Chapter Thirty-Five

“SO, DO WE just wander, or did you have a place in mind?” Dan said as they looked up and around to get their bearings. They had both worked here during college, so she knew the place pretty well, but since she had no reason to know it well in her current timeline, she figured she should just play dumb. Besides, wandering would lead to more chatting.

“Uh, how about we fuel up first?” she said, pointing to the food court.

Without asking where he’d want to eat, Joey led them straight to Johnny Rockets.

“Milkshakes and fries?” she said, gesturing to two open seats at the counter.

“Do you even have to ask?” he said, gesturing for her to be seated first.

This had been their favorite place to meet when their breaks lined up during their work schedules. Usually, they’d share one milkshake and order of fries, but that felt too much like a date, so Joey ordered her own.

“So, can I ask you something?” Dan said as they waited for their order.

Joey had been asking all the questions, so this seemed fair, but she was worried he’d lead them away from the topics she wanted to focus on.

“Sure,” she said.

“Was it just the letter? That made you leave, I mean?”

“Basically.” It was impossible for her to say what else had inspired her abrupt change of heart without sounding like a crazy person who believed she had traveled back in time.

“When did you find out about it?” he said.

“The morning of my graduation,” she replied.

His face twisted into a pained expression, and she wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him. Luckily, her milkshake appeared at that same instant and she put her hands to work shoveling the chocolaty goodness into her mouth.

“So, it took you less than a day to decide to leave?” he said. “That actually makes me feel better. I thought you’d been planning it for a while and just didn’t tell me.”

“Of course not,” she said. “Oh Dan, I’m so sorry. I never thought you’d think of it that way. I didn’t talk to you about it because I didn’t trust myself to go if I stopped too long to think.”

He nodded and ate a French fry, but she could see he was still thinking about it.

“And I was too ashamed to face you,” she said. “Or angry. I was angry because I thought you’d tried to keep me from my dreams, and ashamed that I couldn’t talk to you about it.”

“I would have gone with you,” he said.

It was easy for him to say that in hindsight, but Joey wondered if it was the truth. Could there have been a hidden option C where they got to experience that life together before building the one they eventually did? It certainly felt like a nice compromise for them both, but she’d never know how that would all play out.

But maybe there was a way for him to know how their life could have been, and maybe could still be. She wasn’t ready to play her final card yet, but Joey knew if all else failed, she could try to tell Dan all about the timeline she’d already lived. If he couldn’t see that Betty was wrong for him, she’d have to show him how right she was.

“So, engagement present,” he said after a minute or so of awkward silence.

“Yes, what’s your budget?” Joey said, turning to face him.

“Uh, I don’t have one?”

“No wonder she loves you!” Joey gave him a sisterly punch in the arm.

“I mean, I wasn’t thinking about how much to spend. We’re not going to go crazy, are we?”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and find something that looks really expensive but is on sale.” Joey did her best to sound encouraging.

“That would be great.” Dan stood up.

They headed away from the food court and Joey pretended to not know what each store had in it, so they ended up stopping in a lot of stores that made no sense for their mission. Joey was pretty sure she knew where they’d end up, but she wanted to keep Dan out and occupied for as long as she could.

They didn’t talk about Betty much, other than the occasional “do you think she’d like this?”

They did talk about the books Joey had written and Dan made her stop a few times during her explanations so she wouldn’t spoil the endings for him.

“You really want to read my books?” she said as they walked out of a store that only sold men’s clothes. Oops.

“Of course I do,” he said as they continued on their way.

“You just never seemed that interested before.” Joey realized a second too late that this made no sense.

“When have you written a book before?”

“Oh, er, I mean,” she stammered, unable to think of a sensible-sounding reply. “I just always assumed you wouldn’t be all that interested in reading what I wrote.”

It was true, in a way. Even when she was able to find time to write while they were married, it took him weeks, sometimes even months to get around to reading what she sent him. And if she couldn’t get her own husband to read what she wrote, how was she ever going to convince strangers to buy her books?

She remembered with a jolt a particularly painful conversation they’d had when the kids were little. Their youngest was in kindergarten and she finally had a few hours each day where she could find time to write. And since she was used to having very little time, she discovered she was a pretty fast writer.

“And so I was thinking,” she said one night as they climbed into bed. “If I can just write, like, ten books a year and figure out how to publish them myself, maybe I could build a following. And maybe by the time we retire, I could make a million dollars!”

Dan had laughed. Scoffed, really.

“What?” she said. “Don’t you think I’m a good writer?”

“Sure,” he said. “I just don’t think you’re going to make a million dollars as one.”

She felt like a really full balloon that had come untied and bounced around the room as it deflated. She had been researching self-publishing for months and trying to learn as much as she could. She didn’t think she’d ever make it big, but with enough books and enough time, it didn’t seem that far-fetched.

But if the person who was supposed to believe in her more than anyone else in the world didn’t think she could do it, how did she ever expect to actually do it?

And yet, here he was, clearly interested and engaged with her stories now. Had a decade of work and kids jaded him to the point where he no longer believed in her? Or had this year apart made him realize he took her for granted?

And did any of that matter when she was a month away from losing him forever?