Twenty-two

Nostalgia engulfed Addy as she sat on her bed and sorted through a box of mementos. She took a deep breath and let it out with a ragged whoosh. Matching gold wands represented the fifth grade school play when she and Abby had played identical fairies. A sound halfway between a sob and a laugh erupted from her throat. She’d had to practically drag her sister to school that night.

“Addy, you haven’t even started dressing for the ball.” Ma stood in the doorway. Her deep-blue dress deepened her eyes until they appeared almost as if one were gazing into a midnight sky. Her black hair, with only a few white strands at her temples, was arranged softly around her face with the back pulled up in a smooth chignon.

“You’re so beautiful, Ma.” Addy whispered the words. No wonder Pa was still so much in love with her. Not that looks were everything. Ma was a wonderful woman, too. But Addy hadn’t realized just how physically beautiful Ma was until this moment.

“Oh, you just think that because I’m your mother.” She smiled. “Come now. Get dressed or we’ll be late. I want to get your pa on the dance floor as early as possible so that he can’t use tiredness as an excuse.”

Addy rose. “What should I do about Jim?” She’d shared with her mother what Abby had told her about him. But Ma hadn’t yet offered any advice.

Ma brushed a lock of hair back from Addy’s face. “No one can tell you what to do. That’s your decision.”

“But what do you think I should do?”

“Are you in love with him?” Ma leaned back and looked closely at her face.

“Yes. I love him so much I’ve been in agony for months.”

“Well, there is your answer. Of course you must let him know that you’re willing to go with him.”

How could Ma speak so emphatically? Like that was the only answer. What about leaving family? What about her job?

“But Ma, I’ll be far away from here most of the time. Jim travels all over the country. Even to foreign lands sometimes.” At the words, her heart raced, and a jolt of excitement ran through her.

Ma smiled. “You have a love of adventure in you, Addy. I’ve always known that.”

Addy sobered. “Ma, if I go, I’ll be so lonely without you.”

“Probably. In the beginning. But God will replace the loneliness with a brand-new life. And brand-new people. A husband. Children. New friends.”

“How can you be so wise, Ma? You’ve hardly been out of Missouri.”

Ma’s eyes sparkled. “I always wished I could go down river on the Julia Dawn.”

“You did? Really?”

“I really did. And as happy as I was when your dad sold his boat and took up farming, I’d have gone to the ends of the earth with him, if he’d asked.”

“Oh, Ma. What about Abby? How can I leave her?” She picked up the box she’d been going through. “Look. Every memory I have includes Abby. Sometimes it’s like we’re one person.”

Little furrows appeared between Ma’s eyes. “You are a whole person, Addy. You don’t need your sister to make you whole. Only God can do that. And as for your memories, we all have them, sweetheart. Some good and some bad. But in order to follow God’s will for our lives, we must be willing to leave some things behind.”

“I know. I know Jesus said that many times. But how do I know God wants me to go with Jim?” This was a question she’d asked herself for days. She knew it needed to be settled in her heart before she could make a decision.

“God isn’t deliberately keeping you in the dark about His will for you,” Ma said. “The Bible says, ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.’ ”

As Ma spoke the familiar scripture verse, peace washed over Addy. “Thank you, Ma.”

“You are welcome, daughter,” Ma said with a smile. “And now, I think you had better get ready. You know we have to drop Betty off at Rafe’s parents’ house on the way.”

❧

Jim leaned against the wall inside the Hawkins’ old barn. Red bows decorated fresh green boughs, and the pine and cedar gave a festive look as well as aroma.

Jim scarcely noticed any of it. His eyes were on the wide, festooned double doors.

Rafe and Abby had arrived a few minutes ago, decked out in finery. He’d started at the first sight of Abby. Dressed in a green satin gown, with her hair all fancied up, for a moment, he’d thought she was Addy, and his heart had almost stood still. Then she’d turned, and the oversized shawl couldn’t hide her growing stomach. Plus the movement and the expression on her face were all Abby. They’d said hello in passing and headed for the refreshment table.

The Packard brothers were tuning up their guitars, so Jim assumed the dancing would start any moment.

“Hey, Jim,” Rafe said, coming to stand by him. “I need to talk to you before Addy gets here.”

Coldness ran over Jim. What now? More bad news? Had she met someone?

“I thought you should know that Addy thought all this time you worked for the Missouri Pacific.”

“What?”

“Tuck told her how you’d been job hunting because you didn’t want to leave her, and she wanted to know why you didn’t just keep a railroad job here in Branson.” Rafe grinned. “She asked why you needed to hunt for a job when you were already working for the railroad and all you needed to do was ask them to assign you to Branson. Or something like that. Anyway, Tuck told her about your business, and now she’s feeling bad about the way she treated you.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, she’s still pretty squirrely about not wanting to leave her family, especially Tuck. But she’s softening some.” He slapped Jim on the back. “Just thought you should know.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Rafe turned away, and just then, Jack and Lexie walked through the doors.

Jim stood straight, his eyes glued on the entrance. He took a sharp breath as Addy stepped inside. Moonlight streamed in, bathing her in its glow. Her pale-blond hair cascaded in loose curls down the back of her deep-scarlet gown. A gold locket rested on her throat.

She turned, and her eyes met his. They widened and shock filled them. As though in a daze, she turned and followed her parents across to the refreshment table.

❧

Shock hit Addy as her eyes rested on Jim. As though through a tunnel, his voice resounded in her head, telling her he’d loved her from the moment he saw her. As though looking through a kaleidoscope, she saw his tenderness toward her and the revelation that he loved her enough to give up a career he’d worked and fought for. Indescribable happiness pierced through her. Her legs trembled.

What had she been thinking? Of course God had brought Jim into her life. This was a strong man. If not for God and the love He’d put in Jim’s heart for her, he’d have swept her out of his mind months ago. Joy swelled up in her, and she knew she needed to find a chair before she ended up on the floor.

Addy accepted a cup of punch from Carrie Sue’s little sister and went to one of the tables. As soon as she was seated, she turned slightly and met his watching gaze. She averted her eyes and pressed her lips together but couldn’t keep them from tilting upward at the corners.

Horace Packard stepped up to the raised platform at the back of the room. “Ladies and gentlemen, everyone line up for a lively, toe-tapping Virginia reel.”

Among laughter and catcalls, couples, young and old, formed two lines. Addy groaned as she saw Dr. Fields head her way from the front of the barn. Just before he arrived,a tall shadow crossed her vision, and she looked up to see Jim bow.

“May I have this dance, Miss Sullivan?” His smile was uncertain as though he half expected her to refuse.

“I’d be delighted, Mr. Castle.” She placed her hand in his and stood.

The next few moments of toe-tapping fun flew by with no chance to speak.

The dance ended, and the couples all reunited, some waiting for the next dance, others falling into their chairs.

“Addy.”

“Jim.”

Before either could continue, a sweet, sweet sound started low and muted and then grew, almost heart-wrenching in its intensity. Startled, Addy looked toward the platform. Abby sat, her bow held high. Their eyes met for a moment. Then Addy closed her eyes and let the haunting notes of Abby’s violin caress her soul.

As the sweet strains of a waltz filled the room and Jim took her in his arms, the thought crossed Addy’s mind that her sister must really want to get rid of her. She smiled to herself and relaxed in Jim’s arms.

“You are so beautiful tonight, you take my breath away.” Jim’s voice was soft on her ears, his words tender to her heart.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice trembling.

Weakness washed over her, and she prayed he wouldn’t let go because she’d surely land right on the floor. But in spite of the weakness, a peace she’d never known washed over her.

Oh God, thank You for straightening out my thinking. Abby never really needed me. I was the one who needed to be needed.

The music came to an end. Jim asked, “Would you care to go outside for some air? It’s quite stuffy in here.”

They walked across the room, and Abby grinned at them as they walked by. On the way out, they stopped to get cups of hot cider. They strolled across to the fence and leaned against it.

Addy shivered, and Jim reached over and adjusted the shawl she’d thrown around her shoulders.

“Why didn’t you wear a coat?” he said.

She laughed. “You sound like my sister. She said the same thing to me a few days ago.”

“Your sister is very wise.” He smiled, and the crinkling of his eyes made her knees go weak again.

“Yes, she certainly is, but as a matter of fact, my coat is in our buggy. And must we talk about my sister?” Oh no. Had she actually voiced that thought?

He laughed. “As a matter of fact, I do have some things I’d like to talk over with you. I was going to ask if I could take you for a drive tomorrow.”

“Yes, I’d like that.” She looked up at the night sky. “Of course, it looks as though we might have snow.”

“Snow won’t keep me away,” he said. “What I have to say is much too important.”

A gust of icy wind hit them suddenly, and Addy shivered again.

“Let me get your coat.”

“Thank you, but we should probably go inside.”

Disappointment clouded his eyes, but he nodded. “Of course.”

She laid her hand on his proffered arm, and they went inside.

Within a few moments, the wind had increased and roared against the barn, shaking the sturdy walls and roaring down the chimneys.

The guests hurried to get their things together.

Ma appeared at her side. “Dear, we need to go home now. Pa thinks a storm is coming. Abigail and Rafe are going to take Betty home with them, or if the wind gets worse they’ll all spend the night with Rafe’s folks.” She nodded at Jim. “Good night, Mr. Castle. Please be careful on your way back to town.”

Jim walked Addy to the wagon. She turned and watched as he saddled Finch and rode away.