Obsession is the wellspring of genius and madness.
We may believe so deeply in our ideas that we become obsessed with them. We can see how our idea can be applied everywhere, like the Greek father with his bottle of Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who said: “Any ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy could be cured by Windex.” As we come up with solid solutions and innovative ideas, it’s easy to plow forward and run over people in our path. We can convince ourselves that we are on the right track and all we need to do is implement something regardless of what others might say. We may even go so far as to point out successful characters from history who rammed ideas through naysayers and became heroes or winners or changed the world in some way. If we put on blinders, we miss out on opportunities to see even greater ideas. Applying conviction to our inherent intuition is the clear path to endless possibilities.
When I come up with a great idea, I am ready to implement, perform and realize it. I don’t want to kick it around. I don’t want to see if there are any flaws. I just want to go out and do it. It’s easier to become obsessed with my idea than it is to consider alternatives. By continuing to focus on my idea, I don’t have to slow down, open my mind and listen to anyone else. When I become obsessed with an idea, it’s as though I see a myriad of possibilities where it can be applied. I can be on the implementation path, rather than the thinking, considering, planning path.
One of my clients, Mike, was obsessed with becoming a partner in his law firm. He had worked there for several years, and there was no shortage of ideas that Mike was chomping at the bit to implement. Time and time again, when Mike offered his ideas to the leadership team, he was rebuffed. Figuring that he didn’t rank high enough, he started to focus on becoming partner so he could have a bigger say in the business. He worked more hours than everyone else. He took on work that no one else wanted. He volunteered to head up committees, manage teams and network for the firm. He was burning the candle at both ends, refusing to consider whether or not his idea of becoming partner was a good solution to getting the results he wanted. His spouse was mad at him, his kids felt less connected to him and he was exhausted.
When he and I started working together, we spent weeks just defining the problem. Mike discovered that his ideas were rebuffed for all sorts of reasons; the culture didn’t want to take any risks, the leadership team was not looking to improve performance, and they couldn’t agree on an IT approach. Mike had become obsessed with the idea that a partner position was the solution, the only solution. When we expanded his perspective by focusing on what energized Mike, challenged his underlying beliefs about being a partner as we explored other options to get what he wanted, he realized that he didn’t really want to become a partner. Instead, he wanted to be able to fix the problems and work on the culture of the organization. By working hard and adding more and more responsibilities to his plate, he no longer found any joy in his work. Once we clarified what he actually wanted, he was able to let go of his singular drive to become a partner. Imagine carrying around an extra 50-pound sack and being able to put it down and leave it behind. This is how Mike felt when he shifted his focus.
Sometimes our ideas really are terrific, which makes it easy to want to apply them everywhere. We can see how our ideas could solve many issues. However, we have to also take into account reality. By keeping an open mind, seeking feedback and entertaining other possibilities, our ideas can be improved and are more likely to be implemented.
We can all think of a person who has really deeply held beliefs about something and how it can be off-putting for those around them. Sometimes big idea people can come off the same way. If we have already thought through all the different scenarios of how our ideas will make things better, then we take for granted the mental digestion process that people need when hearing something for the first time. Passion and emotion are great drivers for change, but they can also be met with resistance, especially if the passion for an idea is not shared. If we don’t listen to others and are aggressive in our language or tone, we can then be seen as ramrodding our ideas down other’s throats
For example, here are the steps to coming on too strong and not getting ideas understood, accepted and approved.
Step 1. Think outside the box.
Step 2. Come up with a great idea.
Step 3. Become obsessed with it because you like it so much.
Step 4. Consider how the idea can be applied everywhere.
Step 5. Be unwilling to take time to think the idea through and seek feedback.
Step 6. With blinders firmly in place, become securely attached to the idea.
With the process broken down into separate steps, we can see where we might be able to interrupt the flow and change direction. Steps 1 and 2 are wonderful, as they can leverage who you are and fill you with energy and enthusiasm. We get into trouble at Step 3 and beyond. In Step 3, instead of becoming obsessed, which closes the door to better options, we can seek out feedback from others. In Step 4, instead of considering how the idea can be applied everywhere, which is like jumping ahead before the idea has been vetted, we can try out the idea on a smaller scale first to see if it is viable. In Step 5, instead of plowing ahead, we can slow things down, think through different scenarios, and gather input from others. In Step 6, instead of becoming attached to our idea, we can acknowledge that there may be better ideas and consciously detach ourselves from the assumption that ours is the best one.
A colleague of mine, Nicole, has her own consulting business that specializes in leadership training. She has over 20 years of experience in the corporate world where she started to research the science and models behind personality assessments. The more she learned, the more she came to believe that personality assessments could be powerful tools to improve how leadership teams perform. She was both excited about the assessment she created and passionate about changing how people think about each other. When she approached a potential client, she would come off very strong. She spoke quickly with a lot of energy and was difficult to follow. Her passion was obvious, as was the resistance of the people listening to her. It’s almost as though the stronger she pitched her assessment, the stronger the potential client would resist. After one pitch, a potential client looked at me and said, “Listening to her is like drinking from a fire hose.”
Nicole’s obsession with her model was so obvious to her. She couldn’t imagine others not seeing her assessment in any way other than how she did. She was so focused on her own assessment that she would become emotional when people didn’t choose her work. On one occasion, she sent an email stating how detrimental it would be to not use her work. If she wanted to make friends and influence people, she was flunking the basics. Her assessment may be truly transformational, but her obsession with it hindered people from wanting to try it.
When I was a consultant, I remember watching the older guys in my company offering really great ideas and watching how uncommitted they were to the client’s answer. They would always preface their ideas by saying it’s only one option, and there were always others. They were wholly unattached to whether or not the client saw the value in what we were proposing. With less passion and emotion on our side, the client seemed more open to giving our idea a try. By being less attached to the idea, the idea somehow becomes more attractive.
Imagine having a great idea that you are convinced is an absolute no brainer, presenting it to the powers that be and having it rejected. Is the idea not a good one? Was it the presentation? Was it clear how this idea would solve their problems? You dust yourself off, regroup and head off to your next presentation, only to be rebuffed again wondering why you can’t make any headway. I think we all have a threshold of rejection before we admit defeat, so your great idea might languish on the vine because your obsession hinders your ability to see things more clearly. Einstein defines insanity as trying the same approach and expecting a different result. The big drawback is that it wears big idea people down. After meeting nothing but active resistance, they run out of steam.
I had a very powerful conversation with an executive director of a non-profit named Michelle. She is a true visionary who started up this non-profit over a decade ago. She had a big dream and came to realize it through this organization. During the growth and success of her non-profit, she continued to dream big and come up with unique and innovative ideas. She came to me because she felt like she’d hit a wall. She’d lost the confidence of her Board, her volunteers, and her employees. She was burning out and couldn’t seem to see what was happening.
During our conversation, she detailed the issues she faced. When I asked her what she wanted, she gave the typical answers, like more staff, better Board members and having her employees do what she asks. So I asked her what would be better than that. When she looked stunned, I knew I had shifted her mindset. After a long silence, she responded that she wanted a true partner in the business who would be able to handle her out-of-the-box thinking and bring her ideas to life. She became very emotional, which tells me that she was getting close to the truth inside her heart.
To an outsider, it appeared that she had worn out her staff, volunteers, Board, and, most importantly, herself. By the time we met, nearly all of her ideas were rejected and she was met with resistance on a daily business. Her plan before we met was to start hiring temporary staff to help get her caught up on her enormous workload. After we met, she realized that she wanted to find a high-level partner who could provide her with critical feedback on her big ideas and then be able to handle the detailed work of moving the ideas through the organization. Michelle saw this approach as being much more sustainable and exciting.
I have so many examples of being totally convinced that my idea was the right approach and not being able to implement it. Here are five questions to consider when implementing a new idea.
As I have watched friends, family, clients, and colleagues all burn out after becoming obsessed with an idea they thought was the right one for them, it seems to me that this obsession serves us in some way. Perhaps it means we don’t have to swallow our pride or we have a perception that is not in alignment with reality. When we keep having the same challenge over and over again, it can be an indication to step back, re-assess and then change direction if appropriate. Finding a person who can challenge our ideas can have us remove the blinders and open up our mind which minimizes repetitive energy drains.
If you have kids, you can probably remember a time when they made a decision to do something that you could quickly see wouldn’t work. They will continue to try to make the idea work, only to find that it just won’t. As they try to force a solution that doesn’t fit, they are unable to see how it will not work. When they are so occupied with implementing an idea, they are unable to see their own blind spots. My example is when my daughter was 18 months old and was putting farm animal magnets on the fridge. One by one, she would squat down to pick up a magnet off the floor and place it on the face of the fridge. At one point, she picked up a magnet and tried to place it on another magnet. When it didn’t stick, she seemed a little surprised but picked it up and tried to stick it on top of the same magnet again. It dropped to the floor. After 3 more tries and failures, she looked at me and cried. She couldn’t see that the magnet would only stick to the enormous magnetic surface of the fridge but not the non-magnetic surface of another magnet. Once I pointed this out to her, she stopped crying and continued sticking the remaining animals on the fridge. She was ready to accept the feedback, she could understand it and she could move forward successfully.
My client, Nate, owns an insurance company. He is entrepreneurial and has a different approach that he wants to bring to the world of insurance. He believes that the quicker he grows, the more successful he will be. So he has a strategy of networking, marketing and advertising like mad to get the word out and attract as many customers as possible. When we started working together, I got a sense that he always had one eye on everyone else, as though he feared falling behind the pack. His desire was to grow the business without losing himself along the way. He knew, intellectually, that he wasn’t in a race, but his fear of what others thought of him was driving his behavior to hustle 24/7.
We explored what he wanted to do with his business, and we really dug into the dream he had for his company. When we addressed his obsession with growing quickly, he admitted he assumed that hustling, hurrying and being on the go all the time was how a business grows. I helped him to see his blind spot by asking him what would happen if he slowed down, and he replied he’d fall behind the pack. We discussed what the pack represented, how slowing down might improve his growth and how following his own internal compass was good enough. He came to realize that by giving his power to others, he was chasing his tail most days. Once he was able to take his power back, he settled in for a sustainable and steady growth trajectory that has resulted in him realizing the growth he wanted without having to hustle his way there.
Nate became really open to receiving feedback from the people in his life who had his best interests at heart. He didn’t have to agree with the feedback, but he was open to hearing and considering it. He also found that when he knew his blind spots, he could reflect on decisions he was making and ensure that he was in the right mindset. His solutions improved. He served his clients more powerfully. He created truly unique products that set him apart from his competitors.
The top three blind spots that I see with my big thinking and visionary clients are with their assumptions related to money, what others think of them and control. I have a client, Jim, who has all the characteristics of leadership and advocacy, but he is stuck in his corporate job at a large financial firm. Because his big ideas are met with resistance inside his corporation, he wants to leave and start his own company. He has several business ideas, all of which excite and energize him, but he cannot make the break from the corporate paycheck and benefits. His spouse makes a good salary, they have a combined nest egg that is substantial and they live a relatively frugal lifestyle. To Jim, it seems obvious that he can’t leave his corporate job to launch a new business. He takes it as a given that he will be poor, miss his mortgage payment and then live in a van down by the river. When challenged how long he could last if he had absolutely no paycheck, his answer was, “A few years.” This answer actually surprised him. His blind spot that leaving the corporate world equals being broke has kept him stuck and dissatisfied for years. Once the blind spot was exposed, Jim was able to confirm its validity.
The second blind spot of fearing what others think of us is actually my blind spot. I wanted people to think I was smart, so I got an engineering degree. I wanted people to take me seriously, so I got an MBA and became the VP of a consulting firm. I wanted people to think I was funny, so I used humor to connect with people. It wasn’t until I went against the status quo and alienated people that I was able to get over my fear of what others thought of me. By taking a stand for what I believed, I found a fellowship with others who felt the same way. Now, I have a career where my purpose is to serve and not please people, which means I have to face my fear of what my clients will think of me every day. I still have the fear, but now I don’t let it control what I choose to do.
The third most common blind spot is that we cannot let go of control. Most of my clients have gotten to where they are by being in control of things, so asking them to shift control to others is a very difficult concept. I had a potential client, Will, who was the general manager of a large engineering company. His fear of letting go of control had him taking on all responsibility himself. He was working a crazy amount of hours, putting on a lot of weight, unable to sleep and felt totally overwhelmed and stressed. According to him, nobody in the organization could do things to his standard or he spent so much time telling them how to do what he wanted that it was quicker to just do it all himself. Will admitted that he liked being in control because then he knew things would be done the way he liked it. When I asked him to consider the costs of having to be in control, he sheepishly replied that it was costing him his overall health and wellness. When we discussed what was standing in his way to letting go of control, it turned out that he felt important and needed when he was so enmeshed in the organization. Will realized that he could find healthier ways to feel needed and wanted without diminishing his health and wellness.
We all have blind spots. When we become obsessed with our own ideas, we can act as though we have blinders on which only increases the span of our blind spots. Coming up with ways to take off the blinders is critical. Requesting and receiving feedback is edgy for most of us, but having someone who cares for us provide us with the truth is a gift. It helps us to see ourselves in a whole new way. Our ideas get better, and so do we.