Starting today, things are gonna change. Time for a little housecleaning, and I don’t mean with the mop and broom (although a tidy space does create a good healing vibe). I mean your social life. ’Tis the season to trim the fat and put the little black book on a diet. If you’re like me, you put other people’s needs first and barely address your own. Listen up you Florence Nightingale lunatic, Cut it out! The people who really matter will step up to the plate. To the rest: Au revoir, adios, beat it.
LEARN TO SAY THE SEXIEST WORD IN THE UNIVERSE, NO.
In fact, let’s take a moment and scream it right now. No! Wow, wow, wow. Say it more darling. The people who drain us like a sink are called vampires. Identify them and get the garlic. Buy a few silver bullets and steal some holy water from the local God house. Protect yourself.
You’ll notice that some folks take off when they hear about your big C tragedy (boo hoo). Well, amen. They showed their true colors. Your time is currency; don’t bankrupt yourself with selfish victims. This is your life, and I strongly advise you to politely dismiss the naysayers.
I don’t mean to diminish how painful this can be. My hope is to turn on a bright light for your clarity. I lost a few very important people in my life as a result of the choices I made post-canSer. Though it cut like a Ginsu at the time, looking back it was a relief. Those wonderful people were never happy with what I gave. They always wanted me to do the friendship their way, the better way. Too much. Kris is Kris. You are you. The cream of the crop will rise to the top. Don’t take it personally. This is business, the office of healing to be exact.
How often do we overcommit our time? Even though I quack about installing healthy limitations, I’d be lying if I said I always follow my own advice. Sometimes I stink at it, but I’m committed to resisting the “shoulds” because I know my time is precious. Without time, we cannot take care of ourselves and our bliss will always be just around the corner. As soon as I finish these hundred things I’ll have time to be happy. Nope! When those hundred things are checked off your list, a hundred more will follow. A good model for healthy living was established by the Federal Aviation Administration. That’s right, plane rides are loaded with life lessons. Wear your seat belt, don’t smoke in the bathroom, and if the plane goes down—put your oxygen mask on first.
Challenge your need to please, promise, and give till your fingers bleed. One of my mantras is: Does it tire you or does it inspire you? Ask yourself this very important question and act accordingly. The more you commit to doing things for others, the less time you have for your healing adventure. Will you be seen as selfish when you allow other very capable people to take care of themselves? Maybe. But here’s the deal: Crumbling under the guilt and cleaning your best friend’s garage when you don’t feel well isn’t taking responsibility for yourself. This is a hard pattern to break because you are an extremely generous person. Perhaps you need to befriend the word maybe? While in training, maybe is a good word to use. Your next step, we just screamed. What is it? No! The step after that is a nasty-dirty, need-some-Ivory-soap-mouth salute. Choose your favorite four-letter zinger, then let loose.
Do an honesty scan and if you really don’t want to do something, for God’s sake, don’t do it! Here’s a revolutionary concept: Make and keep more promises to yourself. There is a huge difference between self-centered and self-nurturing. Don’t confuse them. The plans you make determine how you will spend and fill your life. You are the only one who knows your edge, and you are the only one who can protect it. Without healthy boundaries you will never find balance. Got it?
go ahead—
use the cancer card
Congratulations! You have been preapproved for a Platinum Cancer Card membership! Membership in this ever-growing club does come with its perks, and guess what? No expiration dates. I wish our oncologists offered the same deal! Your Cancer Card is an I’m human card, because like it or not you cannot do it all—boundaries, remember? Sometimes just knowing that your card is available in a pinch or on a rainy cancer day can really put your mind at ease.
You may swipe your card freely, but we urge you to use some discretion. Tragically, the card can be declined. Therefore, as with all major credit cards, make sure you take the time to read the fine print!
