Bob Dylan once said, “Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.” I love this quote for so many reasons. Dylan could easily be describing how a CanSer Cowgirl feels on an oh-just-fuck-it-all day. Like it or not, there are many visual clues that point out an illness. Changes in your appearance force you to wear the scarlet letter C on your sleeve. Throughout the course of this book, I have shared many of the techniques I use to diminish cancer’s power. But once again, please do not assume that I don’t have bad days, too. I do. I just rally the inner troops, focus on the positive, and get on with it already. The surreal trip on the disoriented express will take you to moments when the only action you can muster is to fade. This road is long and hard, and disappearing can seem like a very appealing vacation from it all. But as with all vacations, you eventually must go home and face the music.
SOMETIMES NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON YOUR INNER BEAUTY, YOU JUST CAN’T GET PAST WHAT YOU SEE ON THE OUTSIDE.
When you look in the mirror and freak out about what cancer has taken from you, there is only one thing left to do. Tap into your inner Madonna! Remember when Madonna performed “Like a Virgin” at the MTV Video Music Awards in the early 1980s? As she writhed around the floor in a white wedding dress and plastic bangles, my world stood still. This was a whole lotta woman exploding before my thirteen-year-old eyes. Madonna rocketed to mega-goddess status for one very important reason. She constantly re invented herself.
Take a page from Madonna’s playbook and get yourself a new look. Go through your closet and toss what isn’t you right now. A good rule of thumb is that if you haven’t worn it in the past year, you won’t wear it in the next one. Clutter makes my head explode; I need room for the new me to develop. The new me has style. You don’t need much—a few simple and versatile pieces will do. Take risks and have fun!
My junior year in college, I had a wicked badass nun as my art history teacher. She was supreme. Instead of hitting us with boring books, she’d send us to a museum for a million hours. “Come back with details or don’t come back at all,” she’d holler. On one particular crusade to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I saw a painting that opened my eyes to a new kind of power beauty, and it changed the way I saw my distinguished profile (aka schnozz). All alone in a stairwell stood a towering, handsome woman called Madame X by John Singer Sargent. This lady was smokin’; she was a proud revolutionary. Critics raked her over the coals for being bold and brazen. Plus she was a bit slutty for the times, letting the strap of her evening gown hang off her shoulder. Oh, the horror. Talk about pushing boundaries and not giving a crap! I fell in love with her, my first girl crush. After my affair with the Madame I went bonkers for Frida Kahlo, mustache and all, especially when she wore fruit and flowers in her hair and smoked filterless cigs. What a tamale! I wanted to be like these women, to be different and beautiful from the inside out.
You’ve heard this before, but I swear it’s true: The most beautiful asset a woman can possess isn’t her hair, her breasts, her soft skin, or her curvy hips, it’s her imperfections. Think of the sexy, not-so-classic beauties who work their uniqueness, transforming it into success.
Find a new role model. Look beyond the mirror into the deep and soulful goddess you’ve become. You may be banged up and feeling like fifty cents rather than a million bucks, but remember, this body of yours is only a temporary house built to protect the righteous Aphrodite within. Worship her.
Name a few unique beauties who inspire you to dare to be different.
