Chapter Forty-Four

JOEY WOKE WITH the dawn the next morning with a new sense of purpose. She was excited. And of all the emotions one might expect to feel the day after learning their spouse was dying, she realized that had to be at the bottom of the list. For happily married people, anyway.

She started making phone calls as soon as offices started to open, and by the time Dan came down, she’d taken over the kitchen table with her computer, printer, and the dozens of things she’d already printed.

“Okay,” she said, waiting for Dan to take the whole picture in before she bombarded him with details. “Here’s where we are. We can afford to go to London indefinitely. You’ve always wanted to go. I don’t think we should wait.”

She showed him everything she’d printed. They’d been such good savers over the years that Dan’s retirement account had more than enough to cover the trip, and his life insurance would help her get by when he was gone.

“But this is all assuming your doctors are correct,” Joey said. “I’m not ready to believe that and I think we should at least stop by a couple clinics in Europe…”

“Joey,” Dan said. “I don’t want to spend my last few months with you in a hospital.”

“Right, I know. Just one clinic? We don’t have to check you in. Just a couple tests to see if they agree with your doctors here. They’re supposed to be one of the best places in the world for treating colon cancer.”

“One clinic.”

“What time are the kids coming home?” Joey looked around at the mess she’d made.

Dan glanced at the clock on the wall behind her. “About thirty minutes,” he said.

Joey’s heart leaped at the thought of seeing her babies again. Well, they weren’t babies. Elizabeth was eighteen and getting ready to head to college, another thing Joey was in denial about. Shawn was sixteen and had been taller than her for about three years now. Meghan was fourteen and like all little sisters before her, eager to prove herself outside of her siblings’ shadows.

“We have to tell them,” Joey said. “Today.”

Dan nodded and they both began clearing the kitchen table to make space for what would be the worst family meeting of their lives. The grief monster, as she was now calling that voice in the back of her brain, crept his way into Joey’s conscience, but she used all her mental strength to tell him to shut the hell up.

“I think we should tell them about London too,” Dan said as they waited for their brood to return from a weekend away.

They’d all attended the same music camp that Joey, Taylor, and Betty had, and were getting ready to be counselors there this year. Elizabeth drove them all to training and orientation weekend, and Joey realized she’d have to call the camp to tell them they’d be down three staffers this year.

Joey wanted to run and hug the kids as they came in but knew that teenagers were like cats. If she went to them, they’d pull away. Always better to let them come to her.

“How was it?” she said as they came in through the garage, stopping by the laundry room to drop their dirty clothes.

Elizabeth, the empath, came into the kitchen first and immediately picked up on the general vibe.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

Meghan came in behind her, ears perked and eyes wide. “Huh? What, Lizzie?”

Shawn walked in last, clearly just waking up from the car ride home.

“Chill,” he said to his sisters. “Mom and Dad are just standing by the table awkwardly because that’s where they like to stand.”

“Kids, could you come sit with us for a minute?” Dan said.

“Oh my God,” Elizabeth said, putting her hands to her mouth and starting to cry.

“What, Lizzie?” Meghan said, her own tears starting to form in solidarity.

“You’re getting divorced!” Elizabeth said through sobs. “I knew it. I knew this was coming.”

“No one is getting divorced,” Joey said, shooting Dan an I-told-you-so face.

The kids relaxed enough to join them at the table and Dan began with an apology.

“I know I haven’t been myself lately,” he said gently. “And Lizzie Boo, I’m so sorry if how I’ve behaved made you think we were getting divorced. I wish you would have talked to me.”

Joey smiled at her eldest girl, so much like her father. She’d seen enough in the past few months to know something was wrong, but tried to deal with it herself, just like Dan had.

“I owe you all an apology,” Dan said. “I wasn’t feeling well and took that all out on the people I love the most. It’s not an excuse, it’s just what happened. Do you forgive me?”

The kids nodded, but Elizabeth still clearly had her guard up.

“Then what’s this all about?” she said.

“There’s no easy way to say this,” Dan said. “But I wasn’t feeling well because I have cancer. It’s advanced and…”

His words were drowned out by Meghan’s primal wail, then Elizabeth’s sobs. Shawn sat there, stunned, but pulled one sister to each of his shoulders and patted their heads while they cried.

The grief monster swallowed Joey whole and she let herself break down. If everyone else was going to cry right now, she might as well too. When they had all caught their breath, Dan explained what the doctors had said.

“Treatment might buy me a few extra months, but they would be miserable months,” he said.

The kids looked horrified but nodded. They’d all seen what cancer could do to a person as different family members on both sides had gone through chemo or radiation. It was worth it for people who had a chance to recover, but Joey knew she’d be making the same choice if it had been her instead of Dan.

“So, what do we do?” Shawn asked.

“Well, we obviously want to spend as much time together as we can,” Joey said. “And since Daddy’s always wanted to go to the UK, we thought we’d spend the rest of this summer in London.”

The kids looked back and forth at each other, then at their parents.

“London,” Meghan repeated. “When do we leave?”

They all got up from the table and surrounded Dan with a group hug, then scattered with instructions from Joey on how best to help prepare for the trip. There was laundry to do, passports to find, calls to make, and barely enough time to do get it all done before they left.

And as Joey looked at Dan, she knew there would never be enough time.