Fifteen

Jim pulled up beside a bluff overlooking the river and jumped out of the buggy, mentally kicking himself for making such a mess of things. He wasn’t quite sure how things got so out of hand, but he really wanted to kick himself for hurting Addy. When he’d seen the pain wash over her face, he’d wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he’d do anything she desired of him, including giving up his career.

The river churned and foamed below, as if to mock him for the turmoil inside him. If there was anything he could do in this area, any type of employment he was qualified for that would support a family, he’d take it. He’d even be willing to buy a farm like Rafe’s and work it, but he didn’t have the slightest idea how to farm. He knew one thing. He’d do almost anything to erase the pain he’d caused her with his bad handling of the situation.

He picked up a pebble and threw it into the river, barely missing a silver-colored fish that jumped and flipped before diving back into the water.

He’d already been in Branson longer than he would have been on most jobs. But of course, the hotel, the railroad, and the lodge were interconnected as far as his job went. His analyses and the proposal for the hotel were finished. But the final analysis on the lodge couldn’t begin until it was completed and they saw if business turned out as he’d projected. If so, he’d give them an extended proposal for the next three years, and his job would be over. If not, then it would be back to the drawing board.

Well, he’d start looking in Kansas City and St. Louis before this job ran out. If he could find anything he had the skills for that paid enough, he’d take it. Maybe Addy wouldn’t mind living that short distance away.

In the meantime, she’d at least expressed a willingness to be friends. Did she mean that? Or was it just a way to end the conversation?

He climbed wearily into the buggy and headed to town.

❧

For Addy, the summer days dragged on and on. She kept busy helping Ma with housework and gardening, and a couple of times a week she went over and spent some time with Aunt Kate.

Her great-aunt was following doctor’s orders most of the time, but every once in a while she’d have a spell of weakness that frightened everyone but her. She’d finally told them to stop hovering over her. When it was her time to go, she’d go and be a lot better off than those who were still down here.

She seldom saw Jim, and when she did, they would speak a few polite words and be on their separate ways. Even that small amount of contact was almost more than she could bear.

Addy breathed a sigh of relief when tomatoes were ready to put up. Abby came over, and it was almost like old times, except when the thought of Jim crossed her mind.

When her family had asked why she wasn’t seeing Jim anymore, she’d simply told them it hadn’t worked out and left it at that. Finally they’d stopped asking. But her mother sent worried glances her way every now and then.

She might have told Abby what had happened, but her sister was overflowing with joy over the news that she and Rafe were expecting another baby around February. Addy wasn’t about to spoil Abby’s happiness with her own broken heart.

Once the tomatoes for the family were canned and the jars sat in double rows on the shelves at all three farms, they started hauling the remainder of the crop to the tomato factory outside Branson Town. Addy loved riding in the wagon with Ma to haul the tomatoes. Sometimes Abby and Sarah would take turns riding along while the other watched all the children.

As Labor Day approached, Addy looked forward to the town festivities, including a parade and a picnic on the river the day before school opened. She missed her students and the routine of preparing lessons and teaching. She tried to push aside the secret hope that she’d see more of Jim when she was in town every day.

After church on the day before Labor Day, she and Ma were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. “Okay, Ma, that’s the last one.” She dried the serving bowl and put it away in the cupboard. “What do you want to make first?”

“Oh honey, let’s get something to drink and sit out on the porch while Betty and your pa are napping.” Without waiting for a reply, Ma got down two tall glasses and poured lemonade. “There’s a nice breeze out today, but the house is still stuffy in spite of the open windows. We can cook for the picnic in a little while.”

“All right, Ma. Here, let me take those.” She took the filled glasses and followed her mother outside. They sat in matching rocking chairs, and Addy leaned back, relaxing for the first time in hours. “Oh, it does feel good out here. The breeze almost feels like autumn.” If she closed her eyes she could imagine her favorite season.

“It’ll be here before we know it, then winter.” Ma sighed.“I hope we don’t have all that ice again like last year.”

“Me, too. I’d rather have a nice soft snow any day.”

Ma chuckled. “Let’s not ask for trouble before it’s here. I’d rather sit and enjoy this wonderful September air and pretend it will last forever.”

Forever. If only this moment could last forever. Or better, if time could have stood still when she and Abby were young and so happy here with Ma and Pa. Before life got complicated. Before everything changed. “I miss Abby.”

Ma gave her a troubled look then took a sip of her lemonade. “I know you do, but life goes on, Addy.”

“Why did God make twins to be so close when they were just going to be pulled apart when they grew up?” She could hear the self-pity in her voice but couldn’t stop. Didn’t really want to. “I feel sorry for Davey and Dawson. Look how inseparable they are. Just like Abby and I were. And someday that will all change.”

“Change comes for everyone, not just twins. I could hardly bear it when your Uncle Will married Sarah. I’d always been big sister. Then suddenly he didn’t need me.”

“How did you handle it, Ma?” She’d never thought of Ma feeling that way about Uncle Will. It was strange to think of her tall, bearded, laughing uncle as her ma’s little brother.

A dreamy look crossed Ma’s face. “God was good. I fell in love.”

“With Pa.”

“That’s right. I fell in love with your pa. And”—she reached over and patted Addy’s arm—“I also fell in love with two sweet little rascally girls.”

“I suppose we were rascals, weren’t we?” She smiled at the memory.

“Well, Abby was a rascal.” Ma chuckled. “You just couldn’t bear to say no to her, so you went along with whatever she suggested.”

“I felt responsible for her. I thought if I didn’t stay close, I couldn’t take care of her.” Addy’s heart raced. She still felt that way, only now. . .

“I know,” Ma said. “Addy, your sister loves you very much, but she doesn’t need you to look out for her anymore.”

“I know, Ma. She has Rafe, and he would never let anything happen to her.”

Ma rocked silently for a moment then said, “Your mind knows, but I don’t think your heart does. Your heart needs to believe it, too, Addy. Then you’ll be able to let go and have a life of your own.”

❧

Jim leaned against the feed store and watched the children down by the river as they ran through the spray from the water wheel. He grinned, half wishing he could join them. The day, which had begun with a slight chill, had warmed up fast once the sun rose overhead.

He glanced a little farther down, where picnic tables had been set up. He squinted, searching for a mane of pale-gold hair among the women who were setting food on the tables.

He stood up straight. There.

On closer look, he leaned back and took his former stance against the building. It was Abby. The braids should have clued him in. He’d never seen Addy wear braids. When she put her hair up, it was always in some kind of roll or twist on the back of her head.

He was tempted to wander over in that direction to try to find her but didn’t want to embarrass himself in case she snubbed him. Still, she had said they should be friends. Whether she’d meant it or not, she said it.

With determination propelling him forward, he shoved away from the building and headed down toward the picnic area. A space had been cleared for horseshoes, and he saw Rafe with a few other men lining up to take their turns.

“Hey, Jim, there’s always room for one more.” Rafe threw him a grin.

Jim paused and started to take a step in Rafe’s direction, but a pretty blue dress with lace on the collar caught his eye. But the face above the dress wasn’t the one he was looking for.

Idiot. Did you think she’d be wearing the same blue dress three years later?

“Hello, Jim.”

His breath caught in his throat, and he turned at the sound of Addy’s voice. He tried not to devour her with his eyes, but she was so beautiful and he’d missed her so much.

“Hello, Addy. It’s good to see you.” Oh, how good! If it were any better, his heart would burst through his chest.

“Hey, guess what, Jim?” Rafe grinned. “Addy learned how to fry chicken right good this summer.”

“Cut it out, Rafe.” Addy glared at her brother-in-law, who put his hands up in mock defense.

“How about going for a walk?” Jim said. “Some local artists have an exhibit down the street.” Boring, but it was the first thing he could think of.

She smiled. “Maybe later. I need to help set the food out.”

Jim watched her walk away.

“Man, you’ve really got a bad case of lovesick,” Rafe said.

Jim glared. “Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. Collins.”

“Glad to help anytime.” Rafe narrowed his eyes. “What happened with you two anyway? I thought things were going right good. I didn’t want to intrude, but I’ve wondered.”

“So did I. So did I.” Jim glanced at his friend. He’d wanted to talk to Rafe about the incident with Addy before but hadn’t wanted to sound like a lovelorn kid. Maybe it was time to stop hiding his feelings from his best friend. “I happened to mention the shortcomings of my job, such as leaving this place. That did it.”

“You have to understand, Jim. The girls lost their real mother when they were babies, and their father was killed in a mining accident when they were eight. They sort of clung to their new family but especially to each other. They were stuck like glue.” Sympathy crossed his face as he looked at Jim. “I’m afraid Addy hasn’t let go yet.”

Jim nodded. “I thought it might be something like that. But what do I do? I have to make a living.”

Rafe shook his head. “I don’t know. I sure wouldn’t want to be in your place. But if she loves you, and I’m pretty sure she does, she’ll come around eventually.”

“Maybe. But on the other hand, that’s a lot to ask of her. It’s not like we’d be living a couple of farms over.” And here he was again. Right back in the same place he’d started.

“Pray about it, Jim. God has the answer.” Rafe headed back to the game.

Jim wandered off down the street, no longer caring about the festivities. She’d only been polite when she’d said they might be able to take a walk later. He wouldn’t hold her to it, no matter how much he wanted to.