Chapter Twenty-Two

“NOTHING HAPPENED,” TAYLOR said again when they were back in their dorm.

“But you wanted it to,” Joey said. “I saw the look in your eyes.”

“You’re suffocating me. Why were you even in that building to begin with? I feel like you never let me out of your sight.”

Joey couldn’t believe Taylor was turning this around on her. Sure, she liked to walk Taylor to her rehearsals, but wasn’t that just being a good girlfriend?

“I haven’t made any friends this year because we’re always together,” Taylor said. “Vienne is one of the only people I talk to, other than you, Will, and Liam. I just got confused. And to be honest, I’ve only ever kissed you. Maybe I thought for a second that I’d just see what it was like.”

Joey felt her two selves battling inside her head. The version of her who had lived an extra twenty years knew that Taylor was right about the suffocating thing. Joey had a one-track mind, and it was all Taylor. That kind of love is intense and unhealthy. But the nineteen-year-old side of her felt like it was the only way to be with someone. Why couldn’t Taylor see that she just loved her so much?

“Maybe you should kiss her,” Joey said quietly.

“Come on,” Taylor said.

“No, I mean it. If I wasn’t here this year, you’d have dated other girls. You’d have all these friends and have gotten to experience so much more. I care about you and don’t want you wondering if there’s something better out there. The whole ‘if you love someone, let them go’ adage is true. Maybe you should go on a date with Vienne and see how you feel.”

Taylor was quiet and clearly trying to read Joey’s face for any sign that she was kidding.

But Joey wasn’t kidding. She knew what her life was like with someone else and had plenty of time to think it through. Maybe things with Taylor weren’t perfect, but if their first year together was hard, maybe that was a good thing. It certainly felt better than thinking you were with someone who would love you forever only to find out in twenty years that it wasn’t true.

Taylor couldn’t have that same certainty if she never even seriously considered someone else. If Joey wanted them to be together forever, she had to be brave enough to send her out with the world’s hottest French cellist.

“You’re serious,” Taylor said. “You want me to go on a date with Vienne?”

“I do.” Joey nodded. “I can stay at a hotel and write for a few days, and you can pretend I’m not here. You’re right about me smothering you. I am so sorry, Taylor.”

“I don’t know what to say. Are you going to date someone else while you’re away?”

“No, no. I know my heart. I know it’s yours. But I don’t want you to resent me for keeping you to myself. I’ll stay away for a week, but then I’ll also give you more space if and when you want me to come back.”

Taylor crossed the room and kissed Joey harder than she had in a while, and Joey’s body sagged in relief as she answered the kiss and put her arms around her girlfriend. How had she let things get so intense while trying to get away from a love that had overwhelmed her at the same age?

Joey knew better than anyone about the kind of resentment she had been fostering in Taylor. Hadn’t she always wondered if Dan was the right one for her because she’d never dated anyone else? The thoughts were fleeting because they really were so happy together, but they’d come and gone through the years and were especially intense leading up to the reunion.

The best thing she could do for Taylor, and herself, really, was to give them some space. A week might not be enough, but it was a good place to start. And she really did want to write. She had plenty to say in the novel she’d been outlining for months now, and it was time to get it all out before her final projects were due.

As she started to pack, Taylor looked at her quizzically.

“You’re leaving right now?” she said.

“Well, I thought I’d better go before I change my mind. Do you want me to stay?”

“One more night.” Taylor took the clothes she had pulled from the closet out of her hands. “You just gave me the greatest gift and I want to say thank you.”

Taylor kissed her again and pulled her down to the bed. They were so used to each other now that their routine had become predictable, but Joey felt a difference in Taylor that made every touch feel electric.

She thrives when she feels understood. Joey knew this feeling well. She’d felt herself react similarly on days when Dan had gone out of his way to make her feel special. Whether it was getting up at midnight to feed a crying baby or stopping for takeout on the way home from work on a day when she was too exhausted to cook, she knew how much it meant to be taken care of.

Joey wondered how she could keep this feeling with Taylor alive, long term. Being together every free moment of the day was clearly not the answer. Taylor had already figured out exactly how Joey wanted to be loved and she’d given her just what she needed. It was her turn to do the same.

They spent the night wrapped up in each other’s arms and Joey tried not to think about Taylor in a similar situation with Vienne, but she couldn’t help herself. It was hypocritical and she knew it, especially with how understanding Taylor had been of Joey’s admission that she still loved Dan. But that was before. Or was it? Even though they hadn’t spoken in months, Joey had to admit that Dan was always on her mind. She might not say it, but Taylor knew her well enough to know she hadn’t just forgotten him.

Suddenly, an idea popped into her head that made the whole world right again. If Taylor wanted her back after their week apart, that was the last sign she needed. In addition to writing while she was away, Joey would do a little shopping.

It was time to pick out a ring.