As Project Indigo came close to fruition Motl chewed his nails down to the bleeding quick. One night, in alarm, you wrapped each fingertip in the cave of your mouth and when you finally drew breath, and sat back, he said, ‘Please can we keep our scientific endeavours at a more humble level, Mrs. You’re getting above yourselves here. I do not like it.’
‘Sssh,’ you whispered, kissing a fingertip and pressing it to his lips. ‘It’s exhilarating. To get this far, as a species, to evolve so much. To unravel the mysteries of creation—’
‘I’m not so sure it’s called "evolving". And no one can ever explain the biggest question of the lot, Mum: how life was first created on this planet. How this incredibly complex, beautiful world began. I can tell you right now you’ll never even get close.’
‘Well, I damned well want to try,’ you teased. ‘I am loving this journey, you know that.’
He pulled away. ‘Oh, for a simple life.’
‘So you’ve turned all Goddy on me, have you? And which religion is it, my love? The cow, the crescent, the cross?’
‘I don’t need any of them.’ Angry now. ‘It’s impossible to explain to someone like you. But it’s like I’m becoming myself, what I was always meant to be. And I don’t need a church for it.’ He jabbed his finger in fury ‘People who completely deny spirituality are missing what it is to be fully human — with all its fallibility and mess and stupidity, yes, but all its glory —’ his voice breaks ‘and beauty’
‘Religious people are either terrorists or paedophiles.’
He sighed. ‘There are good people among them. Deeply intelligent, thinking people. They’re usually older. They’re sometimes near the end of their lives. They have this grace of certainty, and they shine with it. I admire it. I wish I could have it myself. You can extract just the meat from all their books, you know; use them like self-help manuals. Forget the religious nutters — the best people, well, they’re discerning. Thinking.’ He tapped his temples with both hands. ‘They’ve learned how to glean the sweetest juice from the texts and just toss away the rest. The Bible, the Koran, they’re like human life itself: inconsistent. Ridiculous. Infuriating. Good and bad, beautiful and ugly, it’s all there. Nothing’s black and white, my love, nothing.’
It was your turn to sigh. ‘Can we agree to disagree on this one?’
‘As long as you respect my choice.’
Different creeds are but different paths to reach the Almighty.