Understanding the complexities of cancer is a full-time job, and none of us applies for the position! You may—no, you will—get the Why me? cancer blues, and that’s normal and totally expected. Talk it through with someone you trust. Find or hire the strongest shoulder and cry on it. Freak out, wail, spit, and collapse. Yup, pop the pimple and let it ooze. However, be careful not to spiral. Set a limit. Don’t give yourself unlimited permission to marinate in misery and become a martyr.

In Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips I introduced the Three-Day Rule. Here it is in a walnut shell: Try to explore and indulge the feelings for no more than three days, and then move on. Not to say you can’t visit those emotions again. Cancer is a roller coaster: One minute you’re up, the next you’re plummeting to the ground.

My shrink taught me that cancer patients go through the same post-traumatic stress disorder as soldiers or rape victims. At first I felt guilty about comparing my problems to such a vicious crime. But then I realized she was right, I was in shock and felt completely violated by my own body.

Some medical folks may tell you that you might become deeply depressed or anxious during or after treatment. Others have no concept of what truly goes on in the mind of a survivor. Even though they see the effects of cancer every day they still don’t get it. Oncologists are still human, they can get caught up in stigmas too. Many of them still don’t recognize that the cancer has become more chronic and manageable.

TODAY MORE PEOPLE ARE LIVING WITH DISEASE. AND THESE SURVIVORS NEED TO BE TREATED AND COUNSELED DIFFERENTLY. WELLNESS ISN’T BLACK-AND-WHITE.

Regardless of whether you’ve made it through the mine field or are still dodging bullets, welcome back from your own personal Vietnam. Like many of those brave soldiers, you may feel that there is no place for you. It could be that family and friends imagine that you are exaggerating the toll your “battle” has taken on you. Well, guess what? They’re wrong. When you’ve been to the border of your mortality, a little loving rehabilitation is damn well in order!

I feel naked and abandoned. I do my very best. I work so hard to “let go” of all the nasties in me, to do the “right” thing, and yet here I am drifting in a shit storm! I’d crawl on broken glass to go back, but I know I can’t. So what should I do? How do I tie my shoe so that I can take one step forward?