Introduction: The Problem That Has No Name
1. “her female undergraduates at Berkeley in the ’80s”: Arlie Hochschild, The Second Shift (New York: Viking Adult, 1989), xiv.
2. “reported on a study of two hundred couples out of Ohio State”: Claire Kamp Dush, “Men Share Housework Equally—Until the First Baby,” posted 5/10/15, https://www.newsweek.com/men-share-housework-equally-until-first-baby-330347
3. “more theoretically egalitarian times, were no better”: Claire Cain Miller, “Millennial Men Aren’t the Dads They Thought They’d Be,” New York Times, July 30, 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/31/upshot/millennial-men-find-work-and-family-hard-to-balance.html
4. “told Pew that their responsibilities were shared equally”: “Raising Kids and Running a Household: How Working Parents Share the Load,” Pew Research Trends, November 4, 2015, https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/11/04/raising-kids-and-running-a-household-how-working-parents-share-the-load/
5. “survey of parents in eight Western countries”: “Sharing Chores at Home: Houses Divided,” The Economist, October 5, 2017, https://www.economist.com/international/2017/10/05/houses-divided
6. “Why don’t men do more?”: Scott Coltrane, “Research on Household Labor: Modeling and Measuring the Social Embeddedness of Routine Family Work,” Journal of Marriage and Family 62, no. 4 (November 2000): 1208–33.
7. “inaugural edition of Ms. magazine back in 1971”: Jane O’Reilly, “The Housewife’s Moment of Truth,” Ms., December 20, 1971, http://nymag.com/news/features/46167/
8. “I have to wash dishes”: Ibid.
9. “and their male partners 35 percent”: “Time spent in primary activities by married mothers and fathers by employment status of self and spouse . . . 2011–15,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, https://www.bls.gov/tus/tables/a7_1115.pdf
10. “held steady since the year 2000”: “Time spent in primary activities by married mothers and fathers by employment status of self and spouse . . . 2005–09,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, https://www.bls.gov/tus/tables/a7_0509.htm
11. “letters could’ve been written by the same person”: Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond, “Save Me from This Domestic Drudgery!” New York Times, May 8, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/08/style/household-parenting-marriage-share-work.html
12. “more fruitful for understanding and eradicating inequality”: Toni Calasanti and Carol Bailey, “Gender Inequality and the Division of Household Labor in the United States and Sweden: A Socialist-Feminist Approach,” Social Problems 38, no. 1 (February 1991): 34–53.
13. “more threatening than condemning the political”: Amy Richards, Opting In (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2008), 9.
Chapter 1: On How Life Is
1. “tripled the amount of time they spend with their kids since 1965”: Kim Parker and Gretchen Livingston, “7 Facts About American Dads,” Pew Research Center, June 13, 2018, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/06/13/fathers-day-facts/
2. “up from 26 percent a decade before”: “Statistics on Stay-At-Home Dads,” National At-Home Dad Network, accessed October 18, 2018, http://athomedad.org/media-resources/statistics/
3. “twice the number there were ten years ago”: Ibid.
4. “parenting is extremely important to their identity”: “Parenting in America,” Pew Research Center Social & Demographic Trends, December 17, 2015, http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/2-satisfaction-time-and-support/
5. “only twice as many hours in 2010”: Suzanne Bianchi, Liana Sayer, Melissa Milkie, and John Robinson, “Housework: Who Did, Does or Will Do It, and How Much Does It Matter?” Social Forces 91, no. 1 (September 2012): 55–63.
6. “from under 20 percent to almost 35 percent”: Jennifer Hook, “Care in Context: Men’s Unpaid Work in 20 Countries, 1965–2003,” American Sociological Review 71 (August 2006): 639–60.
7. “where of course it has remained ever since”: Kim Parker and Wendy Wang, “Modern Parenthood: Roles of Moms and Dads Converge as They Balance Work and Family,” Pew Research Social & Demographic Trends, March 14, 2013, http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family/
8. “spawned the modern, involved father”: Sara Raley, Suzanne Bianchi, and Wendy Wang, “When Do Fathers Care? Mothers’ Economic Contribution and Fathers’ Involvement in Child Care,” American Journal of Sociology 117, no. 5 (March 2012): 1422–59, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4568757/
9. “they were their husband’s property”: Rebecca Traister, All the Single Ladies (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2016), 41.
10. “The honorifics ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs.’”: Alexandra Buxton, “Mistress, Miss, Mrs or Ms: untangling the shifting history of women’s titles,” New Statesman, September 12, 2014, https://www.newstatesman.com/cultural-capital/2014/09/mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms-untangling-shifting-history-women-s-titles
11. “legal . . . to fire or refuse to employ a married woman”: Susan Thistle, From Marriage to Market (California: University of California Press, 2006), 52–53.
12. “every husband ‘the head of household’”: Susan Faludi, Backlash (New York: Crown Publishing, 1991), 81.
13. “her first husband, whom she ‘long ago divorced’”: Sheila Nevins, “HBO Documentary Head Sheila Nevins On Her Career, Aging and Family,” interview by Leonard Lopate, The Leonard Lopate Show, WNYC, May 1, 2017. Audio 10:30. https://www.wnyc.org/story/hbo-documentary-filmmaker-sheila-nevins/
14. “When a dad comes, we clap”: Jay Miranda, “Why the Hell Do We Clap for the Dads?” Mom.me, July 16, 2015, https://mom.me/lifestyle/20953-when-dads-get-praise-stuff-moms-do-all-time/
15. “U.S. states with the highest divorce rates”: “Divorce Rate in the United States in 2016,” Statista: The Statistics Portal, accessed October 18, 2018, https://www.statista.com/statistics/621703/divorce-rate-in-the-united-states-by-state/
16. “haven’t totally caught up to women’s expectations”: Jill Filipovic, The H-Spot (New York: Nation Books, 2017), 141.
17. “new egalitarian couple is way ahead of its time”: Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (New York: Routledge, 1999), 97.
18. “since the U.S. began keeping reliable statistics”: Paul Raeburn, Do Fathers Matter? (New York: Scientific American, 2014), 220.
19. “fewer father-present families”: Scott Coltrane, “Fatherhood, Gender and Work-Family Policies,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 386.
20. “Men are among the 3 to 5 percent of male mammals”: Peter Gray and Kermyt Anderson, Fatherhood (Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 2010), 59.
21. “three hours more per week than men without kids”: Scott Coltrane, “Fatherhood, Gender and Work-Family Policies,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 389.
22. “labor is very important to a successful marriage”: Abigail Geiger, “Sharing Chores a Key to Good Marriage, Say Majority of Married Adults,” Pew Research Center, November 30, 2016, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/11/30/sharing-chores-a-key-to-good-marriage-say-majority-of-married-adults/
23. “more in ‘the culture of fatherhood’ than in actual behavior”: Bernadette Park, J. Allegra Smith, and Joshua Correll, “The persistence of implicit behavioral associations for moms and dads,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 46 (2010): 809–15.
24. “between two and ten times as much unpaid care”: “Why the majority of the world’s poor are women,” Oxfam International, accessed October 18, 2018, https://www.oxfam.org/en/even-it/why-majority-worlds-poor-are-women
25. “paid parental leave exclusively for fathers”: Elin Kvande and Berit Brandth, “Fathers on Leave Alone in Norway: Changes and Continuities” in Comparative Perspectives on Work-Life Balance and Gender Equality 6, 29–44 (New York: Springer Publishing, 2017), https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-42970-0_3
26. “compared to men’s three”: Elizabeth Weingarten, “Unpaid Work Should Be Measured and Valued, but Mostly Isn’t,” Financial Times, January 13, 2017, https://ftalphaville.ft.com/2017/01/13/2182312/guest-article-unpaid-work-should-be-measured-and-valued-but-mostly-isnt/?mhq5j=e3
27. “in South Asia, where women carry”: Ibid.
28. “men only one”: “Employment: Time Spent in Paid and Unpaid Work, by Sex,” OECD.stat, accessed October 20, 2018, https://stats.oecd.org/index.aspx?queryid=54757
29. “six hours each day collecting water”: Anam Parvez Butt, Jane Remme, Lucia Rost, and Sandrine Koissy-Kpein, “Exploring the Need for Gender-Equitable Fiscal Policies for Human Economy: Evidence from Uganda and Zimbabwe,” Oxfam, March 2018.
30. “the wealthier the country”: Gaelle Ferrant, Luca Maria Pesando, and Keiko Nowacka, “Unpaid Care Work: The Missing Link in the Analysis of Gender Gaps in Labour Outcomes,” OECD Development Centre, December 2014, https://www.oecd.org/dev/development-gender/Unpaid_care_work.pdf
31. “achieve gender equity in their homes”: “Men Taking on 50 Percent of the World’s Child Care and Domestic Work Requires Global Goal and Immediate Action, Reveals State of the World’s Fathers Report,” Men Care: A Global Fatherhood Campaign, June 2017, https://men-care.org/2017/06/09/men-taking-on-50-percent-of-the-worlds-child care-and-domestic-work-requires-global-goal-and-immediate-action-reveals-state-of-the-worlds-fathers-report/
32. “an inequality of crisis proportions”: Francine Deutsch, Halving It All (Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1999), 5.
33. “they themselves are doing less”: Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (New York: Routledge, 1999), 97.
34. “to family care as men”: Lyn Craig and Killian Mullan, “Parenthood, Gender and Work-Family Time in the United States, Australia, Italy, France and Denmark,” Journal of Marriage and Family 72, no. 5 (October 2010): 1344–61.
35. “caring for their kids”: Janet C. Gornick and Marcia K. Meyers, “Institutions That Support Gender Equality in Parenthood and Employment,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 10.
36. “with the care of their young”: Marc H. Bornstein, “Parenting x Gender x Culture x Time,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 100.
37. “United Nations estimated that women average 2.6 times”: UN Women, “Turning Promises Into Action,” 2018, http://www.unwomen.org/-/media/headquarters/attachments/sections/library/publications/2018/sdg-report-summary-gender-equality-in-the-2030-agenda-for-sustainable-development-2018-en.pdf?la=en&vs=949
38. “employed for pay”: Janet C. Gornick and Marcia K. Meyers, The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 7.
39. “comparative-time-use studies”: Ibid., 10.
40. “relatively large in magnitude”: Erika Lawrence, Rebecca J. Cobb, Alexia D. Rothman, Michael T. Rothman, and Thomas N. Bradbury, “Marital Satisfaction Across the Transition to Parenthood,” Journal of Family Psychology 22, no. 1 (February 2008): 41–50.
41. “at twice the rate for parents”: Ibid.
42. “before a child’s first birthday”: Ibid.
43. “so, too, does the discontent”: Jean M. Twenge, W. Keith Campbell, and Craig A. Foster, “Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review,” Journal of Marriage and Family 65, no. 3 (August 2003): 574–83.
44. “People who are sleep deprived”: Amie M. Gordon and Serena Chen, “The Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights?” Social Psychological and Personality Science 5, no. 2 (2014): 168–75.
45. “time spent on routine household labor”: Janeen Baxter, Belinda Hewitt, and Michele Haynes, “Life Course Transitions and Housework: Marriage, Parenthood, and Time on Housework,” Journal of Marriage and Family 70 (May 2008), 259–72.
46. “average housework hours for men”: Ibid.
47. “a man’s time in unpaid domestic labor”: Ibid.
48. “in the U.S. and elsewhere”: Suzanne M. Bianchi and Melissa Milkie, “Work and Family Research in the First Decade of the 21st Century,” Journal of Marriage and Family 72 (June 2010): 705–25.
49. “confounded scholars for years”: Anne-Rigt Poortman and Tanja Van Der Lippe, “Attitudes Toward Housework and Child Care and the Gendered Division of Labor,” Journal of Marriage and Family 71 (August 2009): 526–41.
50. “why men do so little”: Scott Coltrane, “Research on Household Labor: Modeling and Measuring the Social Embeddedness of Routine Family Work,” Journal of Marriage and Family 62, no. 4 (November 2000): 1208–33.
51. “the care of others”: Suzanne M. Bianchi, Liana C. Sayer, Melissa A. Milkie, and John P. Robinson, “Housework: Who Did, Does or Will Do It, and How Much Does It Matter?” Social Forces 91, no. 1 (September 2012): 55–63.
52. “more equitable gender distribution of housework”: Liana Sayer, “Gender, Time and Inequality: Trends in Women’s and Men’s Paid Work, Unpaid Work, and Free Time,” Social Forces 84, no. 1 (September 2005): 285–303.
53. “change is gradual at best”: Sara Raley, Suzanne M. Bianchi, and Wendy Wang, “When Do Fathers Care? Mothers’ Economic Contribution and Fathers’ Involvement in Childcare,” American Journal of Sociology 117, no. 5 (May 2005): 1422–59.
54. “father-in-a-room-by-himself”: Belinda Campos, Anthony P. Graesch, Rena Repetti, Thomas Bradbury, and Elinor Ochs, “Opportunity for Interaction? A Naturalistic Observation Study of Dual-Earner Families After Work and School,” Journal of Family Psychology 23, no. 6 (2009): 798–807.
55. “watch lots of television”: Suzanne M. Bianchi, John P. Robinson, and Melissa A. Milkie, Changing Rhythms of American Life (New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2006), 121–22.
56. “likelier to get up in the middle of the night”: Sarah A. Burgard, “The Needs of Others: Gender and Sleep Interruptions for Caregivers,” Social Forces 89, no. 4 (June 2011): 1189–1218.
57. “twice as much weekend time engaged in leisure”: Claire M. Kamp Dush, Jill E. Yavorsky, and Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan, “What Are Men Doing while Women Perform Extra Unpaid Labor? Leisure and Specialization at the Transitions to Parenthood,” Sex Roles 78, no. 11–12 (June 2018): 715–30.
58. “significantly more unequal than men”: Rebecca Erickson, “Why Emotion Work Matters: Sex, Gender, and the Division of Household Labor,” Journal of Marriage and Family 67 (May 2005): 337–51.
59. “fails to reach parity”: Sara Raley, Suzanne M. Bianchi, and Wendy Wang, “When Do Fathers Care? Mothers’ Economic Contribution and Fathers’ Involvement in Childcare,” American Journal of Sociology 117, no. 5 (May 2005): 1422–59.
60. “scheduling and keeping track of stuff”: “they must use it or lose it”: Andrea Doucet, “Can Parenting Be Equal? Rethinking Equality and Gender Differences in Parenting,” in What Is Parenthood?, eds. Linda C. McClain and Daniel Cere (New York: NYU Press, 2013): 251–75.
61. “personal care, and sleep”: Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson, and Melissa Milkie, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life (New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2007).
62. “levels of co-residential father care”: Ross D. Parke, “Gender Differences and Similarities in Parental Behavior,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 125.
63. “gender inequality than Hispanics”: Emily W. Kane, “Racial and Ethnic Variations in Gender-Related Attitudes,” Annual Review of Sociology 26 (2000): 419–39.
64. “much more traditional reality:” Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (New York: Routledge, 1999), 93.
65. “All the talk about men and women”: Ibid.
66. “daily lives that differ the most”: Lyn Craig and Killian Mullan, “Parenthood, Gender and Work-Family Time in the United States, Australia, Italy, France and Denmark,” Journal of Marriage and Family 72, no. 5 (October 2010): 1344–61.
67. “that figure has not budged”: “Time spent in primary activities by married mothers and fathers by employment status of self and spouse . . . 2011–15,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, https://www.bls.gov/tus/tables/a7_1115.pdf
68. “in such brief time increments”: Mitra Toossi, “A Century of Change: the U.S. Labor Force, 1950–2050,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, accessed October 27, 2018, https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2002/05/art2full.pdf
69. “increased their time in child care”: Suzanne M. Bianchi, Liana C. Sayer, Melissa A. Milkie, and John P. Robinson, “Housework: Who Did, Does or Will Do It, and How Much Does It Matter?” Social Forces 91, no. 1 (September 2012): 55–63.
70. “predictor of family work performance”: Rebecca Erickson, “Why Emotion Work Matters: Sex, Gender, and the Division of Household Labor,” Journal of Marriage and Family 67 (May 2005): 337–51.
71. “recent gains made in fathers’ unpaid work time”: Jennifer L. Hook, “Care in Context: Men’s Unpaid Work in 20 Countries, 1965–2003,” American Sociological Review 71 (August 2006): 639–60.
72. “women do less housework and men do more”: Suzanne M. Bianchi, Liana C. Sayer, Melissa A. Milkie, and John P. Robinson, “Housework: Who Did, Does or Will Do It, and How Much Does It Matter?” Social Forces 91, no. 1 (September 2012): 55–63.
73. “inequality undermines it”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “Gender Equality in Intimate Relationships,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 6.
74. “responsibilities are shared”: W. Bradford Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew, “No One Best Way,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 287.
75. “sex within marriage has declined worldwide”: Daniel L. Carlson, Amanda J. Miller, Sharon Sassler, and Sarah Hanson, “The Gendered Division of Housework and Couples’ Sexual Relationships: A Reexamination,” Journal of Marriage and Family 78, no. 4 (August 2016): 975–95.
76. “Mothers of kids under four”: Paul R. Amato, Alan Booth, David R. Johnson, and Stacy J. Rogers, Alone Together: How Marriage in America Is Changing (Cambridge: Harvard University Press paperback edition, 2009), 156.
77. “We are looking for another self”: Maria Ray, “This Is the Number One Reason Why Women Cheat,” Marie Claire UK, December 1, 2017, https://www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/sex-and-relationships/infidelity-why-women-cheat-552935
78. “relationship conflict and mothers’ satisfaction”: Dana Shawn Matta, “Fathering: Disengaged or Responsive?” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 151.
79. “perceived unfairness predicts both unhappiness and distress for women”: Scott Coltrane, “Research on Household Labor: Modeling and Measuring the Social Embeddedness of Routine Family Work,” Journal of Marriage and Family (November 2000): 1208–33.
80. “free and easy happiness never emerged”: Francine M. Deutsch, Halving It All (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 8.
81. “one full standard deviation”: Paul R. Amato, Alan Booth, David R. Johnson, and Stacy J. Rogers, Alone Together: How Marriage in America Is Changing (Cambridge: Harvard University Press paperback edition, 2009), 156.
82. “agreed to their respective roles”: Claire Cain Miller, “How Same-Sex Couples Divide Chores, and What It Reveals About Modern Parenting,” New York Times, May 16, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/16/upshot/same-sex-couples-divide-chores-much-more-evenly-until-they-become-parents.html
83. “choices they have made”: Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (New York: Routledge, 1999), 97.
84. “new-parent equivalent of a unicorn”: Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (New York: Routledge, 1999), 102.
85. “not having enough time to himself”: Suzanne M. Bianchi and Melissa Milkie, “Work and Family Research in the First Decade of the 21st Century,” Journal of Marriage and Family 72 (June 2010): 705–25.
86. “female physicians continue to shoulder”: Dhruv Khullar, “Being A Doctor Is Hard. It’s Harder For Women,” New York Times, December 7, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/07/upshot/being-a-doctor-is-hard-its-harder-for-women.html
87. “vast improvements in their health”: Jason Schnittker, “Working More and Feeling Better: Women’s Health, Employment, and Family Life, 1974–2004,” American Sociological Review 72 (April 2007): 221–38.
88. “if only for a limited time”: Jason Schnittker, “Working More and Feeling Better: Women’s Health, Employment, and Family Life, 1974-2004,” American Sociological Review 72 (April 2007): 221–38.
89. “economists at the Center for American Progress”: Michael Madowitz, Alex Rowell, and Katie Hamm, “Calculating the Hidden Cost of Interrupting a Career for Childcare,” Center for American Progress, June 21, 2016, https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/early-childhood/reports/2016/06/21/139731/calculating-the-hidden-cost-of-interrupting-a-career-for-child-care/
90. “report from think tank McKinsey Global Institute”: McKinsey Global Institute, “How Advancing Women’s Equality Can Add $12 Trillion to Global Growth,” mckinsey.com, September 2015, https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/employment-and-growth/how-advancing-womens-equality-can-add-12-trillion-to-global-growth
91. “gender wage gap is really a motherhood gap”: Sarah Kliff, “A Stunning Chart Shows the True Cause of the Gender Wage Gap,” Vox, February 19, 2018, https://www.vox.com/2018/2/19/17018380/gender-wage-gap-child care-penalty
92. “the motherhood wage penalty”: Sara Raley, Suzanne M. Bianchi, and Wendy Wang, “When Do Fathers Care? Mothers’ Economic Contribution and Fathers’ Involvement in Childcare,” American Journal of Sociology 117, no. 5 (May 2005): 1422–59.
93. “financial rewards for working long hours went up”: Sarah Green Carmichael, “Defend Your Research: Working Long Hours Used to Hurt Your Wages—Now It Helps Them,” Harvard Business Review, November 19, 2013, https://hbr.org/2013/11/defend-your-research-working-long-hours-used-to-hurt-your-wages-now-it-helps-them
94. “gender wage gap would be about 10 percent smaller”: Youngjoo Cha and Kim A. Weeden, “Overwork and the Slow Convergence in the Gender Gap in Wages,” American Sociological Review 79, no. 3 (2014): 457–84.
95. “Pregnancy Discrimination Is Rampant”: Natalie Kitroeff and Jessica Silver-Greenberg, “Pregnancy Discrimination Is Rampant Inside America’s Biggest Companies,” New York Times, June 15, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/06/15/business/pregnancy-discrimination.html
96. “childless women were 2.1 times more likely”: Shelley J. Correll, Stephen Benard, and In Paik, “Getting a Job: Is There a Motherhood Penalty?” American Journal of Sociology 112, no. 5 (March 2007): 1297–339.
97. “women should do about two-thirds of household chores”: Mary Clare Lennon and Sarah Rosenfield, “Relative Fairness and the Division of Housework: The Importance of Options,” American Journal of Sociology 100, no. 2 (September 1994): 506–31.
98. “role as wife and mother”: Riché J. Daniel Barnes, Raising the Race: Black Career Women Redefine Marriage, Motherhood, and Community (New Jersey: Rutgers University Press, 2016), 115.
99. “necessary nor sufficient condition for equally shared parenting”: Shannon N. Davis and Theodore N. Greenstein, “Gender Ideology: Components, Predictors, and Consequences,” Annual Review of Sociology 35 (2009): 87–105.
100. “determining family practices”: Scott Coltrane, “Fatherhood, Gender and Work-Family Policies,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 393.
101. “bulk of tasks at home”: Gillian Ranson, Against the Grain (Toronto, University of Toronto Press: 2010), 2.
102. “65 percent of millennial men”: Claire Cain Miller, “Millennial Men Aren’t the Dads They Thought They’d Be,” New York Times, July 30, 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/31/upshot/millennial-men-find-work-and-family-hard-to-balance.html
103. “suits them rather well after all”: Rebecca Asher, Shattered: Modern Motherhood and the Illusion of Equality (London: Harvill Secker, 2011), 130.
104. “‘on top’ versus ‘underneath’ ideologies”: Arlie Hochschild with Anne Machung, The Second Shift (New York: Penguin Books, 2003).
105. “different interests and skills”: Paula England, “The Gender Revolution: Uneven and Stalled,” Gender & Society 24, no. 2 (March 2010), 149–66.
106. “reduce inconsistency by changing the former”: Jennifer L. Hook, “Care in Context: Men’s Unpaid Work in 20 Countries, 1965–2003,” American Sociological Review 71 (August 2006): 639–60.
107. “when the man’s ideology is in consideration”: Ronald Bulanda, “Paternal Involvement with Children: The Influence of Gender Ideologies,” Journal of Marriage and Family 66, no. 1 (February 2004): 40–45.
108. “husbands’ gender ideology may be”: Shannon N. Davis and Theodore N. Greenstein, “Gender Ideology: Components, Predictors, and Consequences,” Annual Review of Sociology 35 (2009): 87–105.
109. “paternal involvement with child care”: Scott Coltrane, “Fatherhood, Gender and Work-Family Policies,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009): 392.
110. “satisfaction than those that don’t”: Diane N. Lye and Timothy J. Biblarz, “The Effects of Attitudes Toward Family Life and Gender Roles on Marital Satisfaction,” Journal of Family Issues 14, no. 2 (June 1993): 157–88.
111. “regardless of the gender of those children”: Shannon N. Davis and Theodore N. Greenstein, “Gender Ideology: Components, Predictors and Consequences,” Annual Review of Sociology 35 (2009): 87–105.
112. “stress and burden associated with child care”: Randi S. Cowdery, Carmen Knudson-Martin, and Anne Rankin Mahoney, “Mothering: Innate Talent or Conscious Collaboration?,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 137.
113. “a ‘marriage between equals discourse’”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “The Myth of Equality,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 57.
114. “goals of husbands much more than wives”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “Gender Equality in Intimate Relationships,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 20.
115. “managing fathers seemed to do”: Annette Lareau, Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race and Family Life, Second Edition (California: University of California Press, 1999), 115.
116. “young women anticipate divorce”: Lisa Wade, “The Modern Marriage Trap—and What to Do About It,” Time, January 11, 2017, http://time.com/money/4630251/the-modern-marriage-trap-and-what-to-do-about-it/
117. “involvement on the part of fathers”: Ross D. Parke, “Gender Differences and Similarities in Parental Behavior,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 139.
118. “she needs to be more assertive”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “The Myth of Equality,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 52.
Chapter 2: The Naturalistic Fallacy
1. “men are more likely than women to credit nature”: Kim Parker, Juliana Menasce Horowitz, and Renee Stepler, “On Gender Differences, No Consensus on Nature vs. Nurture,” Pew Research Center Social & Demographic Trends, December 5, 2017, http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/on-gender-differences-no-consensus-on-nature-vs-nurture/
2. “actually a cultural habit”: Jennifer Hockenberry Dragseth, Thinking Woman: A Philosophical Approach to the Quandary of Gender (Eugene, Oregon: Cascade Books, 2015), 32.
3. “hardwired into me”: Amy Richards, Opting In (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2008), 179.
4. “this view is strikingly different”: Janet Shibley Hyde, “New Directions in the Study of Gender Similarities and Differences,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 16, no. 5 (October 2007), 259–63.
5. “rather than old-fashioned and sexist”: Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2010), 172.
6. “similar in more ways than not”: Janet Shibley Hyde, “New Directions in the Study of Gender Similarities and Differences,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 16, no. 5 (October 2007), 259–63.
7. “not the other way around”: Michael Kimmel, The Gendered Society (New York: Oxford University Press, 2000).
8. “efforts to change the existing situation are futile”: Anne Fausto-Sterling, Myths of Gender: Biological Theories About Women and Men (New York: Basic Books, 1992), 7.
9. “experiment on perceptual style”: Deborah A. Prentice and Dale T. Miller, “Essentializing Differences Between Women and Men,” Psychological Science 17, no. 2 (February 2006): 129–35.
10. “did things begin to change”: Lise Eliot, Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow into Troublesome Gaps—and What We Can Do About It (New York: Mariner Books, 2010), 302.
11. “Scott Coltrane believes”: Scott Coltrane, “Research on Household Labor: Modeling and Measuring the Social Embeddedness of Routine Family Work,” Journal of Marriage and Family 62, no. 4 (November 2000), 1208–33.
12. “study of young men and women in Iceland”: Thoroddur Bjarnason and Andrea Hjalsdottir, “Egalitarian Attitudes Towards the Division of Household Labor Among Adolescents in Iceland,” Sex Roles 59, no. 1–2 (July 2008): 49–60.
13. “a 2007 study in the U.S.”: Francine M. Deutsch, Amy P. Kokot, and Katherine S. Binder, “College Women’s Plans for Different Types of Egalitarian Marriages,” Journal of Marriage and Family 69, no. 4 (November 2007), 919–29.
14. “a mother is better equipped than a father”: Kim Parker and Gretchen Livingston, “7 Facts About American Dads,” Pew Research Center: FactTank, June 13, 2018, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/06/13/fathers-day-facts/
15. “survive only a narrow range of circumstances”: Lesley Newson and Peter J. Richerson, “The Evolution of Flexible Parenting,” in Evolution’s Empress: Darwinian Perspectives on the Nature of Women (England: Oxford University Press, 2013) 151–62.
16. “practice and learning become more important”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 155.
17. “places the placenta next to her baby”: “!Kung People,” Wikipedia, accessed October 29, 2018, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C7%83Kung_people
18. “Hadza, women give birth in huts”: Kristen Herlosky, email to author, November 30, 2017.
19. “first-time parents”: Charles T. Snowdon, “Family Life and Infant Care: Lessons from Cooperatively Breeding Primates,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 48.
20. “latest products of human evolution.”: Katharina Rowold, The Educated Woman (New York: Routledge, 2010): 33.
21. “attached to their breast-feeding infants”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 310–15.
22. “within the first seventy-two hours.”: Ibid., 316.
23. “predispositions to nurture”: Ibid., 378.
24. “played out in our recent history”: Ibid., 12.
25. “flexible, manipulative opportunists”: Ibid., 32.
26. “defended and constrained”: Ibid., 496.
27. “you wouldn’t want to marry one”: Eduardo Fernandez-Duque, Claudia R. Valeggia, and Sally P. Mendoza, “The Biology of Paternal Care in Human and Non-Human Primates,” Annual Review of Anthropology 38 (2009): 115–30.
28. “remains poorly understood”: Ibid.
29. “protection by males for survival”: Harriet J. Smith, Parenting for Primates (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2005), 91–95.
30. “Caretaking behaviors are unisex potentials”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 209.
31. “correspondent percentage of necessary calories”: Nicholas B. Davies, Ben J. Hatchwell, Timothy Robson, and Terry Burke, “Paternity and Parental Effort in Dunnocks Prunella Modularis: How Good Are Male Chick-feeding Rules,” Animal Behaviour 43, no. 5, May 1992, 729–45.
32. “children who resembled them spent more time”: Marlon R. Tracey and Solomon W. Polachek, “If Looks Could Heal: Child Health and Paternal Investment,” Journal of Health Economics 57 (January 2018): 179–90.
33. “resulted in involved fatherhood”: Eduardo Fernandez-Duque, Claudia R. Valeggia, and Sally P. Mendoza, “The Biology of Paternal Care in Human and Non-Human Primates,” Annual Review of Anthropology 38 (2009): 115–30.
34. “failures to ‘meet sharing obligations’”: Michael Gurven and Kim Hill, “Why Do Men Hunt? A Reevaluation of ‘Man the Hunter’ and the Sexual Division of Labor,” Current Anthropology 50, no. 1, February 2009, 62–74.
35. “primate species combined”: Kelly Lambert and Catherine Franssen, “The Dynamic Nature of the Parental Brain,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 32.
36. “‘The Birth of a Mother’”: Alexandra Sacks, “The Birth of a Mother,” New York Times, May 8, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/08/well/family/the-birth-of-a-mother.html
37. “their baby’s mother”: Ross D. Parke, “Gender Differences and Similarities in Parental Behavior,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 136.
38. “testosterone . . . declines”: Jennifer Mascaro, Patrick D. Hackett, and James K. Rilling, “Testicular Volume Is Inversely Correlated with Nurturing-related Brain Activity in Human Fathers,” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 110, no. 39 (September 2013): 15746–51.
39. “to love and care for his infant”: Charles T. Snowdon, “Family Life and Infant Care: Lessons from Cooperatively Breeding Primates,” in Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives, eds. W. Bradford Wilcox and Kathleen Kovner Kline (New York: Columbia University Press, 2013), 47–48.
40. “electrochemical response to airborne estratetraenol”: Warren S. T. Hays, “Human Pheromones: Have They Been Demonstrated?” Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology 54, no. 2 (July 2003): 89–97.
41. “human males have an evolved neuroendocrine architecture”: Lee T. Gettler, Thomas W. McDade, Alan B. Feranil, and Christoper W. Kuzawa, “Longitudinal Evidence that Fatherhood Decreases Testosterone in Human Males,” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 108, no. 39 (2011): 16194–99.
42. “encoded in the DNA of our species”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mothers and Others (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2011), 161.
43. “fathers had been done”: Paul Raeburn, Do Fathers Matter? (New York: Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2014), 10.
44. “President Richard Nixon cited evolution”: Jack Rosenthal, “President Vetoes Child Care Plan as Irresponsible,” New York Times, December 10, 1971, https://www.nytimes.com/1971/12/10/archives/president-vetoes-child-care-plan-as-irresponsible-he-terms-bill.html
45. “just as likely to be calmed by the presence of their fathers as their mothers”: “The Critical Importance of Fathers,” Fatherhood Project, March 31, 2016, http://www.thefatherhoodproject.org/critical-importance-fathers/
46. “mothers and fathers did not differ”: Ann M. Frodi, Michael E. Lamb, and Lewis A. Leavitt, “Fathers and Mothers’ Responses to the Faces and Cries of Normal and Premature Infants,” Developmental Psychology 14, no. 5 (September 1978): 490–8.
47. “in the presence of their spouse”: Harriet J. Smith, Parenting for Primates (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2005), 88.
48. “quicker than those of childless adults”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 212.
49. “habits of mind and emotion”: Ibid., 212.
50. “marked division of labor by sex”: Ibid., 213.
51. “equal access to education”: Cynthia Russett, Sexual Science: The Victorian Construction of Womanhood (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1989).
52. “tell them apart at an individual level”: Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2010), 165.
53. “accomplishing multiple tasks”: Lesley J. Rogers, Paolo Zucca, and Giorgio Vallortigara, “Advantages of Having a Lateralized Brain,” Proceedings of the Royal Society of London: Biological Sciences 271, no. 6 (December 7, 2004): S420–22.
54. “ambition and original thought”: Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2010), 167.
55. “organization and function over time”: Janet Shibley Hyde, “New Directions in the Study of Gender Similarities and Differences,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 16, no. 5 (October 2007), 259–63.
56. “global parental caregiving network”: Eyal Abraham, Talma Hendler, Irit Shapira-Lichter, Yaniv Kanat-Maymon, Orna Zagoory-Sharon, and Ruth Feldman, “Father’s Brain Is Sensitive to Childcare Experiences,” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 111, no. 27 (July 2014): 9792–97.
Chapter 3: We Are Raised to Be Two Different Kinds of People
1. “not by biology but by culture”: Jennifer Hockenberry Dragseth, Thinking Woman: A Philosophical Approach to the Quandary of Gender (Eugene, OR: Cascade Books, 2015), 78.
2. “more women than men are gender existentialists”: Kim Parker, Juliana Menasce Horowitz, and Renee Stepler, “On Gender Differences, No Consensus on Nature vs. Nurture,” Pew Research Center Social & Demographic Trends, December 5, 2017, http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/on-gender-differences-no-consensus-on-nature-vs-nurture/
3. “another kid enters the picture”: Lise Eliot, Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow into Troublesome Gaps—and What We Can Do About It (New York: Mariner Books, 2010), 121.
4. “girl and boy babies reliably differ”: Marilyn Stern and Katherine Hildebrandt Karraker, “Sex Stereotyping of Infants: A Review of Gender Labeling Studies,” Sex Roles 20, no. 9/10 (1989): 501–22.
5. “baby boys wore nightgowns”: Jo B. Paoletti, Pink and Blue: Telling the Boys from the Girls in America (Indiana: Indiana University Press, 2012): 100–16.
6. “reliably get them noticed”: Virginia Valian, Why So Slow?: The Advancement of Women (Cambridge: MIT Press, 1999), 50–1.
7. “traditional homes show less”: Judith Blakemore, “The Influence of Gender and Parental Attitudes on Preschool Children’s Interest in Babies: Observations in Natural Settings,” Sex Roles 38, no. 1–2 (January 1998): 73–94.
8. “animals’ traits and behaviors”: Virginia Valian, Why So Slow?: The Advancement of Women (Cambridge: MIT Press, 1999), 69.
9. “per a mid-twentieth-century survey”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 252.
10. “longer periods of caretaking touch”: Anne Fausto-Sterling, Jihyun Sung, David Crews, and Cynthia Garcia-Coll, “Multimodal Sex-Related Differences in Infant and in Infant-Directed Maternal Behaviors During Months Three Through Twelve of Development,” Developmental Psychology 51, no. 10 (2005), 1351–66.
11. “women’s behavior accommodated”: Alice H. Eagly and Wendy Wood, “The Origins of Sex Differences in Human Behavior: Evolved Dispositions Versus Social Roles,” American Psychologist 54, no. 6 (1999): 408–23.
12. “gender polarization, and biological essentialism”: Alice Eagly, “Bridging the Gap Between Gender Politics and the Science of Gender,” review of The Lenses of Gender, by Sandra Lipsitz Bem, Psychological Inquiry 5, no. 1 (1994), 83–85.
13. “Nobel Prize for making people feel included”: Neil Levy, “Understanding Blindness,” review of The Essential Difference, by Simon Baron-Cohen, Phenomenology and the Cognitive Sciences 3, no. 3, September 2004, 323.
14. “systematically curtailed and repressed”: Nancy J. Chodorow, Feminism and Psychoanalytic Theory (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1989), 6–7.
15. “having power over others”: Michael Ian Black, “The Boys Are Not All Right,” New York Times, February 21, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/21/opinion/boys-violence-shootings-guns.html
16. “stigma of being girl-like”: Virginia Valian, Why So Slow?: The Advancement of Women (Cambridge: MIT Press, 1999), 53–55.
17. “influence only other girls”: Lise Eliot, Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow into Troublesome Gaps—and What We Can Do About It (New York: Mariner Books, 2010), 266–67.
18. “members of the second sex”: Eleanor E. Maccoby, The Two Sexes: Growing Up Apart, Coming Together (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 64–65.
19. “Stonewalling behavior makes it difficult for wives”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “The Social Context of Gendered Power,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 8.
20. “co-parent most harmoniously”: Timothy J. Biblarz and Judith Stacey, “How Does the Gender of Parents Matter?,” Journal of Marriage and Family 72, no. 1 (February 2010): 3–22.
21. “initiated into the codes and scripts of patriarchal manhood”: Carol Gilligan, Joining the Resistance (Cambridge: Polity, 2011): 26.
22. “the most gender-enforcing experience in a woman’s life”: Bonnie Fox, “The Formative Years: How Parenthood Creates Gender,” Canadian Review of Sociology & Anthropology 38, no. 4 (2001): 373–90.
23. “gender factory”: Sarah Fenstermaker Berk, The Gender Factory: The Apportionment of Work in American Households (New York: Plenum Press, 1985).
24. “13 percent of women who give birth each year”: “Maternal Mental Health,” World Health Organization, accessed October 27, 2018, http://www.who.int/mental_health/maternal-child/maternal_mental_health/en/
25. “equally prevalent in men”: “Even Men Get the Blues After Childbirth,” American Psychological Association, August 19, 2018, https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2018/08/men-after-childbirth.aspx
26. “by the gender of others”: Eleanor E. Maccoby, The Two Sexes: Growing Up Apart, Coming Together (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 9.
27. “[T]he good woman cared for others”: Carol Gilligan, Joining the Resistance (Cambridge: Polity, 2011), 17.
28. “the experience of being fully human.”: Jonah Gokova, “Challenging Men to Reject Gender Stereotypes,” in The Essential Feminist Reader, ed. Estelle B. Freedman (New York: Modern Library, 2007), 422.
29. “people who care are doing women’s work”: Carol Gilligan, Joining the Resistance (Cambridge: Polity, 2011): 19.
30. “maximize your paycheck”: Marc and Amy Vachon, Equally Shared Parenting (New York: Penguin Group, 2010), 125.
31. “hire that labor out”: Scott Coltrane, “Fatherhood, Gender and Work-Family Policies,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 391.
32. “every additional dollar earned by her husband”: Saniv Gupta, “Autonomy, Dependence, or Display? The Relationship Between Married Women’s Earnings and Housework,” Journal of Marriage and Family 69, no. 2, May 2007, 399–417.
33. “living below one’s means”: Marc and Amy Vachon, Equally Shared Parenting (New York: Penguin Group, 2010), 55.
34. “happy place to be”: Ibid., 30.
35. “wanted to be equals”: Ibid., 9.
36. “half of their girlfriends’ birth control”: Rebecca Traister, All the Single Ladies (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2016), 239.
37. “increasingly traditional attitudes about the home”: Jenny Anderson, “Are Millennials More Likely Than Their Parents to Think Women’s place Is in the Home?” Quartz, March 31, 2017, https://qz.com/946816/millennials-are-more-likely-than-their-parents-to-think-womens-place-is-in-the-home/
38. “Pepin and Cotter reach a conclusion”: David Cotter and Joanna Pepin, “Trending Toward Traditionalism? Changes in Youths’ Gender Ideology,” Council on Contemporary Families, March 30, 2017, https://contemporaryfamilies.org/2-pepin-cotter-traditionalism/
39. “28.8 percent of employed wives earned more”: U.S. Census Bureau, “Historical Income Tables: Families, Table F-22, Married Couple Families with Wives’ Earning Greater than Husbands’ Earnings: 1981-2017,” https://www.census.gov/data/tables/time-series/demo/income-poverty/historical-income-families.html
40. “households with an unemployed male partner”: “Husband and Wife Employed in 48 Percent of Married Couple Families in 2015,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, May 2, 2016, https://www.bls.gov/opub/ted/2016/husband-and-wife-employed-in-48-percent-of-married-couple-families-in-2015.htm
41. “exaggerate the husband’s income”: Claire Cain Miller, “When Wives Earn More Than Husbands, Neither Partner Likes to Admit It,” New York Times, July 17, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/17/upshot/when-wives-earn-more-than-husbands-neither-like-to-admit-it.html
42. “YouGov survey of British adults”: “YouGov Survey Results,” YouGov: What the World Thinks, September 12, 2016, https://d25d2506sfb94s.cloudfront.net/cumulus_uploads/document/8jcokpgzqg/InternalResults_160912_NameswithRela_AgeGenderBreak_W.pdf
43. “family ahead of themselves”: Emily Fitzgibbons Shafer, “Hillary Rodham Versus Hillary Clinton: Consequences of Surname Choice in Marriage,” Gender Issues 34, no. 4 (December 2017): 316–32.
44. “men expressed harsher attitudes”: Ibid.
45. “passing down the maternal surname”: “YouGov Survey Results,” YouGov: What the World Thinks, September 12, 2016, https://d25d2506sfb94s.cloudfront.net/cumulus_uploads/document/8jcokpgzqg/InternalResults_160912_NameswithRela_AgeGenderBreak_W.pdf
46. “under 3 percent had taken their wives’ names”: Emily Fitzgibbons Shafer and MacKenzie A. Christensen, “Flipping the (Surname) Script: Men’s Nontraditional Surname Choice at Marriage,” Journal of Family Issues (2018): 1–20.
47. “I would have presented my marriage license”: James Kosur, “When I Decided to Take My Wife’s Last Name, I Was Shocked by How Different the Process Is for Men,” Business Insider, December 19, 2015, https://www.businessinsider.com/i-took-my-wifes-last-name-and-was-shocked-by-how-different-the-process-is-for-men-2015-12
48. “largely non-economic”: Paula England, “The Gender Revolution: Uneven and Stalled,” Gender & Society 24, no. 2 (March 2010), 149–66.
49. “those that are female typed”: Janeen Baxter, Belinda Hewitt, and Michele Haynes, “Life Course Transitions and Housework: Marriage, Parenthood, and Time on Housework,” Journal of Marriage and Family 70 (May 2008), 259–72.
50. “maintain an uneven exchange”: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions (New York: Knopf, 2017), Location 258, Kindle.
51. “resilient sex in widowhood”: Kei M. Nomaguchi, “Are There Race and Gender Differences in the Effect of Marital Dissolution on Depression?” Race, Gender & Class 12, no. 1 (2005), 11–30.
52. “but it is not an achievement”: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions (New York: Knopf, 2017), Location 258, Kindle.
53. “single women (but not others) reported wanting lower salaries”: Leonardo Bursztyn, Thomas Fujiwara, and Amanda Pallais, “‘Acting Wife:’ Marriage Market Incentives and Labor Market Incentives,” American Economic Review 107, no. 11 (2017): 3288–3319.
54. “support their own individual well-being”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “The Social Context of Gendered Power,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 17.
55. “females can be just as sexist as men”: bell hooks, Feminism Is for Everybody (New York: Routledge, 2015), xii.
56. “feel more responsible than men for this work”: Rebecca Erickson, “Why Emotion Work Matters: Sex, Gender, and the Division of Household Labor,” Journal of Marriage and Family 67 (May 2005): 337–51.
57. “better (and deserved) away from them”: Jacqueline Rose, “Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty,” interview by Tracy Morgan, New Books in Psychoanalysis, New Books Network, audio, 9:50, https://newbooksnetwork.com/jacqueline-rose-mothers-an-essay-on-love-and-cruelty-farrar-straus-and-giroux-2018/
58. “and individual resistance”: Cecilia L. Ridgeway and Shelley J. Correll, “Unpacking the Gender System: A Theoretical Perspective on Gender Beliefs and Social Relations,” Gender & Society 18, no. 4 (August 2004), 510–31.
Chapter 4: The Default Parent
1. “women ‘adapt’ their work arrangements”: David J. Maume, “Gender Differences in Providing Urgent Childcare Among Dual-earner Parents,” Social Forces 87, no. 1 (September 2008): 273–97.
2. “Mothers feel a greater sense of responsibility.”: Anne Roeters, Tania Van Der Lippe, and Esther S. Kluwer, “Parental Work Demands and the Frequency of Child-Related Activities,” Journal of Marriage and Family 71 (December 2009): 1193–204.
3. “material interdependencies”: Stephanie Coontz, The Way We Never Were (New York: Basic Books; Revised, Updated edition, 2016), 50.
4. “dependence and obligation”: Ibid., 63.
5. “out the window”: Francine M. Deutsch, Halving It All (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 228.
6. “although he’s really helpful”: Ibid., 45.
7. “supposed to be infringed upon”: Ibid., 89.
8. “fathers less harshly than mothers”: Ashley J. Thomas, P. Kyle Stanford, and Barbara W. Sarnecka, “No Child Left Alone: Moral Judgments about Parents Effect Risk Estimates to Children,” Collabra 2, no. 1 (2016): 10.
9. “stimulate marital tension between mothers and fathers”: Susan Walzer, “Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care,” Social Problems 43, no. 2 (May 1996), 219–34.
10. “was all hers”: Francine M. Deutsch, Halving It All (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 159.
11. “not held accountable for that kind of thing”: Janet N. Ahn, Elizabeth L. Haines, and Malia F. Mason, “Gender Stereotypes and the Coordination of Mnemonic Work within Heterosexual Couples: Romantic Partners Manage their Daily To-Dos,” Sex Roles 77, no. 7 (March 2017): 1–18.
12. “less mnemonic work than women do”: Ibid.
13. “reflects on them as parents”: Susan Walzer, Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Transitions into Parenthood (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1998), 33.
14. “of course so often go together”: Jacqueline Rose, “Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty,” interview by Tracy Morgan, New Books in Psychoanalysis, New Books Network, audio, 4:20, https://newbooksnetwork.com/jacqueline-rose-mothers-an-essay-on-love-and-cruelty-farrar-straus-and-giroux-2018/
15. “connected it to their babies’ well-being”: Susan Walzer, Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Transitions into Parenthood (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1998), 43.
16. “failing in both roles at all times”: Shira Offer, “The Costs of Thinking About Work and Family: Mental Labor, Work-Family Spillover, and Gender Inequality Among Parents in Dual-Earner Families,” Sociological Forum 29, no. 4 (December 2014): 91–36.
17. “Am I being a good mother?”: Susan Walzer, Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Transitions into Parenthood (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1998), 35.
18. “open to what she is telling me”: Alice Miller, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing and the Roots of Violence (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1983), 258.
19. “expected their marriages to be partnerships”: Susan Walzer, Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Transitions into Parenthood (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1998), 41.
20. “compensate for lowered partner investment”: Michael Gurven and Kim Hill, “Why Do Men Hunt? A Reevaluation of ‘Man the Hunter’ and the Sexual Division of Labor,” Current Anthropology 50, no. 1, February 2009, 62–74.
21. “men’s willingness to contribute is”: Lynn Prince Cooke, “‘Doing’ Gender in Context: Household Bargaining and Risk of Divorce in Germany and the United States,” American Journal of Sociology 112, no. 2 (September 2006): 442–72.
22. “the influences of under- and overbenefiting”: Kathryn J. Lively, Lala Carr Steelman, and Brian Powell, “Equity, Emotion, and Household Division of Labor Response,” Social Psychology Quarterly 73, no. 4 (2010): 358–79.
23. “men are more emotionally sensitive to underbenefiting”: Ibid.
24. “flat-out denial”: Francine M. Deutsch, Halving It All (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 74.
25. “offer ideas to their colleagues”: Heather Murphy, “Picture a Leader: Is She a Woman?” New York Times, March 16, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/health/women-leadership-workplace.html
26. “cult of female sacrifice”: Jill Filipovic, The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness (New York: Nation Books, 2017), 29.
27. “ratio in father’s to mother’s child care time”: Lyn Craig and Killian Mullan, “Parenthood, Gender and Work-Family Time in the United States, Australia, Italy, France and Denmark,” Journal of Marriage and Family 72, no. 5 (October 2010): 1344–61.
28. “Frenchwomen can have both a career and kids.”: Pamela Druckerman, Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (New York: Penguin Books, 2012), 194.
29. “warm-blooded American citizens”: Jessica Weiss, “‘Fraud of Femininity:’ Domesticity, Selflessness, and Individualism in Responses to Betty Friedan,” in Liberty and Justice for All? Rethinking Politics in Cold War America, ed. Kathleen G. Donohue (Amherst: University of Massachusetts Press, 2012), 124–41.
30. “even our college audiences branded it as ‘communist’”: Sandra Lipsitz Bem, An Unconventional Family (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1998), 80.
31. “the housewife-mother”: Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2013), 36.
32. “tanks women’s happiness”: Jill Filipovic, The H-Spot (New York: Nation Books, 2017), 29.
33. “not willing to pay”: Riché J. Daniel Barnes, Raising the Race: Black Career Women Redefine Marriage, Motherhood, and Community (New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers University Press, 2016), 9.
34. “costly performance”: Ibid., 42.
35. “more from their husbands”: Ibid., 104–5.
36. “comfort and pleasure”: bell hooks, Feminism Is For Everybody (New York: Routledge, 2015), 50.
37. “a generally sour attitude”: Barack H. Obama, The Audacity of Hope (New York: Vintage reprint edition, 2008), 531–32.
38. “Michelle decided to make peace with the situation”: Rebecca Johnson, “Michelle Obama: The Natural,” Vogue, September 2007, https://www.vogue.com/article/michelle-obama-the-natural
39. “the flight from intimacy”: Drake Baer, “Japan’s Huge Sex Problem Is Setting Up a ‘Demographic Time Bomb’ for the Country,” Business Insider, July 1, 2015, https://www.businessinsider.com/half-of-japanese-people-arent-having-sex-2015-7
40. “a demographic time bomb”: Chris Weller, “7 Countries at Risk of Becoming ‘Demographic Time Bombs,’” Business Insider, August 14, 2017, https://www.businessinsider.com/countries-becoming-demographic-time-bombs-2017-8
41. “committed to increasing men’s time in child care”: Julia Glum, “Japan Population Problem: Government Adopts Paternity Leave, Nursery School Measures to Increase Birth Rate,” International Business Times, March 20, 2015, https://www.ibtimes.com/japan-population-problem-government-adopts-paternity-leave-nursery-school-measures-1854084
42. “incoherence in the levels of gender equity”: Peter McDonald, “Societal Foundations for Explaining Low Fertility: Gender Equity,” Demographic Research 28, no. 34 (May 2013): 981–94, https://www.demographic-research.org/volumes/vol28/34/28-34.pdf
43. “We could end humanity this way”: Suzanne Moore, “The Womb Is a Battlefield,” review of Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty, by Jacqueline Rose, New Statesman, April 8, 2018, https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/books/2018/04/jacqueline-rose-s-book-offers-clear-sighted-analysis-what-it-means-be-mother
44. “fertility falls to low levels”: Thomas Anderson and Hans-Peter Kohler, “Low Fertility, Socioeconomic Development and Gender Equity,” Population and Development Review 41, no. 3 (September 2015): 381–407.
Chapter 5: 24-Hour Lifelong Shifts of Unconditional Love
1. “journalist Heather Wilhelm notes”: Heather Wilhelm, “The Supposed ‘Horror Show’ of Motherhood,” National Review, May 4, 2018, https://www.nationalreview.com/2018/05/motherhood-portrayal-in-media-wrong-benefits-outweigh-cost/
2. “intensive mothering over a thirty-year period”: Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels, The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women (New York: Free Press, 2004), 6.
3. “a noxious delusion, one that isn’t suitable for real women”: Manohla Dargis, “In the Comedy ‘Tully,’ Mom’s Struggle Is Real,” New York Times, May 3, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/03/movies/tully-review-charlize-theron.html
4. “a socially constructed reality”: Sharon Hays, The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1996), 13.
5. “the ever-present mother”: Cameron Macdonald, “What’s Culture Got to Do with It? Mothering Ideologies as Barriers to Gender Equity,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 415.
6. “depending on whom you ask”: Elisabeth Badinter, The Conflict: How Overzealous Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women (New York: Picador, 2010), 153–66.
7. “more important than her own convenience”: Sharon Hays, The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1996), 85.
8. “the ideal of motherhood they hold”: Cameron Macdonald, “What’s Culture Got to Do with It? Mothering Ideologies as Barriers to Gender Equity,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 419.
9. “mother-appropriate activities”: Anita Garey, Weaving Work and Motherhood (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1999), 26–27.
10. “innocent infants”: Elisabeth Badinter, The Conflict: How Overzealous Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women (New York: Picador, 2010), 97.
11. “Intensive Parenting Attitudes Questionnaire”: Miriam Liss, Holly H. Schiffrin, Virginia H. Mackintosh, Haley Miles-McLean, and Mindy J. Erchull, “Development and Validation of a Quantitative Measure of Intensive Parenting Attitudes,” Journal of Family Studies 22, no. 5 (July 2012): 621–36.
12. “predicted lower life satisfaction”: Miriam Liss, Holly H. Schiffrin, and Kathryn M. Rizzo, “Maternal Guilt and Shame: The Role of Self-discrepancy and Fear of Negative Evaluation,” Journal of Child and Family Studies 22, no. 8 (2013): 1112–19.
13. “the former is bad for kids”: Holly H. Schiffrin, Miriam Liss, Haley Miles-McLean, Katherine A. Geary, Mindy J. Erchull, and Taryn Tashner, “Helping or Hovering? The Effects of Helicopter Parenting on College Students’ Well-Being,” Journal of Child and Family Studies 23, no. 3 (April 2014): 548–57.
14. “mostly bad for mothers”: Kathryn M. Rizzo, Holly H. Schiffrin, and Miriam Liss, “Insight into the Parenthood Paradox: Mental Health Outcomes of Intensive Mothering,” Journal of Child and Family Studies 22, no. 5 (July 2013): 614–20.
15. “Luca plays Legos in the next room”: “Hilary Duff Doesn’t Feel Guilty About ‘Me Time’ (And You Shouldn’t Either!),” Parents, https://www.parents.com/parents-magazine/parents-perspective/hilary-duff-doesnt-feel-guilty-about-me-time-and-you-shouldn’t/
16. “buffering women through the myriad challenges”: Suniya S. Luthar and Lucia Ciciolla, “Who Mothers Mommy? Factors that Contribute to Mothers’ Well-Being,” Developmental Psychology 51, no. 12 (December 2015): 1812–23.
17. “men and women in family work”: Sarah M. Allen and Alan J. Hawkins, “Maternal Gatekeeping: Mothers’ Beliefs and Behaviors That Inhibit Greater Father Involvement in Family Work,” Journal of Marriage and Family 61, no. 1 (February 1999): 199–212.
18. “mothers reported more traditional beliefs”: Brent A. McBride, Geoffrey L. Brown, Kelly K. Bost, Nana Shin, Brian Vaughn, and Bryan Korth, “Paternal Identity, Maternal Gatekeeping, and Father Involvement,” Family Relations 54, no. 3 (July 2005): 360–72.
19. “A 2008 study out of Ohio State”: Sarah J. Schoppe Sullivan, Geoffrey L. Brown, Elizabeth A. Cannon, and Sarah C. Mangelsdorf, “Maternal Gatekeeping, Co-parenting Quality, and Fathering Behavior in Families with Infants,” Journal of Family Psychology 22, no. 3 (208) 389–98.
20. “salient maternal identity”: Ruth Gaunt, “Maternal Gatekeeping: Antecedents and Consequences,” Journal of Family Issues 29, no. 3 (2008), 373–95.
21. “better predictors of gatekeeping”: Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan, Lauren E. Altenburger, Meghan A. Lee, Daniel J. Bower, and Claire M. Kamp Dush, “Who Are the Gatekeepers? Predictors of Maternal Gatekeeping,” Parenting: Science and Practice 15, no. 3 (2015), 166–86.
22. “less powerful than themselves”: Sharon Hays, The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1996), 153.
23. “situation that already exists”: Rebecca Asher, Shattered: Modern Motherhood and the Illusion of Equality (London: Harvill Secker, 2011), 142.
24. “hold on tight to that responsibility”: Amy Richards, Opting In (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2008), 173–74.
25. “If it were just a question of survival”: Mary Blair Loy, Competing Devotions: Career and Family Among Women Executives (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2003), 19.
26. “to offset atypical ones”: Saniv Gupta, “Autonomy, Dependence, or Display? The Relationship Between Married Women’s Earnings and Housework,” Journal of Marriage and Family 69, no. 2 (May 2007): 399–417.
27. “hewed closer to gendered norms”: Jennifer L. Hook, “Women’s Housework: New Tests of Time and Money,” Journal of Marriage and Family 79, no. 1 (February 2017), 179–98.
28. “his sense of failure”: John Gordon Simister, “Is Men’s Share of Housework Reduced by ‘Gender Deviance Neutralization’? Evidence from Seven Countries,” Journal of Comparative Family Studies 43, no. 3 (May 2013), 311–26.
29. “It’s not hard to feel good about your spouse making money”: Jason Zinoman, “The Strategic Mind of Ali Wong,” New York Times, May 3, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/03/arts/television/ali-wong-netflix-hard-knock-wife.html
30. “to be appreciated for them”: Francine M. Deutsch, Halving It All (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 96.
31. “invisible violence of the institution of motherhood”: Adrienne Rich, Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution (New York: Norton, 1986).
32. “unrelated to the children’s well-being”: Douglas B. Downey, James W. Ainsworth-Darnell, and Mikaela J. Dufur, “Sex of Parent and Children’s Well-Being in Single Parent Households,” Journal of Marriage and Family 60, no. 4 (1998), 878–93.
33. “an easily acquired taste”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 501.
34. “parenting support from their networks”: Maeve Duggan, Amanda Lenhart, Cliff Lampe, and Nicole B. Ellison, “Parents and Social Media,” Pew Research Center, July 16, 2015, http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/07/16/parents-and-social-media/
35. “looked upon as a bad parent”: Deni Kirkova, “Millennial Mothers Take Parental Rivalry to New Levels as They ‘Obsess over Brands and Success’ Thanks to Social Media,” Daily Mail, May 4, 2014, https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2619957/Social-media-obsessed-millennial-mothers-parental-rivalry-new-levels.html
36. “moms report that it is their job alone to share photos online”: “Sharenting: Why Mothers Post About Their Children on Social Media,” The Conversation, March 9, 2018, http://theconversation.com/sharenting-why-mothers-post-about-their-children-on-social-media-91954
37. “new mothers . . . may use Facebook”: Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan, Jill E. Yavorsky, Mitchell K. Bartholomew, Jason M. Sullivan, Meghan A. Lee, Claire M. Kamp Dush, and Michael Glassman, “Doing Gender Online: New Mothers’ Psychological Characteristics, Facebook Use, and Depressive Symptoms,” Sex Roles 76, no. 5 (March 2017), 276–89.
38. “has shown inimitable resolve”: Cameron Macdonald, “What’s Culture Got to Do with It? Mothering Ideologies as Barriers to Gender Equity,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 424.
39. “their extramaternal identities”: Elisabeth Badinter, The Conflict: How Overzealous Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women (New York: Picador, 2010), 153–66.
40. “What’s wrong with me that I don’t think to ask him?”: Jacqueline Rose, “Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty,” interview by Tracy Morgan, New Books in Psychoanalysis, New Books Network, audio 7:20, https://newbooksnetwork.com/jacqueline-rose-mothers-an-essay-on-love-and-cruelty-farrar-straus-and-giroux-2018/
Chapter 6: Successful Male Resistance
1. “gender order privileging men over women”: Scott Coltrane, “Fatherhood, Gender and Work-Family Policies,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 401.
2. “author Roxane Gay has called it”: Roxane Gay, “The Facts and the Furious,” interview by Ophira Eisenberg, Ask Me Another, NPR, December 15, 2017, https://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=571107993
3. “take responsibility for misogyny and patriarchy”: George Yancy, “#IAmSexist,” New York Times, October 24, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/24/opinion/men-sexism-me-too.html
4. “to say yes when asked”: Linda Babcock, Maria P. Recalde, Lise Vesterlund, and Laurie Weingart, “Gender Differences in Accepting and Receiving Requests for Tasks with Low Promotability,” American Economic Review 107, no. 3 (March 2017): 714–47.
5. “the ones who will raise their hands”: Lise Vesterlund, “Why Women ‘Volunteer’ at Work,” interview by Jonathan Capehart, Midday on WNYC, New York Public Radio, July 23, 2018.
6. “seem eager to do so”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature (New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 497.
7. “Men do not pause to consider”: David L. Dickinson and Jill Tiefenthaler, “What Is Fair? Experimental Evidence,” Southern Economic Journal 69, no. 2 (2002): 414–28.
8. “monetary prize to stellar performance”: Kristi J. K. Klein and Sara D. Hodges, “Gender Differences, Motivation, and Empathic Accuracy: When It Pays to Understand,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 27, no. 6 (June 1, 2001): 720–30.
9. “born to consider others all the time”: Nancy Eisenberg and Randy Lennon, “Sex Differences in Empathy and Related Capacities,” Psychological Bulletin 94, no. 1 (July 1983): 100–31.
10. “social ties of the participants are frayed”: Christopher Karpowitz and Tali Mendelberg, The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2014), 63.
11. “to work hard at child care”: bell hooks, Feminism Is for Everybody (New York: Routledge, 2015), 82.
12. “countries not offering that time”: Jennifer Hook, “Care in Context: Men’s Unpaid Work in 20 Countries, 1965–2003,” American Sociological Review 71 (August 2006): 639–60.
13. “high-earning wife meant higher risk of divorce”: Christine R. Schwartz and Pilar Gonalons-Pons, “Trends in Relative Earnings and Marital Dissolution: Are Wives Who Outearn Their Husbands Still More Likely to Divorce?” RSF: Russell Sage Foundation Journal of the Social Sciences 24, no. 4 (2016): 218–36.
14. “Violating this norm can cause discomfort”: H. Colleen Stuart, Sue Moon, and Tiziana Casciaro, “The Oscar Curse: Status Dynamics and Gender Differences in Marital Survival,” SSRN Electronic Journal (January 2011), https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1749612
15. “CEOs are twice as likely to divorce”: Valentina Zarya, “Being Promoted May Double Women’s Odds of Getting Divorced,” Fortune, March 5, 2018, http://fortune.com/2018/03/05/promotion-women-divorce/
16. “deferentially and unassumingly”: Christopher Karpowitz and Tali Mendelberg, The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2014), 60.
17. “more ambitious than he is”: Raymond Fisman, Sheena S. Iyengar, Emir Kamenica, and Itamar Simonson, “Gender Differences in Mate Selection: Evidence from a Speed Dating Experiment,” Quarterly Journal of Economics 121, no. 2 (May 2006): 673–97.
18. “in society as a whole”: Sharon Hays, The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1996), 163.
19. “what became known as the Pygmalion effect”: Katherine Ellison, “Being Honest About the Pygmalion Effect,” Discover, December 2015, http://discovermagazine.com/2015/dec/14-great-expectations
20. “Teacher Expectation Project”: Christine M. Rubie-Davies, “Teacher Expectations and Student Self-Perceptions: Exploring Relationships” (PhD diss., University of Auckland, 2004).
21. “improved performance on standardized tests”: Katherine Ellison, “Being Honest About the Pygmalion Effect,” Discover, December 2015, http://discovermagazine.com/2015/dec/14-great-expectations
22. “negative stereotype about one’s group applies”: Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2010), 30.
23. “uncertainty for women about their own ability”: Ibid.
24. “Caucasian men perform worse”: Toni Schmader, “Stereotype Threat Deconstructed,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 19, no. 1 (March 2010): 14–18.
25. “they are trying to avoid”: Ibid.
26. “ratio of men to women in the room is high”: Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2010), 35.
27. “Even the gender of an experimenter can cue the stereotype threat”: Sabrina Solanki and Di Xu, “Looking Beyond Academic Performance: The Influence of Instructor Gender on Student Engagement and Attitudes in STEM Fields,” American Educational Research Journal 55, no. 4 (2018): 801–35.
28. “The so-called demand characteristics of the prison experiment”: Jared M. Bartels, “The Stanford Prison Experiment in Introductory Psychology Textbooks: A Content Analysis,” Psychology Learning & Teaching 14, no. 1 (2015): 36–50.
29. “diffuse the damage it can do”: Toni Schmader, “Stereotype Threat Deconstructed,” Current Directions in Psychological Science 19, no. 1 (March 2010), 14–18.
30. “a dysfunctional but familiar system”: Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization (Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing, 2009).
31. “hard to identify and address”: Anne Rankin-Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “Beyond Gender: The Process of Relationship Equality,” in Couples, Gender and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin-Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 73.
32. “decreasing rigid demarcations between the genders”: Bernadette Park and Sarah Banchefsky, “Leveraging the Social Role of Dad to Change Gender Stereotypes of Men,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 44, no. 9 (September 2018): 1380–94.
33. “who must use it or lose it”: Andrea Doucet, “Can Parenting Be Equal? Rethinking Equality and Gender Differences in Parenting,” in What Is Parenthood?, eds. Linda C. McClain and Daniel Cere (New York: New York University Press, 2013): 251–75.
34. “divorce and separation rates have also been falling”: Katrin Benhold, “In Sweden, Men Can Have It All,” New York Times, June 9, 2010, https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/10/world/europe/10iht-sweden.html?action=click&contentCollection=Europe&module=RelatedCoverage®ion=EndOfArticle&pgtype=article
35. “one year at their single-sex school”: Nilanjana Dasgupta and Shaki Asgari, “Seeing Is Believing: Exposure to Counterstereotypic Women Leaders and Its Effect on the Malleability of Automatic Gender Stereotyping,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 40, no. 5 (2004): 642–58.
36. “be competitive, get rich, get laid.”: Michael Kimmel and Lisa Wade, “Ask a Feminist: Michael Kimmel and Lisa Wade Discuss Toxic Masculinity,” Signs, http://signsjournal.org/kimmel-wade-toxic-masculinity/
37. “shoots up to two thirds”: Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mothers and Others (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2011), 150.
38. “ways to maintain collaboration”: Randi S. Cowdery, Carmen Knudson-Martin, and Anne Rankin Mahoney, “Mothering: Innate Talent or Conscious Collaboration?,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 137.
39. “Supporting Father Involvement Project”: “Supporting Father Involvement: An Evidence Based Program,” Supporting Father Involvement Program, accessed October 30, 2018, http://supportingfatherinvolvementsfi.com/supporting-father-involvement-an-evidence-based-program/
40. “to teach Bringing Baby Home”: Hannah Eaton, email to author, July 27, 2018.
41. “mothers in the study as well”: Alyson F. Shapiro and John M. Gottman, “Effects on Marriage of a Psycho-Communicative-Educational Intervention with Couples Undergoing the Transition to Parenthood, Evaluation at 1-Year Post Intervention,” The Journal of Family Communication 5, no. 1 (2005): 1–24.
42. “men talking to women interrupt”: Adrienne Hancock and Benjamin Rubin, “Influence of Communication Partner’s Gender on Language,” Journal of Language and Social Psychology 34, no. 1 (December 2014): 46–64.
43. “when another woman was speaking”: Kieran Snyder, “How to Get Ahead as a Woman in Tech: Interrupt Men,” Slate, July 23, 2014, https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/07/study-men-interrupt-women-more-in-tech-workplaces-but-high-ranking-women-learn-to-interrupt.html
44. “Barack Obama said”: Irin Carmon, “What Women Really Think of Men,” New York Times, December 9, 2016, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/09/opinion/sunday/what-women-really-think-of-men.html/
45. “Yalom instructs Marvin”: Irvin D. Yalom, Love’s Executioner & Other Tales of Psychotherapy (New York: Basic Books, 1989): 267–68.
Chapter 7: What Are We Trying to Achieve
1. “typical gender schemas have obscured”: Patricia Adair Gowaty, “Biological Essentialism, Gender, True Belief, Confirmation Biases, and Skepticism,” in APA Handbook of the Psychology of Women: History, Theory, and Battlegrounds (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2018): 145–64.
2. “reorganized for the better”: Jacqueline Rose, “Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty,” interview by Tracy Morgan, New Books in Psychoanalysis, New Books Network, audio, 10:50, https://newbooksnetwork.com/jacqueline-rose-mothers-an-essay-on-love-and-cruelty-farrar-straus-and-giroux-2018/
3. “decision-making power was often assigned”: Mignon R. Moore, “Gendered Power Relations Among Women: A Study of Household Decision Making in Black, Lesbian Stepfamilies,” American Sociological Review 73, no. 2 (2008): 335–56
4. “women are more likely”: Harry Brighouse and Erik Olin Wright, “Strong Gender Egalitarianism,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 86.
5. “Manne told Jezebel,”: Stassa Edwards, “Philosopher Kate Manne on ‘Himpathy,’ Donald Trump, and Rethinking the Logic of Misogyny,” Jezebel, August 2, 2018, https://jezebel.com/philosopher-kate-manne-on-himpathy-donald-trump-and-r-1822639677
6. “the exact opposite is true for dad”: Bernadette Park, J. Allegra Smith, and Joshua Correll, “The Persistence of Implicit Behavioral Associations for Moms and Dads,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 46 (2010): 809–15.
7. “Other than the man”: Jennifer Hockenberry Dragseth, Thinking Woman: A Philosophical Approach to the Quandary of Gender (Eugene, OR: Cascade Books, 2015), 88.
8. “women participate, too”: Ibid., 86.
9. “less than 8 percent, are of women”: Elana Lyn Gross, “The Five Female Historical Statues in New York City Are Decorated for International Woman’s Day,” Forbes, March 8, 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/elanagross/2018/03/08/the-five-female-historical-statues-in-new-york-city-are-decorated-for-international-womens-day/#116866077c26
10. “Alice in Wonderland, and Mother Goose”: Andy Battaglia, “New York City Launches ‘She Built NYC’ Commission for Public Art on Women’s History,” Art News, June 20, 2018, http://www.artnews.com/2018/06/20/new-york-city-launches-built-nyc-commission-public-art-womens-history/
11. “‘symbolically annihilated’ in the media”: Gaye Tuchman, “The Symbolic Annihilation of Women by the Mass Media,” in Culture and Politics, eds. Lane Crothers and Charles Lockhart (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2000), 150–74.
12. “the journalist doing the reporting”: Ed Yong, “I Spent Two Years Trying to Fix the Gender Imbalance in My Stories,” The Atlantic, February 6, 2018, https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/02/i-spent-two-years-trying-to-fix-the-gender-imbalance-in-my-stories/552404/
13. “women have not become less like women”: Elizabeth L. Haines, Kay Deaux, and Nicole Lofaro, “The Times They Are a-Changing . . . or Are They Not? A Comparison of Gender Stereotypes, 1983–2014,” Psychology of Women Quarterly 40, no. 3 (2016), 353–63.
14. “men’s underrepresentation in communal roles”: Alyssa Croft, Toni Schmader, and Katharina Block, “An Underexamined Inequality: Cultural and Psychological Barriers to Men’s Engagement with Communal Roles,” Personality and Social Psychology Review 19, no. 4 (2015): 343–70.
15. “never completely disappears”: Lise Eliot, Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow into Troublesome Gaps—and What We Can Do About It (New York: Mariner Books, 2010), 258.
16. “than the young women do theirs”: Christopher Karpowitz and Tali Mendelberg, The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2014), 54.
17. “work as community organizers”: Stephanie Coontz, The Way We Never Were (New York: Basic Books; Revised, Updated edition, 2016), 200.
18. “men are rightly more powerful”: Cecilia L. Ridgeway and Shelley J. Correll, “Unpacking the Gender System: A Theoretical Perspective on Gender Beliefs and Social Relations,” Gender & Society 18, no. 4 (August 2004): 510 –31.
19. “involved with academic citizenship work”: Bruce MacFarlane, “Women Professors, Pay, Promotion, and Academic Housekeeping,” wonkhe.com, June 4, 2018, https://wonkhe.com/blogs/women-professors-pay-promotion-and-academic-housekeeping/
20. “circumscribed, and flexible”: Margaret B. Neal and Leslie B. Hammer, “Working Couples Caring for Children and Aging Parents,” Journal of Marriage and Family 70, no. 2 (May 2008): 565–66.
21. “readily perceived as acting perversely”: Rebecca Traister, All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2016), 132.
22. “study out of NYU”: Madeline E. Heilman and Julia J. Chen, “Same Behavior, Different Consequences: Reactions to Men’s and Women’s Altruistic Citizenship Behavior,” Journal of Applied Psychology 90, no. 3 (May 2005): 431–41.
23. “abdicate their role as household decision makers”: Melissa J. Williams and Serena Chen, “When ‘Mom’s the Boss’: Control over Domestic Decision Making Reduces Women’s Interest in Workplace Power,” Group Processes & Intergroup Relations 17, no. 4 (2014): 436–52.
24. “current gender status quo”: Julia C. Becker and Stephen Wright, “Yet Another Dark Side of Chivalry: Benevolent Sexism Undermines and Hostile Sexism Motivates Collective Action for Social Change,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 101, no. 1 (February 2011): 62–77.
25. “willingness to engage in gender-related collective action”: Ibid.
26. “of domestic and caring responsibilities”: Sydney Pereira, “Women over 85 Are Happier Because Their Partner Is Dead by Then, Psychiatrists Say,” Newsweek, December 14, 2017, https://www.newsweek.com/women-over-85-are-happier-because-their-partner-dead-then-psychiatrists-say-748067
27. “than have sex with him”: Heather Havrilesky, “Ask Polly: Why Do New Mothers Hate Their Husbands,” The Cut, June 6, 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2018/06/ask-polly-why-do-new-mothers-hate-their-husbands.html
28. “when there is domination”: bell hooks, Feminism Is for Everybody (New York: Routledge, 2015), 103.
29. “they will have a happy relationship”: Ying-Ching Lin and Priya Raghubir, “Gender Differences in Unrealistic Optimism About Marriage and Divorce: Are Men More Optimistic and Women More Realistic?” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 31, no. 2 (2005), 198–207.
30. “maintain good moods in their spouses”: Eleanor E. Maccoby, The Two Sexes: Growing Up Apart, Coming Together (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999), 218.
31. “there is shared well-being”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “Gender Equality in Intimate Relationships,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 11.
32. “it was a substitute for practice”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “The Myth of Equality,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 50.
33. “more efficiently for their pay”: Christopher Karpowitz and Tali Mendelberg, The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2014), 55.
34. “twice as much per week as girls”: “Gender Pay Gap Starts with Kids in America,” in Blog, Making News by BusyKid, June 29, 2018, https://busykid.com/2018/06/29/gender-pay-gap-starts-with-kids-in-america/
35. “30 percent of women did the same”: Christopher Karpowitz and Tali Mendelberg, The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2014), 61.
36. “children as young as six”: Ibid., 55–56.
37. “They call it ‘unentitlement.’”: Carolyn Pape Cowan and Philip A. Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (New York: Routledge, 1999), 196.
38. “called on boys with eight times the frequency”: David Sadker and Karen R. Zittleman, Still Failing at Fairness: How Gender Bias Cheats Girls and Boys in School and What We Can Do About It (New York: Scribner, 2009), 7–11.
39. “the boys they’re involved with don’t protest”: Peggy Orenstein, Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape (New York: HarperCollins, 2016), 7–11.
40. “but also to authority”: Christopher Karpowitz and Tali Mendelberg, The Silent Sex: Gender, Deliberation, and Institutions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2014), 51.
41. “less right than men to family support”: Aliya Rao, “Unemployed: What Men’s and Women’s Divergent Experiences Tell Us About Gender Inequality,” (PhD diss., University of Pennsylvania, 2016).
42. “living in a clearly hierarchical society”: Jaime L. Napier, Hulda Thorisdottir, and John T. Jost, “The Joy of Sexism: A Multinational Investigation of Hostile and Benevolent Justifications for Gender Inequality and Their Relations to Subjective Well-Being,” Sex Roles 62, no. 7–8 (April 2010): 405–19.
43. “perhaps even natural and inevitable”: John T. Jost and Aaron C. Kay, “Exposure to Benevolent Sexism and Complementary Gender Stereotypes: Consequences for Specific and Diffuse Forms of System Justification,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 88, no. 3 (April 2005): 498–509.
44. “perpetuate and maintain gender inequality”: Laurie T. O’Brien, Brenda Major, and Patricia Gilbert, “Gender Differences in Entitlement: The Role of System Justifying Beliefs,” Basic and Applied Social Psychology 34, no. 2 (2012), 136–45.
45. “have learned to adjust to it”: Susan Faludi, Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women (New York: Broadway Books; Anniversary Edition, 2006), 72.
46. “very sticky unless directly undermined”: Harry Brighouse and Erik Olin Wright, “Strong Gender Egalitarianism,” in The Real Utopias Project: Gender Equality, Transforming Family Divisions of Labor (Brooklyn: Verso, 2009), 87.
47. “positively related to a citizenry’s general happiness”: Ozlem Yorulmaz, “Relationship Between Happiness and Gender Inequality Index,” Research in World Economy 7, no. 1 (2016): 11–20.
48. “not so much an end point as a process”: Anne Rankin Mahoney and Carmen Knudson-Martin, “Beyond Gender,” in Couples, Gender, and Power, eds. Carmen Knudson-Martin and Anne Rankin Mahoney (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2009), 70.
49. “but of pure justice”: Martha Weinman Lear, “‘You’ll Probably Think I’m Stupid’,” New York Times, April 11, 1976, https://www.nytimes.com/1976/04/11/archives/youll-probably-think-im-stupid-era.html