With deep gratitude to my friend Megan Abbott and my agent, Dan Conaway, without whose enthusiasm and encouragement this project would never have been more than just another fleeting idea. To my sister, Cori Carr, my friends Nana Asfour and Mark Swartz, and Andrea Vedder at Writers House for being such kind, generous, and attentive readers whenever I needed them to be (as well as to Kerri Kolen for her early support). Then, too, and not at all least to my editor, Stephanie Hitchcock, and everyone at HarperCollins for never wavering in their passion for and commitment to this book; it has been my pleasure and good fortune to get to have this experience with you.
I am so appreciative of all the parents, academics, and other various experts quoted extensively in these pages. Our conversations were both enlightening and a total hoot. More people than I can name helped me recruit subjects—thank you especially Rona Kobell, Lisa Goren, Marla Garfield, Adrienne Lapidos, Emily Grey Berman, Anjali Naik Polan, Liz Greenberg, and Sarah Granatir Bryan (and Facebook, for allowing me to cast a wider net). Lizzie Fassler, Kate Zolotkovsky, and Ivy and Davin Hatsengate: I could not have asked for better companions as we discussed these (and other) pressing issues against the backdrop of homework and dinner over what is now many years of playdates. I’m so lucky to be sharing this longest shortest time with you.
To my parents, Michael and Helene Lockman, for never trying to hide the fact that marriage is hard, and for sticking it through with fortitude and joy (happy just-belated fiftieth anniversary!). Though you no longer host ACLU mailing parties in your basement, your activism and values taught me to use my mind and to speak it, and I love you very much.
Finally, to my husband, George Kingsley, whose spirit and good humor is best illustrated by the fact that he has taken to calling himself my muse. It is not every man who would offer unflagging support for a book that chronicled the stickiest parts of his marriage, and knowing that you did allowed me to write without hesitation. You are not actually my muse, but something better.