Public speaking is most definitely not my jam, and here’s why. No matter what kind of group I’m speaking to, the moment I vocalize anything that feels remotely meaningful to me (which is most of what I think about and want to speak about, so), my voice cracks, my face collapses, and I begin to cry.
And when I say “meaningful,” I’m not necessarily talking about baring my soul or revealing my most personal inner truths—this could be anything from reading a killer quote out loud to mentioning a particularly potent astrological aspect and the way I feel it is impacting our lives. To be honest, I think it’s one of the reasons I became a writer for a living: I’m just so much more comfortable expressing myself in the written, as opposed to the spoken, word.
So you can imagine my relief when my first real public speaking gig, for the spirituality “un-conference” Higher Selfie, was scheduled to take place over Skype. When the day came, this meant delivering my talk into my laptop, with the Skype camera directed at nothing but a blank white wall on the other end. It was more like talking to myself than a room of 250 expectant faces. But as it turned out, it didn’t make any difference with the crying.
I still had to choke back sobs as I made my most heartfelt points, which cemented my theory that it wasn’t necessarily nerves that got me so worked up. More likely it was all the heavy-hitting planets (the Sun, Moon, Saturn, Mercury, and Mars) in the watery, emotional Fourth and Eighth houses in my astrological chart. Meaning, I just can’t help really feeling stuff. Plus the fact that my Third house, the area of my chart governing communication, is ruled by Pisces—the biggest emo of them all! (I threw in this last part for you to practice your astro skills by the way. You’re welcome.) But you know what? The crowd loved it, and I got dozens of messages afterward from people thanking me for being so “real.”
The talk itself was on “doing your dharma,” a spiritual concept that links our destiny, or life purpose, to an act of service. The topic was actually given to me by the organizers of the event, since they apparently felt that The Numinous was an example of me doing my dharma. And the concept had been a bit of a theme that year. The first article I published on the site in January, setting the tone for the new year, had been a piece on dharma by a yoga instructor named Naomi Constantino. In her piece, she included this quote from Yogi Bhajan, founder of the Kundalini yoga practice: “You have made very deep promises between your Soul and your Self. Now is the time to carve your place into the memory of this planet earth and serve this promise. May your journey complete its way to your destiny. And may you understand the preciousness of your own life.”
This did speak to how I felt about The Numinous. What had begun as an idea for a fun side project, something to bridge the fulfillment gap I was experiencing in my journalism career, had become so much more. It had taken on a life of its own and had become something—as being asked to speak at an event like Higher Selfie had helped make me aware—that was also having a positive impact on the lives of others.
Cue major waterworks when I read this quote out during my talk . . . and OMG, it’s even happening now while I’m writing about it! (But then the moon IS in Pisces today, go figure.) And the fact that this idea moves me so very deeply—the idea that living your destiny is a way of realizing the “preciousness” or value to society of your own life—suggests to me that it gets close to answering the Big Question: the question of why we’re all even here anyway, on both a personal and a human level.
“You have made very deep promises between your Soul and your Self. Now is the time to carve your place into the memory of this planet earth and serve this promise. May your journey complete its way to your destiny. And may you understand the preciousness of your own life.”
—YOGI BHAJAN
SO WHAT IS “DHARMA” ANYWAY?
I first heard the word dharma when I read about the Dharma Punx in i-D magazine, while I was researching feature ideas for Style. Based out of L.A., Noah Levine and Josh Korda were a pair of tattooed former punk rockers, preaching meditation and other teachings from Buddhist philosophy as an aid to addiction recovery. This was way before my numinous awakening, but still I was deeply intrigued (since my spirit intuition evidently recognized a pair of absolute soul brothers).
But not having heard of dharma before, I simply added it to the list of mystical-sounding words that lived in the file in my brain marked “to be investigated one day” (along with words like Shakti and mandala). Since dharma rhymed with “karma,” maybe it was something to do with . . . destiny?
It wasn’t until Naomi wrote her piece for The Numinous that I gave the concept much more thought. But reading her take on it, I realized that “doing your dharma” is about answering your soul’s calling—and even better, it encapsulates the idea that in doing so, your work will automatically be contributing to the greater good.
The Dharma Punx named themselves as a way to honor the Buddhist tradition of delivering a “dharma talk,” a sort of sermon on the teachings of Buddhism, and a way of sharing the positive impact the teachings have had on you. And having gotten sober using meditation and by following the Buddhist philosophy that separating from attachment to material things is a way to quell addictive cravings, Noah and Josh were doing their dharma by helping others to do the same.
The concept of dharma appears with varying subtleties in meaning throughout different strands of Eastern religion. For Sikhs, the word dharma means the “path of righteousness.” The Hindus see it as the “right way of living” leading to Universal harmony. In Buddhism, meanwhile, it gets stripped right back, with dharma simply describing a sense of “cosmic law and order”—my favorite definition, not least since it was becoming increasingly clear that all the numinous practices I found so compelling were actually in service of bringing each individual human soul back into alignment with this cosmic code.
Take astrology, for example. If, as the AstroTwins put it, your birth chart is like a “blueprint” for your soul journey, then learning about the strengths, weaknesses, and challenges of your chart and really making your life choices in accordance with this information (i.e., living as your absolute authentic self ) will naturally lead you to do the work you were born for. And by the law of dharma, this work will also, in some way, be of help, or service, to others.
The same theory can be applied to working with the tarot, to developing your own intuitive powers, or to healing your emotional and energetic wounds, since all these practices are designed to help clear the conditioning and the fear that’s keeping you stuck in a life of your parents’, your ego’s, or society’s choosing—as opposed to following the path of your Universal calling—with the conviction that comes from developing a clear and open channel to your highest Self.
DISCOVERING YOUR DHARMA
So chances are you might be sitting there contemplating your life and thinking, Oh, man, I am so not doing MY dharma . . . , a realization that often begs the question, Because how am I even supposed to know what it is?
This is where I invite you to travel back in time, back to when you were, say, five to seven years old. What were you happiest doing? And please don’t say, “Watching Disney movies on TV.” This is likely an example of the first way your soul found to soothe itself (adult versions of this include shopping, cocktails, and dating apps) when you got told off or put down for practicing what you really came here to do.
Let’s say this was . . . playing dress-up. Or making mud pies. Going back to the Psychic Betsy method of communicating with your higher Self, close your eyes and picture your five-year-old self engaged in whatever your favorite activity is. Now take it one step further, and feel into what it is you love so much about it. What emotional need does the activity fulfill? What aspect of it fascinates you? If your thing was playing dress-up, was it the look and feel of the clothes themselves you loved, or the way you got to experiment with playing different roles? Or telling different stories? And now play it forward. How is your innate attraction to beautiful clothes, or characters, or storytelling being met by the life and career choices you’ve made as an adult?
When I think back, I remember being a really shy child, and happiest with my nose in a book. But my mum, on the other hand, says she used to call me “Radio Ruby,” since from the day I learned to string a sentence together, I would deliver a rolling commentary on the contents of my head. I reckon she actually found this pretty annoying (fair enough, I would too!). I also remember her admonishing me for “telling tales” on my brother when he’d done something naughty (i.e., practicing my reporting skills).
Anyhow, as a result, I was encouraged to flex my fledgling researcher/reporter muscle through reading and writing instead, rather than driving my mum batty and tattling on my brother. Naturally, since it was my (soul’s) favorite thing to do, English became my best subject in school. And years later, having decided that I wanted a career in fashion (I did also love playing dress-up), when I went to study styling at the London College of Fashion, it was actually the journalism component of my course—a component I wasn’t even aware of when I signed up—that came most naturally to me.
And then one thing led to another, and well, here we are. My point being that when it comes to your dharma, your soul has a way of getting things back on track when life (your parents, your ego, society) knocks you off your path. IF, that is, you’re doing what it takes to recognize and heed the voice of your highest Self and are actually prepared to follow the signs being waved in your face.
What do those signs look like? They’re mainly the positive feelings that tell you, Yes, keep doing more of this!, and the negative ones that are screaming, Quit this job/activity/relationship now; it’s killing you!!! I repeat: your job is not supposed to make you feel this way. If it does, THIS IS YOUR HIGHER SELF ADVISING YOU TO QUIT AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Seems pretty obvious, right? But it’s amazing how we’re conditioned to look away from our personal truths when following through might mean a period of uncertainty and discomfort, looking stupid or pissing some people off.
On a lighter note, there are the little coincidences and serendipities of life, which we can’t help get all excited about since we know deep down this is the Universe illuminating the way.
As for more specific insights about the actual next right steps to take in fulfilling your dharma? Some of my friends (quite a few actually) report having heard actual voices in their heads delivering specific “downloads,” such as: Create THIS online course; Move HERE in the fall and start teaching yoga. Less cosmically inclined folk might simply term these “ideas,” which doesn’t make them any less special. My advice, if you have an idea about what it is you’re maybe just supposed to be doing with your life, then you owe it to your (higher) self to at the very least investigate what it would take to make it happen.
HELLO, HIGHEST SELF
Connect to the Voice using any one, or a combo, of the following:
A regular meditation practice. Here’s another of my favorite quotes from Yogi Bhajan: “Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when God (a.k.a. your highest Self) talks to you.” (More, much more, in the chapter on meditation.)
Investigating your soul blueprint by getting to know your astrology chart and applying this to your career and other life choices.
Using divination tools such as the tarot to help you tap into your intuition—and then following through with the actions that feel right (that feel like home and/or the “truth”).
Seeking to heal any emotional wounds that are keeping you stuck in learned behaviors, versus fearlessly walking the path that’s right for you.
Choosing to surround yourself with people who ask, as opposed to try and tell you, what’s best for you.
Ignoring the feelings, the signs, and the flashes of inspiration about how to get back into the path of your dharma will likely result in you remaining in a similar cycle of anxiety and numbing I found myself in at Style magazine. In which instance, it’s highly likely that God/Goddess, the Universe, and so on may serve you up what is commonly referred to in recovery circles as a “rock bottom” experience. Closely followed by the classic breakdown / breakthrough / spiritual awakening.
WHAT MAKES YOU COME ALIVE?
When it comes to discovering your dharma, here is another one of my favorite quotes on the subject, from civil rights leader Howard Thurman: “Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
I love this quote because it encapsulates the idea that “what makes you come alive”—that thing you stay awake thinking about at night (in a good way), that gives you tingles, and that you could bore people to tears talking about at parties—could be literally anything. This is an important point to remember, since it’s also way too easy to confuse the idea of dharma as being tied to some kind of creative “gift.”
That’s easy for you to say—you’re a writer, and that’s a creative gift! I hear you cry. Well, here’s how I actually see it. I am an observer, a reporter, and a storyteller. This is my dharma. I got good at writing through practice, since I needed a way to tell my stories—and as I have explained, vocalizing stories out loud doesn’t exactly come naturally. And yes, perhaps this is because my mum preferred studious, bookish Ruby to having to listen to “Radio Ruby” all day when I was a kid! (See how easy it could have been for you to be knocked off the path of your dharma, too?) And if it’s true that writing, through practice, has become what you might call a “talent” of mine (something I got good at), consider that I’ve also tried writing fiction and failed miserably. I could never make my characters “come alive”—since writing that way is not an expression of my dharma.
“Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
—HOWARD THURMAN
When it comes to creativity, simply how we use our life force energy, this isn’t confined to “inventing” things anyway. In Big Magic, her brilliant book on the subject, Elizabeth Gilbert writes: “When I refer to ‘creative living’ . . . I am talking about living a life that’s driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.” Curiosity being another word I use for intuition, remember?
Other people with a similar dharma to me might have gone into PR, or qualitative research, or wound up making documentaries. And if doing this with their days lights up every cell of their being and makes them feel their most alive, then there is no doubt in my mind that they are also playing their part in bringing about the perfect cosmic alignment of all humanity. As I said, I think I got partway to fulfilling my dharma with my magazine career, particularly after I landed the job at Style and finally got to write about more stuff I was really interested in (it wasn’t all reporting on celebrities’ outfits). But still only half the stories I got to tell made me come alive—and my soul (higher Self, the Universe, law of cosmic order, etc.) knew this wasn’t good enough.
First, this manifested in feelings of acute boredom, which morphed into a period of major anxiety, sleepless nights (in a bad way), and numbing out with shopping, drugs, and alcohol. In other words, the mini breakdown / breakthrough / spiritual awakening that led to me seeking “a fun side project” to bridge the dharma gap.
Which is also where the F-word comes into play, since following the truest expression of your dharma will also feel like FUN (hence why boredom could be one of the first signs your coordinates are off). Also why my next question to the Universe went something along the lines of: Well, what’s the one thing I could never get bored of researching, thinking, and talking about—ever? And the answer came almost instantaneously: ASTROLOGY. A.k.a. my gateway drug to an altogether more cosmic worldview and a giant, Vegas-style neon signpost from my intuition, lighting my way to the Numiverse.
DISCOVER YOUR “ORIGINAL MEDICINE”
Cherie Healey, a life coach I did some work with while writing this book, has another way to describe dharma. “In Native American tradition, they say each soul is born with its own ‘original medicine,’ something unique to them that is their healing gift to the world,” she told me. Going on to explain how it will be a loss to humanity if this “medicine” is never fully expressed.
This suggests that the fact that we all have different interests, talents, and, yes, creative gifts (not to mention personalities and birth charts!) is no accident—that humanity was designed this way, since we all have an individual role to play in maintaining the “cosmic law and order.” The same way every cell of every living organism has its own role to play in keeping said organism alive. I love visualizing humanity this way, like a giant people patchwork, with each and every one of us a vital stitch helping keep it all together.
The problem is, not all dharmas, or medicines, are created equal in the eyes of our parents, our ego, or society, and so we often end up following whichever path is considered most profitable (society) or most glamorous (ego) or will result in us experiencing the greatest material stability (parents). It can seem that we’ve become so fearful of never having enough (money, recognition, security) that we’ve forgotten the Universe has been designed to support us when it comes to fulfilling our dharma. Because this is what makes the Universe come alive.
I once interviewed the jewelry designer Satya Scainetti, whose career is a brilliant example of this principle in action. Growing up in a family of talented “creatives,” she always felt left out, since as far as she could tell her gift was “making people happy.” This led to a career in social work, which she found ultimately unfulfilling, because the reams of red tape meant she never felt like she was really helping anybody.
Burned out (breakdown / breakthrough / spiritual awakening), she took a sabbatical to do something just for fun: a yoga teacher training. And it was on the last night of the training, having been gifted her “spiritual name”—Satya, meaning “all truth”—that evening, that she had a vivid dream. “In the dream, I launched a line of spiritual jewelry called ‘Satya,’ of which I donated a percentage of the profits to charity,” she told me.
The next day she called a friend to share her vision, and despite having no previous experience in jewelry design, the pair of them began work on the collection the minute she returned to NYC. By the time I met Satya, twelve years later, she’d donated over $1 million to children’s charities all over the world—and made thousands of people happier as a result.
This isn’t to suggest that your unique medicine has to psychically heal the world, have a spiritual angle, or “give back” quite so literally as Satya’s, either. Just as it’s not everybody’s dharma to create inspiring pieces of art, or make music that gets the whole crowd at the Coachella main stage singing along, not everybody is here to be the next Mother Teresa. Gandhi had his unique medicine, and Lady Gaga has hers—both have “helped” millions of people in their own way.
The week of my talk on dharma, an astrologer I follow named Rob Brezsny wrote this horoscope for Aries (my Sun sign): “Benedictine monks observe the Latin motto Laborare est Orare. The nineteenth-century abbot Maurus Wolter interpreted these words to mean ‘work is worship’ or ‘work is prayer.’ He was trying to impress upon his fellow monks that the work they did was not a grudging distraction from their service to God, but rather at the heart of their devotion . . . I propose that you experiment with this approach in the coming weeks, even if your version is more secular. What would it be like to feel contentment with and appreciation for the duties you have been allotted?”
Which makes me think about what “angel whisperer” and author Kyle Gray says about “undercover light workers.” He makes the point that if your dharma, like Satya’s, is to make people happy, then even working as a receptionist in a doctor’s practice, bringing happiness to each and every person who walks through that door with your sunny attitude, will at the very least help contribute to them having a better day.
Gandhi had his unique medicine, and Lady Gaga has hers.
Which is also when you pass the baton and allow the Universe to step in. Because, who knows, the knock-on effect of this added spring in their step could be them feeling good enough about themselves to finally trust the inner Voice advising them to do more of what makes them feel that way. Which means, ultimately, you will have been instrumental in them discovering their dharma too.
BEWARE THE S-WORD
Not just because I’m an Aries who likes to get my own way, but should is one of my least favorite words—and it’s become something of a red flag for me. Whenever I find myself using the S-word, I know I’m about to embark on something that can’t be for my highest good. This is since doing something because you “should” pretty much always implies that you’re doing it for somebody else’s benefit—and that part of you, rather than being thrilled to help, to follow along, or to fulfill a loving duty, is begrudging and resentful of the fact. And in my book (this book), resentment is one of the most toxic, soul-corroding emotions to be carrying around with you.
And so, in matters of dharma, any time you find yourself using the word should (I should take the job I feel less passionate about because it pays so much better; I should postpone my round-the-world life research trip until my mom’s health improves), try replacing it with the word must and see how it impacts your priorities. Personally, I find it virtually impossible to use the word must unless I really mean it—and so, for me, a should becoming a must instantly creates the perspective I need to feel empowered about making the “right” decision. In the case of the above, I wouldn’t take the job and I would stick around for my mum. And despite how uncomfortable it makes me, public speaking, in connection to The Numinous, is also a definite “must” for me.
I also believe that people pleasing—wanting to be a good girl and appear “nice,” so we’ll be loved and accepted—can be one of the biggest stumbling blocks to women in particular when it comes to fulfilling our dharma. In fact, I think men experience almost the opposite—even if it actually stems from the same place, a place of “put up or shut up.” For some dudes, wanting to appear invincible can mean it almost becomes a badge of honor to override feelings of fear, anxiety, or being overwhelmed—when actually this is another example of their higher Self despairing: this is SO NOT YOUR FREAKING DHARMA, MAN!
In my experience, defying our people-pleasing tendencies is about cultivating what I like to think of as a kind of “healthy (higher) selfishness,” which brings us right on back to all the practices I believe engender true (higher) self-respect. As in, the highest levels of respect for and trust in the ultimate Universal wisdom of your most authentic Self (your soul).
For me, this again means being actively engaged in a conversation with this part of my being: using tools like astrology, the tarot, and my intuition to decipher the symbolic messages being beamed from my higher Self (God/Goddess, the Universal oneness, etc.) into my everyday consciousness.
And on a more practical level, it’s been about making the necessary lifestyle changes to keep the cosmic airwaves free of static. Not to mention the fact that doing your dharma might just take you waaaay out of your comfort zone (like me with the public speaking), and you’ll want to be feeling your most gladiator fit when that happens.
For me, these changes have included but have not been limited to cleaning up my diet to heal my digestion (how else am I meant to feel my gut reactions?); steering clear of mood-altering substances (since “moods” are messages in themselves); meditating regularly (like Skype time with Source energy); and engaging in daily physical movement (to shift stuck energy that’s clogging up the channel).
In fact, if we are advised to “dress for the job you want”—I say take it one step further. How about you eat, drink, think, and live your life for the job you want? Or rather, for the dharma you were born to do?
#SHITNUMINOUSGIRLSSAY
“I feel like this is the year I’m gonna start using a moon cup.”
“I got offered this white powder and she kept saying: ‘It’s all natural, it’s from the earth.’ I was, like, ‘So is peyote.’”
“Sorry, can you repeat that? I totally just lost track of what dimension I was in.”
“How do I explain the rose quartz in my bra to my Tinder date?”
“I am SO done with this planet. I cannot reincarnate here again.”
“I was thinking Wednesday too. Why do we even text when we can just psychic schedule?!”
“I think a lot of the time I’m hungry, I’m just craving energetic nourishment.”
“Yeah, I know Erica; she used to be my smudge priestess.”
“Ruby, you just became friends with 11 other people, you have 11 music likes, and 1,111 friends on Facebook #angelmessages #nbd.”
“I’m at the stage where I’m even saging before sex.”
“I had a gulp of cannabis almond milk before I read your e-mail, so I hope all this makes sense.”
“Sometimes without that masculine energy it just becomes this Goddess soup, y’know?”
“It could be more of an Amma style altar if you think sex temple is too much.”
“I’m so bummed I wasn’t Cleopatra in my past-life regression.”
“My Kundalini teacher told me my bangs are obscuring my third eye.”
“Of course she’s fine to drive; all she’s had is some cacao!”
“I find it SO hard to be productive during the waning Moon phase.”