Session Ten Worksheet:
Embracing Impermanence
Objective:
Unlearn happy-talk indoctrination that breeds mindlessness.
Pivot toward mindfulness.
Rethink It:
Move from Happy Talk to Mindfulness
Happy talk can serve a purpose. It gives us the muster we need to keep calm and carry on, to seize the day in front of us. But if we make it out to be all rainbows and butterflies, happy talk can have the opposite effect. We can end up numbing in excess to try to escape sitting with grief. Our attachments to the idea that everything is supposed to be fine can cause pain. Happy talk can mislead us and bring about more harm.
Mindfulness Check
Action Steps:
Make Room for Grief and Praise
Often, when the realities of life shake us at our core, we entertain ourselves, numb out, and go on avoidance binges only to find ourselves still unsteady. In the meantime, we’ve missed opportunities to see the beauty of the edges and contrasts that bring us to better appreciate and absorb the gift of life.
1. Get more mindful. Instead of numbing pain, listen to its messages. Look for contrasts. Work on mindfulness activities such as deep breathing, meditation, coloring, being in nature. Work to become an observer of your thoughts rather than judging them. Let your brain clear its overfill, and don’t be on hypervigilant alert over everything.
2. Acknowledge the “brutiful.” Take a cue from Glennon Doyle. Pain has its sacred components, as it shapes our perspectives and helps us appreciate joy. Make a list of things that are beautiful and those that are brutal. Look for how the grief and praise are connected. Embrace impermanence—nothing lasts forever—in some cases this works well for us, and other times it is heart-wrenching.
3. Take the tombstone test. What would you want your tombstone to say about you? Consider the following quote from Thom Hartmann: “Ask yourself how you’d live differently if you knew you were going to die soon, then ask yourself who those people you admire are, and why you admire them, and then ask yourself what was the most fun time in your life. The answers to these questions, when seen, heard, and felt, provide us with an open doorway into our mission, our destiny, our purpose.” When people are told they don’t have much time to live, they’re told to “get their affairs in order.” Pick three areas that you want to focus in on this month.