Chapter Forty-Five

THE FIVE SHAWS landed in London on a beautiful sunny day. Joey loved London in the rain, but she was excited to introduce her family to the city in perfect weather. Dan was extremely impressed with how well she was able to navigate them to the house she’d rented, and she wondered how long they’d believe she’d picked it all up from research.

She wondered how long she’d be able to convince herself, really. The time she’d spent in London with Taylor might just have been a dream, but that didn’t explain how she knew her way around a foreign city she’d never been to before. She tried not to think about it because she still felt a little crazy, but still, it was…odd.

Joey left the first couple of days open for them to just acclimate to the new time zone and make sure Dan felt well enough to explore. Other than being a bit fatigued, he seemed like the same old Dan, and Joey was eternally grateful that they still had time where everything felt normal. Other than the kids each bursting into tears at different parts of the day, they seemed like any other American family on holiday.

On their fourth day in London, the kids went out on their own while Joey and Dan arrived at his appointment with the National Colorectal Health Center. They were shown to a room where Dan could rest between tests, and Joey pulled the travel Scrabble she’d brought along to pass the time and began to set it up on the small table near the bed.

As different people showed up during the day to take Dan to his next round, Joey curled up on the bed and pressed Dan’s shirt to her face. She wondered how many of his shirts she could get him to wear, but not wash while they were there. She didn’t want to lose the smell of him. She didn’t want to lose him, period, but that didn’t seem to be something she could control.

“All done, mate,” a cheery attendant said, escorting Dan back to the room. “The doctor will be in shortly to speak with you.”

“How are you feeling?” Joey asked, reluctantly handing him his shirt so he could change.

“Tired, but fine,” he said. “Mind if I join you?”

“I’m not sure there’s room.” She moved her body all the way to one side.

“I could always just climb on top of you.” He raised his eyebrows.

They both giggled as he did just that and Joey felt like a teenager again. There was something about first kisses and almost last kisses. She wished she’d cherished each one in between but knew that was almost impossible.

Dan felt her tears on his face and propped himself up so he could look at her.

“Don’t get your hopes up, okay?” he said. “Any time they can give me here is just a bonus. We go on with the plan either way.”

Joey was ready to protest when the door opened and she buried her face into Dan’s chest, mortified to be caught in bed with a boy for the first time in decades.

“Don’t stop on my account,” the doctor said, cracking up with laughter as Dan jumped out of bed and Joey awkwardly followed. She turned her back to him as he introduced himself to Dan, frantically buttoning her blouse and trying to pull herself together. As they made small talk behind her, Joey realized she’d heard that voice before.

She turned around to see if the face matched the voice and gasped.

“Liam!” she exclaimed.

“Do I know you?” he said.

Oh no. Of course he didn’t know her. How could she explain that she knew his name? And how was he even real?

“Sorry,” she said. “You look like someone I used to know. Hi, I’m Joey.”

“I look like someone you know who is also named Liam?” he said, still searching her face for any sign of recognition.

“Is that your name too?” she said. “How strange.”

The men continued their introductions while Joey pretended to look something up on her phone. As Dan filled Liam in on his history and what the other doctors had told him, Joey tried to slow her breathing.

Even though Dan had asked her not to, she felt all the hope she’d been burying way deep down come back into her heart. She had once helped Liam by convincing Will to marry him. Maybe all of that had happened so he could be the miracle to save her husband? It was a stretch, to be sure, but why else had fate brought them together again?

She looked at Liam’s left hand as he read through the reports from Dan’s tests. He was wearing a wedding ring. She wondered if he was still with Will. She hoped he was. But not as much as she hoped he had good news for them.

“I’ve reviewed everything we did here today,” he said. “And I’m sorry to say we don’t have any treatments that will save your life.”

Joey willed herself to stay strong. She pictured herself giving the grief monster the finger.

“But,” he said, “we do have some experimental treatments that will help you with energy and pain in the time you do have left. You’ll want to stop by here for bloodwork once every few weeks so we can see how you’re progressing, but my other patients who are using it have felt great, right up until the end.”

Joey brightened at the thought of this. Dan had already made his peace with the inevitability of his situation. Maybe Liam’s miracle would be comfort, and not a cure.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Dan said, standing to shake his hand. “My family and I will be here as long as we’re able. If you can help make that time easier for us all, I’m incredibly grateful.”

Joey knew it was weird, but she hugged Liam anyway. They’d shared a lot together whether he knew it or not. And even though it wasn’t what she’d hoped for, he’d given them a light in the darkness too.

More energy meant Dan could venture out farther away from the flat they were renting than they had planned. Pain management meant those adventures could actually be enjoyed. She understood what Liam meant by “progressing.” With the pain and fatigue masked, Dan would be okay until all of a sudden he wasn’t.

But Joey didn’t want to think about that right now. She had an adventure to plan.