Dating is one thing, getting naked is another! When I was first diagnosed, Kama Sutra was the last thing on my mind. My libido was in the deep freeze. Survivors often find that there is a big difference between dating post- and pre-cancer. When you’re recovering from trauma, intimacy can make you feel raw and vulnerable. Plus, cancer treatments can cause embarrassing side effects. But there are lots of ways to get the engine started. Be creative: You have a new body now, so why not try something new to please it? Change the lens, flip the script; it’s normal to feel like a mangled mess. Validate your thoughts by letting them out, but don’t let them rule the roost! If you don’t come to terms with how you’ve changed and who you are now, it will be harder to let someone else accept, love, and even touch you.

Cancer can ignite a sexual revolution if we let it. Burn your bra, baby (as long as it wasn’t expensive). Why not get kinky? Stop blushing and buy some funky stuff. Lace, toys, and videos are around for a reason. When in doubt, repeat the following sentence: “I’m a supernova ass-kicking survivor, sexier than ever and ready to tango in the sheets.” Hell yeah! Even if all you feel up to is lighting some candles and cuddling, turn it on. Don’t sever a portion of your womanhood. Cancer helps us to go deeper, appreciate relationships more, and even create healthier role models for ourselves and our children. Open your mind to the possibilities of your life. Remember, you are not damaged goods, honey bunny; you are a cancer survivor and thriver—physically, mentally, and spiritually!

Maybe some of you will recognize yourselves in Beth’s story . . .

I didn’t realize that I was the one shutting down the romance party. Quite simply, post-diagnosis I believed I was an unfit date. No man in his right mind would board a Love Boat cruise with me. Newsflash: They weren’t rejecting me because of canSer, I was. Hang on, canSer does NOT equal Beth. Beth = funny, smart, kind, patient, sassy etc. Why wouldn’t I put myself in the dating pool? CanSer hasn’t made me “less than,” it has strengthened me, empowered me, challenged me to grow. All those qualities make for one hell of a partner in my book.

Now what about sex? Initially I felt like my body was a virtual roadmap of scars. Who would want to navigate a highway with such bad scenery? How was I supposed to see my body as a palace of pleasure when I felt like it had double-crossed me? I knew I needed to redirect my focus away from the battle scars to the beauty that still remained. I deserved to swim in the endorphin/pheromone soup that romance creates. There’s nothing better than when that dreamboat across the table is flirting with you. How invigorated, how alive does that make you feel? Now that’s medicine! Dating, sex, and love are such integral parts of life, health, and vitality. Why in the world would I deny myself that? So here’s my advice: Listen to Marvin Gaye singing “Sexual Healing” and obey that foxy man!