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Abe, Shinzō, 170
academic housework, 256–57
accommodating behavior, 101
accounting, 58–59
adaptation, 81–82
Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi, 128–30
adolescence, 107
adrenal gland, 83
African Americans, 34, 50, 129, 159–60, 166–67
agency (agentic behavior), 102–3, 120, 254–58
aggression, 99, 232
aging parents, 258
agoraphobia, 241
Aka Pygmies, 82
All Joy and No Fun (Senior), 159
alloparenting, 91
altruism, 260
Amber, 37, 39
ambition, 67, 130, 163, 167–68, 220–21
American Board of Police and Public Safety Psychology, 167
American Psychological Association, 127
amphibians, 77
amygdala, 90–92
Anderson, Kermyt, 78
Anderson, Thomas, 171–72
Andrea, 12
androcentrism, 102
anger, 57, 64–67, 152, 157, 161, 228–29
Anne, 36–37, 39, 130–31
April, 92–92, 106, 204
Arianne, 94
Aristotle, 244
Asher, Rebecca, 51, 190
asking for help, 66–67, 137, 148, 154, 202
Ask Polly, 265
assertiveness, 106
assumptions, 138
@manwhohasitall, 162
attachment, 75–76
Audacity of Hope, The (Obama), 164
Babcock, Linda, 212, 220
baby bust, 169–73
BabyCentre, 200
babysitters, 27–28, 55
backlash, 119–26
Backlash (Faludi), 120, 273
Badinter, Élisabeth, 180
Bailey, Carol, 17
Barbary macaques, 78–79
Barbie (TV show), 128
bargaining, 150–51
Barnes, Riché J. Daniel, 50, 159–60
Bateman, Angus John, 243–44
Beauboeuf-LaFontant, Tamara, 160
Beauvoir, Simone de, 252–53, 276
Becker, Julia, 262–63
bedtime, 23, 155, 192
Bem, Daryl, 158, 251
Bem, Sandra, 101–2, 158, 251, 275–76
Beth, 12
biases, 242, 258
biological essentialism, 102–3
biology argument, 16, 17, 36, 57–70
cultural biases and, 85
half-thinking and, 62–70
male parenting and, 82–87
birds, 77–78
birth control, 117
“Birth of a Mother, The” (New York Times article), 82–84
birth rates, 169–73
Black, Michael Ian, 104
black feminists, 159
Blair-Loy, Mary, 194, 197
Bloomberg Markets, 125
Bolshevik Revolution, 158
bonding, 75–76
boys
demands vs. requests and, 105
depression and, 107
brain, 87–92
growth of, 80
plasticity of, 72–73, 90
breadwinner role, 194–96
breaking point, 161–62
breastfeeding, 29–30, 36, 75, 119
Brighouse, Harry, 248, 274
Bringing Baby Home workshop, 237
Bringing Up Bébé (Druckerman), 157
Britain, 52, 256
British National Health Service (NHS), 264
Bureau of Labor Statistics, 15–16, 35, 122
Business Insider, 125
business travel, 97, 126
BusyKid, 269
Calasanti, Toni, 17
California, 125
Cameroon, 195, 196
Canada, 31, 51, 52
career choices, 167–68
caregiving
positive reinforcement for, 164
social support and, 248
Carissa, 45, 133, 138, 179, 274
Carlos, 69
Center for American Progress, 45
Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities, Stony Brook University, 62, 233
Center for WorkLife Law, 46, 167
CEOs, 220
Cha, Youngjoo, 46
Chad, 195
change, immunity to, 227–30
character building, 145
Chen, Serena, 261–62
child abandonment, 75
childbearing, 101
childbirth, 72–73
education classes for, 236
Childbirth Connection, 236
child care, government-subsidized, 48, 85, 157–58
child care, unequal gender division and, 27–34, 112. See also default parent; responsibilities; and specific tasks
attitudes vs. reality and, 51
cross-cultural studies and, 30
demand/response capacity and, 135
fairness and, 49–50
fathers’ increasing share of, 29–30, 36
gender legacy and, 54
history of, 19
Japanese men and, 170
marital success and, 40–43
maternal instincts and, 70–71
men choosing to work hard at, 216–19
mothers’s paid work and, 16, 34
OECD studies on, 31
organized by mother, 27–28
children
being called on in school, 269
divorced father and, 236
entitlement and, 269
expectations and, 222–23
gender socialization and, 103–7, 116
marital satisfaction and, 31
paid for chores, 269
child tax credits, 157
China, 52, 173
Chodorow, Nancy, 103–4, 106
Christine, 140–41, 183, 203, 205–6
Churchill, Winston, 119
citizenship, 145–46
Civil Rights Act (1964), 20
classroom communications apps, 57
Claudia, 55
cleanliness threshold, 154
cognitive abilities, 61
coins, images on, 253
Cold War, 157–58
Coleman, Joshua, 239–40
Coleman, Patrick, 234, 276
collaboration, 215–16, 240
colonial period, 19–20, 145
Coltrane, Scott, 70, 205
communality, 102, 142, 254–61
communication abilities, 61
Competing Devotions (Blair-Loy), 194
competitiveness, 215–16, 243
“complementary but equal,” 271
concentration, 144
concern for others, 94–96, 105, 108–10, 130–31, 164, 215. See also empathy; worrying
conflict, 21, 31, 40–41, 52, 58–59, 138, 215
conscious objectives, forbidden wishes vs., 228
cooking, 109, 155, 212, 250
Coontz, Stephanie, 136
cooperation, 215–16
co-parenting education, 237
copping out, 212–16
co-primary parents, 204, 216–19
Corey, Dave, 167
corpus callosum, 88–89
Correll, Shelley, 132–33, 256
cortisol, 83
co-sleeping, 176
Cotter, David, 121–22
Council on Contemporary Families, 121
Couples Gender and Power (Mahoney and Knudson-Martin), 130, 230
couples therapy, 7, 23
Courtney, 191
Courville, Zoe, 127
Cowan, Carolyn, 24, 34, 42, 236–37, 269
Cowan, Philip, 24, 34, 42, 236–37, 269
Crittenden, Alyssa, 81–82, 157
cross-cultural behaviors, 30, 100
Crown, The (Netflix series), 119
cultural attitudes, 16–17, 53, 62, 84–85, 126. See also social expectations; social norms
biological argument and, 64–68
childbirth and, 72–73
difficulty of changing, 132–33
gender roles and, 96–102
images of important women and, 253–54
motherhood and, 76
women seen as less important and, 97
Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood, The (Hays), 177–78
cultural-lag hypothesis, 274–75
Cut, The (web site), 265
Damaske, Sarah, 132, 160–61, 168
Danielle, 68–69, 193
Dargis, Manohla, 177
Darwin, Charles, 74–75, 244
dating, 125, 220–21
David, 106
Davin, 126
Deanna, 53, 97, 208–9, 223–24
Dear Sugar (Strayed), 17
Deb, 139
default parent, 134–73
birth rates and, 169–73
fathering by women and, 198–204
flexible participation of husband and, 134–39
having it all and, 161–69
men’s refusal and female sacrifice and, 153–61
mental load and, 140–48
parental consciousness and morality and, 139–48
pitfalls of inequality and, 148–53
woman as, 10–11, 53–54
woman rejecting role as, 138–39
Delusions of Gender (Fine), 61
demand characteristics, 226–27
demand/response capacity, 135
deMause, Lloyd, 75
demography, 169–73
denial strategy, 154–55
Denmark, 157
dependency, fear of, 246
depression, 44, 116, 144, 201
boys vs. girls and, 107
division of labor and, 152
Derek, 68–69, 230–31, 235
Deutsch, Francine, 26, 41, 137–38, 140, 196, 198, 202, 275
developmental psychology, 85
devil wives, 169
diaper changes, 39, 188, 191
dictator game, 214–15
discrimination
gender essentialism to justify, 59–60
implicit bias and, 166
system justification and, 273
dissociation, 106–7
division of labor, 2, 10. See also child care; responsibilities
dual-earner couples and, 27
emotional costs and, 152–53
evolution of, 80, 103
gendered differences and, 101
global comparisons and, 25–26, 31
housework and, 30–32, 41, 53, 61, 108, 126
internalized ideas of masculinity and, 234
interviewing men about, 208
lack of “innate,” 88–89
marital dissolution and, 151–53
maternity leave and, 36
men’s portion of, 19
mothers’ vs. fathers’ responses to infants and, 86–87
new mothers and, 36–40
reasons for uneven, 11–18
relationship impact of unfair, 148–53
social norms and, 147
woman’s income and hiring help with, 111–12
women’s vs. men’s earnings and, 122–23, 195
women tasked with, 20
divorce, 97, 107–8
depression after, 128–29
father’s involvement with children after, 236
uneven division of labor and, 10, 22, 41, 43, 55, 149–53
woman’s success and, 219–20
Doc McStuffins (TV show), 174
Do Fathers Matter? (Raeburn), 84
domestic decision making, 261–62
dot-estimation task, 62–65
Douglas, Susan, 176–77
doula, 36
Down girl (Manne), 249
Dragseth, Jennifer Hockenbery, 60, 252–53
Druckerman, Pamela, 157
Duff, Hilary, 184
dunnock, 79
Dush, Claire Kamp, 16, 136–37, 146–47, 190–91, 201–2, 221
Earning More and Getting Less (Tichenor), 122–23, 151
earnings, woman’s greater than man’s, 195–96, 219
Economist, 11
education, 20, 44, 87
egalitarian essentialism, 121–22
egalitarianism, 158, 167, 276–77
Egypt, 195
election of 2016, 97
Eliot, Lise, 67, 88–90, 208
Elizabeth, 116–19, 227
Elizabeth II, Queen of England, 119–20, 133
Emma, 141
emotional upset, 152
empathy, 215. See also concern for others
empowerment, 275–76
England, Paula, 24, 51, 125
entitlement, 205, 268–74
equality
committing to, 115
defining, 267–68
men’s perception of, 58
myth of, 55–56
equally shared parenting (ESP), 111–19
Equally Shared Parenting (Mark and Amy Vachon), 110–16
equal pay movement, 277
Equal Rights Amendment (ERA), 13, 261
equity theory, 152
Erica, 23, 87, 153, 173, 178, 186, 199, 203
estrogen, 83
Ethan, 239
ethnic group comparisons, 34
Europe, 31, 75
European Commission, 171
evolution, 78–80, 85, 91–92, 103
evolutionary biology, 242–45
expectations. See also social expectations
father’s, 29–30
gender differences argument and, 67–68
impact on behavior, 222–27
mother’s disillusionment and, 27, 42
romantic partnerships and, 266–67
unfulfilled rising, 15–16, 24
experimenter effect, 222
Facebook, 94, 162, 200, 201
fairness, 49–56, 214–15
Fallait Demander (Emma), 141
Faludi, Susan, 120, 273
Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA, 1993), 218, 235
family-first obligation, 132
family leave policy, 117
family-to-work spillovers, 144–45
Fatherhood (Anderson and Gray), 78
fathering, by women, 198–204
Fatherly (web portal), 234, 276
fathers and fatherhood
adaptation to, 92–93
bumbling, breadwinning, 187–98
fallacy of modern, involved, 19–27
history of, 19–20
hormones and, 82–84
infants’ cries and, 86–87
involvement by, and marital satisfaction for both, 42–43
lack of research on, 84
new masculinity and, 231–38
physiology and, 85–87
primary care by, and brain structure, 91
reality of modern, involved, 29–36
Fausto-Sterling, Anne, 62
female academics, 256–57
female gender, cost vs. advantage and, 250–51
female infidelity, 41
female power, 242–48
female promiscuity, 242–44
female sacrifice, cult of, 156–59
female subordination, 77, 126, 214
feminine activities
devaluation of, 104–5
women’s rejection of, 235
Feminine Mystique, The (Friedan), 158, 272
feminism, 12, 14, 49, 59–69, 67, 158, 162, 231, 237–38
Feminism Is for Everybody (hooks), 160
Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, A (Adichie), 128
feminist psychoanalysis, 103
Fernandez-Duque, Eduardo, 78–80
Filipovic, Jill, 24, 156–59
finances, 45, 144
Fine, Cordelia, 61–62, 88, 89
firefighters, 221
Fischer, Jenna, 163
fish, 77–78
fixed action pattern (FAP), 71
flexible work arrangements, 168, 197–98
FMRI studies, 90
Fogarty, Mike, 200
forgetting, 206–7
formula, 176
framework, pathological, 164
France, 157, 172, 202
Freud, Sigmund, 244
Friedan, Betty, 158, 197, 272
fruitflies, 243
frustration, 207
Gabe, 208–9, 223–24
Game of War, 33
game theory, 150
Garey, Anita, 180
Garner, Jennifer, 127
gaslight, 205–12
gatekeeping, 188–92
Gay, Roxane, 210
gay male couples, 71, 106
gender, as social construct, 96
gender change, 125
gender differences, 7, 61–65, 89–90
arrival of baby intensifies, 107–8
biological essentialism, 102
cross-cultural studies of, 100
internalization of, 130
perceptions of, 62–64
reinforcement of, 103–7
sexual division of labor driven by, 101
social relational context and, 108
gender-enacted body, 101
gender equality
African Americans and, 34
agency vs. communality and, 254–58
benevolent vs. hostile sexism and, 262–64
benign sexism and, 258–64
birth of children and, 28–29
birth rates and, 169–73
childbirth and, 36–40
demography and, 169–70
denial and, 54–55
entry points for men and, 233–38
family attitudes about, 121
female infidelity and, 41
female power and, 242–48
future outlook and, 274–77
happiness and, 264–68
Hispanic Americans and, 34
ideology vs. reality and, 34–35
internalized sexism and, 248–54
Japan and, 169
marital conflict and, 40–49
men’s resistance and, 207–8, 230
rewards for fathers, 236–38
rhetoric of, 28
unentitlement and, 268–74
UK and, 169
U.S. and, 169
white Americans and, 34
gender equity dividend, 172–73
gender essentialism, 51, 59–60, 67, 96, 102, 122, 242–45
brain and, 87–88
rejection of, 70–71
gender existentialism, 96–98
gender expectations, 98–98
threat points and, 151
gender ideology, 51–52, 55–56
gender legacy, 53–54
gender pay gap, 256
gender polarization, 102
gender-reveal announcements, 98–99
Gender Revolution, Uneven and Stalled, The (England), 24
gender roles, 76
men’s attitudes toward, 11
self-perpetuating, 102
women’s vs. men’s earnings, 197
gender socialization, 96–133
backlash for fighting, 119–26
difficulty fighting, 110–19
self-perpetuation of, 101–10
winning and, 126–33
gender studies, 60
gender violations, policing of, 98
gender wage gap, 46
General Social Survey, 121, 152
genetic differences, 62
Germany, 262–63
Gerson, Kathleen, 55–56, 199
gestation, 36
Gilligan, Carol, 106–8, 110
Ginsburg, Ruth Bader, 259
girls
depression and, 107
influence and, 105
mother setting example for, 133
Girls & Sex (Orenstein), 269
Glamour, 109
global economy, 45
glucocorticoid, 83
Gokova, Jonah, 110
Gottman, John, 105
Gottman Institute, 31, 237
government office holders, 220
Gowaty, Patricia, 243–45, 247–48, 252
grad school, 28
grandmothers, 27–28
gratitude, 21–23, 31
Gray, John, 60–62
Gray, Peter, 78
Gretchen, 197–98, 248–50, 254, 267
grocery shopping, 95
Groff, Lauren, 127
guilt, 44, 68, 69–70, 199, 221, 249
Hadza, 73, 81–82
Haines, Elizabeth, 142
Halving It All (Deutsch), 26–27, 137, 198
happiness
expectations about marriage and, 266–67
at home vs. work, 160–61
motherhood and, 159
post-retirement, 264–66
societal, 274–75
Harvard Business Review, 212
Harvard Graduate School of Education, 227
having it all, 161–69
Havrilesky, Heather, 265–66
Hays, Sharon, 176–79, 190, 221
health, 44–45
Heather, 186
HEED careers, 258
helicopter parenting, 182–83
helpers, husbands as, 137, 148, 165
Hensley, Kristin, 183
hidden power to resist, 239
himpathy, 249–50, 267
hiring discrimination, 47–48
Hispanic Americans, 34
History of Childhood (deMause), 75
Hochschild, Arlie, 10, 51, 160
holiday dinners, 148–49, 250, 252
homework, 23, 136, 155, 175, 182, 203
Hook, Jennifer, 195
hooks, bell, 131, 160, 216, 266
hormones, 62, 76, 82–84, 100
household time-use studies, 16
housework, hiring help for, 111–12. See also division of labor
Hrdy, Sarah, 72, 75–76, 84, 86–87, 198099, 214, 236
H-Spot, The (Filipovic), 24, 158–59
Hudson, Oliver, 163
hunter-gatherers, 80–82, 215
Hyde, Janet Shibley, 60–62
Iceland, 70
ideals, behavior vs., 216–21
immune system, 227–30
Immunity to Change (Lahey and Kegan), 227–28
implicit associations, 232
implicit bias, 166–68, 199, 227
implicit demands, 241
income inequality, 248
incomes, housework time and, 111
India, 26, 195
individualism, 51, 136
individual resistance, 133
industrialization, 20, 145
infant-care skills, learned vs. instinctual, 73–75
infant-father attachment, 237
inferior standards, as strategy, 154
Ingrate New Mom, 265, 267
insects, 77
Instagram, 200
instinct, 71–73
intelligence, 67, 220–21
intensive mothering ideology, 174–87, 194, 198–204, 221
Intensive Parenting Attitudes Questionnaire, 181–82
Internal Revenue Service (IRS), 122
interrupting, 238
Israel, 52, 189
Ivy, 126
Jacobson, Lenore, 222
Jacqueline, 58–59
James, Henry, 147
Japan, 31, 169–70, 172
Jeff, 193
Jeremy, 209
Jezebel, 249
job loss, 128, 270–71
John, 3–4
Johnson, Rebecca, 165
Joining the Resistance (Gilligan), 106
Jost, John, 271–72
Journal of Marriage and Family, 11, 40, 126
Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), 44
Judaism, 250
Karpowitz, Christopher, 215–16, 270
Katrina, 102
Kegan, Robert, 227–28
Kenya, 195
Khasi culture, 215–16
“Kids Don’t Damage Women’s Careers—Men Do” (Valenti), 116
Kim, 95
Kimberly, 37, 39–40
Kimmel, Michael, 62, 154, 233–35, 237–38
Kmart, 168–69, 213–14
knowing, unequal, 148–53
Knudson-Martin, Carmen, 130, 230, 236, 267–68
Kohler, Hans-Peter, 171, 172
Kosur, James, 125
Kotelchuck, Milton, 85
Kristin, 67, 265
!Kung San, 73
Kyla, 268
labor force participation rate, 35
labor market, gender equality in, 45. See also working mothers
Lahey, Lisa, 227–29
Lamb, Michael, 85
Lareau, Annette, 5–55, 136, 180, 209
Laschever, Sara, 220
laundry, 23, 155–56
Laura, 23, 191–92, 196, 208, 252, 261
Lazard, Lisa, 200
Lazy Husband, The (Coleman), 239
leadership, 156, 232
Lean In (Sandberg), 168
Lear, Martha Weinman, 277
learned behavior, 71–75, 79
learning theory, 99
leisure time, 34, 43, 138
Lenses of Gender, The (Bem), 101–2
Lenz, Lyz, 109
lesbian couples, 58–59, 106, 246–47
Levy, Neil, 102
life satisfaction, 182
Lippman, Laura, 179–80
Lisa, 12
locomotor abilities, 98
loneliness, 102
Love’s Executioner (Yalom), 240–41
Lovett, Kate, 265
Lowell, 155–56, 211–12, 229
lunch, packing, 23
Luthar, Suniya, 184–85
macaques, 78
Maccoby, Eleanor, 108
Macdonald, Cameron, 179
Macfarlane, Bruce, 256–57
Mahoney, Anne Rankin, 130, 230, 236, 267–68
male dominance, 24, 101, 104, 122–23, 156, 265–66
male privilege, 14–15, 205, 207–12, 249, 267
male promiscuity, 242–43
male resistance, 205–41
acknowledging unfairness of, 238–41
copping out of drudge work and, 212–16
immunity to change and, 227–30
new masculine paradigm and, 230–38
progressive behavior vs. retrogressive ideals and, 216–21
Pygmalion effect and, 222–27
refusal of responsibility and, 153–62
refusal to pay attention and, 205–12
male supremacy, 102
mammals, 77–78
managerial care, 34, 54. See also planning; scheduling
managerial professions, 46
manhood, threats to, 232
Manne, Kate, 249–50
manspreading, 108–9
Marisol, 70
marital relationship
equality and improvement in, 274
inequality in household work and, 40–49, 52, 56, 58, 148–53, 164–66
mental load and, 140, 150
parenthood and, 31–32
women’s success and, 219–20
Mark, 155
Marla, 89, 213
marmosets, 73, 83
marriage. See also marital relationship
as achievement, 129–30
aspirations to, 128
expectations and, 266–67
female subordination in, 54
legal rights and, 20
proposals and, 125
women’s loss of interest in, 169
women working outside home and, 35
Marvin, 241
Masai culture, 215
masculine fragility, 105
masculine paradigm, new, 230–38
maternal instinct, 70–77, 93
maternity leave, 5, 36
paid national, 157
math, 224–25, 253
Mathis, Dara, 131–32, 153
matrescence, 82, 84
matrilineal cultures, 215–16
Matthew, 218–19, 235
Maume, David, 134
MBA students, 130, 269
McDonald, Peter, 170–71, 172
McKinsey Global Institute, 45
media, 252–54
medical forms, 206–7, 223, 228
medical school, 127–28
Medium, 116
Meg, 138
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (Gray), 60–61
MenCare, 26
men. See also fathers and fatherhood; male privilege
benefits of gender equality for, 274–75
failure of, to do more, 11–14, 64–67
“good,” vs. “real,” 233
preference for less successful mates, 220
Mendelberg, Tali, 215–16, 270
mental load, 140–48, 150
Meredith, 38–39, 155
meritocracy, 273
metacognition, 166–67
#MeToo movement, 272
Mexico, 31
Michaels, Meredith, 143, 145, 147, 176–77
Michelle, 23, 124
micromanaging, 190–91, 228
Miller, Alice, 148
Minds at Work, 227
Miranda, 135–36, 154–56, 176, 211–12
Miranda, Jay, 22
misogyny, 211, 249
mnemonic work, 141–42. See also mental load
Modern Motherhood (Vandenberg-Daves), 145
Molly, 22, 140, 191
mommy-and-me class, 22
Mommy Myth, The (Michaels and Douglas), 143, 177
Moms Demand Action Against Gun Violence, 256
Monique, 24, 27, 28, 106
monogamy, 80
Moore, Mignon, 246–48, 252
Moore, Suzanne, 170
Morgan, Tracy, 202
Mother Nature (Hrdy), 72
Mothers Against Drunk Driving, 256
mothers and motherhood. See also maternal instinct; working mothers
asking for help and, 39, 54
blaming of, 192, 209
childbirth and bonding and, 72–76
controlling, type A, 187–98
disillusionment of, 27–29
father’s abdication of domestic responsibility and, 5–11
as final frontier in power struggle, 256
gatekeeping and, 188–92
gender-enforcing nature of, 107
“good enough mother” and, 147
“good mother” and, 148, 150, 175–81
inequality and, 10–12, 32–34, 36–40
intensive mothering ideology and, 174–87, 194, 198–204, 221
moral, 139–48, 159
needs of children vs. self and, 175
reproduction of, 103–4
stonewalling husband and, 105–6
wage penalty and, 46
workplace discrimination vs., 47
Mothers and Others (Hrdy), 84
Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty (Rose), 132
Mother’s Day, 1–2, 256
motor skills, 61
Ms. magazine, 14
multitasking, 88–89
Murray, Pauli, 234
“My Wife Can Tell Me Who I Know” (Lareau), 54
Nancy, 186
Natalie, 161–62, 191
National At-Home Dad Network, 19
National Review, 175
National Study of the Changing Workforce, 134
naturalistic fallacy, 77, 86
natural selection, 72
neocortex, 72, 73–74, 90–91
neoliberal economy, 180
Netflix, 119, 175
neuroscience, 83–84, 87–91
Nevins, Sheila, 21
newborns, 85–86
Newsweek, 10, 264
New York City, 253
New York magazine, 265
New York Times, 11, 47, 82, 104, 211
New Zealand, 31, 223
Nicole, 57–59, 62, 155, 203, 207
Nigeria, 195
Nixon, Richard, 85
No-Mom Thursday, 131
Nordic countries, 171
Norway, 26
NPR, 198, 212
nuclear family, 35, 202
Obama, Barack, 164–66, 238
Obama, Michelle, 164–66, 238
Obama, Sasha, 164
Of Woman Born (Rose), 246
“on top” vs. “underneath” ideologies, 51, 53
Opting In (Richards), 193
O’Reilly, Jane, 14–15
Orenstein, Peggy, 269
Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), 26, 30–31
Oscar winners, 219–20
overbenefiting, 152–54, 273
overestimators, 63–64
Overwhelmed (Schulte), 149
overwork, 46
owl monkeys, 79
Oxfam, 25
oxytocin, 61
packing for kids, 2–3, 9, 56
parental consciousness, 139–48, 165
parental leave, paid, 219
earmarked for fathers, 26, 231
lack of, 48
parenthood. See also child care; default parent; division of labor; fathers and fatherhood; mothers and motherhood; and specific tasks
adequate parenting and, 146–47, 177
burdens of, and mother, 8–9
expectation of girls vs. boys and, 98, 100–101
gender and approach to, 57
gender existentialists and, 96–97
male primates and, 78–79
practice and, 91–93
struggle for equal, 111, 276–77
transition to, 2, 107–8
parenting education, 236–37
Parents magazine, 184
Park, Bernadette, 231–32, 251
Parke, Ross, 85–86
part-time work, 111
passive resistance, 154–55, 191–92
pastoralists, 82
paternity certainty, 79–80
paternity leave, 218–19
patrescence, 84
patriarchy, 14, 51, 100, 107, 110, 211
benevolent sexism and, 262
black mothers and, 159
competitiveness vs. cooperation and, 216
difficulty of dismantling, 122
patrilineal cultures, 215–16
pay requests, 273
Pepin, Joanna, 121, 122
perceptual style, 62–64
Perel, Esther, 41
performance anxiety, 224
persistence, 275
personal care, 34
personality, 61
Pete, 216–18
Pew Research Center, 11, 15, 35, 57, 71, 96, 200
Philip, Prince Consort of England, 119, 120
photo sharing, 201
Phyllis, 241
physicians, 44
Pink Brain, Blue Brain (Eliot), 67
pink-collar women, 168
placenta, 73
“Plan A/Plan B” (Gerson), 55
planning, 117–19, 209, 217–18. See also managerial care; scheduling
polygynous species, 79–80
postpartum depression, 37, 107
power, 101, 104–5, 256
gatekeeping and, 190
hidden, 239
latent and invisible, 230
male reinforcement of, 126
male stereotypes and, 230
pregnancy, 83, 47
preschool, 9, 147. See also child care
free universal, 157
gender socialization and, 99
primates, 72–74, 76–83, 243–44
proactive parenting, 186
prolactin, 83
promiscuity, 242–43
promotions, 45, 47, 168, 212, 218, 221, 257
psychological well-being, 61, 144
Pygmalion effect, 222–27
racism, 129, 160, 167
Raeburn, Paul, 84
Raising the Race (Barnes), 50, 159
Raj, 71
Rao, Aliya, 270
Raquel, 162
Recalde, Maria, 212
Red Scare, 158
relative-deprivation theory, 22–23
remembering and reminding, 66, 140–42, 203, 205–6
Reproduction of Mothering, The (Chodorow), 103–4
reproductive advantages, 242–46
resentment, 28–29, 48
responsibilities
accounting in head, 58–59
conflict over, 4–9, 58
gender and, 131
maternal, as inflexible and nondiscretionary, 135
maternal gatekeeping and, 188–92
men’s refusal of, 153–62
paternal, as flexible and discretionary, 134–39
shared, for gender equality, 275–77
retirement, 45
rhesus macaques, 79
Rich, 124
Rich, Adrienne, 110, 198, 246
Richards, Amy, 18, 60, 193
Ridgeway, Cecilia, 132–33, 256
Rob, 161–62
role justification, 272
role overload, 184
Rose, Jacqueline, 132, 144, 246
Rosenthal, Robert, 222
Royal College of Psychiatrists, 265
Sadker, David, 269
Sam, 233
same-sex couples, 42, 106. See also gay male couples; lesbian couples
Sara, 12
Scandinavia, 201
scheduling, 34, 54–55, 140, 144, 149. See also managerial care; planning
Schiffrin, Holly, 137, 181–84
Schlafly, Phyllis, 60, 261
Schmader, Toni, 225–26, 255, 257–58
school forms, 149
Schoppe-Sullivan, Sarah, 137, 177, 189, 192–93, 199, 201
Schulte, Brigid, 148–51, 183
Schulte, Tom, 149–50
Second Shift, The (Hochschild), 9–10, 160
Seidman, Ellen, 13–14
self-appraisals, negative, 57, 144–45, 152
self-denial, 176
self-employment, 162, 163
self-esteem, 255
selfishness, 159, 240
selflessness, 145, 147
self-sacrifice, 76, 202
cult of female, 156–61, 202
Senior, Jennifer, 159
sentimentalized mother ideal, 145
separate spheres, 20, 98, 121, 205
sexism. See also patriarchy
benevolent, 258–64
hostile, 259, 262–63, 274
internalization of, 131, 248–54
male denial of, 211–12
sexual assault, 233
sexual double standard,125, 243
sexuality, 40, 61, 125, 269
sexual racism, 248–54
sexual selection, 243
Shannon, 22, 104–5
sharers, 137, 165
Shattered (Asher), 51, 190
Sherry, 218
sick kids, taking off work with, 134, 149, 173, 239
Signs, 235
Silent Sex, The (Karpowitz and Mendelberg), 215, 269–70
single mothers, 265
single parents, 199
Sisters Are Alright, The (Winfrey-Harris), 129
slackers, 137, 165
Slate, 149
slavery, 145
sleep deprivation, 32, 38–39, 138
sleep time, 34
sleep-training, 119, 153
Smedley, Jen, 183
smiling, 259–60
Snowdon, Charles, 73–74
Snyder, Kieran, 238
social expectations, 52, 61, 96–97, 102, 108, 110, 144
socialization, 130–31, 260, 276
social markers of success, 164
social media, 200–201
social norms, 146–47, 150, 248, 274
social structural theory, 101
society, benefits of equality for, 274
Society for Research in Child Development, 84
sociocognitive structures, 90–91
socioeconomic change, 132–33
South Asia, 26
Soviet Union (USSR), 158
Spencer, Herbert, 74
Splitting Up Together (TV show), 163
Stanford Prison Experiment, 225–26
Stanton, Elizabeth Cady, 207
statues of historical figures, 253
status, 101–2, 104–5, 230, 238
stay-at-home fathers, 19, 34, 68–69, 153, 155, 230–31, 233
STEM, 89, 255, 257–58
stereotypes, 98, 227, 254
benevolent sexism and, 261
male, 230–32
self-perpetuating, 101–2
social norms and, 248
stereotype threat, 224–26
Still Failing at Fairness (Sadker and Zittleman), 269
stonewalling, 105, 110
strategic incompetence, 154–55
strategic use of praise, 154–55
Strayed, Cheryl, 17
stress, 54, 144, 161
“strong black woman” framework, 159–60
success, woman’s, impact on marriage, 219–21
Summer, 167–68
summer camps, 139, 206, 228
super mom, 178–79, 203
Supporting Father Involvement Project, 236–37
surname change, 123–25
Sweden, 30, 41, 52, 117, 147, 172, 195, 220, 231
symbolic annihilation, 253–54
system justification, 271–74
Taiwan, 52
tamarins, 73–74
Tanya, 3, 7
Tanzania, 73, 81
Tasha, 37–38
Teacher Expectation Project, 223
testosterone, 61, 83, 84
Thanksgiving, 148–49
theory tenacity, 244
thinking about children, 144–45
Thinking About the Baby (Walzer), 143–44
Thinking Woman (Dragseth), 60, 252–53
Third Wave feminists, 60
Third Wave Fund, 193
threat points, 150–52, 160
Tichenor, Veronica, 15, 122–23, 151
Tiffany, 69
time, 3–4, 34–35, 135–36, 192
time diaries, 49–50
time for oneself, 161, 163, 173, 184
time-use studies, 157
titi monkeys, 79
Title IX, 28
Toronto study, 51
toxic masculinity, 232–33
toy choices, 97–99, 131
Tracy, 48, 56, 150–51
Traister, Rebecca, 259
traumatic experience, 107
Tuchman, Gaye, 253
Tummala-Narra, Usha, 164, 186–87
24-hour lifelong shifts
controlling moms and bumbling breadwinning dads, 187–98
intensive mother and, 174–81
women fathering and, 198–204
Twitter, 116, 162, 179, 213, 253
Uganda, 26
unconscious associations, 251–52
Unconventional Family, An (Bem), 251
underbenefiting, 152–54
underestimator, 63–64
unemployment, 34, 270–71
unentitlement, 268–74
Unequal Childhoods (Lareau), 54, 180
United Kingdom (UK), 41, 195
United Nations, 30
U.S. Census Bureau, 20, 122
U.S. Congress, 48, 256
“U.S. Economy Would Be Better Off if Men Did More Housework, The” (Bloomberg article), 125
U.S. Supreme Court, 259
UN Women, 26
urbanization, 20
Urgent-Care Question, 134
Vachon, Amy, 111–16, 118, 133
Vachon, Mark, 111–16, 118, 133
Valenti, Jessica, 116
Valentine’s Day, 183–84
Valian, Virginia, 100, 104
Vandenberg-Daves, Jodi, 48, 145, 180–81
Vanessa, 142–43, 163
Vesterlund, Lise, 212–14, 227
Vidya, 108, 153, 188
violence, 104
Vogue, 165
volunteering, 212
vulnerability, 107
Wade, Lisa, 56, 156, 193–94
wages, 45–46
Walgreens problem, 94–95, 106
Walzer, Susan, 140, 143–44, 146, 148
warfare, 101
Washington Post, 43
Weingart, Laurie, 212
What Works for Women at Work (Williams), 46
When Partners Become Parents (Cowan and Cowan), 42
whites, 34
Why So Slow? (Valian), 100, 104
“Why Women Volunteer for Tasks That Don’t Lead to Promotion” (Harvard Business Review), 212
widowhood, 128, 264–66
Wilhelm, Heather, 175
Williams, Joan, 46, 167–68
Williams, Melissa, 261–62
Winfrey-Harris, Tamara, 129
Winnicott, D.W., 147
witching hour, 5–6
Wolf, Naomi, 176
women. See also mothers and motherhood; working mothers; and specific issues
attitudes toward parenting and, 57
cultural portrayal of, 97, 120, 253
fathering by, 198–204
interrupting and, 238
labor force participation and, 30, 35
outearning husbands and, 195–97
public resources and, 48
status of, 122, 253–54
successful, and impact on marriage, 219–21
Women Don’t Ask (Babcock), 220
women’s suffrage, 87
Wonder Woman (film), 175
Wong, Ali, 196
Wonkhe website, 256
working-class women, 168–69, 178–80
working late, 28, 29
working mothers, 20
adjustments for children, 27, 135
attitudes toward, 45, 120
child care responsibilities of, 3–7, 30–31, 33–35
current share of married women as, 35
cutting back on work and, 47, 197
depression and, 44
discrimination vs., 47–48
earnings of, vs. fathers, 122, 194–97
equal opportunities and, 20–21
fairness needed by, 49–56
financial impacts on, 45
flexibility of work and, 197–98
guilt and, 44
health and, 44–45
husband resents needs of, 6–7
increase in, 20, 35
intensive mothering and, 178, 194
marital conflict and, 41–43
toll of gender inequality on, 44–49
work obligations of, 135–36
workplace power and, 261–62
World Economic Forum, 169
World Health Organization (WHO), 107
worrying, 144
Wright, Erik Olin, 248, 274
Wright, Stephen, 262–63
Yalom, Irvin, 240–41
Yana, 155, 186, 191–92
Yancy, George, 211, 229–30
YouGov, 123
Zimbabwe, 110
Zittleman, Karen, 269