell asleep, and I didn’t wake up until there was a sharp knock on my door.
I startled, glancing around to get my bearings. In my haste, I pulled on the blanket, dumping the remaining noodles all over the sheet. I cursed myself as I shimmied off the bed and struggled to stand. My body was cramping from the way I had fallen asleep, and I was feeling my age as I pressed on my lower back in hopes that I could straighten my spine.
The knock came again.
I focused on the door, wondering who on earth was knocking. My heart sank when I realized it might be Missy. Would she leave it alone if she discovered that Spencer had left? Was she coming up here to console me?
“Coming,” I said softly as I limped toward the door. I’d slept weird on my leg, and it had gone numb. It was finally waking up, but the painful tingles made it hard to put weight on it.
I unlocked the door and pulled it open. “Missy, I—”
“Mom?”
I was face-to-face with Maggie. She looked tired but concerned as she stared at me. There was a piece of luggage behind her, and her hair was windblown. Her cheeks were pink as she stared at me and then into the room behind me. “It’s worse than I thought,” she said, her voice breathy.
“It’s okay, Maggie,” I said as I tried to block her view. But she’d already seen, and now there was no stopping her.
She pushed past me and into the room. I stayed close to the door as she surveyed my bed. The leftover Chinese food. The TV that was still on, playing yet another Hallmark movie. By the time her gaze returned to me, I wanted a sinkhole to open up and swallow me whole.
“This is bad,” she whispered as she walked over and picked up the box of sweet and sour chicken from my bed and closed the flaps. “What happened?”
I swallowed, fighting the tears that formed in my eyes once more. I’d already cried enough over Spencer. I was ready to be stronger. Even if I didn’t feel it, I was going to pretend for now.
I made my way over to the bed, cleaned up what I could, and settled down on it. Maggie grabbed the rolling desk chair and pulled it over until she was sitting next to the bed.
Once I started talking, I didn’t stop. I spilled everything. I told her about Abigail and how we’d bonded. I told her about how Spencer asked me to leave things to him and how I tried but couldn’t. I told her about Spencer finding me at the bookstore and him walking out.
Maggie listened to me. She folded her arms and nodded along with the story. By the time I was done, she leaned forward so that her elbows were resting on her knees. Her gaze was trained on me, and I could tell that she was thinking through what she wanted to say.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered as I brought up my knees to my chest and hugged them. I rested my chin on my knees and closed my eyes as the reality of what my future held washed over me. I was going to be alone. It’d taken me this long to find Spencer; how much longer would it take to find another?
That was if I wanted to find another. The truth was, I loved Spencer. I wanted to spend my life with him. I knew he was hurting, and a hurting person did irrational things. If I loved him like I said I did, wouldn’t I want to stick around? To be here for him when he needed me the most?
The pain surrounding me was enough to make me break. I needed advice from someone, and I hoped that Maggie had a solution.
She settled back in her chair, with her elbows on the armrests. I could tell that she was chewing on her response in an effort to choose her words wisely. “I think you should come back to Magnolia with me,” she said softly.
I blinked. “What?”
She gave me a weak smile. “You know the saying: If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they’re yours. If they don’t, they were never really yours.” She shook her head. “Or something like that.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, I think Spencer needs his time to heal, and nothing you do is going to help speed that process up. Coming to Magnolia will give Spencer the freedom to do what he needs to do. To heal the way he needs to heal.”
I wanted to tell her no. If I left, would Spencer ever come back? What if this was the end of our relationship? Was I ready to let it all go?
“But…” I wanted to rebut what she said, but I knew Maggie. Once she decided on something, she was going to stick with it. I had to have some faith in my daughter. After all, she was an outsider in this situation. She could see things differently than I could.
Perhaps there was truth to what she was saying.
“You have to know when to push and when to let go, Mom,” she said softly. “I think this is the time to let things go.”
My throat prickled when I swallowed. So many emotions rushed through me as I listened to her words. I knew my daughter was wise; I just hadn’t realized how wise she truly was. I wanted her to be wrong, but I knew that wasn’t the case. She was right.
I blinked a few times, staving off the tears that clung to my lids as well as forcing my mind to accept what Maggie was saying. I was going to walk away. I was going to let Spencer have his time with his daughters, and I was going to have to trust the fact that he would come back.
That he loved me enough not to let me go.
I took a deep breath and forced a smile, just so Maggie knew I was entertaining what she said. Then I squared my shoulders and glanced around the room. “Okay, what should I do?”