Chapter Forty-Nine

THE FUNERAL WAS on a Monday. Joey had chosen the day because she typically hated Mondays and didn’t see any reason to forever ruin one of the other six days. Dan had requested a celebration of life, with very specific music requests throughout. No one was to wear black and everyone was to take shots. Well, not the little kids, anyway.

As Joey got dressed in a pink, sparkly skirt Dan had always loved, she looked around for the matching bag. It wasn’t on her shelf, and she remembered why not with a laugh. She’d dropped it on the floor in her room after the reunion and…

“Aha,” she said, pulling it out from under the bed. She brushed away a few dust bunnies from the glitter exterior and looked inside.

Ahh, there’s my lipstick, she thought. She rooted around to see what other items she had shoved in there that night. Gum, Dan’s copy of the car keys (oops), some cash, and two mystery items she had to pull out to see.

She nearly fainted as she pulled them into view. She was holding the ring she’d bought for Taylor from that antique store. The ring that had only existed for her in a timeline she had convinced herself did not exist.

The other thing she’d pulled out was a thumb drive that looked like the one she’d used during her time in London. But it couldn’t be. Could it?

If the ring was real, then was she holding the books she’d written? She’d thought they were gone forever, or at least until she could sit down to try to rewrite them. She plugged the drive into her laptop and opened the folder. They were all there, including her nearly finished, more personal novel, that she now knew exactly how to end.

She sat and took stock of her life. She was on her way to bury her husband. It was the ultimate con for her list, to be sure. But she had promised that same husband to live for them both. What would Dan have done with more time? What would she have wanted him to do?

Looking down at her laptop, she knew at least one thing she was going to do. But it would have to wait.

She slipped the Art Deco ring onto her right hand, again knowing she’d need something to help keep her centered. She took one last look in the mirror, silently commanding her reflection to keep it together, then went to rally the kids and head out.

After a few songs played over a slideshow, Pastor Matt, a friend of Dan’s, offered everyone gathered a chance to pray and remember Dan’s life. To Joey’s surprise, he then called Betty up, saying she had a letter to read.

“Dan asked me to read this,” she said, already losing the battle to hold back her tears. “I have no idea why, because I’m going to cry, but here we go:

Friends, family, people who feel obligated to be here, and those of you who just came for the food,

I have lived an extraordinary life. Since you’re here, you might agree with that. Or maybe you just think it was an okay life. But hey, it’s my party, and I say it was extraordinary. My life began thirty-eight years ago, but I didn’t start living until I met the beautiful woman who would become my wife, my Joey. And I didn’t understand the meaning of life until she gave me our three incredible kids.

Elizabeth, my Lizzie Boo, you are so much like your old man. I’m proud but want you to be a little more like your mom, if you can. I know it’s hard to share your feelings, but when you find the right person, I want you to tell them how you feel every single day.

Shawn, you are my son shine. I know I don’t have to say this, but I want you to look after your mother and sisters now. But I want you to let them look after you too. Being a man doesn’t mean pretending you don’t have feelings and being brave doesn’t mean you’re never afraid.

Meghan, my Megaroo, you are so strong, mentally and physically. I pity anyone who underestimates you. Don’t forget to let that guard down, though, from time to time. You can’t get hurt if you don’t let anyone in, but it’s no way to live. Open that big heart of yours, baby girl.

Joey, what can I say? I had a dream the other day that we didn’t end up together and let me tell you, baby. It sucked. I know you’re being so strong for the kids right now, but don’t be afraid to fall apart together. They’re going to look to you for cues on how to handle this and I don’t mean to put pressure on you, but hope you’ll remember to show them that you’re not okay either. I’m amazing. Of course it’ll be hard to get over me. Pause for laughter.

“Oops, I wasn’t supposed to read that part,” Betty said.

When you’re ready, I want you to write. You are the most gifted writer I’ve ever known and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like anything less than that. If your grouch of a husband could have gotten his head out of his you-know-what from time to time, I would have told you that more. I should have supported your dreams more. Just know I’m cheering you on, from wherever I am, Joey. I love you for real.

Speaking of which, I hope you find someone to spend the rest of your life with. I hate to leave you so soon, and thought I’d hate the idea of you with someone else. But as my time runs out, I realize asking you to live for us both doesn’t mean you carry me around like an anchor. Carry all that love you’ve got for me into your next great love.

As for the rest of you, thank you for everything we shared. Especially that one thing. You know what I’m talking about. Yeah, that was fun.

I’ll miss you all. Do me a favor and think of me when you hear this song.

All my love,

Dan

Joey held her breath, wondering what Dan had chosen for his final goodbye song. And as “Thong Song” began to play, she laughed so hard she almost peed her pants. Or maybe she actually did. Just a little.

The service rolled into a wake with lots of food and music. Joey did her best to circulate in the room and found herself thoroughly exhausted by the time the last few guests were leaving.

“Joey?”

She turned to see a familiar-looking woman standing near her but couldn’t come up with her name. It had happened a few times that day, but none of her kids were close enough to rescue her as they had before.

“I’m not sure if you remember me,” she said. “We went to high school together. I heard about Dan and just wanted to pay my respects.”

“Thank you so much,” Joey said. Her voice was so familiar, but still, no name popped into her head.

“I also know this is a weird time to mention this. But not sure when I’ll see you again, so I just wanted to see if you remembered getting a valentine back at CHS? From a secret admirer?”

“It was you?” Joey gasped.

“Yeah. I know it’s silly, but Dan’s letter said we should tell people how we feel. And I think you’re amazing.”

“Lori!” Joey said, matching her face to a name at last.

“Oh!” Lori said, laughing. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t say my name. Yes, I’m Lori.”

Joey had too many thoughts hit her brain at once. She probably had a really strange look on her face as she tried to process them, so Lori said, “Sorry, I’m not trying to hit on you at your husband’s funeral. I should go.”

“No, you can hit on me anytime,” Joey said. “I mean, no, that’s not what I mean. I think what I meant to say is we should get together sometime, so can I get your number? But I’m going to need some time.”

“Of course.” Lori took Joey’s phone from her and added her number.

They hugged goodbye and Joey knew she wouldn’t call Lori right away, but maybe after a while. She needed to grieve, needed to take Elizabeth to college, and wanted the whole family to start counseling sessions as soon as they could. But for the first time since Dan had said the words “stage four,” she could see something beyond the abyss that Dan’s loss represented in her brain. What she had thought was never-ending despair now looked more like a chasm she could maybe build a bridge over, someday.

But in the meantime, she had a book to finish.