Some of your feelings may seem totally irrational,but underneath the ridiculous there always lies an important nugget. Therapists, support groups, and Cancer Posses can help. I went through a phase in which so-called healthy people made me bitter. I judged everybody: Look at the jackass at twelve o’clock. He’s chain smoking and I’m the one with cancer? Or how about the carcinogenic hot dog–eating bimbo at work? How come she doesn’t have to find the humor in the tumor just to get by? The worst is when you see a person that’s just pure child-molesting, granny-hunting bad. That’s the biggest slap in the face. It can be really depressing to be the “sick” chick. While everyone else builds castles in the sandbox, you’re banished to the outside holding your pink plastic shovel and a pail full of cancer cooties.
Here’s what Crazy Sexy posse babe Terri has to say about the slippery slope called depression.
There are many reasons cancer survivors may be vulnerable to depression. When I was diagnosed, I was sad and angry that my innocence—the it will never happen to me phase of my life—was abruptly cut short. I struggled with integrating my diagnosis with my self-image of being strong, able to handle anything, and healthy. This took time and work with a fantastic therapist. I looked at therapy as a gift I could give myself. One hour a week with a person who did not need me to be anyone or anything for her . . . an hour to acknowledge my fear without the fear that she would fall apart. (Of course I am a therapist, so I did not have the resistance to seeking help that many others may have.)
So let’s talk ways to manage depression. A huge pitfall to be aware of is the danger of over-exaggerating. We all do it—it’s a current popular speech trend in this country. But there is a danger in not talking straight. How many times have you uttered the phrases, “I just can’t take another second of . . . having the worst day ever . . . nothing ever goes right in my life . . .” Realistically, none of these statements is true at any given time. And none of these statements—or the pessimistic thinking at their base—is something you want to reinforce in your life.
I had a personal experience with the challenge of not overexaggerating when I got into family therapy with my husband and our three boys. They had lost their mom years before, and I had married the whole kit and kaboodle of angry, acting-out teens. The therapist noted in session one that we were a family that did not talk “straight” . . . huh? I was confused until she pointed out how sarcastic and exaggeratedly all of us spoke. She explained that it was a way to veil the hostility we were feeling. The positive changes that happened within my family system from just learning to “talk straight” were amazing.
Our words have wings.
—GEORGE ELIOT
The power of realistic vocabulary to help fight depression is great. What will really happen if you don’t meet that deadline or make it to that meeting? As cancer survivors, we are truly dealing with life and death; missing any meeting or deadline will surely not end your life. I have a then what exercise I do with my clients. It is an invitation to play out the catastrophic fantasy until it loses power over you. To be aware of negative overexaggerating is to be more authentic in your language and in your life. This alleviates mental stress and gives you more brain space for the good stuff.
Here are some more tips to help you out:
Essential oils do your brain good. There are many amazing essential oils out there that do an array of things. I use them with my clients as a mood lifter. Lavender—my favorite—is amazing for lessening anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Use it anytime you need a lift in mood. Take five deep breaths of the oil while visualizing breathing in positive peaceful energy and exhaling negativity, stress, and depression. Buy a meditation CD (I like Dr. Brian Weiss’s tapes on meditation, relaxation, and regression) and commit twenty minutes a day to listening to that CD and breathing in your oil. Over time you will train your body to associate complete relaxation and good feelings with your essential oil; when you are out and about in the stressful world, one whiff and your body will respond by relaxing and releasing stress.
Move your booty. Or as Kris says in Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, shake your ass! Exercise is another extremely effective tool in the fight against depression. Do not set yourself up to fail. You don’t have to participate in an Ironman. You just have to move. Commit to twenty minutes a day of walking briskly. Get a pal to go with you (it is harder to blow it off with your friend waiting for you on the corner of 82nd and Broadway)—it will lift your mood and increase the serotonin levels in your brain.
Do your morning pages. Write write write and then . . . write some more. Julia Cameron talks about the healing effect of writing “morning pages” in her book The Artist’s Way. She suggests that you wake up and write three unedited pages before your green tea, before your superego has a chance to change what you would write . . . before the “shoulds” wake up. It is a morning mind dump that will clear your head of clutter and negativity. Honor yourself with some sacred a.m. time; you’ll feel lighter and better for it.
You are not a bear . . . so don’t hibernate. Social interaction with supportive friends and family is a must . . . even when you don’t feel like it. Being with people who love you feeds the soul. Ask for what you need from the close relationships in your life. Maybe it’s just a back massage or an empathic ear to listen and not fix anything. Be clear and honest about what you can and cannot do. Don’t be committed to the false self for everyone else’s sake. This is exhausting and alienating to you. Tell the truth . . . it really will help.
Most important . . . never give up hope. Know that your effort to feel better will pay off. Take these tools, use them, and come up with your own winning formula. Know that you are the only person on this planet with your DNA. There will only ever be one you. You matter; you’re worth the effort to work for a happy and fulfilled life. Just decide you won’t take no for an answer no matter what!