“A man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.”
As an engineer who designed oil refineries for nearly 20 years, I think “bottleneck” is a great term to describe the one variable, if it were changed, would speed up the entire process. This makes sense if it’s a pump or a heat exchanger or even the rate of a chemical reaction, but it can also be true for human processes. Many of the entrepreneurs, visionaries and small business owners who are my clients are burning the candle at both ends. They are simultaneously the person who is driving the pace of growth and throttling it.
So if you are an idea factory, like me, then you know how easy it is to be distracted. New ideas, theories, books, podcasts and TED talks represent bright, shiny objects that demand our attention. I can be knee deep in proposals, chapter deadlines, and networking follow-ups and find myself saying yes to a great initiative that shows up in my email. Possibility-gasm™! What if I could make such and such happen? What if we could change this and that forever? What if I could bring so and so into this? Sign me up!
I had a client who was an extraordinary visionary. She swam in the worlds of philosophy and organizational development. She ran a small business in the financial industry, and she sought my help with growing the business with intention and purpose. She was a dream client for a coach because I only had to prompt her with powerful questions and then sit back and watch the magic. She would connect the dots, make discoveries and create a strategy all in the course of an hour-long session.
Shortly after working together, she asked me to join her in leading her team in a developmental conversation about growing the business. It was in this meeting that I witnessed her Achilles heel. She was so in tune with everyone on her team that she was like a master conductor directing all of them in their own solo performances. Together they created beautiful music, but they couldn’t do it without her being present. She had effectively painted herself into a corner.
It turned out the biggest bottleneck to growth was herself. The things that had made her such a successful and high achieving business owner were precisely the things that were holding her back from growing the business. I got the sense that the team knew it too. They made comments during the meeting about how they would be able to handle the workflow. They questioned her about how they could answer their own questions, make their own judgment calls and have some more authority for decisions. As she described the new structure for the business, the team members wondered if this was another shiny, new object. Would she follow through? Would she be able to let go of control? Would she get distracted by another theory, principle or idea for growing the business?
Without knowing it she became a hindrance to her team rather than a nourishing conduit for them to succeed without having to rely on her holding their hands. She needed to trust her team, the very “child” she created and cultivated into a well-oiled functioning machine…like a Super Bowl caliber coach watching her team from the sidelines with total confidence, they can succeed without her running onto the field after each play, thereby, minimizing their own ability to achieve a touchdown on their own merit. It’s like a well-intentioned parent who has trouble trusting the values they instilled in their child and allowing the child to realize their own potential on their own. Letting go of something you love is the most arduous lesson.
My client did choose to let go of control, and she did it in a slow and measured fashion. She didn’t take any huge leaps, just small steps heading in the right direction. She tested the waters of responsibility and trust, and when things went well, she tested a little more. Bit by bit, her team showed her that they were ready for more leadership opportunities which improved how they thought of themselves and each other. My client’s big ideas were easier for the team to tolerate, because they were all closer to operating in their own wheelhouses; my client in her 30,000 foot view, and the rest in their ground level stations. If she threw new ideas at them, they knew she would take care of the high-level vision stuff and wait for the strategic planning work to sift its way to them. Win win.
It is common for people who work with big idea types to get burned out by all the, “Hey, I got an idea” remarks. Pairing big picture people with detail-oriented people sounds like a no brainer. However, the detail folks get irritated with the big vision people and vice versa. I have a client who runs a small retail business. He is one of the biggest picture guys I’ve ever met. He has hired several detail-oriented types, which made sense to me when I started working with them.
At our first consult, he was difficult to corral as he loved dreaming up new innovations for his organization. In fact, each idea spurred 10 new ideas for him. As I watched the interactions between him and his team, I could see that they were burning out just being the same room with him. I envision the team thinking, “Oh, my gosh, he just added hours and hours to my already overflowing workload”. He couldn’t seem to get anyone excited enough to play idea-ball with him. Both sides seemed a bit frustrated, and consequently, we didn’t make much progress that day.
As I continued to work with this group, it was clear that this client was exhausting his team. In addition, all decisions went through him, meaning the team members had to rely on him and his shiny, ball problem to give them the go ahead. Each time they asked for a decision, he would come up with several other ideas instead of just giving them a thumbs up or down. By advocating for their needs, the team members found a way to let my client know they were ready for more leadership. When they could have some control over their own destiny, the entire shop became more efficient and fluent.
So what does one do if they are so inspired by all the amazing ideas out there that they cannot stay focused on the task at hand? If there is something about having my cake and eating it too, then I am all in. There is a way, and it involves being able to let go of some things. When I work with my clients around control, we let go of small things first and build up a level of confidence that the sky won’t cave and the business won’t go bankrupt. If you are the bottleneck, then it may be control is the thing that stands in your way.
I had a client who was the supervisor of a small team in a large, corporate company. She wanted to do a good job. She wanted to make a difference. She wanted to get promoted into the VP role. She had some huge ideas that would transform the business. Yet she spent most of her time wallowing in the minutia of the day to day work. She was unwilling to let go of things that could be done by others because she didn’t believe deep down that they would do a good enough job. Well, unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t do the high-level thinking and visioning if you also have to do the daily tasks and managing of people. She was caught in this quandary, and she wanted to find a way out.
The way out was for her to let go. She had to turn over decisions to others. She had to let people help her get her job done. She had to turn over authority to her team members. It wasn’t easy. Sometimes she’d hand things over then take them back. Sometimes she’d manage people who didn’t need managing. Sometimes she found mistakes that others made and felt justified in her need to control. But she persevered because she knew she was the bottleneck. By de-bottlenecking herself, she boosted her own work and was able to begin initiating some of her big and hefty ideas.
I had another client who worked in a large organization that didn’t really fulfill her passion. Because this job helped her meet all her financial obligations, she asked if she could showcase her passion for event planning within the organization. When they would have a department meeting, she would come up with outrageous ideas and implement them. She was a wizard at whipping up creative foods, neat decorations, and unique gift concepts. She was absolutely energized when she was in the planning stages.
Then the event would come up, and she’d work herself to sheer exhaustion. She would carry out every single item on her wish list. Alone. During these weeks, she would show up for the coaching calls weak and apathetic. She would say that she’d be better when the event was over. She couldn’t see that her passion for creating an amazing vision for an event was being crushed by trying to make it come to fruition all by herself. Because she feared that nobody else would care as much as she did, she carried on with the mindset of just surviving it rather than relishing it like when she was in the visioning process. It’s the “I’ll be better when it’s over” syndrome.
When we explored what was keeping her from asking for help, it came back to control which is a coping mechanism for fear. She had this fairy tale vision that was absolutely perfect. She had to defend its perfection by not letting anyone lay a hand on it, like a mother bear protecting her cub. When she could imagine her vision being carried out with the help of others, she felt both relief and apprehension. By starting slowly, she overcame the apprehension part and subsequently the relief started to build. She came to discover that her visions could truly emerge even when other people had their hands on it. As she unloaded her plate, she found even more energy to create amazing visions. It was a positive reinforcement loop. The more she let go, the more she could create.
Most idea generators can identify the moment they have worn out their welcome. For many of us, it’ll be with our spouses and children first. When I utter the words, “Hey guys, I have an idea”, my family scatters like roaches when the lights come on. They have been subjected to my new idea phenomenon for years and years. With my possibility-gasm™ button triggered easily, they have watched many of my big ideas come and go. They know better than to get too excited or worried about any of my ideas, regardless of my eagerness when I propose them.
I am married to detail-oriented man. He loves details. He’s a designer, and he flows when he gets into the details of highly complicated machinery. He makes lists for his lists in an ever-expanding cascade of lists. He plans everything down to the nth degree. So imagine what it’s like for him when I approach him with yet another new idea to take the kids to Liberia for a 10 day leadership program. I see the endless promise of possibility, like the kids making connections with Liberians, learning how to empower others, experiencing the discomfort of being in a 3rd world, having their hearts touched by abject poverty, and on and on and on. My husband, on the other hand, thinks about the visas, vaccines, travel arrangements, transferring of funds to pay for it, kennel reservations for our pets, etc. I am high. He is not. Now imagine this scene occurring several days each week for over 19 years.
We have come to a place in our lives where I am free to propose ideas, as long as I consider them first and am able to answer the detail questions. My family is free to share their thoughts with me honestly and freely. I have committed to hearing their feedback and they are open to hearing mine. It’s not a perfect system. To date, we are 50-50 on going to Liberia. It’s girls against boys or big picture against detail oriented. We are still talking. And still together.
I have a client who is an out-of-the-box thinker. He always has a new idea or concept that he is game to try. He has a staff who is really good at making his dreams a reality. The problem occurs in that they cannot make every dream a reality. So all of his big, bold ideas are met with a deep sigh and immediate resistance. I have witnessed on several occasions this client trying to sell the idea to his staff, and his staff meeting him with unending “what if” scenarios. His energy is high. Their energy is low. The more he tries to pump them up, the more they try to drag him back to earth. Both ends of the spectrum of possibility are reached so that the final product is no movement, a check-mate on both sides.
After working with me, when he wants to present a new idea to the group, he takes the time to think it through first. By the time he shares it with his staff, he’s had a chance to think through which people will be most affected and who will have to do the most work. He weighs this against his own judgment for whether or not his people can handle the added responsibilities. Then, and only then, does he bring the idea to the team. He also asks for feedback and actually listens to what his team says, which means he uses their feedback as a compass. His team feels heard and he gets a sense of how this idea might move forward, by whom and at what pace. When he stopped burning out his dream fulfillers, his new ideas were met with much more consideration.
Here is a summary of 4 easy steps to increasing the likelihood of others accepting your ideas.
Step 1. Dream big. Go ahead and trigger the possibility-gasm™. Throw all the ideas on the table.
Step 2. Assess reality. Trade what you hope can happen with what is reality.
Step 3. Refine idea. Trim and pare the unrealistic parts of the idea.
Step 4. Promote idea. Deliberately choose to whom you will introduce your idea. Think strategic types.
Because I never run out of ideas, I have been able to drain myself trying to start them up, get supports in place, manage the process and then scale it. In the beginning, I get all fired up to go into battle and find people to join me in my latest quest. Then, the motivation begins to wane. The details start to get in the way. Life happens. Things slow to a crawl and yet another idea fades into the sunset. This is the life cycle of most of my ideas before I became a coach.
If you meet me with a fresh idea, you will hear a woman that is prepared to go slay dragons to get it done. My passion around possibility knows no bounds, so watch out if I’m proposing a new idea. I have been known to advocate hard for something only to find myself wondering a few weeks later what the heck I was so enthusiastic about. All of this is to say it is helpful to know which battles to fight. If you are like me, then maybe you fight all of them, win a few and leave the battlefield defeated and really tired.
I am on the school board in my little Wisconsin community. We have about 800 teachers, and I have come to know the ones that are different thinkers. Kindred spirits. We had a teacher who was absolutely stellar with his kids. He connected with them so powerfully that they commonly came back well after graduating just to visit with him. He was a big idea guy, and he was constantly changing the way he did things in his classroom. I really respected him and loved to philosophize about how much better our education system would be if only…
Our state had gone through a painful process of decertifying teachers’ unions. It pitted our community members against each other, and our teachers felt really unappreciated and unnecessarily targeted. This came after years of budget deficits and really difficult cuts to programs and staffing. This teacher had been advocating for years for all his innovative ideas. He had fought all the battles. He had won some and lost some. When the district instituted another cost saving measure, he had hit his upper limit. He chose to challenge the new policy, even though the policy itself wasn’t a big deal for him. I called him one night and pleaded with him not to fight this particular battle. See, he’d fought so many battles, that this was just another fight with him. Few wanted to hear him or help him. While he lost the battle and left the district, our students experienced a bigger loss of no longer having access to an incredible educator and mentor. My father used to say, “Don’t pick no battle you can’t win.” Us big idea people lean towards fighting too many battles which diminishes our ability to fight altogether. When I feel the need to advocate for something, I have to remind myself of my teacher friend.
There are so many of us who become the bottlenecks in our own lives. I know I’ve heard a lot of people say, “I realized that I had to get out of my own way.” We all get that phrase, right? I just think that when you don’t think like everybody else in the room, you are more likely to come up with great ideas that can have big impact. We have the problem of having too many ideas, so we can get overloaded, burn people out and become less effective at moving ideas forward. By intentionally de-bottlenecking ourselves, we give ourselves a higher likelihood of success. I want that for you, for me, and for our world.