Chapter Fourteen

LEANING INTO A timeline solely focused on Taylor turned out to be easier than Joey had imagined. The dorm room was cramped, and they soon had to share a bathroom with the rest of the summer students, but it’s easy to be smooshed in next to someone all the time when you’re falling in love.

And Joey was. Hard.

It wasn’t just her physical attraction to Taylor, which was immense. They’d spent countless hours together now, learning how to make love and giggling with each new discovery. They were careful to not be too affectionate in public, lest they attract unwanted attention, but their room was their sanctuary, and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

But more than that, it was their emotional connection. Joey was used to being in love with her best friend, and it was that kind of love she craved. Thus, the more they got to know each other, the deeper their friendship grew, and the more Joey questioned how she’d ever thought she could be happy anywhere else.

Will’s family was from Cornwall, and since he was dying to bring Liam home on the weekends that summer, they once again asked Taylor and Joey to accompany them, posing as girlfriends.

“Just until we feel comfortable telling our parents,” Will had pleaded.

Joey was sure Taylor would object, but she said yes before Joey even had tried to talk her into it.

“Are you sure?” Joey asked as they packed up to leave one Friday for their first weekend away.

“He wants to see his family,” Taylor said softly. “And he wants them to know his boyfriend. I don’t love the lying, but I get it. Maybe his parents will love Liam and we won’t have to pretend for too long?”

Joey put down the clothes she’d been folding and pulled Taylor into her arms, then kissed her. As she stepped back, she looked her in the eyes and said, “That’s why I love you, Taylor Page.”

“Hey, you know something?” Taylor’s cheeks burned red. “I kinda love you too!”

“Kinda?” said Joey with mock incredulity.

“Well, it’s a bit more than kinda.” Taylor stepped back to continue packing. “It’s more of a ‘holy moly this is the best feeling ever’ kind of love.”

“That’s better.” Joey threw a pair of socks at Taylor playfully.

Try as she might, Joey couldn’t help but flash back to when Dan had first told her those same words.

It was her sixteenth birthday. They’d been together for almost two years and had been saying “I love you” since they were kids. It was just something they said when they were more like siblings, so saying it as a couple had seemed so natural.

But on that night, after the rest of her party guests had gone home, Dan had taken her to her driveway to “say goodnight.” This was usually code for one of their make-out sessions, but before the kissing could begin, Dan faced her and said, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, still waiting to be kissed.

“No, I really love you,” he said emphatically.

“So, you didn’t really love me before?”

“No, I did. I just don’t think I knew what it meant before. I don’t mean I love you like it’s something we’re supposed to say at the end of the night. I love you like you’re a part of me. I love you like I’d do anything to keep you safe. I love you like I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you. I love you, for real.”

From then on, they added those two words to the end of their exchanges, including in their wedding vows. Hearing two nineteen-year-olds say, “I love you for real,” probably reinforced just how young they were to most of their guests, but it was the most grown-up thing they could have ever said.

Try as she might, she couldn’t help but flash back to the months leading up to the reunion, when he’d stopped saying the words.

“Come on, you know I love you,” he had said when she asked why he never told her that anymore.

“How? How do I know that?” she’d said, trying and failing to brush all the tears from her face. They wouldn’t stop falling lately.

“Everything I do is to support you and this family.” He’d raised his voice. “Why would I do that if I don’t love you?”

“But do you love me for real?” She’d hoped to unlock a bit of their old magic.

“That’s just something kids say,” he’d said, then walked away.

Looking at Taylor, Joey searched her soul in this moment. Did she love Taylor for real? Yes, she certainly cared a great deal for her, but they were still in the infatuation stage, so it was hard to tell. She knew if she’d experienced this at eighteen for the first time, she definitely would have convinced herself it was for real. Was that how it had been with her and Dan?

Maybe she wasn’t fully there yet, but she was certainly on her way.

And in two hours, she, Taylor, Will, and Liam were on their way to the coast, sharing a bottle of wine on the train to Cornwall. They were seated as two boy/girl couples, and Joey smiled as she played footsie with Taylor, who was seated across from her. Joey was there to be Liam’s girlfriend and Taylor was there to be Will’s. Will’s family was pretty conservative, so even though they were happy to host the two couples, they did ask that the girls room together and the boys do the same.

The foursome laughed at the arrangement but promised to be on their best behavior.

“Trust me,” said Will. “You’re going to want to come home with me every weekend.”

Joey couldn’t imagine any place being worth having to hide her relationship every weekend, but when they arrived, she relaxed her scruples immediately. The house was gorgeous and overlooked the sea. They could ride bikes to the local markets and restaurants, sit on the beach for hours, and basically have holiday after holiday, all for the low price of pretending to be heterosexual.

But really, how bad was that? Down by the water and away from Will’s family’s view, they were free to do as they pleased. And even though they went to bed each night tipsy and giddy after drinking, neither couple broke any house rules.

At meals, they managed to appear like perfect college sweethearts. Will’s parents loved Taylor and were already planning to come see her end of summer concert at the conservatory. But they also really seemed to like Liam, so Taylor’s hope that their involvement might soften the eventual blow even felt like it could work.

As their first weekend there came to an end, Will’s parents said they were welcome to come back any time.

“And I know you’re trying to be respectful in front of your old mum,” Will’s dad said with a laugh, “but you shouldn’t go so long without kissing that girl of yours.”

He clapped his son on the back and nudged him toward Taylor. And even though it only lasted a few seconds, Joey couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy watching her girlfriend kiss someone else.

“You okay?” Taylor said as they got to the train station.

“Of course,” Joey said, scanning her brain to make sure it was true.

As they took their seats, Will broke the tension at last by saying, “No offense, but that was like kissing my sister.”

Joey felt the initial twinge fade away as the train took them back to London, but as she fell asleep that night, she wished it didn’t have to be that way.